Fifth Year, Decorum
Begin December 1975
If the party had been agony, than Marlene had to invent a completely newfound set of words to describe the feelings that were soaring through her subsequently. It hadn`t only been the exuberant amount of Witches Brew which had made her ache, but also the fact that, ever since his birthday, Sirius and Mary were now officially an item. It was excruciating to say the least.
When Mary had been with Darren, it had been bad enough already to listen to her go on and on about how good of a kisser he was. At least with him, Marlene had been left to her own devices to form a picture to accompany the words. Yet now, with Sirius, Marlene had first row seats to the spectacle. And not only she, but the whole castle it seemed. The two of them were hardly prudish. It was grotesque.
When they weren`t in class, or engaged in some other school related activity, Mary and Sirius were intertwined into a two headed and many limbed creature; lips locked and hands grappling feverishly at each other. They had absolutely no decorum when it came to the time and place that they choose to engage in such vulgar behaviour. People walked around them in a wide circle; either staring at them with looks of disdain or amusement. Marlene felt sick only thinking of it. At least feeling disgusted was better than the pain she had felt earlier.
Marlene wasn`t the only one who seemed to have difficulties with the coupling of Sirius and Mary; the Slytherins also appeared to be less than pleased with this new relationship development. Ever since first year, Mary had been one of the biggest targets of the blood status feud; her muggle heritage and race both being factors in this. However, now that she was involved with the heir of one of the most notorious pureblood wizarding families of Britain, the hatred towards her had dialled up a considerable notch.
It was truly frightening, the way that Mulciber or one of his disciples glared after her in the hallways. Marlene was terrified of what might happen if Mary was caught on her own, with no one there to bear witness or support her. It send chills up her spine only thinking about it.
Dreary November had bled into a properly bleak December and the weather was cooling down; they were slowly but surely heading into winter. The mornings were cold and rainy; the cutting wind biting at the tips of their noses and ears. Marlene bundled up in thick layers before heading off to quidditch practice; no type of weather put a halt to that.
When Marlene entered onto the open field with her shoulders hitched up to her ears to preserve some body heat, she spotted James sitting on his own in the lee of the shed. He was polishing his broom, back bent as he worked, a brooding look on his face. Marlene planted her broom against the wall and rolled her shoulders. James mumbled something as a way of greeting and kept on polishing.
`What`s with the face?` Marlene asked, crossing one arm across her chest to stretch it.
`What face?` James looked up, his glasses perched on the end of his nose.
`That one.` Marlene lifted her eyebrows. `You don`t seem as chipper as usual.` James was generally annoyingly cheerful. She couldn`t help but envy him a wee bit.
James ignored her and clenched his jaw as he wiped the cloth over the wooden handle with care; he cared for his broom as if it was his child.
`Did Lily turn you down again?` Marlene joked; trying to get through to him.
`No.` James replied dryly. `Not this week at least.`
`Merlin,` Marlene snorted; a cloud of breath evaporating into the cold air. `I have to give it to you; you`ve got perseverance. Don`t see why you don`t give up. I`m telling you; Lily`s not going to budge.`
James shrugged undefeated. `One day maybe.`
`If you say so.`
Marlene had started stretching her legs now; they were cold and still sore from yesterday`s practice. She jogged a little bit in place and surveyed the parameter of the pitch; one of her teammates was running laps, others were throwing a quaffle back on forth, some were still missing. With this colder weather people tended to show up later.
`Where`s Black?` she questioned. `Why isn`t he here yet? He`s not bunking off, is he?`
`Oh, he`s here alright.` James grumbled.
`Then why can`t I spot him?` Marlene squinted her eyes as she peered out over the field. `We`re supposed to start in ten minutes.`
`In there.` James jerked a thumb towards the changing rooms. `He`s having a little morning rendezvous with someone who you might know very well.`
Marlene`s eyes widened, her stomach twisting. `Oh, fer feck sake,` she groaned. `It`s seven in the morning. Since when is Mary a morning person?`
`Tell me about it.` James grunted. `Been trying to have Sirius out of bed before noon for years and suddenly he`s all about the early hours.`
Marlene laughed; albeit a little pained. `I thought you were captain romance, Mr. Oi Evans.`
`This isn`t romance; this is…` James sighed exasperated. `I barely see him anymore. All he cares about now is sticking his tongue down MacDonald`s throat. You know, last night we were supposed to set off some dungbombs in the loo`s and he just ditched me. Pete was off with Desdemona and Moony was patrolling some corridor with Evans; had to blow the whole thing off.`
`Jealous much?` Marlene raised her eyebrows mockingly.
