Fourth Year, Exam Season
Saturday April 26th 1975
`Marls, can I borrow your Herbology notes, please?` Mary batted her eyelashes at Marlene. `Mine are unreadable. I reckon I spilled something vile on them - there`s this weird stain at the-`
`Aye, go ahead; grab them,` Marlene cut Mary off, waving an impatient hand, eyes fixed on her text. `They`re somewhere in my bag.`
End of year exams were only two weeks away and their little study group was once again in full session; the four of them nicely tucked away at their usual desk by the window.
There was nothing particularly wrong with Mary`s notes; Marlene was just better at Herbology. Mary started rummaging through Marlene`s bag; digging through piles of parchment, discarded quills, an overripe apple, old essays, and finally her textbooks. Just as she reached the bottom of the bag her fingers got a hold of something.
`Why`s there a fag in here?` Mary asked confused.
`You haven`t started smoking have you?` Lily`s head shot up alarmed, her green eyes large. `It`s a utterly revolting habit.` With that she shot a quick glance at Remus, who pointedly ignored her.
`Ah feck,` Marlene snatched the cigarette from Mary`s fingers. `No, that`s Black`s. He wouldn`t put it away during practice, so I took it from him. Sorry `bout that.`
`Can I have it?` Remus asked, eyeing the cigarette.
`You really shouldn`t smoke Remus.` Lily started reproachfully, but Remus ignored her and took it anyway, tucking it behind his ear.
These days, Sirius was more often than not either smoking or supporting a cigarette behind his ear. The most surprising part - for Mary at least - was that it were muggle ones; she wondered how he got a hold of those here at Hogwarts.
Mary had now located Marlene`s Herbology notes and pulled them out, starting to copy them down. Marlene`s handwriting was a bit messy, so she had to concentrate quite a bit to make out some of the words.
`I wish exams were over.` Marlene groaned, rubbing her temples tiredly. `I can`t believe they planned the quidditch finale just before we`re supposed to take our bleeding exams. It feels like I need double the amount of hours in a day to get done what I need to get done.`
The Ravenclaw v Gryffindor match would be held in early May. It was the last game the team would be playing under the supervision of their current quidditch captain. Marlene had been coming back from practice completely beat; the pressure was starting to show on her. Mary desperately hoped that their team would win; if only so that Marlene could have a little bit of payoff for her efforts.
`Remus, do you know what`s going on with Sirius, by the way?` Marlene asked, turning to Remus. `He`s been out of sorts for a while now.`
Remus shrugged, `Dunno.`
`Teenage mood swings,` Lily chipped in, rather definitively. `Honestly,` she sighed and pushed her curls out of her face. `He acts like everything that happens to him is some great drama, but he`s no different than the rest of us. Hormones.`
Mary furrowed her brow; sometimes Lily could be a little bit quick to judge. Fair enough, Sirius had a flair for the dramatic, but there was more to him than that. `Well,` she started hesitantly. `His family is a bit of a nightmare…dark wizards and that. Can`t be easy with everything going on in the papers.`
The Daily Prophet was being flooded with articles about the war; exposing the families who were on the side of this supposed Dark Lord. Mary thought back at the time she`d extensively researched the Black family purely because she`d fancied Sirius; the thought made her immensely embarrassed.
`Sirius isn`t a Dark wizard.` Remus immediately replied defensively.
Mary glared at him; she was still cross with Remus for the things he`d said to her when he was under the influence of the veritaserum. Remus had apologised profusely for his behaviour, but there was no denying that the things he`d said were the complete and utter truth. Even though Remus was evidently feeling remorse, this made that Mary was still unable to forgive him.
`I know that.` Mary snipped. `I just meant that he might be feeling a bit torn, that`s all.`
`Sorry.` Remus replied softly; Mary didn`t know whether he was apologising for his current comment or his previous wrongdoings. `You`re right, he hasn`t got it easy.`
`You of all people shouldn`t pity him, Remus.` Lily grumbled as she slammed down another pile of revision books; it took Mary all her willpower not to groan outwardly.
