Sixth Year, Revelations and Apparitions
Thursday March 10th 1977
`Do we have to wear these?` Mary tugged at the elastic band of her party hat – a look of dismay on her face. `I look positively ridiculous.`
`Yes, we have to,` Lily replied imperiously, straightening her own hat. `It`s only right.`
Today was Remus` seventeenth birthday, and with some gentle persuasion, Lily had been able to convince Mary and Marlene to wear a rather obnoxious hat for the occasion. The party hats themselves had been supplied to her by James, who`d asked her if she could hand them out to the girls. Apparently, they were water resistant, though Lily didn`t really understand in what scenario that would be necessary.
`What if Roman sees me wearing this?` Mary bit across the dining table, lowering her voice. `It makes my hair look all funny.`
`Och come on,` Marlene sighed, tearing at her nails. `Stop whinging – we`re all wearing one. And it`s not as if-`
`Oh, oh!` Lily interrupted Marlene mid-sentence, pointing at door. `There they come.`
Sure enough, the marauders came wandering into the Great Hall - all four of them donning party hats and looking as if they ruled the place. Mary gave a final yerk at the elastic band, but quickly transformed her face into one of joy.
`Happy birthday, Remus!` Lily chanted – the other two joining in merrily.
James sided up next to Lily and nudged her with his elbow. `Nice one, Evans,` he winked. ``New you wouldn`t let the side down.`
`Oh, bugger off, Potter.` Lily replied grinning. She shoved him back playfully in the ribs; her cheeks were aching and she felt very delighted with his remark.
As of late, little interactions like this had been happening more and more frequently. Whereas in the near past, she`d only felt displeasure at every single thing James did or said – his mere existence being annoying – presently, she found herself actually enjoying his cheeky remarks. At night, after patrols, she`d noticed herself going over their conversations – analysing every tiny moment.
Then there was the dropping sensation in her stomach every time he entered a room; or the way her cheeks flushed and her hands got clammy whenever he looked at her; or how he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows; or clenched his jaw and furrowed his brow when he was concentrating; or how his glasses would slip down and he would push them back up his nose; or how his hair would look after quidditch practice. Well – there we a lot of things that had migrated from being utterly pestering to…something else entirely.
It was all very – very – confusing. And, in all honesty, very annoying. It was hard to keep her composure whenever he was around – which was very unlike her.
*
That night, as following tradition, the marauders had planned a gargantuan party in the common room. People from all years and houses had been invited to Gryffindor tower. The booze flowed freely and the music had been turned up to a volume which bordered on being obnoxious.
Mary was the centre of attention on the dancefloor – drawing all eyes towards her; she was tireless and hadn`t taken a break all evening. On the contrary, after a solid hour of flinging eachother about the room, Lily and Marlene had tossed themselves down on one of the couches.
Still breathing heavily, Lily let her eyes wander - inspecting the room. James was standing adjacent from them – a group of girls flocked around him. There was a sour feeling behind her bellybutton and Lily bit the inside of her cheeks – gnawing ferociously on the soft flesh. He hadn`t asked her to dance one single time all night – usually he did so multiple times. She caught herself furrowing her brow. Quickly, she regained her composure. Could it be that she was feeling jealous? Please help her, Merlin.
`I`m going to get a drink.` Lily said, hastily rising from her seat.
`You`re what?` Marlene called after her - sounding bewildered.
Not too long after, and Lily was feeling pleasantly uninhibited; all of her limbs felt light and warm – as if she was floating. The confusing feelings had been set aside. Ha! No one was telling her that just because she was a bit of a goody-two-shoes, she couldn`t get tipsy once in a while. Moreover, she wouldn`t let it go as far as it had gone the last time she`d been drunk. Snogging Dirk Cresswell in that stairwell was something for the dark archives.
With a new drink at her disposal she decided to keep the birthday boy some company. Remus was sitting by himself – staring at something. He didn`t look like he was having a very good time. Lily followed his gaze and noticed Sirius standing by the turntable with Emmeline.
`Him and Emmeline have been together a while now.` Lily remarked as she sat down on the armrest next to Remus. The room spun a little, and she realised she was probably more drunk than she`d previously realised.
`You sound surprised.` Remus replied dryly.