`Hypocrisy is new for you McKinnon.` James cocked an eyebrow.
`Huh?` Marlene replied confused, frowning.
`Oh, come on,` James gave her a meaningful look. `You`ve hardly been subtle about your own jealously.`
Marlene swallowed, a jolt of panic striking. What did James know? `What`d you mean?`
James chuckled and jumped up. `Don`t be embarrassed. It`s pretty obvious you fancy Sirius, mate.` He slapped her on the back. `You stare at him all the time when he`s with Mary. You get this look on your face.` He pulled a pained face.
`Och, that,` Marlene laughed nervously and eternally embarrassed. `Aye, it`s erm…yeah.`
`Oi, I won`t mock you for it. I`m not one to talk.`
Sirius appeared out of the squat stone building; his quidditch kit as rumpled as his hair; a giggling Mary in tow. Mary caught Marlene`s eye and winked at her, sending Marlene`s head reeling. It was annoying how flirtatious girls could be with one another without it actually meaning anything. A touch on the arm, an embrace, a kiss on the cheeks, little complements. When a boy did such a thing to a girl, there were absolutely no doubts as to what his intentions were. Marlene could probably snog Mary square on the lips and nobody would even believe that she actually fancied her. Not that she was going to try; there was absolutely no way. But it was infuriating; it made things all the more confusing. Every time that Mary was just a wee bit touchy feely, Marlene`s hopes that there could someday be something between them shot up to the roof again. All those little what if`s.
Practice went on as usual after that. The wind was fierce, but not unbearable. The clouds broke apart, giving them a dry window. Afterwards, Marlene went up to the library to join Lily; snagging a couple of pieces of toast on her way. The last weeks of the term were always dire when it came to homework and assignments. Most of their midterms were almost due and Marlene had still a lot of catching up to do.
Marlene was also still waiting for the Christmas presents she had ordered for her mother and Danny to arrive. Her stepdad never really took the effort to supply them with gifts; thinking it was a frivolous activity. Marlene wondered what Christmas would be like this year. Previously, they`d always have a big party for the Winter Solstice. However, now that they were no longer living in Scotland, her parents` circle of acquaintances had diminished considerably. Besides, people were starting to get scared to get together in large gatherings, with the crescendo of the war in mind. It would probably be just the four of them hidden away at Hollyhock.
***
Thursday December 18th 1975
During the winter months, the already chilly dungeons took on an even colder atmosphere. The Potions classroom didn`t have any windows and it was always set in an eery greenish glow. Though Lily liked Potions and always looked forward to getting to work with Remus, she never failed to feel relieved whenever they were allowed to ascent into the warmer and lighter part of the castle. So, on this dire day just before the start of the Christmas holidays, she wasn`t particularly jumping up and down with excitement. The cold wasn`t the only reason.
Severus regularly stared at her during class, looking away quickly every time she dared to look back. They weren`t on the outs exactly; they were still talking at least. Sometimes they would walk to class together, or meet in the library. But, Lily started to dread these little interactions. Whenever she made an agreement to see him, she would catch herself fearing it, secretly hoping that something would interfere with it so she could make an excuse as not to go. The thing she despised the most was when he would show up unannounced; it startled her. Severus had this way of sneaking around, pouncing up on her, making it seem like he had been following her. Sometimes he`d position himself at a desk in the library very close to Lily and her friends; not saying anything, but evidently paying avid attention to her.
Their class was waiting at the top of the worn-out stone steps leading into the dungeons; Professor Slughorn was always late.
`I just can`t work out the duplication part, it`s so confusion.` Marlene was saying to Remus, sounding distraught.