`What is that supposed to mean!?` Remus spat back indignantly.
Marlene looked anxious and started biting her nails.
`He`s had every advantage over you and still he can`t be a nice person.` Lily replied as she started handing out the books; taking her position as study session leader. `He`s ridiculously wealthy, pureblood, old magic, privately educated, has both his parents – ugh, he and Potter are so -` She waved an all meaning hand around in the air.
Mary frowned; that was a bit naïve. Yes, of course, Sirius was extremely privileged in many ways. Yet, it was also rather evident that he had many other battles still to fight.
`James and Sirius are not that alike.` Remus just responded, not willing to elaborate.
Though Mary agreed with him - purely because she was still annoyed with Remus, and wanted him to know it - she didn`t open her mouth in defence of Sirius Black.
Lily grumbled again and angrily stuck her nose into her book, her quill scratching hard on the parchment as she started aggressively jotting down notes. Remus did the same, only a little less dramatically. Marlene and Mary exchanged an exasperated look.
After half an hour or so, Mary got sick of sitting in the repressed atmosphere of the library and decided to leave. She packed her bag and rose from her chair.
`Where`re you going?` Lily looked up.
`Dorm probably.` Mary replied. `Maybe write to Darren.` She glared at Remus again.
`But…were not done studying.` Lily said accusatory. `You`ll get behind.`
`Yeah, well I`m done.` Mary frowned. `My brain feels like it has been dipped into a frying pan.`
`But…` Lily looked helpless as she eyed their schedule that lay in the middle of the desk.
`Not everyone wants to spend their entire weekend in the library, Lil.` Mary jutted her hip out and perched a hand on it. `Not everyone is top of the class.`
`Fine.` Lily huffed. `If you want to fail your exams so you can write to your boyfriend; be my guest. Just don`t come crying to me next year with OWLs.`
`Lily,` Marlene chipped in. `Don`t be so harsh.`
`Just stating the truth.`
Remus looked highly uncomfortable. It wasn`t often that the three girls argued; almost never. They bickered, got snippy when they were tired, but it was never personal.
Without saying another word, Mary turned on her heel and left the library. She stomped down the hallway, almost bumping into a couple of boys who were crowding the walkway.
`Oh, move over!` she spat annoyed, not properly looking at whom she was addressing, too busy trying to get to Gryffindor tower.
Her heart sank in her chest as the boys turned to face her and she recognised one of them as being Mulciber, Snape`s friend.
`Ah, look who we have here.` Mulciber sneered. `Come to enjoy the show?`
Mary frowned and only then noticed the small Hufflepuff boy squirming around on the floor, clearly obstructed by a body binding curse.
In that moment, Mary could have been absolutely terrified, however, her earlier annoyance had sharpened her knife more than she would dare to admit. With a couple of swift wand movements she was able to undo the curse. To finish it off she flung a couple of hexes at the Slytherins with catlike grace; hexes and jinxes were her strong suits when it came to practical magic.
`You alright?` she asked the crying Hufflepuff, her voice sharper than she intended it to be.
The boy nodded and swiftly hurried away.
The grotesquely cursing Slytherins were still combatting their hexes as Mary stalked away, not glancing back, terrified that if she did she might get the shorter end of it. It seemed like everybody was in a foul mood this afternoon; it must be the upcoming exams; or hormones as Lily had stated earlier.
***
Early May 1975
Somewhere along the line, the dreary and rainy spring mornings had turned into the forebode of summer. Blue skies, chalk streaked with wispy clouds, birds swooping in above the horizon. A dawn chorus of chatters waking the castle as the sun rose. The sunbeams reflected off the muddy puddles decorating the soil in messy patches.
The air was almost windless; still and tranquil; the perfect morning for a quidditch practice. With the fortune of the Slytherins having been shot in the leg due to their missing seeker, Gryffindor had beat them in record time when it had come down to the rematch.
Now it was almost time for the last game of the season; Ravenclaw v Gryffindor, highly anticipated by not only the players themselves, but also the rest of the school. The match was set to be played just before exams would start; which was rather inconvenient in Marlene`s opinion.
