Fifth Year, Before
Thursday May 14th 1976
As practically every year, the final quidditch match of the season was being held just before exams would kick off in earnest. The large crowd that had gathered in the stadium was divided into two neat sections: one blazing red, the other ochre yellow. Needless to say it was a Gryffindor v Hufflepuff match. With effort Lily shouldered her way through the sea of red and gold, trekking behind her friends on the steep wooden steps, a thin trickle of sweat slowly making its way down the inside of her arm, a sharp pain playing up in her left side body.
`Do we have to go all the way to the top?` Mary complained, heaving with effort, stopping momentarily to fan her face with her hand. It was warm for May. It had rained during the night, but now the skies were a pure azure, a luminous yellow sun planted right in the middle.
`We do if we want to get the best lookout over the game!` Peter called over his shoulder. He was holding Desdemona`s hand as the couple took the lead of their small party. Desdemona was also decked out in Gryffindor`s signature red and gold, wearing Peter`s scarf and hat. She`d been scared that they might not let a Ravenclaw sit with the Gryffindors.
Almost entirely at the top of the stands they finally found an empty bench. The four of them slid in next to eachother, squeezing in tightly. Lily put a hand above her eyes, peering over the mass of bobbing heads, trying to locate Remus. She hadn`t been able to find him all morning; surely he wouldn`t want to miss the match.
`See,` Peter proclaimed triumphantly. `Isn`t this a good view!` He pulled out a pair of binoculars and put them to his eyes.
`Spectacular.` Mary replied, still fanning her sweat-beaded face with her hands. `Dez, girl, aren`t you incredibly hot?`
Desdemona giggled and shrugged; her face did look rather pink. `It`s alright.`
Way down, Lily could already spot the tiny figures of the quidditch players marching around on the pitch. Marlene was talking to James, both of them gesturing animatedly with their hands. James wasn`t wearing his helmet yet and even from this distance she was able to tell that his hair was standing on end in disorder.
`Incoming.` Mary elbowed Lily in her side, cocking her head to right.
Remus was very slowly making his way up the stairs. He looked rather pale and it seemed as if it was taking him a great deal of effort to reach them. Lily waved at him, beaming brightly; he returned it shakily. The crowd began to cheer and Lily rose up with the rest of them, waving her pennant frantically. Remus slotted in next to Desdemona.
Madam Hooch blew on her high-pitched whistle and both teams shot straight up into the air. From the start it was evident that Gryffindor had the upper hand. Which wasn`t surprising, seeing the amount of hours the team had spent training. More often than not, Marlene was decked out in her flying gear, muttering to herself about beating technics. A couple of nights ago, she`d even roused Lily in the middle of the night, panic stricken, asking her if she knew where she`d put her extra pair of goggles.
Lily didn`t know all that much about quidditch, most of her knowledge came from Marlene`s ongoing ramblings, but she was bright enough to spot when a game was going well. Every time Marlene was able to whack a bludger away from one of her teammates with a skilled swing of her bat, Lily cheered to loudest of them all; except for Mary maybe, but she was also cheering for Sirius.
Soon, James had scored his fifth goal of the match and the crowd went ballistics with noise.
`There`s not going to be another party if they win is there?` Lily called out over the ruckus, addressing Remus. `I don`t think I can cope with another one this close to exams.` She cringed at the memory of the last one. Up until now, she had been really good at avoiding Cresswell. Luckily, he didn`t seem to want to go out with her, too. Apparently he`d gotten all he wanted.
`Not if James has anything to do with it,` Remus replied. `He won`t want to throw away all the hours he`s been putting in at the library.`
`Library?!` Lily guffawed.
`Yeah, he`s been there every day, almost.` Peter piped up. `Revising his bloody arse off. He`s more of a swot than Moony these days.`
`I don`t believe you.` Lily cocked an eyebrow, rather unconvinced. She`d assumed that James was revising as little as Sirius was: not.
`Believe it.` Remus snorted. `He`s even enforced dorm room rules so he can get enough sleep between exams. We have to be completely silent after eight o`clock.`
Lily`s eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and shock. That was the last thing she`d expected of James. He was always so reckless and unthinking; this was not in accordance with that image. With another goal from James their team was up to six. Lily almost forgot to clap along, utterly bewildered by her newfound knowledge.
