Fifth Year, Careers
Mid-April 1976
`God, why is there hair all over your trousers?` Mary plucked a coarse black hair from Sirius` leg and examined it up-close. `You don`t have a pet, do you?`
`Maybe they`re my own.` Sirius cocked an eyebrow and grinned.
`Ha. Ha. Very funny, Black. You`re a cat or a dog now, innit?`
He shrugged, still grinning, fingering the fag that was tucked neatly behind his ear. His tie hung leisurely around his neck, dangling nonchalantly, looking elegant in the way that Sirius was able to make almost everything look elegant. Not able to resist, Mary pulled Sirius closer to her by his tie, kissing him, smiling against his teeth. It took a moment for Sirius to kiss her back, when he did his hands kept hanging limply to his sides, not touching her. Something felt off, as if Sirius` heart wasn`t in it, as if his mind was somewhere else entirely. It had happened a couple of times now over the last few weeks, ever since their fight on Remus` birthday.
Mary pulled back and opened her eyes, surveying Sirius intently. `What`s wrong?`
`What`d you mean what`s wrong?` Sirius replied defensively.
`It`s just…` Mary blinked and shook her head slowly. `You seem distant. It felt like you just…disappeared?`
`Hm.` Sirius shrugged. `Just a bit tired. OWLs.`
`Right.` Mary frowned, unconvinced. Sirius had done anything but study for his exams. He would probably still pass them with flying colours, annoyingly so.
A panicky feeling rose up in her chest. Was he losing interest in her? Had she done something to upset him without knowing? Or had they just left the early stages of their relationship where they couldn`t keep their hands off each other? She stared at her hands, examining the cuticles of her fingernails.
`Oi, come here,` Sirius pulled her into an embrace, his arms clasped around her back. `It`s nothing to do with you, alright? I`m really just tired.` He stroked her hair and planted a kiss near her temple.
Mary exhaled relieved, sinking into his chest, making a home for her cheek against his clavicle. Maybe he truly was not in the mood. Momentarily she closed her eyes, she was tired too. OWLs couldn`t be over soon enough.
`Oh fuck,` She suddenly shot upright, almost headbutting Sirius. `My career interview with McGonagall, I`m going to be late. Shit.` She sprang up from the couch and grabbed her bag.
Sirius jumped up as well. `I`ll come with you,` he said. `Better not go alone. If McGonagall gives you any trouble, tell her I was distracting you, that it was my fault.`
Mary smiled at him gratefully and together they hurried out of the common room towards McGonagall`s office.
As luck would have it, the student that was meant to have their interview before hers had ran-out, so she wasn`t late after all. Mary would not like to be subjected to the wrath of Professor McGonagall for being tardy.
`I`ll wait for you out here.` Sirius kissed her chastely on the cheek before Mary headed into the office with trembling knees. It wasn`t often that she felt nervous for something, or was afraid of someone, but she made an exception for the head of Gryffindor house. Even so, she straightened her back and pushed out her chest in make-believe confidence.
`Miss Macdonald,` Professor McGonagall looked up from a piece of parchment. `Please take a seat.`
With clammy hands, Mary sat down in the chair opposite the desk. She despised this office; she despised being in here; she despised being subjected to scrutiny.
`Let`s start with your grades, shall we?` It was the same old, same old conversation she probably had with all of her students.
Mary let out a humourless laugh and shifted in her seat. `Yeah, let`s rip off that Band-Aid.`
The stern looking witch looked overtop her thin glasses, peering at Mary. `Actually, I was going to say that I was pleasantly surprised, Miss Macdonald.`
`Oh.` Mary frowned, a little bit embarrassed.
`You may not be the strongest scholar,` she continued, looking at the parchment again. `However, you certainly do excel in some of your classes. Most of all, you seem to be putting in an adequate amount of effort. In fact, your Professors in Defence Against The Dark Arts and Divination have spoken very highly of you.`
`Really?` Mary replied, somewhat stunned.
`You may have higher confidence in your own abilities, Miss Macdonald.` McGonagall`s voice wasn`t necessarily friendly, but it was no longer as stern, her lilt softening. `Now, let`s talk careers. I expect you have thought about this?`
Mary rubbed her hands on her skirt and crossed her legs. `I have, actually…` She swallowed; this was the part she had dreaded the most.