`There`s an easy way to get the pronunciation right.` Remus replied, he was staggering under the weight of his bookbag. `I can show you before we leave for Christmas if you want.`
`Oh, yes please.` Marlene sighed relieved. `You make everything easy to understand. Tonight?`
`No, I can`t tonight.` Remus replied. `Friday?`
Lily surveyed Remus, wondering what would bind him up that evening; they weren`t on the patrol roster.
`Oh, ok…` Marlene looked disappointed. `I`ll have to get all my packing done tonight though. Still got presents to wrap for mum and Danny.`
`Evans can`t you stop them?` James called for her attention; his face contorted into a sour expression as he stared over her shoulder.
Lily turned around to see what he was indicating at, though, she already had quite a solid feeling. At the entrance of the dungeons Mary and Sirius were enveloped into a tight embrace, their mouths working hard.
`There`s nothing in the rules about displays of affection.` Lily scowled, biting her cheeks. `Don`t you think I`ve checked?`
She`d asked Mary multiple times already to keep the snogging and groping out of the hallways; or at least find an empty hallway. To be honest, Lily didn`t really care that Sirius and Mary appeared to be unable to keep their hands off eachother; she just disliked having to watch it constantly.
The door to the dungeon was opened by a lavender clad Professor Slughorn and the class queued up reluctantly to descend the stairs. Lily hurried after Remus to claim their usual desk at the front of the classroom. As she unpacked, Severus nodded at her from across the room; she smiled back, but the smile felt disingenuous.
At the end of their lesson, the Potion`s master set them another assignment, due in early January. The teachers truly had no remorse.
`At this rate I`ll be writing essays during Christmas dinner.` Lily mumbled sadly as she cleaned their desk of any potion residue. `I can`t wait for OWLs to be over, can you?`
`I s`pose we`ll just have to start working on NEWTs once these are finished.` Remus sighed. `And Dirk Cresswell told me we won`t get our OWL results until the end of the summer.`
`What!?` Lily felt her stomach drop. `Oh no, that`s going to ruin my holiday. Dad wants to take us all down to Cornwall in the caravan and I was really looking forward to it.`
For the entire term, her dad had been keeping her up to date on the renovations of their old caravan. If there was one thing that her dad loved to do most, it was pottering about and fixing things. They hadn`t used the caravan in years; Lily must have been a toddler the last time they`d pulled it out of the garage. They much preferred using tents; they were a lot more convenient to get over the channel to France.
She`d hoped that this family outing would finally restore some peace between her and Petunia. However, knowing that she`d be all amped up on nerves and anticipation for her OWL results, she could probably kiss goodbye to that notion.
`So, what are you up to tonight?` Lily asked curiously. They were on their way up to lunch.
`Hmm?` Remus shrugged his shoulders. `Nothing.`
`I heard you tell Marlene you were busy, and we`re not on the rota for patrol tonight…` she held on; wanting to draw Remus out of his shell.
`Oh, er…` Remus fumbled for words. `It`s something else. Detention.`
Lily snorted, unconvinced. `Remus, you never get detention. Come on, what is it? A prank? A secret affair?` She wriggled her eyebrows.
`Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies.`
Good grievance; Lily thought. `Just try not to break any laws.` She shook her head and smiled, elbowing him.
He tutted and grinned.
Though Lily was making a joke out of it, she did wish that Remus would open up to her more. They`d known eachother for over four years now, still, she had the feeling that she barely knew anything about him at all. She would probably consider Remus one of her closest friends and though she felt ashamed about having had a crush on him for such a long time - gosh she could feel herself turn pink at the thought of it - she still cared about him a lot. Maybe as much as she did about Marlene and Mary.
As they entered into the Great Hall, James caught up with them. `Evans, Moony,` he nodded. `May I join you for lunch, as you two are the only two people in my life currently not snogging?`
`Oi, what am I, scotch mist?` Marlene slapped him lightly with her newspaper.
`My apologies, McKinnon.` James took a bow. `I thank you for maintaining your decorum. Unlike some I could mention.` He grabbed a serviette, crumpled it up into a ball, and pelted it at Sirius. `Lovebirds! Get a bloody room, we`re trying to eat!`
James could have thrown a table at them and it probably wouldn`t have stopped them in their endeavours.
