Seventh Year, Christmas II
Sunday December 25th 1977
`Fuckin’ Tories gaining the upper hand, ain’t they,` Jayden declared, wrapping three slices of soggy fruitcake in a doily and stuffing the parcel into his coat pocket. Two older ladies regarded him with apprehensive looks as they shuffled towards the church exit. `Seen or heard anythin’ about that Thatcher woman lately?`
`In passing,` Mary replied vaguely, too ashamed to admit that she knew very little about the current state of political affairs.
`Your lot got Tories?` Jayden asked, throwing back a cup of eggnog. `Sure your lot’s got Tories – with all those posh folks.`
`Don’t refer to them as my lot – you should know better. And stop saying Tories – mum’ll have a fit,` Mary bit back. `She won’t like you talking politics in here.`
`Eh – mum’s a liberated woman,` Jayden replied sarcastically, shrugging his shoulders and ignoring the rest.
Sighing tiredly, Mary cocked her head. `Why’re you here, Jayden?` As far as she was concerned, her eldest brother had ceased going to church many years ago. `Thought you’d given up your pious ways?`
`Could say the same of you,` Jayden hooked a finger through Mary’s cross-necklace.
Mary slapped his hand away. `What’s the matter with you? You barge in here unannounced - making a mess, upsetting mum, and now you’re trying to condemn me?`
`Hey! I’m not judgin’ you,` Jayden held up his hands, sounding earnest. `And what’s that about upsettin’ mum? I’ve not upset mum.`
`Then you’re really not paying attention.` Mary crossed her arms in front of her chest. It was obvious that her parents didn’t exactly appreciate this unannounced visit. Midnight Mass was one of the few times a year when their community came together to celebrated unapologetically. Everybody knew about Jaydens wayward ways; and the elders did not conceal their judgement.
`Actually,` Jayden said, completely disregarding the topic of conversation. `I’m here to see you, Sis.`
`How’s that?` Mary replied apprehensively.
`Ever heard of the PNP?`
`The People’s National Party?` Mary responded, wondering where this was headed. `Think so...` The PNP was a social-democratic party in Jamaica, mainly fighting for social change.
Jayden nodded, grabbing another slice of fruitcake and biting into it. `We’ve – well they - got a youth branch here now. There’ll be a conference in the new year – not sure when. Was wonderin’ if you might be interested – seems right up your alley - with demonstratin’ and such. Reckon you’re old enough.`
`Demonstrating for what?` Mary asked, her interest peaked.
`Education, minimum wage, police harassment – things like that. Basic human fuckin’ rights when it comes down to it, innit,` Jayden laughed sneeringly. `Anyway - might be a good fit for you.`
A surge of purpose and excitement arose in Mary. However, it was instantly squashed by the crushing weight of reality. `You know I can’t…` she replied meekly.
`Can’t or won’t?` Jayden raised an eyebrow.
`Jayden…` Mary sighed. `It’s just not possible.` Her eyes wandered towards her parents who were dancing at the front of the church; Atalyia on her mum’s hip; Ziggy and Shamar hanging in her father’s trousers.
`No – things are as possible as you make them. Change won’t happen unless you fight for it,` Jayden called to her attention.
`Yeah, of course I know that,` Mary replied defensively, the familiar guilt settling down in her stomach. `But I’ll be back in school in two weeks – what’d you want me to do about that?`
`You’ll be done with that stuff come summertime,` Jayden held his footing. `I don’t see the issue.`
`It’s not as easy as you make it,` Mary frowned, getting more tense by the minute.
`Explain then,` Jayden held up his hands, waiting for an offering.
Mary kissed her teeth. It would be impossible to explain to her brother that the arrival of summer would not mark the end of her involvement in the magical world. She was tethered to it; it was part of her. Moreover, the people she loved kept her tied to it. Even if she did eventually chose to leave the magical community, she would need to wait until the war was settled. Otherwise, she would live a life of constant fear and uncertainty.
`Fine,` Jayden said. `Have it your way then.`
Not long after, Jayden left without saying goodbye. It was unclear whether he was angry or disappointed. Either would have been unfair - in Mary’s opinion. She’d always admired her brother’s determination to make a difference and follow his own path; but it did lead him to see things with a rather naïve and narrow lens. It was unreasonable of Jayden to expect of Mary to disregard all else to follow him in his quest for change – however necessary.
