Chapter 2
It was late and after the kitchen and the bedroom, she just had to clear the living room. She had been packing the whole day.
So she grabbed the umpteenth empty box and she started clearing the shelves. Among all that stuff, her photo-frames caught her eye. They had collected dust for at least three months. Her sight lingered on her favorite one.
She smiled, but she felt a lump in her throat thinking at the day that photo was taken.
Teddy, Nick, Tim and her had been playing their typical Sunday football game. The boys were lying on the ground, while the girls had winning faces and they were laughing while holding their brothers still with their feet.
Sundays spent in their backyard would have remained imprinted in her head for ever. On top of that, there were hundreds of photographs and videotapes her father had kept. He always had the camera in his hands and said 'You will thank me because when you'll grow up, you'll love looking back in time!"
But her father was wrong… When she looked at old photos her stomach knotted and she felt like dying.
Her mobile rang. She shook her head, as if it was enough to take her mind off things, and she leaned forward to read the caller ID: it was her mother who tried to call her almost everyday before dinner. It wasn't time for that, she would have answered the following day, she thought.
Shortly after, she heard the doorbell and rushing to the door she tripped over the same pile of books of the night before. She made a mental note to get rid of them as soon as possible.
'What the hell would they want now?' she wondered. Annoyed, she open the door and she couldn't believe her eyes: in front of her there was Nick in the flesh, a dark green duffle bag at his feet and his right hand leaning against the door frame.
Some time passed but she couldn't utter a word, her mind was racing.
She knew exactly when they had last seen each other: it was four years and three months ago.
"Hey Tucson! I finally left you speechless! I don't think that's ever happened!" he exclaimed with his usual bright smile getting close to her.
Arizona let him hug her, she couldn't decipher her emotions.
"Cmon girl, not even a smile for your hubby?" he continued.
"That marriage was fake! What the fuck are you doing here?" Arizona spoke for the first time.
"Hi Nick what a surprise! I missed you so much!" the guy joked with a feminine voice, entering the house and closing the door behind.
After a few seconds of silence, she said "Sorry, it's.. I wasn't expecting you…" and she smiled getting close to him again and hugging him properly "It's good to see you, seriously!"
"It's good to see you too! I really miss you…" he admitted. He looked around the room "Did I interrupt something? What were you doing?"
"No, I was just packing... I'll leave on Tuesday. But don't change the subject Nick! Why are you here? Did something happen?"
"I was in the area and, since you never show up, I thought 'I wonder how that bitch is doing' so I asked mum, your mum, the address and here I am" he answered lightly, but his sorrow was tangible.
Arizona watched him with guilty eyes, but she knew that Nick understood her.
They silently smiled and they said it all with a look.
"So.. let me se what we have here" he commented on the apartment "Not bad, not bad. It's just.. Isn't it a little too dark for you?"
The blonde was just looking at him, she had yet to recover.
"Ohh but Phoenix! You didn't have to make me a bed, I could have booked a room" he said throwing himself on the mattress.
"Come on Nick not with those shoes! I eat there too!" and she reached him to push away his legs.
"Speaking of, what's for dinner?" Nick asked smirking from the bed.
"Are you staying? Can you please tell me what are you here for? No answer, no food!" she was loosing her patience.
"Ok, I give up!" he raised his hands "I'm in Baltimore for a job interview, actually. It's tomorrow, and I thought I could stay here for the night.. I don't know I thought we could catch up, spend some time together" he shyly looked down a his hands "When I told mum B, though, she explained that you'd be leaving soon and she, mmh, let's say 'she encouraged me' to come over and see if you needed any help…"
Since Arizona didn't reply he added "But if I'm intruding or you had other plans, there's no problem, I'll go to a hotel and we can see each other for coffee tomorrow!"
He was already getting up when Arizona stopped him grabbing his arm "Don't be silly Nick, there's no problem… If anything, you'll have some, you need to sleep on this!" she joked pointing to the mattress.
They laughed and the tension was eased.
Nick filled her about his job interview: it was for a private practice for patients with PTSD and they needed a therapist. He was a perfect fit for that job, too bad Arizona was leaving the city. He would have considered some other options though, cause he'd have love having Arizona closer.