Marlene was staring at Sirius and Mary, a pensive look on her face, her teeth grazing her bottom lip.
`It`s pretty brave of her,` Marlene spoke up. `Snogging him all over the castle like that.` She paused, frowning. `Or brave of him. I`m not sure. Either way, a pureblood and a muggleborn, flaunting their relationship.`
`What`s that supposed to mean?` Lily bit at her, glaring. `Mary is every bit as good as Sirius Black. Blood status has nothing to do with it.`
`Well obviously I know that.` Marlene replied, looking a bit shocked at Lily`s outburst. Sometimes Lily forgot that despite the fact that Marlene had grown up around wizards, her biological father had been a muggle. `But…well, see for yourself.` She cocked her head in the direction of the Slytherin table.
Lily turned to look. Sure enough, almost the entire house was staring at Mary and Sirius` displays of affection. Their faces were sour and mean. Even Severus didn`t keep his eyes to his plate and angrily whispered something at Mulciber, his hands balled into fists. Lily swallowed; how come she hadn`t thought of that before? Obviously Mary`s entanglement with Sirius would make her an even bigger target for the Slytherins. If there was one thing the blood purist didn`t like, it was the supposed tainting of their purity.
`Bloody hell.` James breathed. `Bunch of weirdos.`
`I`m worried about her.` Marlene gnawed on her lip again. `If she gets cornered in the halls and Sirius isn`t there…`
`We`ll look out for her.` James puffed out his chest. He caught Lily`s eyes and held them firmly. `Right?`
`Of course.` Remus nodded fervently.
`Err…yeah.` Lily replied haltering, slowly tearing her gaze away from James. For a split second, there had been something other than hatred coursing through her as she looked at him. But she shook herself out of it and started to lather a piece of toast.
***
Saturday December 20th 1975
For the first time in the four and a half years that she had been attending Hogwarts, Mary wasn`t looking forward to going back home for the holidays. This was a rarity, seeing as usually she could hardly wait to get back to see her family. Obviously, she was still avidly wanting to being rekindled with her siblings and parents, however this year, she thoroughly disliked the prospect of two whole weeks without Sirius. They had been practically inseparable ever since his birthday. Mary felt like she was walking on clouds, high above reality. Her days were filled with him; from morning till night.
Mary was yet to tell anyone at home that she was seeing Sirius. Her parents had absolutely adored Darren; her mother had been crestfallen when she`d heard about their breakup. Mary supposed that she`d already been planning their wedding; probably already booked the church. There was little doubt that her parents wouldn`t be jumping up and down with glee if she told them about Sirius. There were many things that they would not approve of; many.
The Hogwarts Express set off to London with them all squashed into one train carriage; there had barely been enough room to fit them all. Fortunately, Mary had been more than glad to give up her seat so she could sit on Sirius` lap. Her arms were draped around his neck as she kept kissing him. Snogging Sirius Black was truly something else. She was used to Darren`s careful and sweet kisses; they were familiar and tentative. This was…well, she supposed this was Sirius. He kissed with a hunger as if he expected every single one to be his last. Every touch was still new and exciting; the mere touch of a hand electric.
`I will literally curse you both with a lip locking charm if you plan to do that all the way to London.` Lily broke Mary`s trance. Mary ripped herself loose from Sirius and stuck her tongue out at Lily, who was pointing her wand at them menacingly.
`You too Wormy!` James pointed his wand excitedly at the other couple; eager to get Lily`s stamp of approval. Peter and Desdemona broke apart, grinning foolishly.
`We`re just saying goodbye.` Mary sighed, putting her head down in the crook of Sirius` neck. How good it felt to have someone to cling to; she thought.
`It`s only two weeks, and you can write to each other.` Lily responded flatly, raising her eyebrows.