*
Mary stepped into the church courtyard to clear her head; the full moon illuminated the square, bouncing off the frosted windows and filtering through her lashes. It reminded her that she was supposed to document her dreams. That was: if sleep would be so gracious to visit her. Their Divination Professor required her pupils to keep a record of their dreams in an attempt to find consistencies with the phases of the moon. A load of bullocks: according to a lot of students. However, Mary rather liked the idea.
Eventually, the cheerful music and laughter drew Mary back inside. It was past midnight, though, that didn’t seem to bother anyone. These masses tended to linger on until the early hours of the day. Sometimes Mary wondered whether Midnight Mass was just an excuse for a party under the pretence of religion. Probably. God, knew they needed it!
Mary was pulled along by one of her Aunties, `Where’ve you been girl – why aren’t you praising the Lord by dancing with me, eh?`
`I was outside – looking at the moon.`
`Silly girl,` her Auntie squeezed her cheek affectionately. `Dogs and wolves look at the moon – we are made for dancing.`
Next to the compulsory readings, Gospel, and the performance of Liturgy, plenty of room was left for celebration and veneration in the form of singing and dancing. White flowers and candles decorated the church in abundance. Above all, the parish never failed to put together a truly magnificent banquet.
Almost her entire extended family was up and dancing. Her parents appeared to be glowing - looking unimaginably happy as they sang the words to eachother. Christmas was possibly the only time a year when Mary’s faith in something bigger than herself felt unwavering; and all the endless masses, rosaries, and lectures felt worth it.
*
It was with apprehension that Mary left the church later that night: it had been a while since she’d felt that unbridled.
As expected, sleep wouldn’t come; Mary lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Abi was snoring in her cot, knocked out by too much punch. Quietly, Mary grabbed her wand and lit it underneath her blankets. If she were awake, she might as well start on that dream assignment. She could always lie about having dreamt: who was going to police her?
Mary started leafing through her journals, searching for days which had fallen on a full moon. Trying to find similarities between the months, her eyes kept being drawn to words which had nothing to do with her dreams. To her own detriment, she hadn’t exactly kept her entries restricted to her dreams: her journals contained volumes and volumes about the entire social ongoings at Hogwarts.
`Remus ill,` she read. She flicked to another full moon: `Lupin in the infirmary - again. Was reminded of those scars of Remus when we…` `Lupin and Black a thing?` Another one: `Couldn’t find Lily – was visiting R in hospital wing. Sigh - saddled up with Potter now.` Once again: `Lupin and Black???` `Think R’s got a new scar – gang?` Her brow started to be clouded by a puzzled frown, her heart speeding to an agitated rhythm.
Quickly, she flicked to her entry from the train: `Can’t believe Lupin’s ill again. It’s like clockwork with that lad – I swear. And with Christmas at that! Lily’s not telling something – can’t tell what though… Annoying!!!`
The livid scars, the unexplained illnesses, Remus’ temper, the full moon. What had her Auntie said? `Dogs and wolves look at the moon.` Trembling, Mary dropped her journal and wand: either she was being delusional, or Remus was a werewolf!
***
Tuesday December 27th 1977
Bidding her mother farewell on the sidewalk, Lily entered the Leaky Cauldron on her own. Apprehensively, she stepped over the threshold, loosening her scarf. Upon first glance, the pub was incredibly crowded: a racket of chatter and bawdy laughter.
The boys were supposed to arrive via the Floo Network: it being the safest and most effective way. Awaiting their arrival, Lily sat down in front of the hearth, nervously twisting at the tassels on her scarf. Evidently, she’d caught the attention of a group of men at the bar; they leered and offered to buy her drinks. Biting her cheeks, Lily ignored them. Despite the comforting weight of her wand in her pocket, she still felt wildly uneasy.
As far as she was concerned, the pub was still a safe space to enter as a muggle-born. Nevertheless, one never knew who was lurking in the shadows; and she never ceased being a girl. At one point, she swore that she saw Severus in her periphery, though when she turned her head, there was no one to be seen. The unrest of the war was making her paranoid.
