I'm here for you
Cassie had almost forgotten how easy it was to talk to Rabastan. How smooth the conversations went and how he could manage to unknowingly distract her from certain things. But even so, even as she sat across him drinking from her mug of butterbeer, even as she watched him, heard his laugh ringing through her ears, watching him talk while a smile stretched across his lips, she couldn't do anything but think.
She still had some trouble truly believing that he was really there, like it wasn't something madeentirely up by her mind. Of course, the hard chest rising against her head and the strong arms wrapped around her waist made that impossible.
But still, even as she sat there watching him raise his mug, she couldn't help but feel almost scared to blink. As if something terrible might happen. No, she thought to herself. She knew exactly what it was she was afraid of. What if she blinked, and the moment she opened her eyes and met his, the warmth, the kindness, it was all gone. What if she blinked and the Rabastan she knew, the Rabastan she, well cared about, was gone, and in its place, she saw the familiar empty and cold eyes that have been haunting her sleep for the past weeks.
The nightmares had increased since returning to school. However, none of them had been as bad as the first or as the one she had that night when she called him by the mirror. When she first saw him, any thoughts of the dreams that had lingered in her mind had disappeared. Although, the longer she looked at him, the more she heard his voice and looked into his eyes, the more they appeared.
Truthfully, Cassie didn't know what it meant, but one thing was certain, she was scared.
"Are you okay?" his voice snapped her back to the reality she had zoned out from.
"Yeah, I'm fine." her smile was strained as she tried to both sound and look convincing.
Rabastan narrowed his eyes, furring his brows slightly, not believing a word that came from her mouth. "Why do I get the feeling that's not entierly the truth?"
"It's nothing," She said absentmindedly, lifting her mug to her mouth.
"Doesn't look like nothing." He paused, "Is it the dream?" he asked, causing her to choke on her drink.
Her throat burned as she started coughing uncontrollably while burying her face in her elbow. Tears gathered in her eyes as she coughed harshly. "Are you okay?" He leaned forward, worry painted on his features.
Just as Cassie nodded, another cough racked through her. Just as intense as the previous one. Suddenly Rabastan stood up and disappeared, only to return a few moments later with a mug of water.
"Here, drink this," he said, watching as she took the mug and started to drown the water.
She almost wanted to sigh in relief as the cold liquid made its way down her throat. The calming effect worked almost immediately. During the first sip, another cough ran through her, but with each sip they lessen until there was none.
This time Cassie wasn't able to hide the satisfaction as she sighed loudly when setting the mug to the table.
"Thank you." she breathed out, her voice much more hoarser and raspier than normal.
"Well, it wasn't blue delight, but I figured the water would work just fine."
She cringed at the mention of the time she had choked at the Christmas party and decided to drown her glass with alcohol instead of getting water. It helped, but it also made her drunker.
"I'd rather not let it go to my head this time." Cassie chuckled.
He smiled softly, though it faded as if he remembered his previous question. Her teeth toyed with her lower lip as she felt his eyes heavily on her. As if his stare was unconsciously trying to burn through her skin.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." His voice was gentle, soothing, almost like he was talking to a child.
Because of that, Cassie was almost tempted to tell him everything. Not just the nightmares plaguing her dreams the last weeks, but the cause of the nightmares. How many times hadn't she wanted to tell him about what she had seen that night at the ball? About what had happened in the kitchen? But each time she even considered telling him, it was as if someone had put a muzzle to her face, forcing her to keep quiet.
There was no way to know just how much he knew; after all, she had stumbled into a room occupied not only by her cousin but also her husband, namely Rabastan's brother. Along with several other people she recognized from the parties her mother had dragged her to over the years.
Truthfully what she was doing with Rabastan was very much like playing with fire. Although she wasn't sure what was going on, she knew that she would likely end up getting burned.
Cassie didn't want to tell him the truth, but she couldn't exactly lie either. It was so much easier before Christmas. At least then, she didn't want to tear her hair off in frustration.
"It's, it's nothing. I- I sometimes have these dreams that feel, that feel a bit too real. And they just scare me, that's all." it wasn't a lie, though not entirely the truth either, but at this point, he didn't need to know everything.
"What dreams?" Rabastan asked warily.
"It's nothing special. I don't really want to talk about them. But it's more than when I wake up. I'm not always sure that I'm not still dreaming. They feel so real that I can't tell if I'm awake or not. That- that's what's terrifying." Cassie explained, her shaking hands folded neatly in her lap as she spoke. The well-known feeling of fear brewed at the bottom of her stomach.