The last couple of weeks she had felt like she was walking on a thin rope; trying to balance her schoolwork and quidditch. Marlene wasn`t the only one that was experiencing the repercussions of this ill planned match; apparently James had been threatened by McGonagall that if he wouldn`t get better marks, he could kiss his position as quidditch captain goodbye next year.
Sirius was also clearly upset, though, not as a result of the exams it seemed, or the upcoming match for that matter. He was constantly talking back to their current captain; turning up late and rumpled; slacking when it came to practice; and never seen without a cigarette between his lips.
Marlene understood that Sirius still must be suffering the blow of having injured his brother, but at this point it was putting the entire team at jeopardy.
For good measure, their team had had one last practice; going over tactics mostly. At the end of it, Marlene had felt beat and at the same time utterly exhilarated. There were little things in life that gave her such an endorphin rush as getting to soar through the air whacking at bludgers.
She let the hot water from the shower rinse over her; scorching, making her skin burn. After practice she always had the sensation that the dirt had gotten into every little crevice of her body; behind her ears, between her toes, under her fingernails. Roughly she scrubbed every part of herself clean, getting all of the filth of, her eyes squeezed shut as to avoid getting soap into her eyes.
The water continued dripping after she`d already turned off the tap. Quickly dried herself and pulled her clothes back on. Her hair was damp, but she would let it airdry. It appeared that she was the only one left in the changing room; she liked it that way; without the feeling that she had to avert her eyes from the other girls. Sometimes it felt like every other girl was so incredibly comfortable getting undressed in front of the others. Not only in the changing rooms, but also in their dorm. Mary didn`t shy away from stripping down to her knickers and bra to change into something else in the middle of their room, while still having an entire conversation with someone. It made Marlene feel highly uncomfortable. She never knew where to rest her eyes. It made her feel like a creep when she stared at another girl. So, if possible, she avoided having to change with the others altogether.
As Marlene sauntered out of the squat stone building next to the pitch, she was startled to find Sirius still there. He was sitting against the brick wall, one leg splayed out in front of him, the other hitched up, smoking, looking pensive.
`What`re you still doing here?` she asked, looking around to find James, but not locating him anywhere.
Sirius shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette.
`You need to stop that,` Marlene frowned. `You`re going to feck over your lungs.`
`What`s it to you?` Sirius bit back, clearly annoyed.
`Don`t want our team to lose due to you having breathing problems.`
`I`m made of stronger stuff.` He took another drag, pointedly looking at her.
`Aye, right.` Marlene sighed. Sirius was too stubborn for her to get through to him.
Though Marlene wanted nothing more but to leave, she dawdled, and finally sat herself down next to Sirius.
`Look,` she began. `I don`t know what`s going on-`
`No, you don`t know what`s going on.`
Marlene sucked her teeth. `But it`s no use just being a massive nob and moping around all the time. You`re not the only person on this team, and some of use do want to win the cup.`
`I do want to win.` Sirius replied petulantly.
`Good that we`re on the same page.` Marlene replied dryly.
Sirius blew a big plume of smoke into the air; Marlene started coughing, spluttering violently. Looking guilty now, Sirius put his cigarette out against the wall, the ashes crumpling down the bricks. They grew quiet, staring out over the pitch, the sun hitting their faces.
`I am sorry about your brother – if that`s what you`re thinking.` Marlene broke the silence.
`This isn`t about Regulus.` Sirius voice turned harsh.
`Didn`t say it was. I`m just saying that I`m sorry and that I understand how hard it must be for you - all that is going on with you and your family.`
`My family is none of your business.` he spat, rather forcefully.
Marlene felt taken aback by this sudden outburst. `Aye, sorry.`
`You just wouldn`t understand.`
`Try me.`
Sirius looked sceptical, and scratched the back of his neck.
`Give me one good reason.`
Marlene looked down, tearing at a piece of loose skin on her index finger. She could understand how Sirius might have the notion that she wouldn`t understand his family. However, Marlene knew a thing or two about the many qualms and frictions of family dynamics.