`Well,` Lily mulled. `I am a bit. I didn`t see him as the sort of bloke who wants a regular girl. And-` she went on – having a hard time putting her thoughts into words. `I know it sounds horrible, and I know he`s your friend, so juss tell me to shuddup, but I did sort of think…y`know, that he`s only goin` out wif her to upset his family.` She hickuped and wondered whether or not she`d said too much.
`Whaddyou mean?` Remus asked. He sounded even more drunk than she was. Ladies and gentleman: the top students of the class!
`Ohh, y`know,` Lily waved a dismissive hand. `Evr`y one knows Black`s on a weird crusade `gainst his mum…never goes out with pureblood girls. There was Mary…` she began counting down Sirius` recent girlfriends, but gave up halfway. Too many.
`Might just be a coincidence.` Remus said – his voice sounding uncertain.
`Pfft.` Lily snorted and sloshed some of her drink over the brim of her cup. `Ssssrus Black never does anyfin by coincidence,` Merlin talking was difficult. `Issss all calculated wif him. He`d shag a vampire if there was one at Hogwarts.`
With a jolt, Remus stood up.
`Wassup?` Lily asked confused, feeling like she might have said something wrong.
`I`m…I`m going to be sick.` Remus mumbled and disappeared.
With Remus gone and no one else to talk to Lily came to the conclusion that she was indeed far more trollied than she`d anticipated. Hurray!
*
Friday March 11th 1977
Breakfast the next morning was an absolute bloodbath. It appeared that all of them had greatly overestimated their drinking abilities. Mary and Marlene looked red-eyed and were sat back to back – preventing each other from collapsing to the floor.
The smell of the food on her plate made Lily feel nauseous, so she gingerly took sips from a large mug of coffee. The only one who didn`t look half as bad as the rest of them was James. He looked surprisingly chipper; he and Remus had even gone flying that morning. Flying; perish the thought!
Suddenly, she jolted upright. `Oh shit!` Her eyes widened and she kicked James underneath the table. `We never gave Remus his present.` In the midst of all the chaos, it had completely slipped her mind.
James smiled at her; Lily felt another wave of summersaults in her stomach – this time not from nausea.
`You and James got me a present? Together?` Remus` bloodshot eyes widened.
`We all did.` James chuckled. `And there is no need to beat me up, Evans. I`ve got it right here.` He procured the leather box from his pocket.
Remus looked gobsmacked as he carefully accepted the gift. `You all…?` He swallowed. `I hope you didn`t spend too much, you know I can`t-`
`Oh shut yer face, Moony.` Peter sighed. `We had whip-round for you – almost everyone in Gryffindor wanted to put in.`
`Not just Gryffindor, either,` Marlene piped up. `Nearly everyone we asked, even some teachers.`
Remus seemed frozen to the spot; Lily encouraged him. `Open it, Remus.`
Apprehensively Remus opened the box. Lily and James grinned at each other as they noticed Remus` eyes widen once more. They couldn`t have gotten him a more beautiful pocket watch; the face was mother of pearl, and they`d opted for gold as the metal of choice – as silver was obviously out of the question. The other half of the watch was an ornately decorated compass.
`I didn`t think they worked at Hogwarts?` Remus blabbered, staring at the compass.
`It`s special. It doesn`t point north, or wherever normal ones do. If you say the name of somebody you love, it points you in their direction!`
`Try it out, Moony!` James pressed eagerly.
Remus put his gift close to his face and whispered. `Lily Evans.` They heard a click and the golden arm spun in Lily`s direction.
Lily felt her entire body get warm and she grinned, blushing.
`Bloody ladies man.`
`You`re all amazing.` Remus said hoarsely. `Bloody amazing.`
Lily could feel herself get teary-eyed and she leaned against Remus, rubbing his back gently. After so much hardship, he deserved the world; no gift could amount to that.
***
Late March 1977
Whereas the beginning of the second term had felt tumultuous and tense, the second half of March lulled the castle into a languid and monotonous routine. The days felt identical to one another - passing by in a blur of revision and classes.
Mary felt bored and uninspired - morose from a lack of sunshine. Despite the fact that spring had in fact sprung, warmer weather was still something to be desired. It was cold and dark inside the castle walls – the grey swallowing the little sunlight which did break through the windows.
Even her dating escapades were not granting her as much pleasure as they`d previously had. After her short dalliance with Remus, Mary had started seeing Roman once more.
