Chapter 2
"Up ahead we have to turn left and then after a few hundred meters turn right. Tell me, if this isn't too personal, who is the package for anyway?" wanted Clarke to know.
Again Lexa looked for a trace of calculation and again she found none of it. Only curiosity was in those deep blue eyes and that confused her more and more. Something about her was different, intriguing, and that tipped the scales toward giving her an answer.
"It's for a friend of my sister's, I don't know her very well, but I just needed some fresh air and exercise. I felt like I've only been to the hotel or the restaurant that goes with it since I arrived the day before yesterday. Besides, I wanted to take a closer look at the area." Out of caution, the brunette preferred to remain vague, it was better not to give too private details, too quickly everything got out to the public.
"I know the feeling." Clarke nodded, wanting to confirm her statement. "I need that sometimes too, I just get to it too rarely. Mostly I'm on the road at the hospital, real free time isn't really there in places." A tired expression appeared on the blonde's face.
"Are you a patient there?"
Clarke laughed out loud. "No, I'm one of the doctors."
Suddenly Lexa felt rather stupid for not coming up with the obvious answer, skillfully trying not to let her embarrassment show.
"For a long time?"
"I'm doing my residency right now, so I have some work to do."
She focused her blue eyes on her phone once more, then pointed to a house ahead of them. "That should be it, actually."
Clarke walked her to the door and waited until she rang the bell. Cordially, Lexa thanked her once again, which the blonde took as an opportunity to say goodbye. Puzzled, they looked after her. It almost seemed as if Clarke had done it out of pure niceness and that warmed the brunette's heart. It had been a long time since she had seen such an act of charity, especially from a stranger.
The door opened, she handed over the package and chatted with the woman who had opened for a few more minutes before Lexa then ran off. Clarke had been only a small dot away and she was determined to catch up with him now. When she was close to her, she called out loudly.
"Clarke?"
The latter turned around. "Yes? Can't find your way back?"
Smirking, Lexa gave her answer. "No, I just wanted to ask you if you'd like to have another cup of coffee with me? Kind of like a thank you for taking the time to do this."
Puzzled, Clarke raised her eyebrows. She was as taken aback as Lexa herself was. The latter was never rude, she couldn't afford to be, but asking someone she barely knew this question was extremely out of character for her and unsettled her. She found herself in a situation she hadn't been in for a long time.
Clarke, on the other hand, had left on purpose so that she wouldn't be thought intrusive and because she had done her job. She herself hated nothing more than when people didn't know when it was time to leave and they didn't realize they were intruding. The question surprised the blonde so much that she was unable to answer and looked at her watch instead. She still had a little time before her next shift.
"Or do you have to leave right away?" the brunette asked.
"No, I still have two hours. So I'd love to." She was flattered by the attention she received, even though she normally wouldn't accept such an invitation.
"You'd have to show me a cafe though, I have no idea." Lexa gave the blonde a beautiful smile that managed to warm every corner of her heart.
Clarke thought she was nice and just felt comfortable in her presence and so this was reciprocated with an equally nice laugh.
"I don't know my way around here either, but I'll see how far my favorite coffee shop is." The blonde entered it into the cell phone and it indicated that they would have to walk about 20min. There was none in the immediate vicinity, so she awkwardly explained the situation to the brunette. Apologetically, Clarke raised her shoulders, unsure how to proceed. But immediately her thoughts were dispelled.
"I don't have any plans, and you said you had time, too. I don't mind having to go for a bit. How about you?"
Those beautiful eyes looked at Clarke. How could she have possibly refused those? The brunette understood, nodded slightly, and they went on their way. A comfortable silence arose once again, it was not empty, not uncomfortable, both had simply chosen to remain silent, albeit for different motivations. Lexa radiated a calmness that affected Clarke as well. While they walked side by side like this, the blonde used the time to observe the slightly taller one, her graceful and proud way of moving, this self-confidence she radiated, this feeling that she could do anything if she just set her mind to it. Clarke tried to make her observations as unobtrusive as possible, yet Lexa noticed them. She raised an eyebrow and looked at her questioningly. In response she was given a sheepish smile, what else could she do? She had no real reason to look at them. Perhaps the whole situation was simply surreal. She never thought that for once in her life she would not look at her on her laptop. That she would experience her as more than just Alycia. Being so close to her easily overwhelmed her, she just couldn't grasp it. Still, she wanted to prevent Lexa from feeling uncomfortable around her. Therefore, she quickly looked away so that she could hide her slightly red cheeks. But she had hoped in vain. Lexa had definitely noticed and so her smile widened. In order not to repeat such an embarrassment, Clarke tried to turn her gaze to everything else and looked more closely at the area they were in.