After that final goal, it didn`t take Gryffindor long to catch the snitch and win. Lily hobbled along behind Mary as they went to congratulate the team. James was already hoisted up onto the shoulders of some of his teammates. Mary flung herself around Sirius neck, who`d only just taken off his helmet.
Pushed around in the mass of Gryffindors, Lily tried to locate Marlene. `Marls!` she cried when she spotted her.
`We won!` Marlene smiled, skipping towards her. `Did you see that?!`
`I did.` Lily grinned and hugged her friend tightly. `You did so good. I`m so proud.`
`Cheers!` Marlene broke loose from her grip, red from her exerted effort. Then, her face suddenly darkened and she let out a horrified gasp.
`What?!` Lily spun around just in time to see Remus tumble down the last steps of the stands. `Oh my God!`
James, Sirius and Peter had already taken off towards their friend, the girls followed quickly in their wake. It appeared that Remus was able to move on his own. He was pulling himself upright, reassuring the crowd around him that he was doing fine, saying he just fell.
`Remus, you look awfully pale.` Lily proclaimed, eyeing Remus` ashen face. Not believing a word of what he was saying.
Marlene bent over and put the palm of her hand to his forehead.
`I`m fine.` Remus bit, irritated, swatting at Marlene`s hand.
Sirius took the lead at that point, sending everyone on their way, even Mary, who insisted on accompanying them to the hospital wing. Nimbly, Sirius hoisted Remus up by his arm, disappearing off the field. It seemed as if Remus` limp was pronounced as he hobbled away; Lily felt concerned.
Barely having had time to recover from the shock, Lily was once again ambushed. She`d gone back up the stands to retrieve the pennant she`d left there.
`Sev!` she yelped. `Gosh, you scared me! Have you been here the whole time?`
`I need to talk to you.` Severus replied, ignoring her question.
`Erm, can it wait?` Lily replied, casting a glance over his shoulder. `I`ve got people waiting on me.`
`No, it can`t, Lily,` he pressed. `It`s urgent.`
`Alright.` Lily frowned, and protectively crossed her arms across her chest, feeling uncomfortable.
`I think I figured out what`s wrong with Lupin.` Severus lowered his voice.
Lily felt herself getting enraged. `Sev, what did I tell you about-`
He cut her off midsentence, `He`s a werewolf.`
`A werewolf!?` Lily cried, unbelieving. `Oh, sure.`
`Keep your voice down, Lily.` Severus condemned. `I don`t know for certain.`
`Oh, my God. I can`t believe this.` Lily threw up her hands in despair. `You are absolute delusional!`
`But it`s true, Lily. He`s a dangerous monster. I tested with silver and-`
`I don`t want to hear it.`
Severus opened his mouth to retaliate.
`No, not a peep. Can it.` Lily bit and pushed past him, stomping angrily on the chairs. `Find me when you`ve come to your senses, Severus!`
Absolutely fuming with rage and indignation for her friend she hurried down the stands. Remus Lupin a werewolf; now Severus had truly lost it.
***
Late May 1976
`Hello Miss McKinnon, what is it that I can I do for you?` Madam Pomfrey smiled as Marlene cautiously stepped foot inside the hospital wing.
`I`ve got a…` Marlene faltered, feeling embarrassed. She looked around; it seemed to be that they were the only two people in there. `I`ve got a migraine, again.` She looked at her hands. This was the third time this week that she`d come in for a pain draught.
`Oh dear, ` the medi-witch gave her a sympathetic look. `That was what I was afraid of when I saw your pale little face wandering in. Take a seat anywhere you like; I`ll be right back.`
As Madam Pomfrey swept off to the backroom, Marlene gingerly sat down on one of the newly made beds, dangling her legs off the side. The white lights in the hospital wing were burning bright; Marlene could swear that she was able to hear them scorch away in their sconces. A wave of intense nausea washed over her. Before she had any say in it, she felt her stomach contract. The sour stream seemed to be never-ending, gagging as her throat burned up in bile. It dripped into her nose and hair, making her even more sick.
