Sixth Year, The week before Halloween
Friday October 22nd 1976
`Oh good, you`re on time.`
`When do I ever pass up an opportunity to spend time with you, Evans?` James grinned, strolling towards her across the common room.
Sighing, Lily rolled her eyes and pointedly averted her head. `Will you stop calling me Evans?`
`Only if you`ll stop calling me Potter.` he replied challengingly.
`No chance.` Lily crossed her arms.
`What am I supposed to call you, then?` James asked, lifting his eyebrows. `Lily, Lil…oh maybe Lils – I know your friends call you that sometimes. I could also come up with an entirely new nickname,` he mused, putting a finger to his chin. `Any possible middle names? Or…oh no, I`ve got it! D`you already know what animal your Patronus is? I could certainly work with that.`
Ignoring him, Lily turned around and climbed through the portrait hole.
James continued to list off names behind her back. He even started to make up a little song, rhyming her name with all that he saw fit. That boy had so much energy; it was truly remarkable. It was like being followed around by an overexcited dog. Lily wondered if he ever got tired.
`Just stick with Evans - or stop referring to me at all.` Lily sighed, wanting him to can it. `And stop singing, before we`ve got Filch on our backs for disturbance of peace.`
`Alright. Evans.` James grinned and nudged her with his elbow. He was over a head taller than she was and Lily almost lost her balance.
`We`ve got the fourth floor today,` she announced, taking the roster out of her robe pocket. Even though she knew it by heart, she still carried it around with her. `Think you can handle that - there are armours there?` She had not forgotten about the Irish jig incident.
`Oi,` James held up his hands in defiance. `I can handle it.`
`So, no funny business?` Lily pointed a stern finger at him.
`I can`t help it if I`m a funny lad.` James replied cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows.
`You know what I mean, Potter.`
James grinned. `Fine, no funny business. But you have to admit that you think I`m a little bit funny.`
`I don`t think you`re funny.` Lily crossed her arms and sped up her pace.
`Come on, admit it.`
`No.` Lily shook her head, mulishly. `Now shut up or I`ll hex you – I mean it. We`re supposed to be paying attention and you are distracting me.`
Luckily, James did obey and kept quiet after that. After all, he was made a prefect for a reason, though, Lily couldn`t quite figure out which one that was yet.
The fourth floor seemed to be completely deserted. With the exception of one lonely ghost lounging in the inlet of a window they encountered nobody. Still, they needed to patrol the corridors for at least an hour after curfew; just to make sure that nobody would sneak out in the meantime. Whatever happened after that hour was out of their control. Sometimes students would hide away behind the tapestries, or in the loos, waiting for the prefects to finally leave. Lily could list a few names.
One benefit of having James as a prefect was that he appeared to know all the good hiding spots - the reason of which Lily really did not want to know. However, it was rather convenient seeing as it saved them quite some time. Another thing was the fact that James never complained about having to do rounds.
Half an hour went by in which nothing happened and they barely talked; despite of James` fruitless attempts to engage. On patrol with Remus Lily had never had any complaints about spending lapses of time in companiable silence, though, with James it felt sort of uncomfortable. He was horrible at just leaving silence be; always whistling, or making other unnecessary sounds.
Lily leaned against the wall, looking at James as he stretched and groaned from the stretching. Every time he raised his arms, his button up would get untucked from his trousers and rise up, exposing a tin strip of skin, making Lily look away bashfully.
`Do you have to do that here?` Lily asked, frowning disapprovingly.
`Have to keep my muscles loose and limber.` James grinned, swinging his arms.
`Hm.` Lily raised her eyebrows dryly and chewed on the insides of her cheeks.
James kept on stretching, his loosened tie slipping away from him. Technically the school day was over, so Lily couldn`t reprimand him for his messy uniform.
`Thanks for last week, by the way,` James said as they finally headed back to the tower. `With the Moony thing and Hogsmeade.`
`Oh, yeah, of course.` Lily nodded earnestly. `I completely understand - I would`ve done the same if I were you.`
James nodded, taking big strides as he walked down the stairs, two steps at a time. Lily fell behind him, unable to keep up. Patiently, he waited for her at the bottom of the stairs.