`Let`s hear it.` Professor McGonagall picked up her quill, looking at her expectantly.
`I don`t think I necessarily want a job in the magical community.`
`Is that so?` The head of house lowered her quill, sighing heavily. `You`re not going to tell me you want to fight as well?`
`Fight?` Mary blinked confused. `No, no nothing of the sort, Professor.`
`Alright then.` McGonagall folded her sinewy hands, interlacing her fingers.
`I just,` Mary faltered, her heart beating fast. `I don`t think there`ll be any job opportunities waiting for people like me, once I`ve graduated.`
`Miss Macdonald, what did I tell you about having confidence in your own abilities?`
`No, it`s not that, Professor.` Mary replied defensively, and somewhat annoyed. `There is a huge bias against muggle-born witches and wizards,` she swallowed. `Even if the war turns out for the better - if we do win - you and I both know that I won`t have the same opportunities as most of them. Solving blood purity won`t solve the racial prejudice people will still have against me.`
`Miss Macdonald…` McGonagall took off her glasses. She looked tired, a little sad, worn down, and also uncomfortable. White people tended to get uncomfortable once race was brought into the conversation.
`It`s true, Professor. I`m not going to pretend that it`s not. I`ll be content if I can get a job somewhere that pays me enough to make a living for myself and support my parents. I`d rather be closer to my family, working a normal job, than betting my chances away at scrambling for something that I might never achieve.`
Professor McGonagall seemed to mull Mary`s words over in her mind, her face flittering between emotions, then she spoke, `Alright. It is your decision and I will respect that,` she paused. `I just want to make sure that you are not saying all of his because you think you are not capable of pursuing your passions. I would hate to see a girl like you go down without fighting for what she actually wants. You are a Gryffindor for a reason.`
Mary opened her mouth to retaliate, shield herself; she wasn`t a coward, she wouldn`t go down without a fight.
`And before you say that it isn`t that simple - trust me when I say that I am well aware, Miss Macdonald. Don`t forget that I`ve been at this job longer than you have been walking this earth.`
They finished up the interview by going over which N.E.W.Ts Mary would possibly want to take. At the end of the interview, Mary was glad to have it over and done with. As she stepped out of the office she refrained herself from sighing in relieve.
As promised, Sirius was waiting for her, leaning against the wall, one foot propped up, his tie still undone. It had become almost an unspoken rule that Sirius would accompany her through the castle if she needed to get from one place to the other.
He asked her how the interview had gone. Mary shrugged and told him that it had been just as dull as every other meeting with Professor McGonagall. It was no use trying to explain to Sirius why she didn`t want a job in the magical community. She`d tried once, or twice, but he seemed to be under the impression that he would be able to fix it all for her. Saying things like: I won`t let that happen; I`ll take care of you. Sirius appeared to be completely unaware that there was a larger issue at hand which he couldn`t solve with a mere snip of his fingers.
It was the same reason that she didn`t tell him whenever she got harassed in the hallways. He would want revenge; come swooping in on his high horse and try to be her saviour.
***
Mid-April 1976
It was no longer so unbearably cold in the preliminary hours of the day, in that stretch of time whilst dawn begins to break. The resentment that had burrowed itself into her for early mornings seemed to be thawing. Spring was noticeable deepening, awakening with every breath that the wind swept into the rolling landscape. Soft fleecy fogs glided over the Great Lake, obscuring the dark and impermeable surface of the water. The tops of the mountains were coronated with crowns of mist, casting shadows on the tender green meadows seeping down the sides.
It was the time of year that Marlene fell in love with nature all over again. Remembering her why`s as a children’s nursery rhyme. It made her want to run around barefoot; get mud everywhere; sink her fingers into the moss; fall asleep in the crooked elbow of a tree, lapping up the sun.
Those frivolous activities would need to be put on hold as for now she was swamped with revision, quidditch practice, and her career interview. OWLs would start in May, the quidditch final was just before that, however, her career interview with Professor McGonagall was looming just around the corner. Marlene was absolutely bricking herself.
To keep herself occupied until then she was helping James tidy up the pitch after practice. If she was to go up to her dorm, she would inevitably run into Lily, who would want to practice the interview, and Marlene really did not want to do that. No need to add on to her anxiety more than absolutely necessary.
