Sixth Year, You used to be nice
Friday September 10th 1976
During the first week of term, practically every single one of their classes had consisted almost entirely out of the same anxiety inducing speech about their upcoming NEWT examinations. Purely because they still had over a year and a half left until then, wasn`t to say that they could just let loose, slump back, and start caring less about their performance. Sixth year would give them the opportunity to build a solid foundation for their final year of education at Hogwarts.
It was clear that their Professors were trying to motivate them to the best of their abilities, though, Marlene thought that it was working rather counterproductive. If anything, it made her all the more anxious that she would fail her classes, or be unable to keep up with her assignments. They kept putting an emphasis on that fact that they were now entering an advanced level of practicing magic. From now on, even the best of students would need to start putting in the work. It was not going to be easy anymore.
However, something in a far more positive light, which did in fact motivate her to plough though: she was now properly on the right path to pursue her passions! These last few years, Marlene`s wish of wanting to become a healer had grown into something rather substantial. If she really thought about it, she wasn`t even all that surprised that she`d chosen this career path. From early childhood on, she`d always enjoyed to explore the world she lived in and better it.
Madam Pomfrey had gladly accepted her to her introductory healing course on Tuesday afternoons. They were yet to start, though, Marlene had already gone over the set text and tested some of the spells. It struck her as peculiar that she didn`t even need to try all that hard to succeed. Nothing almost ever came to her without a considerable amount of effort.
Next to the obvious increase in workload, another disadvantage of NEWT level courses was that their group was more split up than ever. While Lily had taken almost all her classes into sixth year, Mary had dropped a lot of them, only keeping the ones that actually mattered to her. Aside from their shared classes and mealtimes, they rarely saw eachother. Lily was often on prefect duty with James, and Mary was spending time with her own duty: Sirius.
Lily still had Ancient Runes to attend, but Marlene and Mary were already done for the day. The two of them were sitting at a desk in the common room; fried from a long week of classes. Part of the cake that they`d stolen from the kitchens that morning was still left and they were busy attacking it with a set of spoons.
`Do I look like I`m of age yet?` Marlene asked, her mouth full of gooey chocolate cake.
`Hm-hm.` Mary nodded sagely, licking her spoon. `The hat really does it for me.`
`Aye, that`s what I thought.` Marlene nodded, grinning satisfied, digging her spoon into the buttery frosting. More as a joke than anything else, Marlene had put on the party hat that Mary had given her that morning upon waking.
The portrait swung to the side and someone clambered though the hole. Marlene turned her head to see who it was.
`Peter!` Mary called out to him as his pink cheeked face peeped around the corner. `You want to help us finish this cake?`
`You`ve got cake? How come you`ve got cake?` Peter`s eyes lit up. He crossed the common room, weighed down by his heavy satchel, tilting greatly to one side.
`Oi,` Marlene said, slapping Mary lightly on the arm. `I`m the one who`s supposed to determine who gets to eat the cake.`
`Alright, Mary Antoinette.` Mary poked out her pink tongue. Marlene felt her cheeks flush.
`You know she never actually said that?`
Peter had pulled up a chair and wriggled his bag off his shoulder. `It`s your birthday, McKinnon?` he asked, plopping down.
`Aye.` Marlene nodded, pointing at her hat.
`I had no idea.` Peter replied. `Well…happy birthday!` He smiled broadly at her.
`Cheers!`
`Didn`t want a big party?`
`Nope,` Marlene shook her head. `Not really my thing exactly. I leave that up to you lads.`
`Hm, yeah,` Peter chuckled, looking down at his hands. `They do like to go all out.`
`When`s your birthday anyway, Pete?` Mary asked, cocking her head. `Don`t remember ever having had a party for you?`
`Eleventh of May.` Peter replied.
`Doesn`t that bother you?` Mary handed Peter an extra spoon, her head still tilted sympathetically.
`What bothers me?` Peter asked absentmindedly, already sticking the spoon into the cake.
`That they don`t organise a big party for you?`
`Hm.` Peter shrugged offhandedly, not really looking at any of them, flushing pink. `S`pose it`s just a bit of a hassle between exams and the quidditch final - we`re always so busy that time of year, y`know?` He picked at a loose thread on his robes. `Besides, it`s not like any of you girls ever throw a big party for yours.`
`Yeah, well,` Mary mulled. `My birthday is over the summer - so that`s not really an option - and y`know what Lily is like.` She raised her eyebrows meaningfully. `Reckon it`s a bit strange that you`re the only one of the four of you that doesn`t really get a big faff.`
Peter didn`t reply and took a big bite, chewing slowly, his eyes fixed on the desk.