Whilst Roman was certainly gorgeous and overall a nice bloke, he was incredibly…bland – so to say. The two of them couldn`t hold a solid conversation for more than five minutes. All he did was talk about himself – never asking her any questions. His boring interests couldn`t be more in contrast with his exciting exterior. He might have looked like a modern day Achilles, but there was absolutely no fight in him; he`d be dead on that battlefield in mere minutes. He did, however, seem to have the unjustified vanity and self-importance of a Greek warrior.
The confidence found in most of the boys whom Mary encountered was absolutely mindboggling. For a girl it was often frowned upon to be confident; they`d call her vain or full of herself – if not worse in many a case. Yet, with most boys it seemed to be established without any further thought to the matter. There wasn`t a single girl whom Mary knew who didn`t second-guess herself. Even Lily - who was by far the most brilliant person in their class - would end half of her sentences with something which would undermine the absolute genius of whatever it was that she`d just proclaimed. I guess; something like that; that`s what I thought at least; but that is just my opinion. What a different world it would be if they`d stop doubting themselves, and would carry their bodies with as much arrogance as every mediocre lad.
Nevertheless, the thought of dumping Roman and finding herself alone terrified Mary even more than having to sit through one of his utterly dim monologues.
*
Those days, even the food seemed to be blander than usual. Mary pressed her fork listlessly into her mashed potatoes; beige, beige, and more beige. All in all, it was a dull time. Which was why the sudden interruption during dinner was a welcome relieve.
Emmeline came wandering over to the Gryffindor table, inquiring about Sirius` whereabouts. Mary felt bad about not having noticed him gone, though that did explain the odd silence.
`Sorry,` James said. `We were on a mission earlier, but I lost track of him. Hope Filch never caught him…`
`And why would Filch be looking for Sirius?` Lily asked suspiciously, putting her cutlery down next to her plate whilst looking intently at James.
`Er…` James faltered, avoiding her gaze tactfully. `I`m sure I don`t know.`
Shortly after, all the prefects were called to an emergency meeting on the fifth floor. Lily and James promised to meet them later. The two of them trotted next to each other at the same pace – James snickering covertly to himself. Not too long ago, Lily had only marched furiously out in front of James, now she even hung back to let him catch up with her.
Fortunately, the mystery of Sirius` location was also soon to be solved. As Mary, Marlene, Remus, and Peter wandered into the common room they encountered him sitting in from of the fireplace – smoking a cigarette with an ominous look on his face.
`Alright, Black?` Mary asked nonchalantly.
`Yeah, fine.` Sirius grumbled in response.
`Weren`t you hungry?`
`Nope.` He took a long drag of his cigarette. His preferred mode of conversation seemed to involve solely monosyllables.
`Ah,` Mary cocked an eyebrow. `In one of your moods, I see.`
Sirius grunted displeased.
It was unclear whether he wanted to be pitied or left alone in these moments. Over the years, Mary had learnt that the best way to deal with it was to give them little weight as possible. Otherwise, he`d make his malaise everybody`s malaise.
Mary and Marlene hung back in the common room as they waited for Lily to return from the prefects` meeting.
`I bet that it has something to do with whatever Potter and Black were up to,` Marlene said, yawning. `Hope Lily doesn`t tear Potter to shreds - we need him if we want to win this year`s cup.`
Mary chuckled. `I`m surprised that Lily didn`t get a Patronus with sharper teeth.`
Marlene snorted.
Thus far, neither of them had managed to procure a corporal Patronus. It was somewhat discouraging, seeing as their exams were nearing at an alarming speed. Granting, they had both progressed from absolutely nothing happening, to some silver vapour spiralling out of their wand.
It was a whole lot later when the prefects finally entered the common room. To her surprise, Lily didn`t look half as disgruntled as she`d expected her to have been; she was actually giggling and rather red in the face. Christopher - who was also a prefect - traipsed behind her and James with a look of utmost dismay on his face.
`Hi,` Mary said bemused as Lily joined them in front of the fire.
`Oh, hiya,` Lily replied - swallowing her laughter and self-consciously tinkering with her skirt.
`What was the emergency?` Marlene asked, putting her book on healing draughts down on the couch.
The corner of Lily`s lips twitched; she was visibly trying to keep a straight face. `Just, erm, some armours had started singing opera,` she flourished a hand through the air as a dismissive gesture. `It was quite the kerfuffle.`
Mary raised her eyebrows; that was actually quite funny. Granting most of the marauders` pranks were foolish, there was absolutely no denying that they did have a certain flair to them.