Lexa noticed the change in mood and the spasmodic avoidance of eye contact and for some reason she liked it. She began to grin a little wider before shaking her head at herself. These were thoughts she couldn't allow and the softer features immediately disappeared. They gave way to a perfect mask. Impenetrable, distant, and her posture instantly became tense.
The harsh light that prevailed earlier gave way to a softer sky, dotted with light clouds. The temperature had dropped a few degrees, but it was still warm enough without the need for a jacket. As before, it was quiet around them, no one was out and about, and the occasional tree cast an ever-lengthening shadow. At some point, the first cars crossed their path. The two women paid no attention to them, both too lost in their own thoughts.
Clarke risked a discreet sideways glance that went unnoticed this time. Lexa looked so thoughtful, almost sad, that she would be interested to know what was taking up all her attention, but she left the question where it was. It was none of her business.
Arriving in front of the café, Clarke held the door open for her, it was a reflex, and so they entered one after the other. It was a cozy, quiet establishment. Always well attended and eager to create a homey atmosphere in which the regular customers were known by name and favorite drink and now and then came to the table for a chat. The blonde was greeted accordingly. She asked for a quiet table in one of the corners so that they could talk in peace and quiet. They ordered and soon the waitress came and brought them their drinks.
"I'm sorry that I'm not so talkative right now."
Clarke looked at her in surprise, both because the brunette suddenly turned her word and attention to her, and the fact of what she said. Astonished, the blonde raised her eyebrow. "You don't have to apologize for that. You don't have to say anything if you don't feel like it. I don't like to just talk just so you've talked. I'd rather keep quiet then."
"Well, I ask you about a coffee and I end up keeping quiet, that's not very polite."
But Clarke merely shrugged. "Sometimes that's the way it is, and I don't mind keeping quiet. In fact, it's important to be able to do that. As a rule, you only succeed in doing so when you feel comfortable."
Slightly mocking, yet confident, Lexa looked at her. What a sudden change of heart.
"Does that mean you're comfortable with me?"
Clarke, for her part, now looked at her confidently and answered with a simple yes, so far.
Lexa owed her an answer to the unasked but still in the air question, instead the latter smiled.
It was a barely perceptible twitch of the corners of her mouth, but Clarke did not miss it.
Lexa took a sip from her cup before speaking up again.
"Today is my first day off in ages." The fatigue she had already felt on the way here magnified at the thought of how long it had been since she had had a proper break from shooting. A day or two every couple of weeks was simply not enough to refill her depleted batteries. So she had used the time to go away, hoping to recover a little, far away from all the pressures and expectations on her person, whether they were justified or not. All of a sudden Lexa noticed Clarke's gaze resting on her and instantly she searched for a reason for it. She was closely scrutinized and at some point she became uncertain under this gaze, so that after a while she looked directly at her counterpart, who simply returned it without saying anything.
Still this silence. Lexa did not know how to interpret it, but it was by no means unpleasant. The fact that Clarke felt comfortable with Lexa threw her off her game, even though she tried not to let this show. Instead, she did the exact opposite and tried to keep as much distance as possible. So far, this had always been the only thing that had helped her not to make the same mistakes again and again. If you always made the same mistakes and hoped for a different result, it was your own fault if it went wrong in the end. She had learned her lesson painfully, let the others talk, it had been drilled into her afterwards, so they feel comfortable and you don't offer an attack surface. Since then she stuck to this advice and it showed effect every time.
"So what are you doing your residency as?"
"I specialize in neurosurgery. That means a little less work now and then, better pay, and the more exciting cases. We get called in when things get particularly tough. Of course, I learned everything else, too, but this is what I enjoy the most, as exhausting as it is, especially such operations usually take several hours, I couldn't imagine any other job." Satisfied, she looked at Lexa.
"How did you get this job?"
"My mother is also a doctor, although she has a different focus than I do." Inwardly, Lexa smirked; her plan had worked. Fortunately, people so enjoyed listening to themselves talk.
"What do your parents do for a living, anyway?"
Lexa choked on a sip of tea. So much for that. She considered the risk of answering, but then decided for herself that it was actually an innocuous question that could be found on the Internet.
"My mother is, was, a teacher and I never met my father." She tried to appear as relaxed as possible, so she merely shrugged her shoulders as if her mother's death didn't bother her.
"Parents can be pretty crappy." It was Clarke's entire comment, she didn't probe further. This was such a personal matter, no one should have to answer questions about it.
"What about your dad?" now, however, Lexa wanted to know to steer the conversation further toward Clarke and away from her.
"He died a few years ago while at work. There was an accident...a few died in it." She swallowed slightly and her pain was clearly evident in her eyes, she didn't try to hide it and that stunned the brunette.