Her father had buggered off before she`d even had to change to get to know him; leaving her mother behind with two small children to raise on her own. Though she rarely thought of him - the man that was supposed to be her father - she couldn`t help but notice someone on the street with features resembling her own and wonder.
The man that had stepped in his place, her stepdad, drank too much and closed himself off at the merest hint of friction; preferring to dull himself rather than deal with it. Though he`d never admit to it, Marlene was sure he regretted marrying a woman with two children of her own.
To her mother, Marlene would always be second best; there was no denying that. Danny would always be the shining star of the parade. It hurt to know that`s she`d never be whom her mother wanted her to be. Often, it felt like her mother only saw her imperfections; this big eyesore. However, sometimes, Marlene through that when she looked at her mother she saw an older version of herself.
Deep down she knew that all her mother did and said was out of a place love and protection. She wasn`t sure if that was the case for Sirius` parents; so maybe she didn`t understand it after all.
Sirius was staring at her, one eyebrow cocked, still waiting for an answer.
`I know what it`s like to feel like a disappointment.` Marlene said, looking up from her hands, her finger bleeding.
`Yeah, right.`
Marlene didn`t budge and stared gravely at him.
`Oh.` Something like a shadow seemed to flicker over Sirius` face; some of his bravado disappearing. `I don`t-` he began and shook his head. `I could care less about what they think of me.`
`If you say so.` Marlene shrugged, unconvinced.
She rose and stretched her legs, moving her tired muscles. Keeping seated, Sirius gazed up at her, somehow appearing younger without his cigarette.
`Anyway,` Marlene said, grabbing her bag. `If you ever want to talk…` She couldn`t believe she was offering this.
Sirius looked pensive.
`Potter will have your guts for garters if we lose.` she laughed, trying to make light out of the situation.
Sirius snickered. `Yeah, next year`s going to be a nightmare with him as captain.`
`Better wet your chest.`
***
Mid-May 1975
It hadn`t escaped Lily`s attention that during the period leading up to their fourth year exams, another person outside of their usual study group was often found in the library at all hours of the day. At first, she`d though it was just another ploy to either annoy or impress her. However, this suspicion soon faded as James never made any inclination to actually join them during their study sessions. That, and when she`d complained about it to Marlene, she was told that James had been threatened by Professor McGonagall that if he didn`t get better grades this year he wouldn`t get to be quidditch captain next year. If there was one thing to motivate James Potter; it was quidditch.
The darkhaired boy sat at a desk by himself; glasses askew and practically pressing his nose against the paper. Sometimes, Peter would accompany him until he`d start mock yawning and disappear to seek out Desdemona. Sirius stayed clear of the library altogether.
Lily was glad that Remus never suggested that they`d invite James to come and sit with them. Maybe he was still feeling bad about the things he`d said when he had been under the influence of the truth potion, or maybe he just preferred it this way.
It was the evening after the Gryffindor v Ravenclaw match. Their house had won, though, it had been a close call. It had been evident that all the quidditch players were tired. For most students exam season couldn`t be over soon enough. Lily didn`t mind the exams that much, or the period leading up to it for that matter. It was rewarding to learn and be able to put her knowledge to the test. She did dread the waiting period afterwards, until results would come out. Even though she was always fairly certain she had done alright - or better than alright actually - she thoroughly disliked the uncertainty of it all.
Marlene had stayed behind in the common room to celebrate the victory; Mary in tow, chuffed to have an excuse for a party. They`d tried to persuade Lily to unwind a little bit before exams would start in earnest, but Lily had been stubborn, and told them she`d still had some last minute revision to do; which was true. She`d hoped that Remus would join her in her endeavours, but she hadn`t been able to find him anywhere, and, not wanting to waste too much time, she had headed towards the library on her own.
The fact that most of the quidditch team was getting mildly tipsy on bad liquor, made it even more surprising that Lily found James already sitting at his usual desk. At the sound of her footsteps, he looked up briefly, meeting her eye and beaming, before lowering his head again and continuing to scribble away. Lily rolled her eyes. She truly didn`t know what it was, but no matter what James did, it annoyed her greatly. She took her usual seat by the window and decided to ignore him.