`It took us ages to finally get them to stop singing,` Lily went on – still pink in the face.
`Hm.` Mary kissed her teeth, pensively.
`What, hm?` Lily frowned and crossed her arms.
`You don`t seem all that bothered by it.`
`Oh, well…` Lily trailed of, her gaze wandering over to the other side of the room.
`The Lily I know would be fuming with rage,` Mary continued, looking amused at the sheepish look on Lily`s face. `It`s almost as if…?`
Lily jerked her head towards Mary. `What are you implying?`
`What do you think I am implying?`
Marlene looked befuddled from the one to the other. `I feel like I am missing something.`
Lily`s eyes widened and she turned bright red.
`I think that our Lily-` Mary started impishly, lowering her voice.
`Upstairs. Now.` Lily snapped and pulled Mary along by her upper arm.
Marlene hurried along behind them. `Please tell me what`s going on!`
`Not here.`
`Ow,` Mary yelped as Lily dragged her up the stairs. `Stop pinching me.`
Lily practically threw Mary into their dorm. As soon as all three of them were safely inside, she slammed the door shut behind them. Mary almost cackled with glee when Lily put an actual silencing charm on the room.
`Ha!` Mary pointed a triumphant finger at Lily. `I knew it.` Once again, she`d been right about something like this.
Lily pressed her lips tightly together and stared bashfully at the floor.
`Knew what?` Marlene looked comically discombobulated.
`Lil, do you want to do the honours?` Mary smirked.
`Do I have to?` Lily scrunched up her nose and squeezed her eyes shut.
`Oh, I think you do have to.` Mary placed a hand on her hip. Lord, she`d been waiting for this one.
Lily let out an aggravated grunt. `Fine!` she said, throwing her hands up in despair, then lowered her voice, `I fancy Potter.`
`You what?!` Marlene`s eyes practically fell out of their sockets.
`I fancy James Potter!`
Lily let out a final yelp before throwing herself down on her bed and burying her head in the pillows.
And so it begins; Mary thought.
***
Monday April 4th 1977
The day of their first apparition lesson had finally arrived. Though, finally might be a wee bit too positive of a word. Granting, Marlene had signed up voluntarily for the course – even paying them proper money – she was utterly dreading the whole ordeal.
In her life, she`d only apparated a couple of times, still, all of those had been utterly abysmal. She remembered boaking in a rubbish bin at King`s Cross Station after the first time she`d sided along with Danny. As far as magical transportation went, Marlene much preferred the usage of floopowder, or a portkey. While still uncomfortable, those two were child`s play when compared to the discomfort of apparition.
On the contrary, Lily was absolutely buzzing with excitement.
`Tell me again what it feels like,` she pressed enthusiastically as they were waiting for the doors to the Great Hall to be opened.
`I already told you,` Marlene sighed, picking nervously at her nails. `It`s not going to be any different from last time I told it.`
`Yes, but still - I want to be as prepared as possible.`
`Lil, I don`t think anyone here is more prepared for this than you are.` Mary injected - leaning against the wall, reapplying her lipstick in a compact mirror.
`I just don`t understand why it has to be so uncomfortable,` Lily frowned. `It doesn`t make any sense...` Her gaze was torn away from them as James, Peter, and Sirius wandered by – James giving her a cheerful nod of acknowledgement.
`Oooh,` Mary whispered puckishly as soon as they were out of earshot `There goes your future husband.`
`Shut. Up.` Lily hissed through gritted teeth and kicked Mary against her shin.
`You`re so smitten.` Mary smirked, rubbing her sore leg. `Little smitten kitten.`
`I see Remus,` Lily said pointedly, glaring at Mary. `I think I`ll go check on him.`
Marlene was still getting used to this newfound dynamic. It had always been Mary who`d been the romantic of the three of them – well, outwardly at least. However, as it turned out to be, Lily was possibly even worse. Lily with a crush was giggly and absentminded – playing love songs on their record player, writing frantically in her diary, dancing through the dorm, singing in the shower, picking flowers in the courtyard.
It had been agreed upon that nobody would mention anything to James. Lily was clever enough to know how to deal with it herself – at least, that is what she told them. Marlene didn`t exactly understand what she meant by deal with it. It felt almost as if Lily was trying to intellectualise the whole thing.
Possibly the hardest part of it all was to see Lily have the ability to express her feelings so openly. She didn`t have to worry that she`d be shunned for having them, or that they would go unreciprocated. If anything: there was no doubt that Lily`s feelings were unrequited. James had been in love with her for years – that much was known.