`So,` Lily pried. `How long have you known about Remus anyway?`
James screwed up his eyes, looking up to the ceiling as if trying to remember. `Second year…I think,` he slowed his words. `But might just as well have been first. Padfoot knew before me and Wormtail anyway.`
`Really?` Lily asked curiously.
`Yeah,` James laughed. `Always been the fasted on the uptake when it comes to our Moony.`
`Did they make up, by the way, Black and Remus?`
`What`d you mean?`
Lily shrugged. `Mary said something about Black being in a mood because he and Remus weren`t talking.`
James frowned. `Padfoot`s moods are a mystery to us all.` he said, not really answering her question.
Lily decided that it wasn`t worth it to pry any further into Sirius` business. If there was anyone who should be worrying about Sirius` business it was Mary. In Lily`s opinion they should call it quits, but she wasn`t really one to tell either one of them what to do; they were both far too headstrong.
*
Sunday October 24th 1976
It was the week before Halloween and the castle was absolutely effervescent with excitement. Not only for the feast, or the holiday itself, but also for the party that was planned to be hosted in Gryffindor tower. There were utterly absurd rumours buzzing around, ranging from an abundance of alcohol, to fireworks, to even life music.
Initially, Lily had been strictly against it. A party, with fire none the less, would be far from responsible. Especially when thrown by the marauders.
`Oh, come on Lil,` Mary had begged. `I could really do with a proper party. Everybody`s looking forward to it - even Marlene.`
`That true?` Lily had looked inquiring at Marlene. Marlene wasn`t usually one for parties, even if she did go to them.
`Could go with some cheering up actually.` Marlene had shrugged, picking at her nails.
`It`s only you who`s against it.` Mary had said. `Don`t ruin the fun for the rest of us, love.`
So, after some careful consideration, she`d sanctioned the event.
Apparently this move was so incredibly out of character that Remus had come to check with her if it was indeed the truth.
`Look, Remus,` Lily sighed, still copying down notes for her Arithmancy essay. `After six years I`m learning to just go with the flow as far as you lot are concerned. If Potter and Black want a party, they`ll find a way – I`m just going to brush up on extinguishing spells and make sure no one gets hurt. Besides, I think everyone needs a bit of cheering up.` She looked up at Remus. `The war, you know…`
It was all anyone seemed to be talking about these days: the war. The Daily Prophet was flooding with articles about it. Lily tried to read most of them, wanting to keep herself informed, but at times had to lay them aside because it was all getting to be a bit too much.
With so much chatter surrounding NEWTs and their graduation in only a year and a half, the end of their time at Hogwarts seemed to be moving in on them at a scary pace. A part of her had thought that by the time they`d leave Hogwarts, the war would be over and they wouldn`t have to deal with any of that anymore. However, it seemed to become more and more evident that they were only at the thresholds of this war. It would take them further still.
Hence, they`d better make use of the time they still had left until they would be thrown into its midst.
***
Sunday October 24th 1976
`Y`know you`re pretty muscular for a girl, right?`
`Y`know you`re a pretty bad flyer for a beater, right?` Marlene narrow her eyes, giving Caspian Knight a dry smile that didn`t reach the rest of her face. She twirled her bat like a baton, not even touching the broom with her hands.
The burly fifth year boy looked stunned and swerved slightly in the air as if taken by a sudden gush of wind. All of his bravado seemed to have disappeared. Caspian opened and closed his mouth like a fish on dry land, blinking furiously.
Muscular for a girl? Please.
`McKinnon, a word.` James called up at her, standing with both feet planted firmly on the ground, broom clutched in his hand.
Marlene rolled her eyes and flew down to his level, levitating just above the grass as she circled around him.
`You can`t keep scaring them.`
`I`m not scaring them.` Marlene replied. `Did you hear what he said?`
`Yes, I heard what he said - I think he meant it as a complement.`
`Well, I didn`t take it as a complement.` Marlene snipped back, still circling him. `Besides, did you see the way that he grips his broom? Poor lad is going to plummet to death during our first match.`
James wiped his forehead with his hand and sighed tiredly. `Yeah, I know - he`s far from ideal.`
Marlene laughed humourlessly. `You can say that again.`
`We just don`t have that many options - it`s either him, or that third year that kept dropping his bat.` James feverishly tried to followed her by turning his head. `Can you- can you please stop that - you`re making me dizzy.`
`Aye, well I`m the one who was to team up with him.` Marlene replied, descending, plopping down next to James on the soggy grass.
