Chapter 3
It was 7 o'clock in the morning and Arizona turned in the sheets for the umpteenth time. That night she didn't rest enough to face her last day in Baltimora. In fact, her thoughts didn't let her rest at all.
She had woken up because she had felt Nick's body close and she realized that it was a while since she had last woken up next to someone. She always avoided to stay the night when she was seeing someone, or she played the "work early" card to make them leave. She was used to this, she needed her living space. The one Nick was invading in that moment.
So she decided to get up, have a coffe and go to the hospital.
Arizona was excited. She'd have entered the place for the last time, she'd have had the last round among her patients and greetings with her colleagues. Hopkins years had been the most difficult of her life and they had forged her. Those walls had welcomed her, they made her became what she was, and she couldn't have been more grateful.
After some goodbyes and the toast with her coworkers, she headed towards her ward, where she would have left a piece of her heart. There were the 'tiny humans' she took care of every day, her now empty office, and the fetal surgery unit.
She knocked at Herman's office door and she opened it.
"Oh God!" she screamed and she immediately shut the door, wincing.
She had the vision of her mentor who was basically riding a kid, maybe a resident. She wouldn't have easily gotten rid of it.
She decided to wait for her at the nurses desk. She saw little Tommy, who should have been resting on his bed, wandering down the hallway and she went after him.
"Hey Tommy! Out for a spin?" she greeted him with a smile.
"Yes, Dr. zona! I took that this time" he answered pointing at his IV stand.
"You did good buddy, but you know, you can't walk out of your room by yourself. What do you say if I bring you back there?" she crouched down to be at his eye-level.
"I'm bored. Vicky won't come today" the little boy said pouting.
"She won't? What about we go back in bed, we call grandma to ask her to come tomorrow?" she asked offering her hand.
Tom thought about it, then he nodded taking her hand.
Arizona had followed his case since he arrived in ER with his family for a car accident . He had broken bones and damaged organs and the surgeon had put him back in shape. And now she was keeping him in the hospital with an excuse, waiting for one of his parents to wake up from their coma.
The only ones who visited him were his grandmother and his babysitter, Vicky, but nurses often found him in the ward's play room. He seemed strong, or maybe at the age of three, he wasn't realizing that his life was hanging by a thread. Arizona really hoped his parents would make it.
The surgeon left Tom's room with tears in her eyes and she went back to the desk, where she, finally, found Nicole looking at her.
"I didn't peg you as prudish Robbins!" she commented smirking.
"Well, I'm not but I'll have a hard time forgetting that!" Arizona responded closing her eyes and wincing as if reliving it again.
"Oh, no one's ever died for some good straight sex, you'll get over it!" the mentor joked patting her shoulder.
They both chuckled and then Arizona's expression got serious. They remained silent for a bit until the blonde spoked putting her hands in her pockets "So.. The day has come.."
"Who would have thought?" Nicole said and then she joked again "Certainly not me!"
It was how they communicated, and Arizona'd have missed it in Seattle. She wouldn't want to say goodbye in any other way.
"Well.. I'm going.. It's been an honor, seriously! And however, if you'll ever need a couple of coffees you know how to find me!"
"I'll keep it in mind!" Nicole answered leaning to hug her and she added "Take care! And quit smocking! We are short in this field, I can't let you die young. I'm proud to have had you with me!"
Arizona was certain she could have heard Herman's voice cracking a little, but soon she recovered and loosened her grip.
"I need just one more favor!" the blonde added "Do you remember the little boy with both parents in a coma?"
"The play room one?"
"Yeah, Thomas Parker. See… He is here now, but he shouldn't, I mean.." and watching Nicole face, she held up her hands and continued "No please wait, wait, let me finish… I made him stay for some more days waiting for some news about his parents. I need, I'm begging you to keep him for a little bit more"
"Arizona, you know it's not possible.."
"I did it! For you it'll be a breeze. Please, he ain't got nobody"
"Thank God you leave, at least you won't put me in trouble anymore! I'll see what I can do..."
Arizona jumped at her neck and kissed her on the cheek "Thank you, thank you! You're the best!"
"Yeah, I know" she answered trying to get free from the blonde.
They got interrupted by Herman pager, who looked at her, winked and sneaked into an on call room.
In the way back home she stopped by a donut shop to buy some to eat with Nick. It was her vent-food and the alternative was a pack of cigarette. Goodbyes always carried sadness and those ones had her overwhelmed. So, donuts.
She opened the door and found Nick in the same bathrobe of the night before making coffee.
"Uhh donuts, just what I needed!" he said knowing her well "You sad?"
"Not so much.. I'm happy for Seattle but it's always a goodbye. Plus, any excuse to eat them!" she explained biting down one.
