The night breeze swept single strands from her forehead, the tenderness of it unsuitable in comparison to the wound on the side of her belly. No gentle hand would caress it, no sweet sunrays would warm it up, no sound of a peaceful river, that she had quite a huge dream about, would quietly swim across it and tickle her. Rotten branches with dry leaves due to the explosion moved slowly as if to imaginary Chopin music, no crickets sang their nightly ritual since the comet took them too, the grass under her sore back creaky like an old door, making her dream about soft, with heavy duvet bed. She was a strong woman, didn’t let her emotions win so easily over morals, being conscious of her sensitive feelings yet not showing them to anyone – not so often, not so easily, but this time as the weird comfort overwashed her slim body, she felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes at the thought of her world put into ruins. She loved the idea of giving someone flowers – putting them into a small, heartwarming bouquet and then adoring a rad smile appearing on someone’s face. Even though her fighting skills could kill five men in a room. She found nights cozy and became quieter when the view of stars welcomed her. Even though her hands were rough and slightly damaged to the constant training at home she put herself in. She craved the idea of being loved uncontrollably, someone taking proper care of her so she could feel safe – not only depending on herself and her fighting skills, anxious head. Even though the uninviting expression on her face, arms crossed and muscled belly raising in sharp breaths, left her with no one. As much as she remained firm and people adored her for strong body and ability, deep inside she wanted to be seen more than that. Even though she was independent and rarely allowed anyone to step onto her path.
The night breeze swept not only her thick strands, but the thoughts haunting her whole evening. Maybe it was because she saw many people hugging, crying into each other’s arms, promising not to leave each other like that anymore, at the hospital. She had her beloved mother still living and wanting to give her as much love as she can even though she was falling apart, yet sometimes it wasn’t enough. She wanted a different type of love, a different type of smile when someone saw her in the corner of the room and a different type of tight embrace. Yes, she received all of that, her mother being one of the most important reasons why she stayed alive, she wanted to protect her at all cost because she was so dear to her, but something different enlightened in her body when she saw all those people. Smooching, caressing, crying out the worry, affirming. Besides her mother, she had no one. No one, who would do such things. Just she and her strong, independent, powerful ass.
“I would’ve turned onto my side, but I fear it’s not possible right now.”
Kuina looked to her left and was embraced by an awkward, small smile. It was something warm in that awkwardness, something sweet in those quiet words in the silent field in front of the hospital they were in, sent into the humble night. Kuina waved her hand like it was nothing, like her monologue wasn’t worth hearing, like it’s not important, forget about it.
“Forget about it, something weird happened to me.”
“No, I enjoyed listening to you, if it’s alright to say it like… That. And I get you, I kinda feel the same, sometimes.”
Kuina smiled humbly to herself. Ann, whom she met the same day she stared into the night sky, saying she didn’t mind listening to her pathetic thoughts, woke something up in her. Maybe there were other people such as Ann, who would listen to her once in a while as she would slowly try to open up, since living in a household in which you had to stay hidden made her like that. Maybe she wasn’t alone in this world and there was someone waiting for her and her true self. Since it was funny to feel as if she was already herself around the woman she met moments ago. Maybe she could hear more of it’s okay, and be reassured even though her strong posture gave an illusion to people that she didn’t need to be.
Or maybe she had already met someone like that? Out of context, suddenly, not in special happenings. Maybe the strong yet comforting woman she’s met today was the one she desperately needed in life?
“Something weird?” Ann raised her eyebrow, even though Kuina couldn’t properly see that among the darkness.
She was pretty like holy fuck. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. Kuina couldn’t bring herself into lying. First time in a while she met someone that could look both at the same time – gorgeous and hot. She said earlier she loved wearing red lipstick and Kuina could see that – her full, quite big lips were perfect for that. Kuina didn’t want to be seen as a pervert, but earlier that day as they drank grape juices from the drinking machine in the hospital, all she could do was stare at her big thighs – the skin of them seemed to be plushy and soft, and Kuina was resisting hard not to come up and ask for at least one squeeze between them. The woman she met the moment she stared down from the glassy barrier at the people finding each other, became the woman she adored and wanted nothing but to spend more time with her. And so she did. Maybe Kuina was like a bug sticking to someone, being all over them in a humble way but by the end of the day it didn’t matter, it didn’t bother her unless someone told her to simply fuck off. But the moment Ann turned around to leave and go her way, Kuina instantly followed her, murmuring some nonsense around her since she felt if she didn’t, she would never meet her again. And it felt as if she would lose someone again. As if she’d miss the chance of becoming closer with her again. But how could there be again, when it was the first time Kuina met Ann?
“Ah,” she sucked a breath in, squeezing her dry hands together on wounded belly, “it was weird to open up to you all of a sudden. Just to say, I don’t do it to all new people! You’re just… Just…”
“Just?” Ann asked her teasingly and Kuina could imagine the mischievous grin on her plumpy, scarred face.
“I just feel like I could open up to you, as if my words flew out on their own, you get it? I feel like I already met you and we’ve known each other for a while so yeah… Like my best friend, I guess. I could talk to you.”
She was hot in the way Kuina sucked her breath in, yet gorgeous in the way she wanted to kneel before her and do anything she wished for. The way she talked so boldly and how fearless she acted before others – she didn’t let anyone get on her ass but in a different way. Kuina had it in her body and firm arms, yet Ann didn’t need her plumpy body to scare somebody away. It was her tall, fearless posture that made people small around her, that made Kuina weak. But not weak in the way she was scared of her, she was humiliated by her. It was a different type of weakness.