Half an hour went by without sign of life from the boys: they were late! Luckily, a much more pleasant face passed by her lookout: Frank Longbottom. He granted her a good-natured greeting.
Finally, the fireplace began to rumble; Lily rose hastily before colliding with a soot-smeared Remus. `Oof!` she breathed as her body bore his weight, faltering backwards. `Hiya, Remus!` If she hadn’t caught him, he might have collided headfirst with the floor.
`Hi,` Remus let out a chuckle, disentangling himself from her. `My hero!`
Smiling, Lily glanced him up and down, assessing him for any new injuries from the full moon: nothing noticeable.
Meanwhile, James and Sirius had shot out of the fireplace, seemingly less shaken by the journey. It surprised Lily to see them arrive without Peter: hadn’t he wanted to join them?
`Too late, Prongs,` Sirius remarked teasingly as he dusted his jeans. `You’ve lost her to a better man already.`
`It was inevitable, I supposed,` James shrugged, beaming at Lily. She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed him tight. James was here: she could relax at last!
It took a while to find an empty table; it was quite a tight fit but Lily didn’t mind squashing up next to James. Remus ordered them a round of drinks and they settled into comfortable familiarity.
`Busy, isn’t!` Remus remarked, looking slightly peeved.
`Sales,` Lily replied conversationally. `Oxford Street’s just as bad, I was there with Mum this morning.`
Sirius scanned the perimeter, craning his neck. `Anyone here we know?`
`Um…not really…` Lily mulled. `Ooh, er I did see Frank, earlier – do you remember Frank Longbottom? He was Head Boy in our first year.` She took a sip of her butterbeer, highly aware of James’ hand slowly making its way up the back of her jumper.
*
After finishing their drinks, their group split in two: Remus and Sirius quickly disappeared into the crowd whilst Lily and James ambled through Diagon Alley without haste. As not to lose eachother in the mass of shoppers, James kept a hold of Lily’s hand, putting it inside his own pocket to keep it warm.
`Didn’t Pete want to come?` Lily asked, handing James the candied apple that they were sharing.
`Apparently didn’t feel like it,` James shrugged. `Pad said that Wormy thinks we are sickeningly sweet.`
Lily raised her eyebrows. `Are we?`
`You tell me,` James smirked, wiping some caramel from the corner of her mouth.
It did take some pleading, yet Lily agreed to pay a visit to Quality Quidditch Supplies. James looked like a boy on Christmas day as he dragged her towards the façade, muttering excitedly. His joy was contagious: Lily found herself giggling as James practically jumped up and down with glee.
`Oh, Padfoot will lose his shit if he sees this!` James proclaimed, nose almost pressed up against the window. `We should find them.`
Lily turned her head to probe the bustling street: Sirius and Remus surely couldn’t have gone far.
Then, just when Lily thought she’d spotted the lanky frame of Remus on the other side of the alley, she felt a shockwave hit her: the telltale sign of a knockback jinx. Before she knew it, both she and James were violently thrown back onto the cobblestones.
BANG
With a titanic boom, something exploded; glass and wood ejected aggressively into the air. It was lethally silent for a stretched-out second before sobs rose to the sky. Around them, more shops rapidly started to explode; James crawled towards Lily and threw his body over hers. Lily could feel her face pressing against the stone, crushed by James’ weight. Time seemed to liquify and the bursts were exchanged for the cracking sounds of apparition and battle.
Managing to sit upright, Lily tried to clear her vision, wiping strands of damp hair from her face. Frank Longbottom had appeared at their side, his wand raised. Everybody was either shouting or crying whilst one chilling high-pitched laugh overpowered all other noise.
`We need to find Remus and Sirius!` James hollered. His glasses had snapped down the middle and were dangling from his nose.
`Saw Remus that way,` Lily managed, trying to point in the right direction. `But we can’t-` she was seized by a coughing fit, the smoke pressing on her lungs. `James, we need to-`
`MUDBLOODS OUT!`
Lily screamed and pressed her hands to her ears: the voice had come from inside her head! More people were dropping to the ground, distressed expressions painting their faces. Feverishly, Lily looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice – alas in vain.