Marlene slumped back in her chair; picking at her nails while surveying Peter. It was indeed rather peculiar that Peter was the only one who didn`t get to have a big party. Mary was staring at Peter as well, her head cocked to the side as a pensive frown decorated her forehead.
Nervously, Peter started to shuffle around in his chair, wiping his blond bangs away from his forehead. Marlene quickly looked away; it was evident that Peter was starting to feel embarrassed; she would feel embarrassed in a situation like this.
Apparently Ancient Runes had been let out, seeing as Lily and Remus came wandering in. Remus went straight upstairs after a quick hello; Lily approached them, sitting down next to Peter.
`Why didn`t you get plates?` she asked, eyeing the battered cake and used spoons.
Marlene shrugged. `It`s my birthday, I can do whatever I want.`
`Fair enough.` Lily replied and looked at Peter, whose face was still flushed crimson. `Feel like I`m interrupting something.` She slowed her last words, squinting her eyes questioning. `What are we talking about?`
`About Pete being left out.` Mary replied casually.
`Mary!` Marlene said accusatory. Mary always knew how to make a situation even more uncomfortable by saying exactly what was at stake.
`You`re being left out, Peter?` Lily turned in her chair, her green eyes widening with sympathy.
`I`m not being left out!` Peter cried indignantly. Then, a little softer, `I`m not.` Defiantly he stabbed his spoon into the drags of the cake, not taking it back out again.
`I`m sorry I`m confused...?` Lily looked from the one to the other, her brow furrowed.
Mary sighed and folded her hands underneath her chin, supporting her head. `We`re just making sure Peter is not treated badly by his friends.`
`For the last time: I`m not being treated badly by my friends!` Peter emphasised, still extremely red, his hands wringing together.
`They do boss you around quite a lot.` Lily tilted her head. `Especially Black.`
Peter swallowed. `That`s just Padfoot, he is just-`
`-a bit of a prat?` Mary offered.
`Oh yes, how is your quarrel going, Mary?` Lily asked, turning to her.
`Marvelous, thank you for asking.` Mary replied sarcastically, raising her eyebrows. The second week of school and Sirius and Mary were already in another disagreement.
`Look,` Peter said, rising from the desk. `There`s nothing to worry about. I`m not being mistreated or anything if that`s what you`re thinking.` He grappled for his bag. `I`ve got to meet Dessie anyway.`
`Alright,` Mary held up her hands apologetically. `If you say so.`
`I don`t need to be pitied.` Peter mumbled. `I`m not some sort of charity case.`
`Peter,` Lily put a soft hand on his arm, restricting him from walking away. `We don`t pity you. We just want to look out for you.`
`Yeah,` Mary chipped in. `We want to make sure you`re ok.`
`Why?` Peter looked at his feet, his sweaty hands firmly gripping the strap of his satchel.
`Because, you`re our friend.` Marlene said, looking at him, straining to sound as earnest as possible. Even if something was utterly the truth, she sometimes had a hard time trying to convey her sentiment.
`Merlin,` Peter said. `Why do you girls always need to be so soppy? There`s nothing going on. Dessie will be waiting for me.` He walked away, but Marlene could see him smiling in the palm of his hand.
***
Saturday October 9th 1976
Truth be told when said that it was quite annoying, but ever since finding out about Remus` furry little problem, Lily had actually begun to feel some sympathy towards his friends.
It was the day after a full moon and she knew that on those days the marauders always wanted to be close to Remus - understandably so. Which was why she`d given James some slack and agreed to guide the third years to Hogsmeade on her own.
After a full year of being a prefect, Lily felt like she`d gotten the hang of it and would be able to get them all safely towards the village. Besides, one major advantage of having to deal with younger students was that they all still thought that sixteen year olds were extremely mature and knew what they were doing.
As Lily was ordering the third years around the courtyard, counting heads, and confiscating any contraband, Marlene was dawdling nearby, chewing on her fingernails. Mary was checking her make-up in a small handheld mirror; she was supposed to meet Sirius in Hogsmeade.
It took longer than expected to get everyone in line; Lily felt relieved when they were finally able to begin the journey towards Hogsmeade.