`I`m sorry,` Marlene wept as she heard the footsteps of Madam Pomfrey approaching over the previously spot free white tiles. `I didn`t mean to.`
`Of course you didn`t mean to.`
Finally, Marlene could feel her sickness retreat, so she sat up, squinting her eyes against the lights. Seeing her struggle, Madam Pomfrey turned off the lights with a quick swoop of her wand, simultaneously cleaning up the mess.
`Does that happen often?` she asked.
`Aye, sometimes.` Marlene shrugged. `It differs. Usually I can feel it coming on. I didn`t mean to get it all over the floor.`
`Do you think you can keep your pain draught down?`
Marlene felt the odd emptiness of her stomach; the foul aftertaste lingering in her mouth; the thumping behind her eyes. Her lower lip began to tremble. `I don`t know.` she replied softly, fighting back the tears. `I don`t know.`
`That`s alright.` Madam Pomfrey sat down on the bed next to her. `I can see if I can find something for the nausea too. You can even stay here for a while if you`d like?`
Marlene was almost as tall as the Hogwarts matron, their eyes were levelled; Madam Pomfrey`s friendly crow-footed eyes shone with so much compassion that Marlene couldn`t hold it in any longer. The crying came out in big heaving sobs with barely any room in between them to take a breath.
`I`m sorry,` Marlene bawled again. `I`m sorry. I don`t know why I`m crying. This is really silly. I shouldn`t be crying.` She furiously wiped at her eyes, trying to regain her composure. At home she got reprimanded if she let herself go like this. Her stepdad would yell at her for working herself up and would tell her to get a grip and calm down.
`There is nothing wrong with a good cry if you are feeling sad.` Madam Pomfrey said, rubbing her arm.
`But that`s the thing,` Marlene wept. `I don`t know if I`m sad. I don`t know what I`m feeling. It`s- It`s all just so- My head hurts and I`m tired. I`m so tired. I- I-` She was struggling to form proper sentences. Her entire body shook, her sickness returning. `I`m sorry.`
Madam Pomfrey conjured up a box of tissues, but Marlene was trembling too much to take one from her. `I`m so tired, I just don`t know how to do this anymore.`
`Are you getting enough sleep, dearie?`
`I don`t know.` Marlene sniffed and hesitated.
Once did speak, it all came tumbling out in a big blur. `I- I guess not. My head just keeps turning and turning and I can`t seem to shut it off, ever. I`ll wake up in the middle of the night and I`ll instantly start worrying about everything. Either I`m worrying about exams, and how fecking rubbish I am, and how I`ll never get good enough marks to pass my OWLs and become a healer. And then I`ll fail everyone around me, and I`ll be a bleeding disappointment, like I already am. And my friends all seem so assured of themselves. Lily is so smart she will get all her OWLs, no question, and it just makes me feel like I`m an even bigger failure.`
She took a big gulping breath of air between sentences. `And if I can`t be a healer, I haven`t got a clue what I`ll be, or do. None of the professional quidditch teams reached out to me. I don`t even want to play professionally, but I put so much effort into it, and now it all feels like I`ve done it all for nothing. James got millions of offers, but he turned them all down because he`s too much of a do-gooder, who`d rather fight in this blithering war. And of course Prince Sirius is also going to fight, riding in on his white fecking horse, making Mary even more in love with him than she already is. And I shouldn`t even, I- I`m not even supposed to think like that about her-`
Marlene stopped abruptly, guilty, coming to her senses, realising she`d been ranting for quite some time and was steering into dangerous territory. However, Madam Pomfrey didn`t seem fazed at all; she probably got this all the time from other students. A living example of how a job as a healer could be quite taxing; as Professor McGonagall had stated.
`I`m sorry,` Marlene swallowed, and wiped her eyes. `I`m whining. I shouldn`t be whinging. I`m fine.`
`It doesn`t sound like you are.` Madame Pomfrey cocked her head, a grey curl falling out from her white nurses cap.
That made Marlene start crying again and she looked down at her hands; the fingernails on both her hands were bitten down to the quick, looking more akin to wee red slivers of moon.
`Merlin, I don`t know why I`m crying,` Marlene sniffed. `I`m so sorry to bother you, my head just hurts. Erm, and-` she stumbled over her words. `That what I said about Mary, that`s just because- Because she is my best friend and-`
`I think I understand.` Madam Pomfrey replied gently.