They spent the rest of the evening making small talks, making sure not to mention Tim. Arizona explained she was leaving Hopkins because she got an incredibly appealing offer from Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital: she'd have run the pediatric department and she'd have almost unlimited funds. She could've carried on her Malawi project.
On Tuesday she'd have shipped her things and she'd have hit the road to cross the country by car, hoping to get to Seattle as soon as possible.
"So, West Coast huh!?" Nick said.
"Mmh" the blonde nodded casually.
"You know, Washington borders Oregon…"
"Yep!" she answered sharply.
"You don't want to talk about the fact you'll be very close to home?" he continued.
"Yep!" she said again.
"All right, as you wish!" but he added "We could see each ofter more often…"
"Don't you have a job interview tomorrow? In Baltimore…"
"Yeah, but it's not the only one, I could find something near you… I'll think about it! I miss you Arizona"
"I do too.. I wish we could go back" she said staring off into space while he hugged her. "Do you want to come with me?" Arizona asked all of a sudden. She too seemed surprised by her own words.
"Woah! You serious? You mean the trip towards Seattle?" after her nod he added "I don't live there, you know.."
"Yeah I know, I could drop you near Bend or you could take a plane from Seattle. It's a lot shorter flight"
"If you insist…How can I say no to my favorite blonde?" he smiled and he throw himself on her.
"Teddy can't know I'm your favorite or she'll kill me" she joked.
"She has known for a long time and she's got over it! Ahahah! Also, she is in Iraq" Nick said playful and watching Arizona's face he realized the used word "Sorry… No Iraq during the trip."
She nodded and gave a hint of a smile.
While they were waiting for their pizzas to come Arizona got showered and when she came back with an extra pillow, she found Nick going through her stuff in the box she had left unfinished. He raised his eyes and showed her the old photo.
"I think you're still grieving that defeat!" she joked.
"We let you win cause you two were sore losers!" he replied.
"Sure, of course.." she ignored him. Then she suddenly asked "How is Teddy? You guys speak to each other often?"
"She is over there, for at least more six months. If possible, we hear from her a couple of time each month… I can't wait she's back" he admitted and he asked "You haven't seen her again?"
He didn't need to specify 'since when'. They both knew that he was referring to that moment: Tim's death.
Their brother death, especially the day of his funeral, marked in all their lives a clear separation between the 'before' and the 'after'. Arizona in her 'after' hadn't seen neither Nick nor Teddy. She hadn't been back home because she didn't feel she had one, and because holidays and Sundays had lost their value.
"No, just some texts before she left. I'm glad she is fine though, say hi for me!" she answered.
"You could do it your own, you know?" he responded "It's not necessary always talking about him…"
Arizona watched him and Nick couldn't recognize her blue eyes, they were void, dull. He felt like he lost two siblings.
"I'm sorry Nick I don't want to ruin the moment… You know I don't like this subject." And so she moved the conversation to the first thing crossing her mind "Anyway.. tell me something about you. Are you single or did you find someone desperate enough to be with you?"
"Ah ah you're funny... Let's say I've been single for a short time" he started.
Arizona sensing there was something else lifted her eyebrows and softly said "…But?"
"But I've been seeing Jenny for more than a year, and it didn't end well… That's why I wanted a change of scenery. Do you recall Jenny B?"
"Jenny B? As in.. our cousin Jenny?" she asked stunned.
"Jenny and I aren't real cousins Arizona, and if we were, we'd be like third cousins!"
"Wow, incest… That's all we needed in this family!" she winced, but seeing Nick face she added "I'm sorry it ended, are you ok?"
"Yeah, more or less. I knew she wasn't the one"
"Aww.. How sweet, still looking for the one!" she played and ruffled his hair "And you can swap 'sweet' with 'naive'! Nick, c'mon, it's no longer time for rings, beach holidays and breakfast in bed… You have to get over this ideal or you'll never find someone"
"That's so cynical! Maybe I should follow your example and never get attached. 'Once a week'? How was that rule? Or was it 'No kisses'?" he asked ironically.
"That's Pretty Woman, jackass!" Arizona couldn't finish her sentence and the door bell rang. She went and opened the door grabbing pizzas and beers.
Nick yelled after her "Saved by the bell!"
After dinner Arizona really wanted to smoke… She rolled one cigarette and offered one to her friend. The two of them leaned on the window to look at the view.