`I`m sure we can work on Knight`s technique.` James put a hand above his eyes and peered up into the air. The boy was flying loops around the goalpost, missing them by a hair.
`We`re in luck I`m learning healing spells.`
James laughed and scratched the skin around his eyebrow. `Yeah…`
For the entire morning and afternoon, they had tirelessly been trying-out for a new beater. Seemingly, there was very little zest among the students to be joining the quidditch team this year. In other words: it had been rather slim pickings. If it had been up to any of them, neither of the aspiring beaters would have made the cut. However, their first match was to be played in November, and they could hardly compete with an incomplete team.
Marlene was still annoyed at the fact that Sirius had been kicked off the team. Not only because they would be saddled up with this incompetent bastard, but also because Marlene genuinely missed training with him.
It was safe to say that not all her feelings surrounding Sirius were warm and fuzzy, still, they had been a bleeding good pair of beaters. If she kept Mary out of the picture, Marlene would even be able to admit to herself that she quite liked Sirius; as far as lads went anyway. After their initial rocky start, they`d gotten along without too many hiccups. Marlene doubted that she would feel the same way about Caspian.
If only Peter would have enough courage to try out for the team; he had enough knowledge of quidditch for it, and, more importantly, he was nice. Even better would be if there`d finally be another girl who`d be interested in becoming a beater.
*
Tuesday October 26th 1976
The small hallway adjoining the hospital wing was still deserted when Marlene arrived. She leaned against the wall, feeling the rough bricks rub up against her backbone, her heavy textbook resting soundly against her breastbone.
In a short amount of time, Tuesday evenings had become her favourite part of the week - aside from quidditch practice. For the first time maybe ever, she stuck out above her peers with head and shoulders - metaphorically speaking. Madam Pomfrey`s healing classes were proving to be doing wonders for her academic confidence - even if they weren`t counting towards extra credit. No wonder that Lily was always so eager to go to class; Marlene would be too if everything was as smooth sailing as this.
There were footsteps at the end of the corridor. Marlene turned her head, expecting to see someone else from her course; she straightened up in surprise when that wasn`t the case.
`Hello, Remus?` she said befuddled as he came into view. This was certainly unexpected. `What are you doing here?`
`Hiya,` Remus replied, casting her a smile. `I`m here for the healing lessons.`
`Och wow!` Marlene replied, beaming. `I had no idea you wanted to be a healer.` She hoisted at her textbook, which was slipping away from her, in danger of thudding to the flagstone floor.
`Er…` Remus faltered, fiddling with a piece of string on his jumper. `Well yeah, I mean I was just interested…how about you?`
`Och aye, it`s all I`ve ever wanted to be!` She nodded, exaggerating ever so slight, not sure knowing why.
Remus looked mildly surprised, as if he hadn`t known this about her - which could quite possibly be the case. After all, she hadn`t known that Remus was also interested in healing. The pair of them almost never spent any real one-on-one time. The majority she knew about him was from other people, and other people weren`t always the most reliable source of information. Still, she generally felt genuinely comfortable around him; he was a lot more easy-going than James and Sirius anyway.
Secretly, Marlene felt relieved that Remus had appeared. The only qualm she had with taking this course was the fact that she was doing it alone; she knew no one else in the class. Often she ended up sitting by herself at the front of the group, too self-conscious to speak to anyone else. There were only a handful of other students who were interested in becoming healers; most of the them already knew one another, and none of them seemed eager to approach her. Which was fine by her, but it did make her feel slightly uncomfortable at times.
Slowly, the small hallway was starting to fill up with other students, every one of them clutching the same heavy textbook. Remus was eyeing them, gnawing on his bottom lip.
`You can share with me.` Marlene whispered.
`Sorry?` Remus asked, apparently not having heard her.
`You can share, or even borrow my textbook until you get your own.` she repeated.
`Thanks.` Remus smiled.
Not long after, Madam Pomfrey opened the door to her office and let them all in. The small space had been turned into a classroom; a couple of desks pointing at the back-end. Marlene and Remus sat down in front, close to the stained-glass window.
