Sixth Year, Planning
Sunday February 20th 1977
Mary stared up at the velvet canopy of her bed, letting her eyes penetrate through the onyx darkness. It had to be far past twelve, though, she didn`t dare to check the clock on her nightstand. It was yet another night in a bandwagon of ones in which sleep kept itself a stranger to her. The tar black ink of the night felt suffocating – as if it was pressing down on the balls of her eyes.
She could hear someone toss and turn around – the ruffling of sheets, the fluffing of a pillow, laboured breathing. Marlene, by the sounds of it. It was odd how well-accustomed one grew with every minor sound that another person made after rooming with them for years on end.
The two of them hadn`t spoken in a week; the longest they`d ever gone without talking to eachother – if you didn`t count holidays. Over the last couple of days, Lily had pleaded them to reconcile. However, it was evident that both of them were too stubborn to be the first to succumb to a ceasefire. Mary still felt hurt by Marlene. Though - maybe hurt wasn`t the right word. She felt indignant, wronged, humiliated. There was nothing that gave Marlene the right to judge her thus harshly. It was Mary`s life; she got to decide what she wanted to do with it. And if that was to sleep with a hundred man – which was obviously an exaggeration – then she would do as she so pleased.
Even though Mary was confident in her own decisions, her dalliances were still a delicate matter. How couldn`t it be when she`d been brought up with the notion that purity was the greatest virtue of all? As far as her mother was concerned, she was as virginal as her namesake – and she`d very much like it to keep it that way. Long ago, she`d cast off the believe that chastity would grand her a spot in paradise – if there was indeed such a place.
If there was an afterlife, and she`d come to stand before Minòs at the gates of hell, she was certain that he would be able to find much graver sins than lust. She`d bid Francesca and all the lovers in eternal misery goodbye – seeing them recede on the horizon, before descending into the pits of much deeper depths.
There were times when – in a moment of heat – Mary could suddenly hear her mother`s voice in her ear; she`d tense up and freeze in fright. Afterwards, it would leave her feeling guilty and defiled. Granting she knew it wasn`t true, she felt as if she`d done something wrong – something that would condemn her to undying despair.
Someone got out of bed and used the loo – Marlene again. Ostensibly she also couldn`t sleep. Guilt crept over Mary; she, too, wasn`t blameless. Despite it being the truth – her version of it at least – she`d really hurt her friend. She`d said some things that she couldn`t take back. In that moment, all she`d wanted to do was to maim Marlene as much as she`d maimed her. An eye for an eye.
Feeling too restless and guilt-ridden, Mary slid out of bed and padded towards the door – opening it soundlessly. There was still a fire burning in the hearth – consuming its last embers; someone was sitting in front of it - the amber light of the flames reflecting in his eyes.
Silently, Mary descended into the common room – her arms wrapped protectively around her torso.
`Scoot aside, will you,` she said, addressing Sirius.
Sirius looked up at her in surprise, clearly not having noticed her arrival. Laboured he pushed himself sideways to make space for her on the couch.
`What`re you doing up?` she asked quietly, settling into the squashy material.
`I could ask the same of you,` Sirius cocked an eyebrow; he looked tired.
`Couldn`t sleep,` she replied. `Too little air in that bloody room.`
`You girls in a fight?` Sirius asked.
`Something like that…` Mary sighed and leaned back, sinking deeper into the pillows. `Said some things I shouldn`t have – really hurt Marlene – now we`re not talking. In conclusion…I did something foolish and I balsed up big time.`
`Hm,` Sirius was still staring straight ahead of himself. `Know what that is like.`
Mary straightened up a bit. `You lads fighting too?`
Sirius shrugged. `Honestly, I don`t even know what is going on. It`s…` he faltered and waved a dismissive hand. `Ah, it doesn`t matter.`
`Something I could help with?` Mary asked.
Sirius seemed to take a minute to consider the offer, which was odd, seeing as Sirius was the most impulsive person she knew. Whatever it was that was bothering him, it must be something that hit very close to home.
`No…I don`t think so…` he said slowly, shaking his head. `It`s…complicated.`
`Alright, well,` Mary said, squeezing his hand. `You know were to find me if you change your mind.`
`Cheers, Macdonald.` Sirius smiled – a genuine smile.
`Any time.` Mary nodded and lay her head down on his shoulder. It was odd, but since their breakup, it had become considerably easier to exist in the same space. There was no longer a layer of expectation; it felt more relaxed.