Nick's phone rang "Hi mama B! Yes, at 2 pm.. Mmmh.. She's just came back"
Arizona widened her eyes and shook her head. She really didn't was in the mood for her mother.
"Yes, I'll put her…" but he couldn't finish the sentence that Arizona was already in the bathroom, leaving him handling their mother by himself "Ehm.. Barb, I'm sorry, she's just entered the shower.. Yes, of course… See you!"
After the end of the call he stormed in the bathroom without even knocking and he began "Hey! You can't keep going this way, she just wants to hear your voice. Can you blame her? She's your mother!"
She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub supporting herself with her hands. Her knuckles were almost white from the strong grip.
She looked at him replying "The point is that I already know what happens if I answer. It's been like that for two years, I've had enough. She starts with 'how are you doing' and 'how's work' and then she starts asking if I'll come for Christmas or for the anniversary and I don't want to pretend he's still alive. I can't!"
"I get it, and I know Tim isn't here anymore..." he looked at her in the eyes and he proceed "I really do, but mum is here, the rest of your family is here, we're alive and he wouldn't want us not to be together. He'd do anything to spend Thanksgiving in that kitchen.. And since we have that chance, it's our duty to honor him."
Arizona didn't say a word. She took punch after punch with her eyes down.
He continued, because someone had to do it, someone had to spur her "So the next time she calls, you take it and you have a conversation. And if Tim topic will come out, even if I doubt it, you'll tell her you're tired, but you will answer your phone, clear?"
"Yes" she said without further ado. She got up and she exited the room, and Nick heard the front door slam.
She went out on the street cause she felt the need to smoke and she needed space. She knew Nick was right, but she didn't want to be reasonable.
Talking with her mother always brought up memories, and her warm voice would have made her feel guilty.
The only thing she wanted was to focus on her moving and her new job, and not thinking all the time that her brother was dead.
"I apologize doctor Robbins, I'm Claire Parker. I'm here with Thomas who just won't listen to me" the child's grandmother said in a trembling voice and then, whispering, she added "You're the only one able to get him reason in these days and I wondered if you could make him change his mind.."
"Yes, of course Mrs Parker, put him on." the doctor answered.
It was Thursday morning, Nick and Arizona were on the streets from an hour when the blonde's phone rang. It was Hopkins, thus she picked up quickly.
Tom's grandmother wasn't able to make him leave without his parents. His father had died and the kid couldn't stay in the hospital anymore, they needed beds.
When he toke the phone and crying said "Hello?", Arizona felt a lump in her throat. Tom had won her heart. The news about his dad's death didn't let her sleep that night.
"Hey buddy! I heard you're free to go, huh?" she tried to approach him.
"Dr. Zona I don't want, I stay with ma and dad. This sucks!" he whined.
"You're right! It does suck!" she didn't know what to say… "Still, I think it's better if you go home with grandma.. They'll know you two are together. They'd be happier if you were at home instead of in the hospital, don't you think so?"
He kept silence for a bit and then he asked if he could, at least, carry home the fishing game. Arizona smiled, it was his favorite. Tom spent hours trying to catch some magnets fishes.
So she answered "Well, definitely! And if someone says you can't, you tell them that's Doctor Arizona order, ok?" she waited for a sign and then she asked "Can you put grandma back on the phone, sweets? You be good!"
"Mrs Parker, I wish I could help you more. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.." Arizona heard her sobbing on the other end of the line "If you want I can give you my number, I'm at your disposal for any need, medical or not, really.."
So the surgeon gave her her number. After the call, she tried to focus on the road and not on his little patient.
"Can you just leave one?" she snapped.
"Didn't sleep well, Yuma?"
"We've been driving for two hours and we haven't heard the end of a song yet. I'm getting a headache!" She answered looking at the rearview mirror "And besides, no, that couch had wrecked me!"
It was the third day and they had been in the car for 30 hours out of 48.
Thinking at the day ahead Arizona felt sick. She had insisted for driving that morning, but Nick changing radio station every 5 seconds, was making her go nuts.
"Ok ok, I got it, you want to control the music too" he said taking away his hands from the console.
Arizona ignored his sarcasm, as they eventually listened to an entire song.
A few hours later they stopped for a quick lunch at a gas station. They didn't want to waste time, Arizona wanted to reach Seattle before dark.
Biting down his sandwich his friend spoke "Arizona?"
"You calling me by my name is worrying.." she looked at him smiling, getting comfortable on the hood of her car.
Nick smiled and he thought that, despite the time had passed, they knew each other very well "Will you go home with me?"
"Nick…" she began looking at him.