They started with a couple of introductory spells, most of which Marlene already knew, or had read about at least. She also wasn`t scared to demonstrate her abilities, taking the chance to show-off for once.
`Miss McKinnon.` Madam Pomfrey smiled. `You truly seem to have a natural gift.`
Marlene felt her cheeks flush and thought that she`d never been more proud in her entire life; absolute effervescent with joy.
`Blimey, I should just start taking lessons from you!` Remus laughed after they had been dismissed.
`Och, shut up.` Marlene blushed, feeling embarrassed. `You`ll be running rings around me once you`ve had the chance to catch up.`
`Doubt it,` he elbowed her. `Don`t want to be a professional beater, then?`
`Ha, no chance!` she snorted and shook her head. `You should see the state my brother is in, and he`s only been professional for a few years.` Danny had broken his nose so many times that it was permanently standing askew. `Wouldn`t mind being the healer for the Cannons, though. Or whatever team Potter gets drafted to – then I can still see you all after school finishes.` She had been thinking about life after Hogwarts a lot these days.
`We`ll see eachother anyway! You can`t get rid of us that easily.`
Marlene smiled at Remus; she was really glad that he`d joined their healing course. `You`re a sweetie, Remus.` Then she nudged him gently. `Hey, I`m really looking forward to this party – are the rumours true?`
`Er…` Remus faltered and shrugged noncommittal.
It was true: surprisingly enough she was looking forward to this party. Part of her had her hopes up that this one would be different.
***
Saturday October 30th 1976
One thing that the copious amount of quarrelling between her and Sirius had been granting her was a copious amount of reason to come up with different ways to take revenge. And, even if she said so herself, she was getting rather skilled at it.
Their latest dispute had been settled by Mary charming all the goblets on the Gryffindor dining table to fling their contents into Sirius` face. Safe to say that she`d taken extreme pleasure in witnessing him sitting there dripping wet like a dog left out in the rain.
Ever since the Hogsmeade incident earlier that month, they`d done almost nothing else but bicker, intersected by the occasional angry reconciliation snogging - one time even taking it even further. Still, no amount of physical affection could make up for the fact that Mary was steadily losing her patience with Sirius.
After she`d gone through her initial stages of hurt, confusion, and anger, she`d entered into the land of careful consideration. When looking at the facts, there was nobody but herself who was forcing her to stay with Sirius. There was nobody who was telling her that she had to put up with this any longer. On the contrary, Lily and Marlene were both rather persistent in telling her that she should break up with him.
The only reason that Mary hadn`t called it quits yet was her secret hope that Sirius would make a one-eighty, realise that he did in fact love her, and didn`t want to lose her. Hope was a dangerous thing to have.
Although part of her already knew that she`d made up her mind, she`d also decided that she wanted to talk someone who was understanding, more so, who had a better understanding of Sirius. Someone she could talk to without feeling judged. What better person than Remus.
Fortunately, it was always easy to find him, seeing as he was almost always hauled up in the library.
`It`s just…I`m at a bit of a loose end here.` Mary sighed, folding her hands underneath her chin. `It`s not all bad - I mean…there are plenty of good parts that cancel out the bad. But…he`s just so flighty – I can`t rely on him for anything anymore. It seems as if he keeps absolutely no regard for my feelings whatsoever, y`know?`
Remus was sitting sideways in his chair, nodding as he listened.
`I`m not an idiot,` she continued, glancing out the window at the grey sky. `I knew what he was like before we started going out, and my auntie always says `you can`t change a man…``
`Mm.` Remus hummed affirmingly.
`And, y`know I like the fact that he doesn`t followed the rules, and he doesn`t care what anyone thinks. I do just sort of wish he cared what I think…`
`I`m sure he does.` Remus replied, sounding rather half-heartedly.
`He doesn`t show it, though…` Mary trailed off, her attention subverted.
Her gaze was pulled away by someone walking into the library; it was a seventh year Ravenclaw boy going by the name of Roman Rotherhide. He had deep brown eyes and fair long curls – good-looking in an almost feminine way; he had the air of someone who knew that he was pleasant to look at. It was well known that he was rather wanted among the girls. Even poor Marlene got flustered when he passed them by.