They fell silent for a while – listening to the crackling of the fire.
`You should apologise to McKinnon,` Sirius spoke suddenly. `Whatever your row was about – it`s not worth losing a friendship over.`
*
The constant downpour of rain had made the lawn a soggy mess – sodden leaves of grass pricking out between muddy puddles. The sky was a deep grey – clouds congregating above them, threatening with another shower.
`I`m surprised you wanted to join me,` Lily said, plodding next to Mary.
`Thought it was about time,` Mary replied – Sirius` words still ringing clearly in her ears. He was right: this fight wasn`t worth the loss of a friendship. Sometimes Mary forgot how well he did know her.
They were traversing towards the quidditch pitch to watch the Gryffindor team practice. This past while, Lily hadn`t missed a single session – no matter the weather. Mary reckoned this to be rather peculiar.
Combatting the slippery wooden slats they found a spot near the very top of the stands. Up there they would have the best view. Lily conjured a thermos with tea and a container of biscuits, then she sunk into her book - she was reading Pride and Prejudice, for the umpteenth time. It marvelled Mary how she hadn`t gotten sick of it yet. One time, she`d tried to get into it herself, but it had been far too old-fashioned for her own taste.
Nervously she watched Marlene zoom around on her broom – skilfully wielding her bat. Mary hadn`t exactly planned what she was going to say - her biggest worry being the possibility that Marlene wouldn`t accept her apology.
At the end of practice, Lily pushed Mary out in front of her down the stands. Marlene saw them approaching and faltered in place.
`Go,` Lily gave her a final shove. `I`ll wait here.`
Mary stepped forward – feeling very much like a kid on the playground. `Can we talk?` she asked, anxiously looking at Marlene`s face.
Marlene gave a curt nod and took her to the side – out of the mud.
`Look,` Mary sighed, gazing at her shoes. `I`m really sorry, alright? I said some shit I shouldn`t have said, and I-`
`No,` Marlene interjected. `I am sorry. I…I behaved like a fecking eejit. It was completely out of line from me to be coming at you like that. If there is anyone who should apologize it`s me.`
`Well yeah, but still - I said some really hurtful things – I came on stronger than I should have. I was acting like a proper wanker.`
`Aye,` Marlene picked at her nails. `It`s fine. You were right – sort of – I guess…`
After some more half-finished sentences had been uttered back and forth, they came to the conclusion that any of the anger that they`d both felt had dissipated. It would be foolish to keep on fighting.
`I shouldn`t have called you a bitch in heat,` Marlene mumbled into Mary`s mane of hair as she embraced her. `I don`t know where that even came from.`
Mary chuckled, grasping Marlene by her shoulders. `Forgiven and forgotten.`
Marlene nodded fervently and wiped her eyes on her flying kit.
Lily had ostensibly been paying avid attention and came running towards them, instantly linking her arm in Marlene`s, sandwiching her between herself and Mary.
`God, I missed talking to you. Let`s not ever do that again, shall we?` Mary said as they set off towards the castle, babbling about their Patronus attempts.
***
Friday March 4th 1977
As exams were on the horizon once more, their study group had reassembled - holding regular revision sessions in the library. Even though their NEWTs were still a year ahead of them, there was no room to be lenient with these particular ones. As Lily kept pressing them: this year would lay the foundation for their final year. Marlene got nauseous at the thought alone of this being their second to last year at Hogwarts.
Straining her eyes she stared at the Potions textbook in front of her; the ingredients seemed to be swimming on the page – slyly running away from her. She`d been trying to memorise them for over an hour now, yet nothing wanted to stick. She ran her hands through her hair again - which was standing on end from this repetitive gesture.
`I`m going to go mad,` Marlene mumbled exasperated. The library was closing down and Madam Pince was rounding up all students to leave the premises. Strung with exhaustion, she pressed her fingertips into her eyes; there was a migraine brewing behind them. `I thought OWLs were bad…`
`That rhymes,` Mary commented in a sing-song voice as she packed away her own belongings.
`Helpful, thanks, Macdonald.` Marlene sighed and pressed her lips together. She and Mary were once again talking, which was a great relieve.
`You decided to keep Potions.` Mary replied deliberately whilst lightly tapping her on the head with a rolled up piece of parchment.
