A Brief Introduction to the Doofuses
While your excitement for creative writing had been dulled a bit from being subjected to the torture of an online class, you were still hesitantly excited for your third block. “I really hope this isn’t a major disappointment, I actually want to cook in this class,” you hear someone saying under their breath as you both set your stuff on the same table at the same time. “I hope so too, my last class was already a major disappointment. It at least seems like we have the equipment for cooking,” you reply with a smile, looking at the 4 kitchens along one side of the room, along with the separate kitchen with a mirror above it so students could see what the instructor was doing on the other side.
You then look at the blond boy next to you, who seems to be taken back by your statement, or maybe just by you? You aren’t exactly sure, he’s just looking at you with his mouth wide open. “You okay man?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.
He picks his jaw off of the floor. “I am more than okay, I’m perfect! Just grateful to bask in the shining rays of your smile, mademoiselle,” he replies, as you eye him suspiciously. “Here, let me,” he says, pulling out the chair next to him. ‘Oh lord, what did I just get myself into,’ you think. “I saw you check on Nami-swan earlier, and I wanted to thank you for worrying about such a beautiful angel! However, you must know you are a beautiful angel yourself!” he gushes.
Oh. Right. One of the doofuses. The one that had to be herded away by the one Nami called a ‘mosshead.’ Right now, if that mosshead came into the class and did it again, he’d be your knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, that is not the case, so you already can’t wait until lunch. Then Nami can take care of this doofus if he doesn’t leave the two of you, along with Vivi, alone.
Yet another printed out syllabus is being passed around the class, so you do as expected and grab two sheets for you and the fawning idiot blond next to you before passing the remaining stack to the table behind you. “Thank you so much for your kindness,” the blond says in a singsong tone as you slide one of the sheets over to him with an eye roll. “Would you do me one more favor, and give me the kindness of knowing the name of the girl who has captured my heart?”
‘He really needs to tone that shit down or I’m going to spontaneously combust,’ you think to yourself. You weren’t sure if it was out of embarrassment or frustration, but your face turns red and your fists clench together. You take a deep breath to calm yourself, or rather, to avoid punching him and getting yourself ISS (in-school suspension). Maybe Nami had her reasons to call them all doofuses, but it seemed like this one was a complete and utter dumbass.
You mutter your name once you feel like you are calm enough to not just yell at him. “A beautiful name for a beautiful lady!” he remarks. You sigh, leaning your head on a closed fist looking out the window to your left, thinking, ‘at least there’s an oven in here, maybe I can pull a Sylvia Plath if it’s gas powered and take this idiot out with me.’ That reminds you, you still don’t know the idiot’s name. Somehow you find a way to formulate the question without seeming too interested.
“Sanji, but you can call me whatever you want, my love!” he replies, while reaching for your hand and taking it towards his lips. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” you exclaim, snapping your hand back to your lap. Well Sanji definitely wasn’t respectful of personal space, and you apparently needed to set some clear boundaries.
“Sanji, don’t take this the wrong way, but please don’t do… whatever it is you’re doing. It makes me extremely uncomfortable,” you say in a hushed tone, aware of the teacher's glare after your last statement was a bit louder than you expected. “That was certainly the last thing I intended, I’m sorry,” he says, dismayed.
“It’s okay,” you whispered, “just tone it down, like practically down to zero, okay?” “That will be difficult, but I’ll try… for you, my dear!” You sigh again, turning back towards the teacher. ‘Dear’ was still a bit much, but probably better/ less intimate than ‘love.’ Improvement is improvement, so you’ll take it, you guess.
Then the teacher starts actually talking about what you guys will accomplish for the year. You heard that this was your school’s equivalent of Home Economics, but also that it’s the only class you actually get to cook in. And it seems like Sanji heard the same, at least the latter half. So of course, both sets of ears perk up when she mentions the cooking unit. “Thank god,” you hear him mutter under his breath. But then, the two of you look at each other in horror as she informs the class that there will only be one day where you will cook, and one additional day where you will bake throughout the entire semester. “What the hell is the point of all of these kitchens if we barely get to use them?” he whispered. “I know,” is all you manage to grumble in response, now holding your head in both of your hands.
You manage to pass a few snarky remarks between the two of you as the teacher goes over the rest of the units, especially when she mentions having an entire 2 weeks for the sewing unit. By the time you are released for lunch, you feel like Sanji could actually be pretty nice as a friend, as long as he doesn’t overdo his flirtatious personality and actually treats you as a human.
He did end up asking to join you at lunch, to which you just gave him a stern look. “I’ll take that as a no then. Well, have a good day beautiful!” he says, practically skipping down the hall.
You find Nami and Vivi already eating on a bench outside the lunchroom. “How did ‘hospitality and tourism’ go, Nami?” you ask casually, setting your bag down. “Ughhh, don’t even get me started…,” she groans, “I’m gonna head to the counselor’s office during flex period.”
“Hope you don’t end up needing to use your back-up bribe strategy. I gotta go get my food though, I’ll be back,” you say, heading into the cafeteria.