`And, actually,` Mary went on, still following Roman with her eyes, watching pensively. `He`s not the only good-looking boy at Hogwarts.`
If she wanted to she could absolutely get Roman to go out with her. She licked her lips, gazing at his back as he walked away from them. There was more to life than Sirius. If he wasn`t going to give her the attention she deserved, she could get it elsewhere.
Remus slammed his book shut, rather forcefully. `Shall we go?`
*
Sunday October 31st 1976
The Gryffindor common room was an oasis of hairspray, perfume, and nail varnish fumes. It was the afternoon of Halloween, all the girls of Gryffindor tower had congregated to get ready for the big party.
`Lil,` Mary frowned, amused. `Are you seriously doing your homework now?`
Lily was seated on a settee, dressed in her pink quilted dressing-gown, hair up in curlers, a textbook splayed open on her lap.
`My Charms essay doesn`t care that it`s Halloween.` Lily replied deliberately, flipping over to the next page.
`I`m going up to our room.` Marlene said, rubbing her temples. `The smell is giving me a headache.` She handed Mary her compact mirror back and traversed the room, dodging various piles of clothes.
Nimbly, Mary applied some kohl around her eyes, staring back at herself in the mirror, pleased with what she saw. Getting ready wasn`t the only thing on her to-do list this afternoon; the other task she`d set herself before the party would commence was to break up with Sirius.
After her conversation with Remus the previous day, it hadn`t been hard to make up her mind. Emphasis on mind, because her heart wasn`t.
Nothing could take away that somehow, between all the chaos and bickering, she`d still fallen in love with him. However, staying with him because she was, wasn`t enough reason anymore.
There was a stark difference between love and trust. Not even to get started on lust. Trust would have kept them going, but Sirius had squandered any change of gaining her trust the second time he`d stood her up. To state it clearly: Sirius was unreliable. He was dishonest and unreliable.
As soon as Mary caught Sirius sauntering into the common room, coming in from wherever he`d previously been, she gently took him by the arm, taking him all the way up to the Astronomy tower. Even though he probably would have deserved it, she didn`t feel the need to break up with him in front of all the girls of Gryffindor tower.
There was no screaming or crying involved this time. Mary didn`t even feel angry anymore, she`d surpassed feeling angry.
`Look,` Mary said, crossing her arms, standing a carefully considered distance away from Sirius. `I think you know that this isn`t going to work anymore.`
Sirius stared at her; he looked mildly surprised, though, not so much apparently that he felt the need to retaliate.
`We`ve had a good run. But I`m just done with whatever this-` she gestured in the air between the two of them. `-has turned into.`
Sirius nodded, meekly; still not saying anything.
`I`m done with feeling like I`m not enough for you - so…` Mary swallowed and frowned. `I`m breaking up with you.`
`I guess I deserve that.`
`Hm.` Mary looked away. The sun had already started to set and the view from the Astronomy tower would have been truly marvellous on any other occasion. What a waste.
`I know it`s too late.` Sirius said, bridging the gap between them. `But I still want to say sorry.`
`Yeah, well,` Mary shrugged. `Sorry just isn`t good enough if it`s all you`re able to say.`
`I never intended for it to turn out this way.`
`And still it did.`
`Alright, well…I`m going to go now,` Sirius said, dawdling at the top of the stairs. `You`ll be alright?`
`Always am, aren`t I?`
Sirius gave a curt nod and disappeared in the stairwell.
The wind was surprisingly mild for the end of October and Mary decided to stay up there for a little while longer; just to process. She sat down at the edge of the tower, sticking her legs between the gaps in the fence, letting them dangle. Maybe she had been foolish to have broken up with Sirius in a spot where they had spent such an amount of time doing decidedly other things. Too many memories in this place.
With the setting of the sun, the day had set on their relationship. Even though Mary was certain that this had been the right decision, it didn`t make it hurt any less. There were things she would still miss in distant years to come: the way he would sometimes randomly start talking in French, the earthy scent he got when it rained outside, his bitter cigarette taste, his flair for the dramatic, his almost overconfident sense of self.
Still, all those things would never cancel out the fact that they were not right for eachother.
///