The battle raged on; spells were speeding through the air like lightning bolts, hitting and missing targets. Lily followed James, crawling through the rubble on her hands and knees, splinters sticking in her palms. She could barely see James though the veil of smoke: all she knew was that she could not lose him.
Then, the same voice as before, both a whisper and a shout: `Morsmorde!`
A giant snake penetrated its way through the smoke, up to the heavens, twisting menacingly above the scene. Instantly after, people began disappearing, absorbing into the impermeable mist.
Later, Lily would marvel at James’ determination to keep moving: he dragged her along as they ran through the alley in search of Remus and Sirius. How they found them amidst the chaos was a mystery. Nonetheless, they did: shaken, yet unharmed.
When it became apparent that the battle had ceased, Lily could feel herself losing a sense of realness. When she put a hand to her forehead, it came away with blood: she must have cut herself at some point. She was vaguely aware of the arrival of James’ father, and some government official who wanted to take them into custody.
`And this is Miss Evans I presume?` the man asked, sizing her up and down.
`Yes,` Lily replied, startled by being addressed. `Lily Evans.`
The man inquired about her parents, thoughtfully nodding when she told him she was muggle-born. The government official appeared to be highly suspicious of each of them. In the end, it was all thanks to Mr Potter that they were allowed to leave the premises.
`Quick boys – are you all ready to apparate?` he offered. `Miss Evans, probably best if you come with us for now?`
Lily nodded meekly, feeling somewhat embarrassed: this was the first time that she had encountered any of her boyfriend’s relatives. Before apparating together, James gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and kissed her.
*
The Potter mansion was truly a marvel to behold; it was a shame that Lily was still too shaken to give it any proper consideration. Mr Potter apologized for meeting under such odd circumstances and disappeared into his study.
Their house elf, Gully, served them tea and biscuits. Lily didn’t really know what to make of the fact that James’ family had a house elf. Whilst they drank their tea, the four of them attempted to debrief the afternoon, trying to make sense of it. Apparently, Sirius and Remus had encountered Severus at the bookstore: obviously he was now on top of Sirius’ suspect list. The thought of Severus being involved in any of this made Lily sick to her stomach.
`Did anyone see any of them though?!` Sirius ranted distraughtly.
`No,` they all shook their heads. `Too busy trying to seek cover.`
`Moony. You smelled something. You told me, remember? Do you know who-`
`Remus you can smell people?!` Lily interjected, suddenly awake. `Like a scent?`
`Not like…it’s just a…a wolf thing,` Remus mumbled, staring at the floor. `But I didn’t. I don’t…`
`Moony,` Sirius pressed, looking severe. `Tell me. Who?`
Lily stared at Remus: what was keeping him from telling them? He shouldn’t exclude them from useful information.
`I think Regulus was there. But lots of people where there Sirius-` Remus managed finally.
Sirius threw up his hands in despair and left the room.
Lily sighed tiredly. This afternoon had been long enough on its own: she couldn’t deal with Sirius’ theatrics right now. `James,` she started. `I think I had better go home. Mum and Dad will wonder.`
*
James insisted on apparating alongside her; they landed in the alleyway perpendicular to the street, cloaked in darkness. A cat scurried away, frightened by their sudden appearance.
`I think it’s best if you let me go alone from here,` Lily said, halting James and turning to face him. `Don’t think it’s the best idea for my parents to meet you like this.` Or Vernon and Marjorie – but she didn’t say that.
`Are you sure you’ll be fine?`
Lily nodded. `Yeah, I’ll be fine - as soon as I rinse all of this dirt off.`
James laughed dryly, rubbing some dried blood off her forehead. `We got off easy,` he said. `Could’ve been much worse. I mean- we could’ve- we-`
`I know.` Lily said quickly, not wanting to hear him say it.
`Ok,` James kissed her forehead. `I love you,` he whispered against her skin. `I couldn’t imagine losing you.`
`I love you too,` Lily replied, quietly. `Get home safe.`
*
Her key got caught in the lock, but she managed to open it. Voices from the living room dribbled into the hallway. Vernon and Marjorie were still there: they’d been there for days. Lily hoped that she could slip upstairs before rousing any unrest with her dishevelled appearance.