Sirius shifted on the bench, his lap moving under Mary`s legs. `Er…actually,` he began hesitantly. `Better if none of you write to me. I`m not likely to get the letters anyway, and unless you want my dear mother reading them…`
Mary swallowed, feeling her spirits sink in disappointment. She hadn`t exactly expected that she`d been able to write to him; after all, she doubted the Black`s received muggle post. However, she had secretly hoped that he would maybe write to her and she could send something back via his owl. This was a huge disappointment to hear.
James frowned. `You`ve got the mirror, though?` he pressed, his face grave. `You can still get in touch with us if you need to.`
`Yeah, `course.` Sirius replied; his fingers reached for his breast pocket, brushing Mary`s back with his knuckles.
Sirius had shown Mary this mirror they were talking about. It had been a gift from James. If you looked into it, you didn`t see yourself, but whoever was looking into the second one of the set. Mary had almost screamed when she`d seen James in the reflection instead of herself. It was untrue to say that Mary wasn`t mad jealous at this nifty piece of magic. She would love to have a dozen of those; for her family, Lily, Marlene, and obviously Sirius. It would certainly make being apart from them a hell of a lot more bearable.
The train rattled over the metal tracks, bumping them wither and thither in their seats. Lazily, Mary rested her back against Sirius` chest, his hand was slowly making little patterns between her thumb and forefinger, giving her goosebumps.
James and Remus were pressed next to her and Sirius. Remus looked absentminded as he stared out of the window, his forehead rested against the glass pane. Opposite them, Marlene and Lily sat next to Peter and Desdemona. As always, Lily was reading, though every now and then she lifted her head to look around the carriage. She still had her prefect`s badge pinned to her uniform; it was quite endearing how proud she was to have it.
Sirius started to play with the little curls in the nape of her neck, coiling and uncoiling them around his fingers. It felt as if Sirius always had the need to hold onto something of her; not in an unpleasant way, just noticeable; as if he was drowning and needed a piece of driftwood. He had been visibly more on edge these last few days leading up to the Christmas holidays. Though he didn`t talk about it, Mary knew that he was dreading having to face his family. They never talked about Sirius` family; in all fairness, they didn`t really talk that much at all. Mary wondered if there would come a point when Sirius would be willing to let her into what exactly was going on at home. She supposed that his friends knew more about it, otherwise James wouldn`t be so concerned.
`Anything of the trolley, dears?`
The compartment door slid open and the small red-cheeked witch cast them a beaming smile. James sprang up eagerly, his pockets rattling with coins. Mary usually stuffed a serviette with some of the breakfast bits to have on the train; that way she didn`t have to spend any money. Still, she always ended up feasting on whatever the others bought. James was hardly frugal in his spending.
It seemed that Remus had slumbered off and Sirius roused him. `Oi Moony, wakey wakey?` He shook him. `Trolley`s here, don`t want to miss your lunch, do you?`
Remus blinked, bleary eyed. `Oh, cheers.`
`We`ll never get through all of this!` Lily reprimanded James; he had bought a tremendous amount of pasties and sweets. James grinned and shrugged at Lily; her lips curled into a small smile.
`You`ve clearly never seen Moony eat.` James winked and started handing out the goods.
`Oooh, I wish I had your metabolism, Remus!` Desdemona sighed, eyeing a pastry. `My mother`s always telling me I ought to start dieting.`
Mary rolled her eyes and grabbed a pasty. `Nothing wrong with having curves.` She took a big bite, the buttery pastry crumbling between her lips. `Gives `em something to hold on to!` She winked.
Lily started giggling and turned a bright shade of red; Marlene smirked and evidently tried to suppress a chuckle. Sirius kissed the back of Mary`s neck and pulled her in a little tighter.
She felt grateful to have grown up in a household where food was celebrated for all that it was worth. Not only as a basic necessity and a human right; also as a way to honour different cultures; feel a sense of community and togetherness; pleasure; a way of expression; a means to do all the things she loved to do. If leading a happy and fulfilled life led to a larger body, than that was the way it was supposed to be; that was what her mother always said. The pursuit of small bodies at the cost of everything were deeply rooted in a western ideology of how a decent human being should mould themselves to fit society; not even delving into the capitalism, racism and misogyny of it all. Mary would refuse to mould herself to be anything she didn`t want to be.
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