It was pathetic, truly pathetic, that one of her worst fears was something that wasn't even real. Something that no one else could ever see.
"So when you called me by the mirror, you wanted to make sure that it wasn't a dream, " he said, though it sounded equally like a question as a statement.
Cassie nodded, sure that she was looking every bit as uncomfortable as she felt while twidling her fingers. For a moment, it almost seemed like a flicker of disappointment flashed across his face, but then the corner of his mouth tilted upwards in a comforting smile.
"I'm glad you called me," Rabastan said, showing no trace of there ever being any form of disappointment on him. "I'd rather you call someone, anyone, than to be alone."
Her face softened as the former stiffness that had been present when telling him about her dreams, as vaguely as she could, disappeared.
"I would usually talk to Sirius, but it's a bit challenging when we're in different dormitories. I could have waited until morning or gone to their dormitory...but I couldn't make myself do it. I know they would be worried about me, and I just- I don't want to worry them." she sighed, running her fingers through her hair before letting her hands settle on the table.
"Then worry me. If you don't want to worry them, you can worry me." Rabastan confessed, causing her eyes to widen. "Whenever you like, as much as you want. I don't mind. I'd rather you worried me than go around torturing yourself for not wanting to bother anyone."
He reached out, letting his warm big hand cover hers, and squeezed gently.
"I'm here for you. Always."
Something clenched in Cassie's chest as he spoke, and when he took her hand, she almost wanted to cry. For what reason she wasn't sure, if it was because of his warm and beautiful words or if it was the terrifying fear of losing this person in front of her.
Any words she might have said died in her mouth. Her eye laid on their joint hands as she nibbled her lower lip, thinking. Flashes of her last dream haunted her mind. Those cold eyes were nothing compared to the warm brown that looked at her as she looked up.
"Don't ever change," she begged. "I know we all get older and we grow, and people change all the time, but... Please, please don't ever change who you are."
Rabastan looked gobsmacked as if someone had called him a fool and slapped him. As the shock wore off, something flashed in his eyes, and suddenly, he was looking at her in a way that made her stomach uneasy and her entire body burn. It was so unfamiliar and new, and she hated it. She hated it so much because if he didn't stop looking at her like that, she might never get him out of her mind. So instead of sitting there in silence, feeling his piercing stare as her previous words hung in the air, she said.
"So, I hope our parents aren't driving you insane. How are things going?"
It was almost as if someone had flicked a switch inside of him. Suddenly his eyes that had gone somewhat darker lighted up, and whatever look he had given her before had all but disappeared. It seemed as if he had woken up from a trance of sorts that had taken over his mind.
His fingers neared the back of his neck as he blinked twice, thinking over her question. "I- it's going better than I thought. Speaking of, I brought you something." His hand left hers, causing a sudden coldness to appear before his fingers traveled to his jacket, where they fiddled with one of his inner pockets.
"Really? Is it from them?" She questioned, referring to their mothers.
"Eh, yeah. Here you go." He looked up, almost guilty like a little boy caught doing something he shouldn't. There was an emerald green envelope in his hand. Her eyes lingered before lifting them, meeting his.
"Is that what I think it is?" Her voice wavered nervously as she spoke, earning a sharp nod from her friend.
Her eyes went back to the envelope, eying it shortly, before stretching her arm out and taking it. It was heavier than she thought, though she wasn't that surprised considering what might be in it. The elegant cursive handwriting at the front was drawn in silver, as was the waxed seal at the back. She wasn't surprised, the chances of the colors being anything else, let alone red and gold was microscopically slim.
Cassie took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to see. Of course, she knew what it was, but for all she knew, their mothers might very well have changed something. Somehow it wouldn't surprise her if they had exchanged the idea of renting a castle in Scotland and instead decided to invade Buckingham Palace.
When the seal was broken, she pulled out a white paper decorated in silver and emerald green details. The writing was in a green so dark it might have been black. At first glance, she had to admit it was beautiful. The writing, the decorations, she shouldn't have expected anything less. Her eyes flickered to his for a second, though his face was unreadable, the corner of his mouth tilted slightly.
Her eyes returned to the letter, letting them take in the carefully written writing.