“Oh god, you have it too?”
Kuina looked at Ann whose hands also rested on her belly, her pupils dilated yet she didn’t know whether it was because she stared into the starry sky, or maybe the darkness around them sharpened her senses. She must’ve met her somewhere. This feeling couldn't come out so suddenly, out of nowhere. Maybe she came into her work for a second, maybe she stared a bit too long into her dark eyes as they passed each other on a street. Maybe she was a friend’s friend? No, definitely not that since Kuina rarely went out to people, besides she had barely anyone to meet with. The puzzling feeling messed with her head that was still injured after the accident. Or maybe it was all in her head? Maybe Kuina’s brain projected Ann in her dream since she was one of the people she looked at before the comet hit? There were so many conspirations yet none of them seemed true. None of them felt real to her, none of them gave her tingling sensations that yes, this is an answer!
Kuina gave her a low hum to which she scoffed.
“That unbearable feeling, which I can’t figure out. That I met you somewhere. And to be honest, I wouldn’t spend that much time with you if not for that feeling, which drew me to you.”
Kuina thought her words could sting her just a bit, but after realizing she had it the same, they didn’t. Yet, she silently hoped other reasons appeared in her head the more time they hang out in the hospital.
“After all, I’m glad I met you,” the words escaped her mouth before she could bite her tongue and she froze in place. She didn’t mean them to sound like some confession, like something big since they’d just met. “At the hospital, I mean,” she added quickly to help the tightening grip in her chest.
The silence hang above them, only the breeze letting out a long hum while tickling the leaves, as Kuina squeezed her own hands to the point they became white. Why did she say that? Why couldn’t she just stay quiet and stare into the stars the way Ann did? Why was she so effusive that night and had no crosslines? At that moment she thought her fast breathing was becoming too loud, too exuberant so she wanted to smoothly change the topic, yet Ann’s muffled stutter stopped her.
“It feels good to have you here,” she started rather quietly as if she was scared someone could eavesdrop on them. Maybe, after all, she wasn’t used to saying out loud the thoughts dug inside her head just like Kuina. “I’m less alone in this fucked up place,” she rose her hand and drew a circle with her finger to embrace the hospital, “you feel more than a friend to me, and that’s just funny.”
Kuina inhaled sharply. “More than a friend?”
“You know, it’s not that deep,” Ann let out an embarrassed giggle and it felt like the pleasant music sung by crickets to Kuina, “I just couldn’t stop listening to you the whole day and yeah… You’re just nice.”
Kuina smiled to herself vividly and poked Ann’s shoulder playfully. Oh dear gods, how she wished she could see if she was red right now or had that firm, slightly cold expression on her face as if to reject the words. And once again, Kuina knew this as if she’s known her for long to say that. To say she loved having her hair put behind her ear. To say she loved embracing someone in a bear hug since it made her feel bigger in you’re mine way. To say she actually loved fighting because it always made her laugh at how people looked while throwing unpleasant sentences. To say her hands were soft even though they looked cold. The more Kuina looked at her, squinting her eyes in the pitch darkness, the more she looked like she made some promise to her which she rejected for unknown reasons. Looking at her plumpy lips, she thoughts of warm, heart-hitting words which once escaped them, yet she couldn’t remember any of them. It was as if she had lived through a fog in their past and now she had to build all they had again, knowing her every thought, habit, and touch. And looking into the starry sky, that seemed unbearable.
“That’s a nice way of saying I’ve just met you but please can you marry me? ” Kuina laughed at her and Ann let out a frustrated scream that probably woke up old men sleeping in the building behind them.
“Do you want to know a nice way of saying I’m gonna kick your fucking ass ?” Ann brought herself closer to Kuina and roughly nudged her thigh, so she let out a giggled squeak.
And then she realized how close they were. Not in the dream way she had, not in the thought way she had, but simply physically. She could feel her familiar breath on her bare shoulder, her arm sticking to hers and bringing warmth, their legs meeting together Kuina wanted to jump on top of her and fall asleep to the beat of her calm heart. She stared into the stars as she counted seconds to whatever was going to happen; would another comet hit Tokyo again? Would Ann poke her playfully one more time and then unstick her body from hers? Would she change the topic just like Kuina wanted to do minutes ago? She waited, her breath becoming silent as if it could demolish anything that was going to happen.
And then the night sky brought Ann’s pinky finger to intertwine with Kuina’s. Embrace it in a tight grip her heart skipped a beat again. A simple, yet explosive, touch.
“Kuina,” she said her name lowly only the stars could hear them, “I want to buy you a coffee once it’s all over.”
“No,” Kuina answered instantly as if she knew what Ann was going to say moments before the words were thrown into a breeze, “it’s not gonna happen. It can’t,” she shook her head in protest. “I’m scared of where I’m going to be tomorrow, what will happen to me, where I’ll be so please,” some strands stuck to her temples due to cold sweat on her skin, “please buy me a coffee tonight, and then tomorrow and then the other day. So that way you won’t disappear.”
Ann looked to her right and met Kuina’s eyes. She stared into them in silence. maybe she was counting seconds to whatever was going to happen too, maybe she was thinking of doing and saying the right thing. Kuina never got to know since all she felt was her whole, warm hand on hers – squeezing and tracing the skin. A simple, yet comet-worthy, feeling.
“Let’s meet by the drinking machine tomorrow morning again. Let’s find each other and stay.”
A simple, yet comet-worthy, feeling.