After Remus had said those things about her being too arrogant to see how deeply in love James was with her, Lily had been forced to reconsider some notions she`d previously had about James. Still, it was hard to wrap her head around the fact that he actually fancied her; that it wasn`t just some odd game for him. She didn`t understand what he saw in her; they couldn`t be more different. Besides, she had made it rather clear that his affections weren`t reciprocated. Still he went on to pursue her.
Probably the only person more annoyed with James than Lily, was Severus. They had been spending more time together again. It had been nice at times; at other times wildly testing. Severus did seem to have dropped his bounty hunt of Remus; which was an improvement at least.
Mary had made it rather clear that she reckoned Lily was a fool for having made up with Severus yet again, and it was obvious that Marlene thought the same, though she`d never say it out loud.
Routinely, Lily started to unload her books onto the desk, muscle memory taking over. Next to her bed, the library was probably the place she spend the most time.
Realistically she could hardly get a better grip on the course material than she already had. However, she liked to go over the parts that tested her the most one last time; a dress-rehearsal in a way. After she`d done that, she would let herself read some more of Jane Austen`s incredibly witty prose; she was currently making her way through Emma. The plot of the novel wasn`t all that different from her life at the moment; with all the dating and matchmaking going on around her.
She flipped her Arithmancy textbook open and grabbed her extensive notes. She would start with the hardest subject and work her way down; saving Charms for last because it was her favourite.
Soon, she was completely enveloped in her revision; barely paying attention to her surroundings. After who knows how long, she was torn out of her concentration by James, who was muttering something under his breath, clearly agitated.
Lily bit the insides of her cheeks, annoyed to have broken her concentration. It was already starting to get dark outside, and though Lily wasn`t wearing her watch, she knew it must be nearing curfew. If she could, she`d stretch it out as long as possible, wait until Madam Price would kick her out.
Just when she was back in her text, James cursed again, louder this time.
`Bugger.`
Lily spun her head around, nostrils flaring, agitated. James` hair looked even more dishevelled than usual, his hair standing on end. The way he`d mess up his hair on purpose deeply annoyed her.
James was waving his wand frantically over a glass of water as he kept muttering. It appeared that he was working on Charms; they had been covering various water spells the last couple of weeks.
`Vorago.` James hissed at the water glass, trying to make a small whirlpool appear. He flicked his wand forcefully, almost knocking the water all over his desk.
Nothing happened and James immediately tried again, now really knocking the glass over, drenching his parchment. Lily`s irritation with James only grew as it was so incredibly obvious what he was doing wrong; his wand movement was completely off.
`It`s not going to work.` Lily grumbled to herself.
`What?` James` head shot up, looking at Lily, his eyes slightly bloodshot.
`It`s not going to work. You`re doing it wrong.` she repeated, keeping her voice at appropriate library volume.
Now complete out of her revision mindset she started to pack her bag; it was almost curfew anyway. When she stood up, James was still working on his glass, looking exasperated. With her heavy satchel slung over her shoulder, Lily strode towards him.
`Your wand movement is off.` she said resolutely. `Here.`
She pointed her own wand at the glass, making small circles, creating a whirlpool in the water. James gaped at her, his eyes comically big behind his crooked glasses.
`Did-did you just use wordless magic?` James faltered.
`No, of course not.` Lily replied, knitting her brow. `I said the charm in my head.`
`That`s wordless magic. It`s really advanced. Newt level stuff.`
`Oh.` Lily replied dryly. She`d been doing her spells in her head for a while now. At first it had just been so she wouldn`t wake her dorm mates when she was practicing late at night, now it was just more convenient. `Well….now you know the correct wand movement. I`m off to bed.`
`Cheers.`
Lily flicked her hair over her shoulder and headed towards the exit of the library.
`Sweet dreams, Evans!` James called after her, rather loudly, earning him a deadly glare from Madam Price.
///