Mr & Mrs. Orion Black
And
Mr & Mrs. Corvus Lestrange
request the honor of your presents at the marriage of their children
Cassiopeia Hera Black
to
Rabastan Corvus Lestrange
Saturday, twentieth of August
Nineteen seventy-seven
Two o'clock in the afternoon
Lews Dunan Castle
Reception will follow
We look forward to your attendance at the joining of our two families.
"Well, we already knew this. I guess this just makes it official, right?" She looked up, meeting his eyes.
"Yeah, I suppose you're right. You should know they argued about everything on the invitation for days until they finally agreed on something." Rabastan said lightly as to trying to ease the tension that had unconsciously fallen upon the two. He smiled uncertainly while turning his gaze to the table.
"I suppose I would have been more surprised if they hadn't done that." Cassie chuckled as she saw the invitation again, ignorant of the conflict rising on the man's face. "I see they didn't change the venue. Have you seen it?" She looked up from the paper just as he lifted his gaze to hers.
"No, not yet anyway." Rabastan replied, "I think they were going to pay a visit sometime in march to plan things."
"Oh? Is that before or after your trip to Paris?" She smiled knowingly, earning a tired groan from him. "Well, I can see you certainly look forward to it."
"You have no idea. Is it bad of me to wish that the shop would just evaporate or cease to exist so I won't have to go?" He complained, earning a sweet laugh from the girl.
"No, it's not." She shook her head. "I can understand you more than anyone. After all, they were there when I bought my wedding dress."
His face lighted up in realization as it suddenly dawned on him. "I keep forgetting that, not sure how considering how angry your mother was at mine." Another laugh left her lips, causing a smile to dance on his.
"I don't think I will ever be able to forget the look my mother had on her face when Cerys said she would buy it. It was worth every single thing." Cassie giggled while recalling the moment the Lestrange matriarch had offered to pay for her wedding dress. "Though I have to say, a part of me hopes something goes wrong at the wedding just so I can see the look on my mother's face," she added, turning her eyes to the invitation.
His smile died as suddenly, one after another, something clicked into his mind, and then he looked at her, really looked at her. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted her to know, but all he managed was. "I know that you don't really want this." Her gaze left the paper as she registered his words.
"Wha–" She didn't get to say more before he interrupted.
"You never chose this, and now you have to live your whole life being stuck with someone you didn't choose. And I, I don't know how to make it easier for you. I want you to have a good life. I care about you, and I don't want to ruin the person you are."
It was like someone had pulled her soul out of her body. It wasn't the words he said or how he said it. It was the way he looked at her. How was it possible to lose your breath with just one look from another person? How was it possible to feel such pain from just simple words.
"Wha– What are you talking about?" She stuttered after struggling a moment to find her voice.
"This is for life. This marriage is it for us. No matter what happens, they will never let us split or get a divorce. You're stuck with me, and you deserve much more than what I can give you." The was something about the way he spoke that pulled something inside her. Like she had to do more than sit there and listen, like she had to speak, to say something, anything to get him to realize that though she didn't choose him, she could have walked away. But she didn't.
"No, I didn't choose this, I didn't choose you. I didn't even know you back then, at least not as a person. But I stayed, and I got to know you. And that was one of the most important choices of my life, one that I will never regret. You have become so important to me, and I can't imagine not knowing you anymore." And she couldn't, not seeing his eyes, hearing his laugh, or seeing that smile on his face. Thanks to her nightmares, she could imagine not seeing them, but that was the thing. She didn't want to imagine it. She didn't want to never see them again.
"You are one of my closest friends, and I have faith that this, this marriage, we will make it work. One way or another."
"Cass-"
"I'm serious," She paused, thinking over what she had just said, "You know what I mean. You and I will be alright.” She said sternly. “Okay?"
"Okay." He whispered, slowly nodding his head. Resigning to the fact that this was an argument he would not win, at least not today.
A part of her said that he didn't quite believe her, and though she didn't want to admit it to him, she too was uncertain about the future of this arrangement. She knew his brother, she knew what kind of family he came from, and she knew the circumstances of the time they lived in. This was part of the reason she didn't want him lingering in her head.
For whatever it was, whatever that feeling in the pit of her stomach meant, she knew it couldn't be any good, at least not in the long run.
She noticed his hand draped on the table, and in a swift motion, she took it, covering it with her own, squeezing gently. "We'll be fine. We will all be fine." She said, and if she had known just how it would all go, she would never have said those words.