`It`s a requirement for Healer training college.` Marlene said glumly. `I wish I didn`t have to do it.`
Lily stretched and yawned widely. `I don`t know why you all hate it so much.` She rubbed her face. `Potions is fun, it`s logical.`
`Oh, shut up Evans,` both she and Mary sighed. Lily was sometimes inexplicable.
Remus guffawed and draped an arm around Lily, mock-pouting. `Poor Lily,` he said. `So misunderstood in your quest for knowledge.`
Instantly Lily`s face broke into a smile and she chuckled softly.
They rushed out of the library before Madam Pince would be able to reprimand them for loitering; nobody dared to disobey the severe librarian. Marlene towed behind Lily and Remus, dragging her feet, and rubbing her sore eyes. Shortly, the portrait hanging in front of the common room entrance came into view; the lady in pink waved at them jauntily.
`I`m knackered,` Mary said, linking her arm in Marlene`s and leaning heavily on her. Frankly, Marlene didn`t have the strength to be supporting Mary`s body as well as her own, though she didn`t mention it – not wanting to lose her touch.
`Day off tomorrow?` Mary yawned.
`If you want,` Remus replied. `I said I`d do a big study group on Sunday, so I`d be glad of the rest.` He had congregated quite a large following of students who all wanted him to be their mentor.
`I don`t know how you do it, Lupin.` Mary said, looking at him with admiration decorating her face.
Marlene sensed a pang of envy. Granting they`d been able to leave the whole Remus-Mary-thing behind them, there were moments when it suddenly reared its vile head.
`That`s perfect, though,` Mary went on, sounding pleased. `Leaves Saturday evening free.`
Marlene felt her face go slack and let Mary`s arm fall to her side. `Got another date with Roman, have you?`
`Yes, Marlene,` Mary rolled her eyes. `Despite your very apparent disapproval…`
`I just think you should slow down, that`s all.` Marlene bit back defensively. Mary was once again dating Rotherhide.
`Well, as we`ve discussed before, it`s none of your business who I go out with, is it?!` Mary cocked an eyebrow.
Marlene felt her face grow hot; the comment stung. She didn`t want to start another row - not again. And she knew that Mary didn`t want to as well. They were still making up for lost time.
`Come on, we`re all tired,` Lily interjected. `Blatherskite,` she announced at the portrait, which swung aside to let them enter.
Almost immediately they were met with the remainder of their group, who were all reposing in front of the fireplace.
`Evans!` James hooted – practically bursting with joy.
`Yeah yeah, good evening Potter.` Lily shook her head, but Marlene caught her smiling to herself. What was that about.
`And Moony!` James went on tirelessly. `Where have you been?`
Before Remus himself could give an answer, Mary piped up. `Making furious love to us all, obviously.` She shoved Sirius aside to get closer to the fireplace; he gave an indignant yelp in response.
`It`s true.` Lily nodded, smirking impishly. `He`s a stallion.`
Despite of herself, Marlene felt the corners of her mouth twitch, and she joined them in their gag. `It took all three of us to satisfy him!`
Remus had turned scarlet and stared at the floor in embarrassment. `Oh my god, please shut up… We were in the library, as if you didn`t know.`
`Ah of course,` James nodded knowingly. `Say no more, Cassanova.`
They all huddled up as close to the fire as possible. Marlene stretched out her limbs on the hearth rug – careful not to accidentally touch anyone else.
Mary shivered. `It`s freezing.`
`Scotland is freezing.` Sirius yawned. He was languidly levitating a paper plane through the air – reclining on his free elbow.
`It`s only March,` Lily replied. `It`ll start warming up soon enough. I can`t wait for the summer.`
`Nah,` Mary shook her head. `Then it`ll be too hot. Our flat is ridiculous, even if you open all the windows. S`pose I can do magic this year, though - ` she mulled. `Am I allowed to if my family are muggles?`
Lily bit her lip. `Are we not supposed to?`
Marlene perked up. `Why don`t you come and stay with me Mary?` she said, feeling hopeful. `More room at our house, it is cooler.` Hollyhock in the summer would be lovely; and a couple of months with Mary entirely to herself would be divine.
`Well, I wouldn`t mind a holiday,` Mary said pensively. Marlene`s heart was making leaps. `Haven`t had one since dad lost his job. We used to go to the seaside every year, Margate or Skegness.` Mary had mention before how much she missed those times.