And of course, there’s a growing line for some reason. It could be worse, but you decide to ask the person in front of you what the hold up is about. They tell you it is some kid arguing about how he shouldn’t have to pay extra for the huge portions he put on his plate, pointing to the kid in the straw hat, who is now running away from the lunch ladies. Of course. You remind yourself to ask Nami about what the deal is with the doofuses she spoke of, because it seems like they cause a lot more trouble than it’s worth.
Returning to the bench, you notice a pair of people standing in front of your two friends, talking to Nami. You notice that the shy blonde girl seems to be letting the boy she’s hanging onto do the talking for her. Wait, was that another one of them? ‘No, this guy seems reasonable,’ you think to yourself while the boy asks if Kaya, the blonde, you assumed, could join you guys for lunch.
“Of course!” all three of you seem to say at the same time. Nami continues first, “I won’t have this lunch period after today, but I’m sure these lovely ladies would be happy to have you for the rest of the semester if you’d like Kaya, I promise that they won’t bite!” “You’re changing your schedule, I’m guessing?” the boy asks back. “Yep, hopefully it’ll just be a quick and easy switch, I shouldn’t have to move my whole schedule around to get me out of the boring ass class I’m in now. You’ll still see me in 4th Usopp! As well as…,” Nami turns to you, expecting you to introduce yourself. Unfortunately, you weren’t really paying attention at the moment, as you were introducing yourself to Kaya, who took a seat on the bench to your right. Nami lightly smacks you on the arm with the back of her hand in frustration. “Psht… Usopp’s in history with us,” nodding towards the boy in front of you. “Oh, sorry, hi!” you say before you start to briefly introduce yourself. “Nice to meet you. I guess I’ll see you later, then,” he says. You hesitate before asking, “Are you not also joining us for lunch?”
“I’d like to but unfortunately I can’t, if the glutton over there notices more than one of us missing ~or rather notices the missing extra food he could be stealing~ he’ll come looking. I wanted to spare Kaya from getting his grubby fingers all over her lunch, so when Nami told me she wouldn’t be sitting with us, I thought maybe Kaya could sit with you all, too,” he replies.
“Well it was nice meeting you, you should sit with me and Nami in 4th!” you say. “Maybe, but-,” he says before being interrupted by Nami. “Better get going before he starts looking, Usopp!” she interjects with a little shove to his shoulder. “See you later!” your group on the bench shouts in unison to his retreating figure.
“He seems nice,” you say looking at Kaya, taking note of the slight blush of her cheeks. “Yeah, we’ve known each other forever, he always looks out for me,” she replies with a small smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. After a brief introduction between Vivi and Kaya, the four of you rest easy in a comfortable silence for the rest of lunch, aside from the few small bits of conversations here and there.
As the bell rings, Nami pulls you aside for a second to talk to you. “Huh?” you manage to spit out, but before you can properly ask what’s going on, she interrupts with a sense of urgency, probably because she needs to get to the counselor’s as soon as possible. “All of the doofuses are in history with us- except for one. I don’t mind Usopp sitting with us, but trust me, you don’t want the king of the doofuses AND his loyal subjects right next to you if you actually want to pay attention,” she says in a hushed but harsh tone.
“Oh, yeah, ... I met Sanji already,” you reply with a sigh and a small frown. “Please tell me he’s the one that’s missing?” you plead, mostly to the lord above rather than to Nami. “Lucky for you, he is,” she says, eyebrows raised, wondering what uncomfortable situation you ended up in to meet the flirt. “I have several questions but I’ll leave those for practice,” she continues before hitting you with a peace sign, a smile, and a “see you in 4th.” “Good luck, Nami!” you yell after her.
Flex period went by pretty quickly. It was basically a “study period,” but being that it was the first day and that the only homework you accumulated was just signing each class syllabus, you decided to just take a nap for the 30 minutes.
As you’re walking to history, you end up thinking about what Nami said. So you were right earlier, Usopp was in the group. So it was him, Sanji, the ‘mosshead,’ and the straw hat boy. Is Nami in this group? Or just like a part of it due to association? More questions to leave for practice.
You arrive at the classroom pretty quickly, since coincidentally, your flex class was pretty close. As you look around the room, you notice that the desks are set up in a weird configuration. You end up choosing a desk facing the board at the far end of the room. All of the other desks except the 3 in your row were facing towards the center of the room, where there was a large walkway; it kind of looked like the parting of the red sea, but with desks. At least you, Usopp and Nami wouldn’t have to turn to face the board like the rest of the class, even if you were furthest from it. You take the desk on the left, which is closest to the teacher’s desk.
You end up turning to the only other people in the room, who are having a conversation about the class behind the teacher’s desk. You assume your history teacher is the older woman sitting down, but you’re more interested in the other person she’s talking to. She definitely looks older than you, but not old enough to be a teacher either. As more students arrive, the brunette seems to have finished up the talk with your teacher, taking the extra chair behind the teacher’s desk. She seems to have noticed your intrigue as she looks up to give you a small smile. You return it before looking down at your desk, a bit embarrassed.