Just as she was checking the cut on her forehead in the hallway mirror, Petunia silently appeared behind her. `What happened to your face?` As she raised a hand to her forehead, Lily’s eye fell on a narrow band on her sister’s finger.
`Oh,` Lily breathed, her heart stopping.
Petunia bit her lip and dropped her hand. `Aren’t you going to congratulate me?` she asked in a small voice.
`Yeah, erm-` Lily faltered, feeling tears choke her throat. `Con- congratulations.`
`We’re having champagne – if you want to…`
`No,` Lily shook her head. `Tell mum and dad I’m going to take a shower and head off to bed.`
`Oh alright, yeah- I`ll-`
But Lily was already bounding up the stairs, quickly out of earshot.
***
Saturday December 31st 1977
`Down by the ocean it was so dismal
Women all standing with shock on their faces
Sad description, oh, I was looking for you.`
Patti Smith`s raw voice echoed through the room, bouncing off the furniture. Dreamily, Marlene rested her head on her arms, her eyes fixed on the unruly grey waves. Hoar frost had made patterns on the glass during the night and was thawing, slowly sliding down in chunks. Down in the garden, her mother was preparing for their Hogmanay celebration: levitating driftwood into a pile and digging around the crops. Originally, they had planned to host a small gathering for the family. However, due to the recent attack in Diagon Alley, her mother had uninvited all of their guests. Whilst it was concerning that the current state of the war was hindering them from throwing a larger shindig, Marlene didn’t mind it much: she hadn’t fancied seeing her family anyway.
`You`ll never return into my arms
‘Cause you are gone, gone
Never return into my arms
Gone, gone
Gone, gone
Good-bye.`
The song ended; Marlene flicked her wand to set the needle back, playing the same song again. Although the tune was upbeat, the lyrics were rather melancholy. Not in a bad way necessarily: it just made her feel a wee bit gloomy.
The record, Horses, had been a Christmas gift from Yasmin. `I think you’ll really enjoy this,` she’d said, handing it over before they’d parted ways on King’s Cross. `It was a gift from my cousins when they visited New York, but I want you to have it.`
And Marlene had really enjoyed it. Maybe – no definitely – because every single word reminded her of the giver. Yasmin had a certain knack for sharing the things she loved; Marlene’s music taste had expanded considerably in the last few weeks. Yasmin also claimed to play the guitar, though, Marlene was yet to see do it.
Noise downstairs: clanging cupboards and shuffling chairs. Someone dropped something on the tiles, cursing profusely. Roused by the clamour, Marlene looked down at her lap, returning her attention to the unfinished letter. Her quill had leaked, leaving a dark blot on her jeans.
Dear Yaz,
I did ask Mammy, but she doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to go into London right now – with the attack in Diagon Alley and all that. I do hope you understand…
I really miss you and I wish we didn’t have to wait until the New Year to see eachother again. It is complete bollocks! I’m bored to death! The weather is rubbish, so I can’t really fly or go running because of the frost. Revision is frying my brain at the moment. Even though they are still months away, I am terrified for my NEWTs and my healer entrance exams. Praise your lucky stars that you still have a year left!
Did you tell your parents about it? The attack - I mean. It was all over the Prophet. Do they even know about what’s going on? I know that Lily and Mary don’t really tell their parents about it – to spare them the worry. One way to deal with it I suppose…
On the topic of family: Andrew (my stepdad that is) has been an absolute delight again these days. Not!! Somehow he thinks that it’s respectable to start drinking at nine in the morning because it’s the holidays. Mammy is undoubtedly angry about it, but she just gets really quiet when she’s cross. Then Andrew starts being mean to her because she doesn’t say anything. I always feel like I need to keep the peace during tea. Danny just sits there – oblivious. Is that a lad thing??? You reckon? Just not caring about other people’s feelings?
I know that your family doesn’t really celebrate Christmas, but do you celebrate Hogmanay or New Years, or something like that? I should’ve asked you before but I forgot... Mammy’s a big advocate for Hogmanay - it’s the Scott in her.
I wish it would snow and that you’d come to visit Hollyhock and we could sled down the beach!
Hope you are alright.