Marlene tried to be happy for Lily, though, it was difficult. The jealously stung like a vicious viper - biting away at her intestines. She, herself, wanted to frolic and listen to love songs; to make jokes about being smitten; to shout her adoration from the rooftops. It felt unjust that it was her denied to do so.
At the agreed upon time, Professor McGonagall lead the group of sixth and seventh year students into the dining hall and introduced them to the Ministry of Magic appointed official. The wizard who was supposed to be teaching them how to apparate was a spindly man with a funny-looking goatee.
Every student was allotted a wooden hoop; Marlene stepped carefully around it - afraid to accidentally move it with her feet. She suspected that they would have to apparate inside the hoop.
The instructor began explaining to them the concept of the three d`s: deliberation, determination, and destination. He proclaimed this with such ease as if he were listing off a shopping list. Marlene tore anxiously at the loose skin around her nails - swaying slightly back and forth on the balls of her feet.
After almost no further instruction at all, the instructor declared for them to just have a go.
What the feck did that mean? Nervously, Marlene glanced around - hoping that someone would take the initiative. Mary was pulling weird faces at Remus instead of paying attention, and was instantly reprimanded. Everybody else started twirling and stumbling on the spot – as an amateur ballet ensemble.
Finally, Marlene decided that she should just copy them. It was hard to do something when she had no clue as to what it was what she was supposed to be aiming for. She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating on the wooden hoop in her mind`s eye.
`BOLLOCKS!` There was a loud bang.
Startled Marlene stopped spinning and opened her eyes – feeling like she might boak. She turned to look at the commotion.
`Idiots.` Mary guffawed.
James and Sirius had bumped into eachother and were sitting on the floor, rubbing their heads with pained faces. It was somewhat reassuring that they, too, weren`t succeeding at apparition that quickly.
`What happened?` Remus asked Mary - just loud enough for Marlene to overhear.
`They both jumped at the same time and hit each other,` she laughed. `Silly buggers. I`m not feeling anything, are you?`
Remus shook his head. That felt even more reassuring.
Still, Marlene felt incredibly frustrated. Why weren`t they given clearer instructions?! Did the instructor just assume that they would instinctively know what to do? Obviously, she had done some reading on the matter beforehand – encouraged by Lily. Nevertheless, in the end, with a thing as practical as this, no amount of reading could prepare her for it. She just had to do it. Which felt like a wee bit of an problem.
It was the same problem she was facing with producing a Patronus. It all came down to a tremendous amount of mind control and confidence. Marlene didn`t feel like she had that much control over her mind; it did whatever it wanted to do.
Besides, it wasn`t as if they had all the time in the world to master apparition. Outside of these twelve lessons, they wouldn`t be able to practice their skills at all; the charm to apparate in and out of the castle had been lifted solely for this special occasion.
Which added tremendously to the pressure was the assumption that their whole group would be able to apparate come summertime. It would make her feel like a liability if she`d be the only one of them who wouldn`t be able to do so.
Out of nowhere there was a crack behind her and Remus popped up in his appointed hoop; he stared around himself in disbelieve.
`Bravo!` The instructor silently clapped his hands.
`Nice one, Moony!` James called over, still rubbing his head.
Marlene joined Mary and Lily in a round of cheerful approval.
With more deliberation than the first time, Marlene closed her eyes once more - slowly breathing in and out, concentrating ferociously. It had to be in her somewhere.
After some time, something started to happen. Marlene wondered whether or not she was imagining it, yet it was as if she could actually feel something tugging behind her navel – as if someone had tied a piece of twine from the front of her abdomen to her spinal cord. It didn`t feel dissimilar to the feeling she got whenever she used a portkey. She readied herself to twirl around. However, before she could do so, a horrible thought popped into her head.
You`ll splinch yourself.
Her eyes snapped back open and the feeling behind her navel disappeared – interchanging with a familiar nausea.
You`ll splinch yourself. Don`t jump. You`ll get mangled.
The thought kept repeating itself on loop – as an ominous bard. Everyone around her kept twirling and trying. Thus far, nobody else but Remus seemed to be able to do it.
Marlene kept trying as well, though, every time she seemed to feel something, or start spinning, her mind would be haunted by vindictive thoughts – ghoulishly chasing her. She left the class sick to her stomach.
///