Nami and Usopp arrive shortly, taking the two seats to your side. Nami briefly updates the two of you, ultimately revealing that she was able to switch into geography for her 3rd block. She tells how the counselors were being really resistant to her request, so she schemed up a plan. Nami ended up going to the teacher of the class, showing him a few of her hand drawn maps of the trail in the woods the cross country team uses, along with maps of a few other areas in town before she dragged him with her to vouch for her.
“I’m glad that worked out well, even if it was a hassle. It was probably better than your plan to bribe them,” you say with a smirk. “BRIBE THEM?! Nami what were you thinking?!” Usopp says, clearly freaking the fuck out nervous about the ethics about a plan that didn’t even happen.
“SHH,” she says to Usopp with her finger over her mouth, telling him to hush. “I obviously wasn’t going to spend my hard earned berry unless absolutely necessary ,” she says in a hushed voice.
You hear a loud chuckle of laughter from down the hall. “ Shishishishi - Zoroooo, history is that way, you just came from that direction… Now turn right... I said RIGHT!” The green haired boy, Zoro you presume, walks in with his hands in L’s to determine which direction is left, but his palms are towards him and his thumbs are facing outwards. Hanging onto his shoulders was the kid with the straw hat, acting almost as if he was steering a car rather than a person.
They stop in front of Usopp and Nami, the straw hat kid lowers his hands off of Zoro’s shoulders. “Why are you guys sitting all the way over here?” Zoro says, in a tone that is far too judgemental for someone who managed to mess up making an L with his left hand. “Why didn’t you save us seats?” the raven-haired boy says with a small frown, looking at Nami and Usopp like a lost puppy.
“There are seats over that way,” Nami says pointing to the few empty desks remaining. “Y/n saved us these seats, sorry,” she shrugs, not seeming sorry in the slightest.
“No fair, I can’t sit near you guys just because I had to guide Zoro,” he says with a sigh. Him and Zoro end up sitting on the other side of the teachers desk. You sort of feel bad for the kid, that is, until you notice Zoro’s intense glare while the straw hat boy is just looking at you with a frown and crossed arms.
Both the teacher and the older brunette approach the board once the bell rings. Your teacher introduces herself, then gives the brunette a nod, urging her to do the same. “My name is Robin, I’m a junior, and I’ll be the student assistant for this class.”
“She’ll be doing attendance. She’ll call your surname first, so please pay attention. We’ll have to do this verbally the first few days until we figure out who’s who.”
Verbal attendance is always such a hit or miss, especially at the beginning of the year or when there’s a substitute. Robin seems to be doing pretty well with pronunciation though, only needing to be corrected once or twice. When she gets to Nami’s name, she asks if Nojiko is her sister, to which Nami says yes with a smile. You know they haven’t always been on the best terms, but recently they’ve come to an understanding about something that’s been coming between them for a long time.
“Monk-…,” about half of the class has been accounted for when Robin pauses for a second in the middle of a name. “Monkey, Luf-” before she can even finish, a hand shoots up, a bright cheery smile replacing the frown on the straw hat kid’s face as he nearly screams, “here!” “Ff-uh, oh okay,” Robin says, a little taken aback from the overenthusiastic interruption.
You’re half paying attention when this happens, more focused on Robin than anything, her hesitance peaking your interest. So, of course you don’t realize that it was truly an interruption. ‘His name is Luffa? Like the thing you scrub yourself with in a shower, loofah?’ you think to yourself. ‘Weird kid, weird name,’ you can’t help but think.
Soon enough, Robin finishes up the roll call, sitting back at her place behind the teacher’s desk. The teacher goes over the syllabus, which of course, is nothing new. The only time your head perks up was when she announced a competition. You noticed Usopp and Nami pretty much doing the same as you all look to the teacher excitedly upon hearing that whoever has the neatest AND most creative notebook at the end of the semester wins a giftcard of their choice. Of course, that means leaving your notebook behind at the end of the semester, but you’re willing to leave a beautiful creation behind for a 5000 berry gift card.
Nami looks from side to side at you and Usopp, smirking with devilish intent. “I say, if one of us wins, we should split it 3000-1000-1000,” she says. “3000 going to the one whose notebook actually won?” Usopp asks, slightly irritated. You can already tell what Nami’s thinking, so it’s no surprise when she says, “No, 3000 to me, 1000 to each of you, everyone ends up happy!”
“I’m not agreeing to that, I can smell your scheme 1000 miles away Nami. It seems like you’re counting on me or Usopp to win it for you,” you reply, crossing your arms to seem more pissed off than you really are. You can’t truly be mad at Nami really, there’s a reason behind her being 'money-hungry' after all. “Yeah, what she said,” Usopp says with a huff, also crossing his arms.
“Lighten up you two, I’m just kidding,” she says with a small chuckle. “We’ll split it 4000, 500, 500,” pointing first to herself and then to you and Usopp. “That’s even worse!” Usopp retorts, clearly more pissed off. You and Nami just laugh.
The rest of class ends up going smoothly, without any notable occurrences. Once the bell rings, you and Nami head toward the girls locker room.