`Don`t see why they made Potter prefect if he doesn`t even bother to show up.` Mary said, glancing around and putting the mirror into her purse.
`He wasn`t feeling well.` Lily lied, looking away.
`Still don`t understand why Remus suddenly quit.`
`He just didn`t want to do it anymore - his choice.` Lily shrugged. She hated being dishonest, it made her hands clammy. It was hard keeping a secret from Mary and Marlene; she never kept secrets from them. However, she supposed that this was a special case.
`Where is he anyway?` Marlene asked. `Remus,` she clarified.
`Wasn`t feeling well either.` Technically this wasn`t a lie; it could hardly be pleasant to have your entire skeleton remodelled overnight.
`Merlin, hope it`s not something contagious.` Marlene frowned. `Did Potter say what symptoms they were experiencing?`
Lily shrugged and pretended to check if everybody was still following them obediently.
`Because, if they both have it, Black probably has it too…` Marlene looked pointedly at Mary.
`What`re you looking at me for?` Mary held up her hands in defiance.
`Which means we`ll have it in no time, too.` Marlene rambled on. `Before you know it we`ve got an epidemic on our hands.` It was truly great that Marlene was attending healing classes and following her dreams, but it did make her a bit of a hypochondriac.
Mary rolled her eyes.
`I don’t know, Marls,` Lily replied, sighing and looking back again. `He didn`t say it was anything serious. Just didn`t feel well. He`s probably overreacting anyway.` She waved a dismissive hand, hoping to diverge the topic.
`Potter never overreacts,` Marlene said, hopping over a tree trunk. `One time he came to quidditch practice while having the flu because he didn`t want to miss it - boaked mid-air.`
Lily scrunched up her nose, disgusted. That was a little more information than she`d wanted.
`That`s what I`m saying.`
They were trotting past the edge of the forbidden forest, following the sandy pathway. Lily had to make sure that none of her cohort would get it into their mind that it was a splendid idea to disappear between the densely planted trees.
`This part always gives me the creeps.` Mary pulled her shoulders up to her ears and hugged her upper body protectively.
Lily remembered having been properly scared of the forbidden forest when she`d first learned about all the creatures that could be hiding in the shadows. Now, she wasn`t so sure anymore whether she should actually be afraid. Still, it was probably a good idea to keep out of the foggy crevices of the woodlands.
It was quite perplexing to have gained the knowledge of Remus being a werewolf. It had turned her entire notion of magical creatures completely upside down. They`d always been told that werewolves were dangerous, something you should stay far away from. Every book read that werewolves were monsters and inhumane; Lily refused to believe that Remus was a monster or inhumane.
What didn`t help was the recent news coverage surrounding werewolves, or other dark creatures, as they were called. The rumours were that the attacks over the summer had been done by werewolves. It was said that the other side was gaining support from various groups of marginalized magical creatures. It was all still a bit vague, in Lily`s opinion, as if the ministry was leaving out integral parts of information. She`d considered asking Remus about it, but had decided against it, seeing as the topic would probably have been too sensitive.
`You two run ahead.` Lily said as they entered the village. `I`ll meet you in the pub.`
Mary and Marlene didn`t let it be told twice, already scampering away from the throng of excited students.
The third years were gawking at their surroundings in amazement. Lily had the greatest trouble keeping their attention directed at her while she explained some last minutes safety measures and handed them each a map of the village. They were all chattering animatedly amongst each other, pointing at the higgledy-piggledy placed townhouses.
Finally, everybody split off into groups and Lily was left marooned. She set off towards the Tree Brooms Sticks, not wanting to be out in the open on her own for too long.
As she turned a corner, her patent leather shoes slapping against the cobblestones, a familiar figure came into view. Her stomach made a sick twisting lurch and she promptly came to a halt. She considered walking out of the street altogether to make a detour. However, it appeared that Severus had already spotted her.
Keeping her head down, Lily kept on walking. First, it seemed as if Severus wouldn`t try to talk to her at all, but just as she thought she`d made it past him, he sided next to her.
`Leave me alone, Severus.`
They hadn`t talked at all since being back at Hogwarts after the summer. Lily would very much have liked to keep it that way.
`Lily,` Severus said, taking hurried strides beside her. `Don`t you think this thing has lasted long enough?`
`This thing?` Lily stopped dead in her tracks. She had no intention of having him follow her all the way to the pub; that would only make things worse.