Marlene blinked, her heart skipping a sudden beat. `You- you do?`
A soft smile was playing around Madam Pomfreys lips. She smoothed a wrinkle in her starched white apron and, with a swift flick of her wand, conjured up a potion. `I had a Mary when I was your age, you know?` She handed Marlene the bottle. `Drink. This will help with the pain as well as the nausea.`
Obediently, and too confounded to speak, Marlene rapidly drained to bottle. Almost instantly the pain seemed to seep out of her head and her spinning stomach came to a halt; a pleasant drowsiness settling over her.
`We went to Hogwarts together. She was my best, best friend,` Madam Pomfrey continued, fluffing some pillows on a nearby bed. `Oh, I had to deal with a fair share of Sirius’s in my day, though, in the end they never did last,` she sighed. `In the end we both decided to stop pretending that, well…` She smiled to herself, her cheeks flushing pink, a youthfulness fluttering over her features.
With her mouth slightly agape, Marlene followed Madam Pomfrey with her eyes, not quite believing what she was telling her. `What- what happened after you two left Hogwarts?`
`Well,` There was a mischievous sparkle in Madam Pomfrey`s eyes. `You could say neither of us ever really left.`
Marlene`s eyes widened. `You mean to say that…?`
Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows and shrugged lightly, one corner of her mouth curling up; not saying anything, yet saying so much all the same. It was too risky saying it out loud. At any given moment someone could come waltzing in and accidentally overhear them. Which someone did; two Hufflepuff boys, one clutching a bloody nose.
`Now, get yourself into this,` Madam Pomfrey magicked a clean pair of pyjama’s into existence. `And try to get some sleep, there is a draught on the nightstand.`
As the Hogwarts matron tended to the Hufflepuffs, Marlene shut the curtains and swapped out her clothes. It was a good thing that there was a sleeping draught waiting for her, otherwise she certainly wouldn`t have been able to fall asleep. The freshly made bed brought her a swift and effortless sleep.
***
Wednesday June 2nd 1976
One thing that Hogwarts definitely was not known for, was it`s abundance of privacy. It was safe to say that there was very much a lack thereof.
Ever since her unfortunate altercation with Mulciber in March, Mary hadn`t dared to sneak around the castle after curfew anymore, even with Sirius. The Slytherins seemed to be everywhere; cowering in empty corners, waiting to prance on her as soon as she came into view. It was bad enough already during the day, she didn`t want to risk her chances of running into them in the dead of night.
At first, Sirius had been rather sulky about this, of course. He didn`t understand Mary`s constant fear. In his eyes, as long as he was there, nothing could go wrong. But Mary knew better. Eventually he had laid himself down by her decision, deciding that snogging in front of everyone else had a certain thrill to it. Mary suspected Sirius of having a tad of exhibitionism.
With OWLs moving closer and closer on the horizon, everyone seemed to be edging close to state of nervous collapse. Marlene and Lily were both absolutely frantic, running around and demanding everyone to quiz them on their knowledge at all times of the day.
However, Sirius didn`t seemed that faffed at all. Actually, he was astonishingly calm about it. Which made that he wanted to spend all the more time with her; snogging that was.
Even though Mary wasn`t as pressed about getting excellent marks as most of her classmates, she did put in a good amount of effort; if only to prove to herself that if she wanted to, she could. Remus was still hosting his regular study sessions in the library and Mary gladly joined him. Unlike Sirius, or Lily and Marlene, Remus was laid back. He didn`t feel the need to make a fuss about everything. He understood that things didn`t always work out for the best. Besides, Remus let her ramble on without interrupting. That was why she decided to confide in him.
`I can`t believe that Marls actually chucked a slipper at our heads. It properly hurt,` Mary rubbed her head. `Reckon I`ve got a bump on my scalp now. She`s got good aim, and don`t let her weedy frame fool you, that girl is pure muscle.`
`Hmm well, you were being a bit obnoxious. S`pose you had it coming.` Remus shrugged, not looking up from his revision. `She had a point saying that you should maybe find someplace else.`
`There is nowhere to go though,` Mary sighed listlessly. `Sirius won`t let me up into your dorm, and boys can`t get in ours…and I don`t dare get caught in a cupboard somewhere, not with this castle crawling with wannabe death eaters.`
`What?` Remus looked up, wiping a curl from his forehead, looking alarmed. `Has someone tried to hurt you, Mary?`
Mary tensed her shoulders and dropped them. `Oh, all the time,` she smiled tiredly. `I`m used to it by now. At least being the only black kid at my primary school prepared me for something.`
`That`s horrible, Mary, I`m sorry.` Remus did look sincerely sorry. He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. The gesture surprised Mary; Remus wasn`t one to initiate physical contact, certainly not with her.