`Oooh,`Lily said, gazing into the fire. `I went to Cornwall last year. It was lovely. We camped right near the beach.`
`Camping again,` Sirius groaned. `Don`t get Potter started…`
James smiled broadly, leaning against the mantlepiece; he was toying with an old golden snitch. `Evans, have I ever told you how much I love camping? It is one of my greatest pleasures in life.`
Lily raised her eyebrows and fussed with her skirt. `I`m talking about muggle camping, Potter. In muggle tents – no fancy extension charms…` This last bit she said very deliberately.
`Can`t be all that different.` James tossed the snitch into the air again. `These two haven`t ever been camping.` He cocked his head towards Remus and Sirius.
`We sort of did, over Christmas.` Remus and Sirius shared a conspiratorial smile. Marlene watched them with a look of bemusement; what was that about? Merlin, so many things she didn`t seem to be a part of.
`Hey!` James suddenly honked, calling for their attention. `We should all go camping!`
`What?` Sirius frowned.
`This summer!` James continued enthusiastically. `It`s our last summer before we all have to be grownups – and we`ll all be of age, we should do it!`
Marlene felt torn between excitement and disappointment. That would mean that her plan to get Mary to come to Hollyhock would be out of the question. `All of us?` she swallowed nervously and cast a glance at Mary.
`All of us.` James nodded. `What`d you think, Evans?` He looked at Lily for approval.
`Well…` Lily looked up at him, a brooding frown decorating her forehead. `Separate tents for boys and girls, right?`
Oh huzzah for boy and girl tents; that would make things easier.
`Pfft,` Mary blew a raspberry. `You`re no fun.` She kicked Lily lightly against her shin.
`Ok, Potter – on one condition…` Lily put an imperious finger into the air.
`Anything!` James threw his arms akimbo.
`Muggle tents.`
`Oh.`
So that was it: they would be going on holiday.
***
Saturday March 5th 1977
First thing that morning, Lily forwarded her parents a letter containing the newformed plan to go camping in Cornwall over the summer. Whilst she was rather certain that they wouldn`t prohibit her from going, she still thought it to be proper to ask them for their permission – if only for her own peace of mind.
Now that Petunia was no longer living at home, Lily reckoned that their parents didn`t have a big family holiday planned. Therefore, that would not be an issue. Furthermore, she could probably take their pair of two-sleeper tents with them. It would be a very strange world indeed if Petunia went camping with Vernon that summer. Vernon seemed like the type of man who`d brag about catching a big fish, yet wouldn`t be caught dead or alive with muck on his trousers.
Even though it was still months away, Lily was really looking forward to this camping trip. Aside from visiting Marlene a couple of summers ago, and going into London a fair few times to see Mary, she`d never gone on a proper holiday with her friends. It would be very grownup indeed.
One thing that would certainly come in as convenient was if they would all be able to apparate come summertime. Just that morning, a notice had been pinned on the corkboard in the common room concerning apparition lessons.
If you are seventeen years of age, or will turn seventeen on or before the 31st of August 1977, you are eligible for a twelve-week course of Apparition Lessons for a Ministry of Magic Apparition instructor, beginning on Monday 4th April 1977.
Please sign below if you would like to participate
Cost: 12 Galleons.
A whole flock of students had clustered around the noticeboard – chattering enthusiastically amongst eachother.
`Oh, how exciting!` Lily let out, gazing up at the piece of parchment. `I`ve always been wanting to learn how to apparate.` She grabbed her quill and jotted down her name.
`It`s really not all that,` Marlene scrunched up her nose. `It`s like being shoved through a metal pipe.`
`Why does it have to cost money?` Mary grumbled as she signed her name underneath Lily and Marlene`s. `Aren`t we in a school? Isn`t learning how to apparate supposed to be a common good?`
Lily shrugged, though, she did get Mary`s point. It was rather odd that they had to pay for such a basic skill. It was yet another obstruction that was being thrown in their pathway. It was certain that Mary wasn`t the only student who`d have to scrounge to get the money together.
That afternoon, Lily headed off to the library on her own. Mary was preparing herself for a date with Roman, and Marlene had disappeared outside – probably to go on a hike around the lake. Despite the fact of their looming exams, the library was rather empty – almost all of the desks were still unoccupied. In all fairness, she had gotten quite a head-start on her revision – as per usual.
It started to drizzle outside; Lily settled in close to one of the windows so she could hear the soft pitter-patter of the rain against the glass panes. The gentle noise helped her to focus.
Today, she would dedicate herself to go over some notes – theoretical work. Granting, doing so was a little bit avoidant. Lily desperately needed to practice her Patronus charm. She was yet to make a full corporal Patronus appear; the curiosity to find out what animal it would come to be was fervent.