`So…` Marlene offered, entertaining the silence. `Already decided who you`ll accept?`
It was no secret among the members of their team that multiple professional quidditch teams had already inquired about James. If it wasn`t for her own decision that she didn`t want to play professional, Marlene might have been extremely jealous of him.
`Actually,` James said, pushing his glasses further up his nose. `None of them.`
Marlene`s mouth fell open in shock. `Either you`re absolutely daft, or you have a bleeding good reason.`
James chuckled. `Well I don`t know about the daft part,` he raked a hand through his hair. `But no, erm…I`m going to fight.`
`Fight?` Marlene looked at him, befuddled. `Fight for what?`
`The war. I`m going to help Dumbledore. They need people out in the field if we want to win this.` He grinned, looking proud. `I don`t want to sit by and watch as it all goes down. I want to help. My parents are doing so much already and I don`t want their hard work to all be in vain. They`re not getting any younger, y`know?`
`Och.` Marlene breathed, something akin to a shiver running up her spine. He sounded so sure of himself.
`We`re all going to do it, actually.` James continued. `Me, Moony, Padfoot and Wormy.`
`Merlin, talk about daft indeed.` Marlene frowned.
`It`s our duty.` James puffed out his chest, sounding defensive.
`But…` Marlene swallowed. `We`re just kids. Don’t they…I mean, aren`t there others who can do it?`
`There are.` James nodded. `But the more the merrier, eh? Besides, we aren`t exactly kids.`
It was almost as if James didn`t hear what he was saying, so cheerful and confident did he come across.
`Well, I assume you`ve put good thought into it.`
`I have.` James nodded.
Their conversation seemed to come to a natural halt after that. Marlene took a walk around the lake before she headed back to the castle. She`d needed a second to clear her head of all the spinning thought about the war, her mother, Danny, and the anxiety that she herself even might be expected to fight when it came down to it.
Unexpectedly she was met not only by Professor McGonagall, but also by Madam Pomfrey. At first, Marlene through she might have gotten the timing of her interview all wrong, but soon it became clear that the medi-witch had only stopped by to drop something off for her colleague. With a swift goodbye to the both of them she disappeared.
The first order of business was to go over her marks. It went by routinely. They both agreed that Marlene had shown true progress over the course of her time at Hogwarts and was well set to go into the exam season. Marlene failed to mention her complete and utter horror at the nearing of their OWLs. The anxiety she felt left her sleepless and agitated, and only seemed to be growing now they were truly in the final sprint. She supposed that this was normal, everybody felt nervous at times. Besides, she didn`t want to bother her head of house with her personal problems. She`d hate to come off as whingy, certainly not when she was planning on telling McGonagall about her aspiration of going into the medical field.
`Now, Miss McKinnon,` Professor McGonagall folded her hands on top of her stack of papers. `I`m sure you are well aware that to become a healer you will need to complete your OWLs and N.E.W.Ts in Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Herbology. This may seem like a daunting task, however, I may preface that I am fairly certain that a witch of your capabilities will succeed in anything she sets her mind to.`
Marlene nodded, pressing her lips together, nervously picking at her nails.
`However, and I don`t state this lightly, the task of becoming a healer can at times be extremely emotionally taxing. To face the challenges you`ll inevitably encounter in your field of studies you will need to have a certain amount of levelheadedness and perseverance. Becoming a healer is not for the faint of heart.`
Shifting in her seat, Marlene nodded again, forcing herself to meet McGonagall`s eyes. She was scared to say something in return, scared she might say the wrong thing.
`In the times we live in, Miss McKinnon,` the head of house continued. `Healers will soon be needed more than ever. Though, that doesn`t mean that just anyone should become one, or has the natural abilities to be one. You will need to learn to live with loss, and at times a feeling of powerlessness. Not everybody can be fixed. So, I want you to think very thoroughly about if that is truly what you want, there is no use in making rash decisions. Do you understand?`
`Aye, I understand, Professor.` Marlene replied softly, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach.