"I'm quitting, I'm trying…" the blonde said breaking the silence.
"I'm glad, I'm proud of you" and shortly after "I started".
Arizona turned her face and her eyes were full of love and sympathy. Nick recognized them a little more.
The sun had completely set, it was getting chilly and Arizona didn't really want to go to bed, so she asked "Look, since you're here I could use your biceps. Do you mind helping me moving some boxes?"
"With pleasure, bug!" he hugged her and placed a kiss on her left temple.
Her heart skipped a beat hearing that nickname. Before, she was used to be called 'bug'. They started when she was the littlest in the house and for the Robbins family she had always been 'bug'.
She was happy Nick was there.
The duo worked well: Nick was efficient and Arizona bossed him around. They moved suitcases and some furnitures, getting everything ready to be loaded on the truck.
At some point, as the night before, she planted her foot on the pile of books on the ground. She would have hit the ground, again, if Nick wasn't there to catch her "Hey! Pay attention with that!"
"Shit! Thanks Nick! I know! It's the third time I trip over that! I need to put it all away or I'll forget again!" she said sitting on the floor with those notebooks between her legs.
"In the meantime, can I use the bathroom?"
"I'd say yes, in fact, you should shower, so you won't stink tonight" she said rummaging her old stuff.
"I'm going! And I don't stink!" he joked.
"Towels in the cupboard on the left!" she yelled and whispered "If there's any left…"
Those were her high school notebooks and books. She decided to keep just some of them: maths, science and history, her favorite subjects. And quickly going through them, the science notebook caught her attention. Arizona had been selected, among other students, for an intensive science class. She smiled thinking about those Florida years, they had been the happiest. While she was flipping through the pages, a pink wrinkles piece of paper fell on her lap. She taught 'typical me' and smiled, until she read the inscription and she remember exactly what it was.
'Dear Callie
I'm writing this letter because I'm not brave enough to talk face to face.
The moment I was afraid of has come and I don't want to, I don't want to leave, I want to stay with you. That's why I can't say goodbye, it's simply too hard. I wish I could stay forever. When you're not around I feel like I'm just waiting for you. I haven't been able to tell you but I'm only whole when I'm with you.
I love you Callie Torres.
You have my heart,
your Arizona'
She couldn't believe it! She had completely forgotten that letter. Actually, she had completely erased the memory of Callie and everything about her. Her mind began to remember their laughs, the walks at the beach and afternoons at the park. All of these old memories came flooding back. She had lost her mind for Callie, it was impossible not to.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Nick's return wearing her pink bathrobe. It was awfully short on him, it barely covered his privates.
"Seriously Nick?" she laughed taking a picture of her friend.
"You haven't any towel, that's the only thing I found" he said spinning around "But honestly I think it suits me very well!"
"Mmmh if you're sure…"
Little later they went to bed, they said goodnight but after some moments of silence Nick abruptly sat up and asked "Wait, Tucson, what kind of car do you drive? Because if I can't get into it I'm taking my comfy flight!"
"You're a dick! You're free to take your plane…" she complied hitting him on his arm.
"I'm not, I'm just practical and, more important, I am tall!" he continued "And you didn't answer my question!"
"It's big enough, ok? Now, sleep and please give me that blanket! You always keep it all for you! You're stille the same!" she exclaimed turning on the other side.
She felt Nick's body getting heavy, but hers was wide awake. That note had opened the faucet of her memories. That would have been a long night...
11 June 2003, Miami, Florida
She was going to leave the letter in her locker, she was determined. Teddy had convinced her saying they'd never see each other again and that she'd regret it if she didn't.
It was the last day of school and it was her last chance, so, with the paper in her back pocket, she took courage and she rounded the corner to reach locker 115, Callie's locker.
The vision she had in that moment remained impressed in her mind for months. Callie was there, with her back against the wall, and her arms around that Kevin guy's neck.
What a cliché! Young, in the closet, lesbian, falling in love with her (heterosexual) best friend who was dating the "coolest" kid in the school.
What was she supposed to do? Go there, spill the truth and ruin Callie's life? Jeopardize their friendship? She took one last glance, she turned on her heels and she ran back home, ready to leave. She hated changing cities so often.
She never knew Callie had seen her in hallway and she had ran after her till the school parking lot.