On her way into the library she`d passed Severus. Every time she passed him in the hallways, saw him in class, or noticed him in the Great Hall, a great flood of dread washed over her – intermingled with sadness. They hadn`t spoken for months; he didn`t even try to contact her anymore. After years of muddling about, they`d finally cut all ties. Lily tried not to dwell on it too much; it didn`t bring her any good.
After some time – in which she was been able to work in comfortable silence – she heard a pair of footsteps traversing towards her – plodding between the rows of bookcases. For a split-second she was afraid it would be Severus. Happily, it turned out to be someone else.
``Lo Evans,` James beamed. `Mind if I sit down?` He tucked a thick piece of yellowed parchment into his back pocket.
`How`d you know I was here?` Lily asked suspiciously. She particularly liked this segment of the library since nobody ever bothered her when she was on her own – except for now.
`I have my ways,` James replied enigmatically – not granting her any further explanation. He pulled up a chair and sat down - gazing at her with a smile on his face.
`Are you just going to stare at me, or are you actually going to tell me what you`re doing here?` Lily asked, closing her book. Secretly, she was glad for the interruption.
`Well,` James began. `I have good news.` He started rummaging around in his robe pockets before pulling out a small parcel and handing it to her.
`Oh!` Lily`s face lit up as she gently accepted the package. `It came?`
`It sure did.` James grinned broadly and ran a hand through his messy hair. His eyes were twinkling behind his spectacles.
Carefully Lily opened the lid of the box and gawked at the magnificent pocket watch. Seeing as Remus` birthday was coming up in only a couple of days, their whole group had joined in on a collective present. It had involved a lot of bickering, yet finally, they`d settled upon an engraved watch that would point in the direction of a beloved when fed their name. It had been James` idea; and in Lily`s opinion, it was absolutely brilliant.
`How`d you managed to get it made this fast?` Lily asked in amazement, staring at James.
`Once again - I have my ways.` James shrugged bashfully.
`You are a man of many colours, Potter.` Lily said, shaking her head.
`So I have been told.`
Lily noticed a piece of white lint sitting on James` lapel; it stuck out stark against the dark fabric. She caught herself wanting to pick it off. The intrusion of the thought made her heart start to speed up and her throat turned dry.
`Well, I`m off,` James said, grabbing the parcel again and patting the table with a flat hand. Lily stared at the hand. `See you later, Evans. Good luck with revision.`
`Yeah, erm,` Lily swallowed – her voice sounding hoarse. `Thanks - see you, erm, see you later.`
*
Wednesday March 9th 1977
`Oi,` Mary snapped her fingers in front of Lily`s face. `Where are you at?`
Lily blinked startled, snapping out of her daydream. `Hm?`
`What are you thinking about?`
`Oh, erm, nothing,` Lily shook her head. `Just patrol this evening.`
`Blimey,` Mary smirked. `Maybe I should consider becoming a prefect if that`s how it makes your face look.`
`What d`you mean?` Lily frowned. `What does my face look like?` She put a hand to her cheek – feeling self-conscious.
Mary snorted. `The same way it does when you`re reading the love confession in Pride and Prejudice, or that other one, erm…what`s it called again? It`s a girl`s name or something.`
`Emma?`
`That`s the one.`
`Can we please get on with practicing our Patronuses?` Marlene interrupted; she was leaning against the wall.
They`d sought out an empty classroom to work on their Patronus charms. Thus far, Lily had been able to procure some silver mist and a vague outline - only for it to disappear again. Mary and Marlene were having even less luck with theirs.
`Alright, alright,` Mary said, shaking out her limbs whilst jumping on the spot. `We got this. Hey, Lil, maybe you need to think about patrols again when you chant the incantation.` She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly.
`Oh, shut up.` Lily said, yet decided she might as well try. Nothing else had worked.
She readied herself and took a firm stance - raising her wand as she zeroed in on the feeling she`d had before. `Expecto Patronum!`
Suddenly she sensed a great warmth radiate throughout her entire body and into her arm – as if it came all the way from her chest. The tip of her wand erupted in a silver shower of sparks, succeeded by the most elegant animal Lily had ever seen. It galloped around the empty classroom, its eyes locking with Lily`s. Instantly her heart began to hammer against her ribs and she felt lightheaded with joy. Her Patronus was a doe.
///