`Alright.` Professor McGonagall nodded satisfied. `If you have any further questions about becoming a healer, or any other occupation within the medical field, I strongly advice you to seek out Madam Pomfrey and ask her about her own experiences. If you indeed wish to go into this field of expertise, she will also be the person to guide you,` her voice seemed to soften. `Poppy is one of the - if not the most - experienced healers I have the pleasure of being acquainted with. I am sure she will be more than happy to help you.` Professor McGonagall smiled. Marlene was taken aback, the stern witch nearly never smiled. It looked almost unnatural.
`I will let your Professors know about the N.E.W.Ts you are willing to take on after the summer. Then I think we can conclude our meeting, Miss McKinnon.` Professor McGonagall was still smiling, as if a pleasant thought wouldn`t let her go.
Quickly Marlene rose; the back of her blouse was wet from nervous sweat, discreetly she tried to peel it loose from her skin. `Thank you, Professor.`
Marlene hurried back to Gryffindor tower. The interview hadn`t been as bad as she`d expected it to be. However, it had been a lot of information to take in, and if anything, it had left her with more doubts than certainty.
***
Late April 1976
By the last week of April, all of the fifth year students had gone through their respective career interviews. The weather had also softened sufficiently for it to be pleasant enough to sit outside in the aquatic sunlight. To celebrate the occasion Lily, Marlene and Mary had decided to abandon their seemingly never-ending mountain of revision, and reward themselves with a leisurely long afternoon out on the beach of the Great Lake.
Marlene had taken her inflatable boat out of storage and was steering it towards the middle of the lake, her pale blonde ponytail fluttering in the breeze as a pennant. Lily stared after her, squinting as she peered against the light. The vibrant orange of the plastic stood out harshly against the dull green of the lapping waves. In April the waterlilies began to bloom, speckling the water as haphazardly placed incidents of innocence.
Laying back on a towel, one arm slung across her face, Mary was seemingly half asleep, her chest rising and falling in a constant lethargic rhythm. Lily decided to take her example and close her eyes for a while; they hurt from constant use. The last month had gone by in a fog of books, ink and parchment. To her utmost embarrassment she couldn`t remember the last time she`d been outside of the castle, except for the occasional class that had been taught out in the open air, or the hurried trot towards the greenhouses. It was good to breath in some fresh air once in a while. Constantly being buried in a pile of books occasionally made Lily loose her sense of reality.
Her meeting with Professor McGonagall earlier that day had gone as expected. Lily had expressed her desire to possibly get some of her A-Levels after she`d graduated from Hogwarts. With the constant looming threat that she might not be able get a job as a muggle-born, Lily wanted to make sure she had all of her options covered. Besides, going to a normal university had a certain appeal.
However, if the war was to take a turn for the better, Lily did have a fair few ideas in mind of what she might want to do. Her favourite and best subjects were by far Runes, Charms and Potions. Professor McGonagall had explained that there was further magical education available for those who whished to continue in their academic pursuits. If Lily was indeed interested in specializing in one of these fields of magic, she would be able apply for an advanced level degree once she`d graduated with the adequate amount of OWLs and N.E.W.Ts.
Severus had already spoken to her about wanting to delve further into Potions as soon as he left Hogwarts. He`d even suggested that they might apply together, though, Lily didn`t think that sounded all too appealing. Sure, she liked Potions well enough, and Professor Slughorn always praised her on her work in Slug-club, but to spend the next foreseeable future competing with Severus in a field that wasn`t truly her passion was something that she just didn`t really fancy.
Runes would certainly be a good option. She thoroughly enjoyed the decoding of ancient scrolls and the mythology of it all. It was the perfect combination of literature and tinkering with data.
Then, there was also the field of magical law which greatly appealed to her. It was absolutely fascinating, and more so, it could be an opportunity to reform The Ministry for the better; to truly make a difference in the rights of all magical creatures.
There were so many possibilities that it was almost overwhelming. Professor McGonagall had even pressed her not to load too much on her plate. Just because she had the opportunity to take on a course at N.E.W.T level next year, didn`t mean she should. Lily found this to be somewhat troubling; she didn`t want people to think that she wasn`t capable of doing a certain subject by dropping it.
`Do you have any idea what the boys said during their interviews?` Lily asked, not opening her eyes.
`Hmm?` Mary hummed sleepily.