"How long are you staying in town?" Clarke's question hit Lexa so suddenly, so unprepared, that she answered without thinking.
"A few days, for sure. If everything works out, it should be two weeks, but you never know. I haven't had a break in ages, at least not a real one, and so slowly I'm realizing I need one, just to switch off."
"I imagine that would be difficult." Voiced Clarke her thought.
Slightly, Lexa raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?"
"Playing someone different every day, a completely new character and only being able to be yourself during breaks in shooting, if at all. You're always far away from home and friends who know and understand you. Far away from the normal craziness of life."
Deeply, Clarke looked into her eyes and Lexa's mouth went dry. It was not an innocuous question; this one could blow up in her face. She had been asked similar things in various interviews, but without such a deep understanding, always nicely scratching the surface. But Clarke asked the question so very differently, she didn't want to scratch the surface and then let it go, and that scared the brunette. The blonde noticed her discomfort, something others rarely managed.
"You don't have to answer, it's a very personal question that I've asked myself a few times. Out of curiosity."
Lexa's lips twitched slightly, becoming a mischievous and challenging smirk.
"Is that so? And what insights did you have?"
Clarke looked at Lexa seriously. "None particularly heady, merely that I couldn't. Leaving my world, my friends, just everyone to make a living at never being myself, I couldn't do that, plus I don't particularly like being in the spotlight. If it has to be, it has to be, but I don't seek it out on purpose."
She watched the blonde silently for a while.
"Could it be that you're not particularly comfortable with more private questions?"
Caught, Lexa looked at her.
"No, not really, and actually it's nobody's business," she replied coldly and with such a penetrating look as if she wanted to kill the questioner with it. Her whole body was tense and her hands clenched into fists.
Clarke sighed, visibly overwhelmed. "I didn't mean to offend you, apparently I did very well. I think it's better if I go slowly now. You can find your way back?"
Lexa realized then that she had reacted too harshly and had offended Clarke. Nevertheless, the latter remained nice. She was acting like a huge asshole right now and had to shake her head at herself, but the blonde interpreted that as an answer to her question.
"Then I'll still take you home." It wasn't a question, but a statement. There were very rarely cabs around here, usually you had to book an extra appointment to get one at all.
"Please sit down, Clarke." She ran her hands through her hair, sighing.
"I'm apparently out of practice having a normal conversation without acting impossible."
Clarke said nothing more, but instead looked at her disarmingly with those ocean blue eyes, hesitating to sit down again.
Great, Lexa thought to herself, constantly complaining that there were no nice people and then she had one in front of her and then she was the one misbehaving. Audibly, she exhaled before subsequently letting out a sigh.
"It's not easy to be someone else for most of your life without forgetting who you are. Traveling, on the other hand, I think is great, you get to know new, beautiful places and also interesting people. I like the spotlight, it's part of the job description I guess." Lexa tried a slight smile, hoping it would be reciprocated. The corners of Clarke's mouth twitched slightly, nothing more happened. But at least it sat down again. "I like being around people, but I also need time to myself sometimes. I don't have contact with anyone from my home country anymore except my older sister." Again too many details, inwardly, at least she hoped, she rolled her eyes. She purposefully tried to avoid the topic of friends, judging by Clarke's knowing look, she was well aware of this. She was still silent and Lexa, unfathomably, did not like that.
"I used to go to parties more, but now I enjoy being at home in peace, turning on the TV or reading a good book. Which doesn't mean I don't get out of the house anymore." She laughed at her own joke, and Clarke was puzzled by this fact.
She didn't know what to make of this situation. One moment Lexa was nice and funny and the next moment dismissive, downright cold, only to light up the room again with her laughter. Clarke looked at her watch; it was time to leave.
"I, um, well I should get going."
With her big eyes, Lexa looked at her, a variety of emotions reflected in them that Clarke couldn't interpret.
"My shift starts soon and I have to go home for a little while. Can you find your way?"
The woman nodded and Clarke said goodbye, but as soon as she stepped out the door, she heard her name.
"Clarke?"
"Yes?" She glanced around.
Lexa came up to her, hugged her lightly and said simply, "Thank you."
She then left, leaving the blonde confused and indecisive.
20min later Clarke was home, grabbed another jacket, bag and keys she already had and sat down in her car. Half an hour later she drove to the employee parking lot, greeted the doorman and hurriedly went to the changing rooms to change. May a busy night begin.
15h later, she took off her surgical gloves, sanitized her hands and ran her hands over her tired eyes. After changing her clothes, she went to her car, stretched and drove off. Tired, she fell into her bed afterwards, sleeping clothes she didn't even put on, only by the skin of her teeth had she undressed. Far too early her alarm clock would ring again.