Hesitantly, Marlene let her quill hover above the letter. Should she sign it with love? They hadn’t explicitly said that to one another yet. However, was the sentiment the same when signed at the bottom of a piece of paper? Yasmin had signed hers with merely a name - maybe having had the same problem.
Mary preached waiting a couple of months before declaring to love someone. Though – Mary herself never came that far. And was that piece of advice really applicable in this particular case? More importantly: did she love Yasmin? Marlene had the strong sensation that the answer was the affirmative, yet, she didn’t want to be too forward. What if it were too soon to utter such a strong word? Merlin, what if Yasmin didn’t love her back! People made such a faff about it: why couldn’t it be easier!
In the end, Marlene decided only to write her name, copying Yasmin. One final time, she ensured that she hadn’t written something too provocative. It would be quite the horror if someone were to intercept their dispatch and read something which would give them away. The missing-her part was a bit risky - but she left it in anyway. In ye olden days, she and Yasmin would have sent each other flowers with secret messages: that actually wasn’t such a bad idea to implement again. Far more creative!
Taking two steps at a time, Marlene headed downstairs. A smell of tabaco and burned coffee wafted through the open living room door into the landing. As long as Andrew remained where he was, all was well. Marlene tied the finished letter to their loyal family owl and opened the window to set it loose.
No more than thirty seconds later, Danny entered the kitchen, thickly clad and rosy cheeked from the cold. `Did ye send the owl away again just now?` he asked inquisitively as he donned his woollen hat.
Marlene nodded, prodding in a pot of roasting chestnuts. The traces of their mother’s handiwork were present all over the kitchen: a pile of spuds in the sink, parsnips boiling in a pot on the hob, stems of parsley on the table.
`Yer going to ruin that poor bird with the amount of letter’s ye’ve been sending these days.`
`He’s fine; he’ll live,` Marlene tutted and put the lid back on the pot. `It’s not as if I’m running my own postal company.`
Danny followed her around the kitchen, taking off his coat and boots in the process. `Who’ve ye been sending letters to anyway?`
`Just my friends,` Marlene replied enigmatically, wishing that he’d get off her back. `Stop being an arse.`
`Ye ken what I think?`
`No,` Marlene sighed. `But I got a feeling that you’re going to tell me really soon.`
Danny laughed. `I reckon ye’ve got yerself a lad.`
Marlene rolled her eyes and rummaged around in the cupboards, hunting for the long white candles they used at Hogmanay.
`Don’t worry I won’t tell Mammy or Andrew,` Danny chuckled and gave her a brotherly shove.
`I haven’t got myself a lad, though.`
`If you say so,` Danny raised his eyebrows, seemingly unconvinced. `I’m just chuffed that ye seem to be less of a miserable git these days.`
`Miserable git?!` Marlene replied, mock-offended.
`Oh, come on!` Now it was her brother who rolled his eyes. `Yer all giggly and smiley – walking around like the cat who got the cream. There has to be a reason.`
Marlene had located the candles and started putting them in the holders so she could place them on the windowsills; they looked especially fetching with the royal green wreaths.
`And you think that a lad is responsible for my change in mood?` Frankly, she was deriving a wee bit of satisfaction about her brother’s err.
`What can I say,` Danny shrugged his shoulders. He gave her a twirl and began humming a song.
`Why are you so invested in this anyway?` Marlene asked after she’d stopped spinning, halting her brother’s musical spat.
`Because,` Danny said cheekily, leaning on the table. `I’m yer brother and I want to know what my little sister gets up to. Or more so: who she gets up to-`
`Danny, gross!`
`Also – I am extremely nosey.`
Marlene swallowed. `Then stick it somewhere else, you daft prick.`
If she was being honest, she was dying to tell someone about Yasmin: it was agony keeping it all to herself. If she had it her way, she’d be talking about Yasmin all of the time! However, she wasn’t so sure how Danny would react if she were to come out to him as queer. It didn’t matter that her brother was her best friend and that he loved her dearly: it didn’t take away his other preconceived notions. She’d always looked up to him and it would shatter her soul if he’d come to despise her.
`You should go help Mammy in the garden,` Marlene managed, diverting the topic altogether. `She probably needs help getting ready.`
There would be a time when she’d tell him…just not then and there. No haste: they had plenty of time. Plenty.
///