`What they want to do after graduation? Careers and such.`
`Oh,` Mary yawned and Lily heard her stir on the pebbles. `Dunno, really. Reckon I should`ve asked Sirius. Think Peter wants to do something at The Ministry, but I don`t know the extent of it. Maybe Marls knows.`
Lily opened her eyes again and sat up straighter, getting Marlene`s attention, beckoning her over with a wave of her hand. It took Marlene some time to get back to the shore. In the meantime, Lily grabbed an apple and polished the dull red and green skin with the sleeve of her robes until it shone again.
After dragging her boat onto the beach, Marlene carefully made her way towards them; she had taken off her tights and was walking barefoot over the rocks, seemingly unfazed by the cold wind on her wet shins. While the sun did shine, it was still seasonably cold, the golden light almost a rehearsal for the warmth that was yet to come.
`What`s up? Saw you waving.` Marlene asked; noticing Lily`s apple. `Is there another one?`
`Catch,` Mary tossed Marlene an apple which she`d quickly produced from a small wicker basket. Marlene nimbly caught it out of the air.
Lily thoroughly swallowed her bite of apple before replying, `We were wondering if you knew more about what the boys want to do after graduation.`
Marlene frowned and took a bite of her own apple, answering while chewing, `Black didn`t tell you?` She looked at Mary with intent.
`Tell me what?` Mary came out of her resting position and sat up with her arms clasped around her knees.
`They`re planning to fight in the war.` Marlene answered, staring out over the lake, apple dangling from her hand. `All four of them.`
It took both of them a moment to answer. Lily`s mouth dropped open. `And all four of them? Even Remus?`
`Uhu.` Marlene nodded in accordance, biting into her apple. `All four of `em.`
`Christ,` Mary huffed indignantly. `Cannot believe Sirius didn`t tell me. See, this is what I mean when I say that he is always so secretive about everything!`
`But…fight in the war?` Lily asked, not any more knowledgeable than she had been before. `What does that even entail?`
Marlene shrugged. `Honesty…I have no clue. It`s just what Potter told me. Didn`t think of asking any further questions really. Was too stunned.`
`Potter told you?` Lily asked, frowning. Of course he was behind this. Ever since first year, James had taken on his title as leader of the marauders; the other three practically did anything he said or did.
`Aye,` Marlene nodded. `His parents are apparently doing a great deal for the war effort. That`s why, even though they technically are purebloods, they`re considered blood traitors by the other families. Because they side with Dumbledore.`
`What does Dumbledore have to do with all of this?` Mary asked, sounding confused.
`He`s forming a resistance.` Marlene replied matter-of-factly, then her eyes widened in shock. `Erm, I don`t even know if you are supposed to know that, Danny did say it was rather secretive.`
`Who cares that we know. Who`re we going to tell? My mum?` Mary chuckled, then her eyes suddenly turned to Lily.
`What?` Lily stared at her befuddled. Then it dawned on her. `I won`t tell Severus.` Severus would be the last person she would be telling this to. She was starting to trust him less and less.
Mary kissed her teeth and raised her eyebrows, looking unconvinced.
`Seriously. I swear.` Lily added, holding up her hands. She was aware that her track record when it came to Severus wasn`t exactly clean, but they could trust her on this one.
`But surely they aren`t going to let them fight?` Mary asked, returning to the main topic of conversation. `Wouldn`t they be child soldiers?`
Marlene shrugged, a pensive look on her face. `They`ll all be of age. Nobody legally will have the right to say they can`t.`
`We don`t know what will be expected of them, though. We don`t even know what they mean by `fighting`. Surely magical wars are nothing like muggle wars.` Mary frowned.
`I think it`s admirable in a way.` Marlene said, picking at her nails. `Wanting to help.`
`Well, I think it is extremely reckless.` Lily spoke, pointedly. `You know what they are like, they will think it is just all one big prank, until one of them gets truly hurt, and then it will be too late.`
`Let`s just hope all of this blows over.` Mary said. `Maybe there won`t even be a war anymore when we leave Hogwarts.` Even though she was smiling, her voice was one strung with uncertainty.
`Yeah, maybe.` Lily nodded and directed her gaze out over the lake, deciding to lap in every moment they still had until they would, need to leave indeed.
///