"I know, I know you haven't been home for a while, but…" he tried to persuade her.
Arizona didn't let him finish "There's a reason if I don't answer the phone or I don't come home. I can't see them!"
"But after Malawi they came at the airport to get you.."
"Yes, indeed, at the airport, after being away for two years. We weren't at Bend" she replied stubbornly.
"What does that even mean? How can you say that?" he was almost offended.
"I don't want to see his bedroom. I don't want to see the heights wall and I can't sit on the swing in the porch" she was starting to loose her temper. Why couldn't they leave her alone?
Nick kept silence for a bit, acknowledging her point, and he closed the argument saying "Just don't forget that we all miss you, Charlie does too".
He had hit her in the right spot. She smiled softly, thinking about her beloved dog, now 4 years older.
When they moved to Bend, they chose a pretty big house with a backyard. Hence, when the neighbor's dog gave birth to her litter, Barbara Robbins couldn't say no to the little puppy.
"My baby…" she sighed "I miss you all, but I'm not there yet"
To prevent further questions the surgeon hopped off the hood of her car and she put leftovers in the bag.
She was about to open the car door and get in the driver's side but Nick rushed to occupy her seat.
"It's my turn darling!" he said snatching the keys from Arizona's hand "I'm taking you to Seattle, I swear!" and he smiled.
She resigned and squinting her eyes she warned him "You better!… Darling!"
"It's not every day you get to drive a Jeep... I need to take advantage of this!" he explained with a light tone starting the car.
After a couple of hours Arizona decided to call Pauleen to let her know they were on their way.
Pauleen, or as she always call her Pol, was a good friend of hers.
They had met each other during college years. They had friends in common who tried to set them up. Failed attempt, cause after two dates for both it was evident that they weren't made for each other, but they had been friends since.
They had been there for each other, even when Pauleen decided to cross the country and move to Washington for a woman. And now, years later, they were going to live in the same city again. Arizona had really missed her.
Pauleen's presence had been one of the strongest points on the pros and cons list she made before accepting the new job.
"Hey Pol!" Arizona started.
"Oh, hey, you here already?" she answered, standing up from her couch and checking the time.
"Were you sleeping?" she asked hearing her sleepy voice.
"Not everyone can live with 5 hours per night" she said rubbing her eyes.
"May I have some luck in life?" she replied ironically.
"You'll soon have the blessing of living ten minutes away from the best friend ever!"
"Yay! Now we're talking!" she mocked her "Let's get serious..I'm at.."
"I was serious" Pauleen interrupted her while throwing herself on the couch again.
"Oh ok, well, an other serious thing is that we're on our way..It's should be three hours before we get there" she said looking at Nick, who nodded in confirmation.
"We? Who is we?" she was confused.
"There was a last minute change of plan.. I'm with Nick, do you remember him?" she explained hoping not to bother her.
"The only lucky man who got to kiss you?" she remembered.
She laughed "Yep, that's him! He was in Baltimore and we are driving together.. You got room for one more?" Arizona asked. Nick shook his head murmuring that he'd have booked a room, but Arizona shut him up placing a hand on his mouth.
"Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem.. Worst-case scenario you and me can cling to each other."
"We've tried already, we don't work!" she joked.
"Ewww gross!" her friend replied with a disgusted tone.
"I won't take it personally just because the feeling is mutual!"
"I know" and then she added "When will your stuff arrive?"
"Tomorrow morning.. is everything ready?" Arizona asked.
"I stopped by this morning. I think it's perfect, you'll see" she assured.
"Thanks, by the way."
"Are you kidding right? I would even pay for it myself just to have you here!" she confessed "However, should I wait for you for dinner or..?"
Nick opened his eyes wide pointing at his stomach and mouthing 'Starving'
Arizona watched him out of the corner of her eye, she smiled, knowing, and she answered "Thanks, but I think it's better if we eat something before the arrival. If we don't, Nick might pass out!"
"Ok ok" she smiled "I'll see you guys later! You have my address, right?"
"Yes, see you!" she ended the call.
"You two have a nice relationship.. It may seem you are... intimate."
Arizona raised her eyes from her mobile, she thought about it "We've been there for each other, we've been friends for… a lot, but not together as you think!" she explained.
"Mmmh" he was suspicious.
"Seriously, we are close.. There was a thing when we first met, but no, we are friends" the blonde remembered.
"Well, it's good you have her in Seattle!"
"Yeah it is. She's trustworthy… when she wants..." she smiled thinking how not trustworthy she had been sometimes.
"Can I play some music, boss?" he mocked her.
"As long as you keep one!"
Nick turned on the radio and changed stations until he heard a song he knew, but after few moments it was Arizona who quickly began pushing all the buttons in front of her to change it.