`You`re so sweet, Remus.` She squeezed his hand back and smiled reassuringly. `Don`t worry about me though, I`ve got Sirius.`
Remus pulled his hand back. `Mm,` he bit his lip and stared down at his text. `What does he say about it?`
`Oh, y`know,` she sighed. `That he`ll defend me to the death, that nothing they do can ever come between us…` She rubbed her eyes and propped her head up on her hand, elbow resting on the desk. `To be honest, I think he has a bit of a white knight complex.`
`Well,` Remus closed his book with determination. `You`re no damsel in distress.`
That made Mary genuinely smile and she beamed at him. `Cheers, Remus, I knew I could count on you to support the women`s lib argument.` She rubbed her hands together. `Right, can we go over the Defence Against the Dark Arts paper again?` she asked. `Professor Droskie hinted there`d be something on either werewolves or vampires…`
They dove right back into revision, almost as if nothing had been said. OWLs would begin with a written test in Defence Against the Darks Arts. Mary was somewhat glad about this, seeing as it was one of her better subjects. It might prove to be a good thing, to launch into these following few weeks with a bit of confidence.
After they were done revising, Remus walked her back to Gryffindor tower. It wasn`t even that late at night, yet the hallways were practically deserted, everybody wanting to get in a good nights sleep before their first day of exams.
Back in their dorm, Mary found Lily in panic mode.
`I know nothing!` Lily wailed, lying face down on her bed. `I know absolutely nothing! You can cart me right off because I`m going to fail it all!`
`Lil, Lily, come on, listen,` Mary pulled her friend up by her arm. `If you are going to fail your exams, they can just as well shut down the whole school, because then no one is.`
`But, I know nothing!` Lily whimpered, her bottom lip trembling, her eyes welling over with tears.
Mary sighed. This was customary. Every year, as clockwork, on the evening before their first exam, Lily would convince herself that she hadn`t done nearly enough studying. Edging on hysteria, fuelled by sleep deprivation, and probably dehydration, she would work herself up into an absolute frenzy. Once morning came, this would all be gone and Lily would enter her exam as her normal fresh-faced chipper self. Though, they always needed to get through this part first.
It was very hot in their dorm, so as first order of business, Mary cracked open a window, trying to circulate the air in the room, which she suspected had been standing still for quite some time. The floor was littered with books and parchment, at least three inkwells standing between them. Sirius, the cat, was sitting atop a high pile of text books, looking as unbothered as can be as it cleaned itself.
Marlene entered, snuck one glance at Lily and knew what time it was. Dawdling in the doorway, it was evident that she was trying to decide whether to make a quick exit or stay.
Mary widened her eyes at Marlene, urging her to choose the second option. `Don`t leave me alone with her!` she mouthed.
Lily was clutching at her bedspread, blubbering silently, staring at the cat. `I know nothing.` she whispered again. `All poof gone.` She made a gesture with her hand that looked like something blowing up in her face.
`We are going to dance.` Mary announced resolutely, already rummaging through their communal record collection.
`I don`t want to dance.` Lily said sulkily. Marlene looked positively alarmed, shaking her head.
`You need to get moving, love.` Mary replied. `You`re spiralling.`
`But I need to study.`
`You don`t need to do nothing. You`ve done enough.`
Swiftly she magicked Curtis by Curtis Mayfield out of its sleeve and fitted it onto the record player, putting the needle to Move On Up. She hoped that no one would come complaining about the noise. Just to be sure, she put a Muffliatio charm on their room.
`Hush now child, don`t you cry…`
The room started to fill itself with music. In Mary`s opinion, dance was the only way to get yourself out of a bad state of mind. It was the only way she truly knew how to. The boundaries of the mind no longer existed when lost to the rhythm of the music.
They needed to be boundless. Certainly for what would transpire the next day.
///