`Yes, you pretending that you don`t want to be my friend anymore.` Severus pressed.
Lily shook her head, frowning in amazement. `What don`t you get, Severus? I`m not…I`m not pretending.` She inhaled deeply, feeling her heart shatter into a million pieces.
Severus narrowed his eyes at her. `I think you are overreacting, Lily. I made one mistake. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time.`
`No,` Lily shook her head, feeling herself get angry now. `No, you didn`t just make one mistake. This- this isn`t even about that anymore.` She crossed her arms, staring at him. `Fine with me if you don`t see it, but it`s not my responsibility to make you. I`m not going to pretend like I can fix you anymore.`
Something like resolve seemed to appear on Severus` face, his features darkening. `Then I won`t pretend that you`re not just as filthy as the rest of them. You, and your muggle-loving cohort.` he drawled sourly.
Taken aback, Lily swallowed, feeling her lower lip tremble. Still, she didn`t stop staring at Severus` face; trying to find a piece of the person she`d known. `What happened to you?` she said softly, shaking her head very slowly. `You used to be nice.`
Severus didn`t reply. He turned around and walked the other way, his dark robes flapping in the wind.
`You used to be nice!` Lily almost screamed after him, her tear ducts burning.
***
The Three Broomsticks was slowly but surely starting to fill up with students; all settling down for a pleasant afternoon in the comfort of the dimly lit pub, protected from the raging elements outside. The wind howled through the chimney as a wild animal. Small droplets of rain had begun to beat against the windowpanes, conducting a steady rhythm.
`God, sure hope Lily doesn`t get caught in the rain.` Mary said, leaning back on the hindlegs of her chair as she peered out onto the street.
`She`ll be fine; she`s got her wand hasn`t she?` Marlene replied, taking off her hat and shaking her short hair. `Want me to get you a butterbeer too?`
Mary shook her head. `Nah, I`ll wait for Sirius.` She looked out the window again, hopeful to see him approaching.
`Aye, suit yourself.` Marlene said and wandered off towards the bar, dodging tables.
If it had been up to Mary, and Mary alone, they would have gone down to Hogsmeade together; as what would have been the most convenient. However, Sirius had told her that he needed to attend to something first and would meet around noon. He hadn`t specified what had needed his attention at such short notice, much to her annoyance.
It was all rather vague in Mary`s opinion. It had taken a lot of self-restraint not to get cross with him again. They`d only just made up from their previous argument over something minor and meaningless; she really wasn`t looking forward to another one. She was starting to get sick of the constant rowing. It was so incredibly tedious.
`Black not here yet?` Lily asked, sitting down at their table. Her hair looked windswept and her eyes were red rimmed from the wind.
`Nope,` Mary shook her head and grabbed Lily`s wrist to check the time on her watch. It was a quarter past twelve.
Marlene came back with two tumblers of butterbeer and some pumpkin pasties, levitating them on a tray out in front of her. She placed one of the tumblers in front of Lily and handed Mary a pasty.
`I said I`d wait for Sirius.` Mary said, putting the pasty back on the plate.
They launched into a discussing about their classes. Marlene raved about the healing course she was taking with Madam Pomfrey, and started to list off all the spells she already knew, her face lighting up as she did so. The other two both complained about the amount of work they`d been set for Potions and how incredibly annoying it was that they had to take it with all the houses combined.
`We`re lucky that Mulciber flunked Potions.` Marlene said. `Otherwise we`d have him breathing down our necks.`
Mary had dropped a lot of her classes, so she couldn`t really relate to their stress over the amount of assignments. Besides, it was hard to keep track of the conversation while also keeping an eye out for Sirius. Every time the door swung open, she straightened up, only to be disappointed again.
Almost an hour had gone by, and still Sirius hadn`t shown his face. Lily sipped slowly on her butterbeer; Mary saw her raise her eyebrows at Marlene.
`He`ll be here.` Mary said defiantly. `He`s just late.`
`Hm.` Marlene hummed as a matter of reply, looking rather unconvinced.
`He`ll be here!` Mary repeated herself. Although, there was a sour feeling mushrooming in her lower abdomen. This felt all too familiar.
She glanced over her shoulder at the bar. `Do you think they serve anything stronger here?`
Three fire whiskeys and two pasties in, Sirius still hadn`t shown up. Mary was tapping her long fingernails irritably on the hardwood surface of the table, sucking her teeth. The rain had intensified and the sky outside had darked to a deep grey colour, promising more. Marlene was biting furiously at her fingernails. Now that her hair was shorter, she couldn`t chew on the ends of it anymore.