It was a song that they both knew very well, it was the embarrassment song.
Too late. Nick recognized it and he didn't hesitate to put it back and, laughing, he said "Oh please, don't change songs all the time, let's listen to this one!"
She put her hands over her hears and she bent forward leaning her head on the dashboard. She was uncomfortable and she didn't want Nick to see her all flushed.
"Come on, you know the lyrics! Sing with me!" he said humming the chorus.
It was the song that costed her her dignity. She had had to sing it in front of half the school. He continued to make fun of her.
"Can we, please, don't think about that moment? Actually, can we forget about it?" she turned to her friend. She was all red, but Nick wasn't done yet.
"You really stood there, all dazed.." and laughing he added "You were so smitten with her!"
"Well... Can't deny it" she admitted.
"She was the one who ruined you" Nick stated as if it was a small thing, and plain for all to see.
Surprised by his comment, Arizona got serious and looked at him, her head propped against the headrest.
He continued "When we left, you were miserable, you looked sad all the time. And then you made up that 'no kiss' bullshit to not get involved with anyone"
"It wasn't 'no kiss', moron!" she took a breath and sighing she added "But yes, I fell head over heels..."
He smirked while keeping singing the last part of the song using his fist as a mic.
They both laughed and then Arizona became distant, and looking out the window she started thinking about that night.
12 December 2000, Miami, Florida
"You are gonna pay for this!" she said at Tim and Nick while they put a microphone in her hand.
"We were even too kind!" and "At least you know it well!" they answered at the same time.
"You know I can't carry a tune. There's too many people! Cmon, please, I'll do anything else" the blonde complained.
Tim grabbed her shoulders and turned her around towards the group of people gathered near the console.
"I'm sorry, but you lost" he said patting her shoulder. Arizona tilted her head and raise her eyebrows and smiling Tim admitted "You're right, I'm not sorry at all. But a bet's a bet!". Then he yelled to Nick "Go ahead! We're ready!"
She was at a senior's house, at a party in which she wasn't even invited to. She was probably the youngest. She was definitely the most out of place. She wanted to disappear! Why did she beg Tim to take her with him? What was she thinking? If she'd listened to her parents any of this would have happened. If she'd stayed at home, in she wouldn't be about to sing in front of dozens of teenagers right now.
She saw Teddy running towards her with a red solo cup. It was clear she was mortified. "I'm sorry.." she said and handing her the cup she added "Drink this, maybe it'll help.."
When Nick started the music, the first looks began to lay on her. Without wondering what it was, the blonde chugged the liquor, and obviously, she made a disgusted face. Everyone laughed, 'such a good start' she thought.
"Dear.. a problem
You love me no longer...
Maybe there is nothing that I can do
To make you do"
She glanced at her friends. Teddy was sympathetic, almost in pain, while their brothers were having lots of fun and were high-fiving.
Arizona had forced Teddy playing a match of beer pong against the guys promising to 'take full responsibility in the remote case of loss'. So there she was, paying for it.
"So I cry, and I pray, and I beg
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me…"
More and more guests were getting closer to the source of the music, wondering why someone so off-key was singing 'Lovefool' at David's party.
Two more minutes and she could run away from that party and never leave her bedroom again.
"What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go
So I cry, and I pra…"
Unexpectedly from the front door entered two girls, Aria and Callie. Callie, aka the girl she had a crush on for months.
Blackout. Was it alcohol or was it Callie?
She had seen her at school and they had some friend in common but she probably didn't even know her name. Now she would have ignored her for ever.
In the background Cardigans were still singing, but she was totally lost. Her eyes couldn't leave the girl who was making her way towards the kitchen and her mouth stood open as if hypnotized.
Only after a loud thud she came to her senses. Actually, everyone in the room heard a thud, because the microphone had slipped out of her hand. She bent down to pick it up and she kept singing for a bit.
"...fool me
Go on and fool me..
Pretend that you love me.."
She felt stupid, she wanted to leave. She didn't even raise her gaze not to meet Callie's. She turned to the exit abruptly dumping the mic on Nick's chest.
The room fell silent, a silence only broken by the screeching whistle caused by the mic too close to the speakers.
The three friends looked at each other and ran behind her. They surely didn't think she would have take this so badly, nor that the renowned Callie would have been there.
"Have you seen her again after we left?" Nick's voice interrupted her trip down memory lane.
She shook her head and shrugged, silently counting the years that had passed since they last saw each other. 16. Who knows.
Arizona had the sudden need to smoke… 'What a coincidence…'
She hadn't thought about her for years and within days, Callie Torres had already crossed her mind too many times.
She stretched her hand and she grabbed the lighter.