Lily check her watch. `I almost need to guide the third years back. You want to wait here…or?`
Mary swallowed, glaring at the closed pub door. `Nah,` she shook her head. `It`d be a waste of time.` She pushed her chair back and rose. `Let`s go.`
Fortunately, Lily knew a shield charm, otherwise they would`ve all been completely drenched by the time they`d reached the castle. Mary hurried out on front of the group of younger students, not knowing how fast to get to Gryffindor tower.
`I`m sorry!` was what Sirius said as soon as Mary stepped foot into the common room.
`I`m sorry!` was what Sirius said as Mary tramped across the space.
`I`m sorry!` was what Sirius said when Mary stormed up the stairs towards their dorm.
Fuelled by fire whiskey, Mary spun around at the top of the stairs, glowering down at him.
`Sorry isn`t good enough, Black.` she spat, pinching her voice. She`d decided not to shout this time; she would keep her anger contained.
`I can explain!` Sirius cried, desperately.
`I don`t want your explanations. I don`t care.` Mary replied, hands on her hips. `You said it wouldn`t happen again, and then it did. Now I get to decide what to do with that. In the meantime, you can pray to God -or Merlin, or whomever the fuck you lot pray to - to have mercy on your poor, poor soul.`
`Mary come on.` Sirius pleaded, gazing up at her.
`Leave her, Black.` Lily said, pushing past him and mounting the stairs.
`You`re a real fecking bastard, you know that?` Marlene snarled at him.
They put on music in their room, rather loudly; Mary hoped that the bass would drill into the boys` dorms. That way Sirius wouldn`t easily forget that she was indeed still here. Oh no, he would certainly not be able to forget about her.
First, Mary moved around a little, trying to sway to the rhythm, but soon she gave up and sank down to the floor. The world had begun to spin and she felt as if she could teeter over with the merest gush of air. She was starting to feel the effects of the fire whiskey truly hit her; it was a lot more mature than the stuff she was used to. Generally she was great at holding her liquor.
`What the fuck is wrong with me?` she said breathlessly, staring out in front of her. `I mean: what the fuck is wrong with me!`
`What d`you mean?` Lily sat down opposite her. Marlene leaned against the bedpost, watching them from a distance.
`Why does he keep doing this to me?` Mary shook her head, staring wide-eyed at her friend. `What is it about me that is so incredibly forgettable?`
`I don`t know, Mary, I don`t know.`
`Well, yeah, of course you don`t know either.` Mary replied, pulling her legs up to her torso. `You`re smart, but you’re not that smart. I mean…you can`t see into other people’s heads, can you? Unless you`ve got a spell for that or something.` She snorted humourlessly. Alcohol didn`t make her slur her words, but it did make say whatever came to mind - more so than usual.
`No,` Lily shook her head, biting her lip. `I can`t, erm, do Legilimency. I mean I haven`t tried or anything, so…`
`Oh my God.` Mary groaned, putting her head in her hands. `I just can`t believe he did this. Why would he do this?`
`I don`t understand why you put up with it.` Marlene broke her silence. `Black treats you like fecking dirt.`
`I don`t put up with it.` Mary snipped back, instantly feeling guilty for snapping at Marlene, it wasn`t her fault. She softened her voice, `Y`know, I….try not to, at least. I let it be known that he can`t treat me like that, and then expect that it`s just fine by me.` She sighed. `And he`s not all bad. He`s also really sweet and caring and…I do love him.`
`You love him?` Marlene asked, looking at her with a strange expression on her face.
`Yeah, I think so…I haven`t said it to him or anything - almost did once, but that`s beside the point.`
A silence fell in which none of them said anything; the record had stopped playing and was spinning soundlessly underneath the needle; the rain continued to batter the windows.
`Do you know what you`re going to do about it?` Lily asked, finally.
Mary shrugged. `Ignore him for a couple of days probably, then…I don`t know yet.`
Sirius would probably try to grovel his way back to her; he always did. However, for the first time there was no merriment at the anticipation of a possible reconciliation. Mary wondered if she even wanted him to come and redeem himself. Though she hated to admit it to herself, something told her that Sirius didn`t feel the same way about her as did about him, and the bitter pill to swallow was that he probably never would.
///