Fourth Year, Separations
Friday June 27th 1975
Sometimes it felt like time was slipping through her fingers; swift and ungraspable as water, or grains of sand. Exam season was at its end, results had come out, and it was already the last proper day of term. Just a small stretch of time until they would all board the Hogwarts Express and head back to London for yet another summer.
Mary was absolutely thrilled for summer to start. She couldn`t wait to see her family again, and Darren - maybe most of all. However, not everyone seemed all that chuffed with the forebode of two whole leisurely months stretching out in front of them.
`I could visit you, Remus.` Mary cautiously put a hand on his arm.
Remus shrugged his shoulders, looking glum, pricking his fork into his fish pie.
`No really, it`s just an underground ride away from my flat. I`m sure I could arrange something.` she pressed.
`Nah, it`s fine.` Remus shook his head. `Don`t think I`m even allowed visitors.`
`You`re not allowed visitors?` Lily broke into the conversation, her brow furrowed.
Remus shrugged again and took a bite of his food. Discreetly Mary raised her eyebrows at Lily. Remus probably just didn`t want her to visit over the summer; it was difficult believe that he wasn`t allowed any visitors.
`You two could visit mine, though.` Marlene said after the main course had been taken away and their plates were now laden with ice-cream.
Lily nodded enthusiastically. Mary joined in, though hesitant; she didn`t like the prospect of wasting precious time she could be spending with Darren.
`I`d have to ask mammy first, but I think she`d be alright with it.` Marlene licked her ice-cream spoon.
At that moment, a couple of owls swooped into the Great Hall. The post was usually delivered during breakfast, but sometimes a bird got lost and they arrived later during the day. One landed in front of Sirius, and to her great surprise, another one landed in front of Mary.
`Oh, it must be from Darren!` Mary beamed excitedly as she noticed the scrawl on the envelope.
Hastily she started to untie the letter from the owl`s claw, the bird waiting patiently. She couldn`t remember having sent her boyfriend something he hadn`t responded to, but she would never turn down a letter from him. Lily and Marlene regarded her in amusement as Mary`s hands fumbled at the sealed edge.
Almost tearing the paper due to her impatience, she plucked the letter free from the envelope and unfolded it. As her eyes feverishly scanned the words, her heart sank in her chest; all the giddiness she`d felt before leaving her. Mary let out a shriek, her hand shooting up to her mouth as she burst into tears. The owl startled and flew up to the rafters, almost grazing her with his wing.
This couldn`t be true; Mary felt herself getting sick, hot tears burning her eyes. The entire Gryffindor table was looking at her.
`Mary!` Lily and Marlene yelped in unison, looking alarmed. `What`s wrong?`
Mary shook her head feverishly, feeling yet another burst of tears well up. She clutched her hand in front of her mouth, willing her emotions to stay inside. Hastily she rose from the table, not knowing how fast to get out of the dining hall.
As she strode down the corridor, out of the commotion, her vision became blurry, swarmed with bitter tears. She needed to get to their dorm; she felt too vulnerable out here in the open; crying like this. Behind her she could hear Lily and Marlene, their patent leather shoes padding on the flagstones, trying to catch up with her, both calling out her name.
Stubbornly Mary kept on walking, now mounting the first flight of stairs, keeping her head down.
`Mary, please!` Lily pleaded, sounding out of breath. `What is going on?`
The staircase moved and Mary was slightly thrown off balance by the sudden disruption, faltering in her step. Marlene had caught up with her at that point and pulled at the sleeve of her robes. Trying to wrench herself free, Mary was once again reminded of how incredibly strong Marlene was, the latter holding on tight, not willing to let go.
The staircase gave a jolt, making Mary`s knees buckle and she sank down on a step.
`Fucking stairs!` she wailed; dropping her head into her hands, pressing the palms of her hands into her eye sockets, the edge of the letter she was still clutching tightly pricking into her face.
`What did the letter say?` Lily pressed heaving, sounding concerned.
`Here, read for yourself!` Mary looked up and thrust the letter at Lily, wanting to be shot of it.
Lily`s eyes shot across the page, widening with every passing second. `He did not.` she breathed.
`Who did what?` Marlene looked confused, eyes flittering between Lily and Mary.
`Darren dumped me!` Mary now cried, flinging her hands up in the air, still sitting on the stairs.
`What!?` Marlene gasped and sunk down next to Mary on the steps.
In the meantime the stairs had come to a halt and other students were scurrying past them, some of them snickering or pointing. Lily pointed their wand at them with a reprimanding look on her face; she would be a menace once she got to be prefect.
`Come,` Lily heaved Mary up by her arm. `Let`s go to our room.`
Gratefully Mary accepted the support and got off the stairs. Marlene was still staring wide-eyed at Mary, evidentially just as speechless as her.
How could Darren have broken up with her like this? Through a letter! And just before the summer holidays as well. Only mere moments ago she had felt elated at the prospect of getting to see him again; now summer stretched out before her as an empty void. It felt as though somebody had sucker punched her in the stomach, or drained her of all her blood; something fervently visceral.
As soon as they got to their dorm Mary crawled into bed, hiding underneath the covers, only to immediately start sobbing again. Lily still had the letter, and she was glad of it, she didn`t want it back, ever.
`Do you…do you want us to leave you alone?` Marlene`s soft voice asked, muffled by the bedding.
`If you want space that is totally understandably.` Lily chipped in.
Mary appeared from underneath her duvet again, the skin of her face feeling tight from crying, the hint of a headache starting.
`No,` she said softly, feeling very childlike. `I don`t want to be alone.`
`Alright.` Lily nodded and both girls clambered into bed with Mary.
Clumsily she hitched the pillows up from underneath her body and propped herself up right, her legs still covered. Her lower lip trembled and she started crying again.
`Oh, dear,` Lily said and put an arm around Mary. `It`s going to be alright.`
`How can you know?` Mary heaved, pushing her face into Lily`s pillowy shoulder. `How can I ever love someone as much as I love Darren?`
`He`s wanker.` Marlene said resolutely. `Dumping you like that. Not wanting to wait for you while you`re away at school. What kind of bleeding excuse it that?`
`A very reasonable excuse.` Mary sniffed. `He was so good to me. I didn`t deserve someone so understanding.`
`No,` Lily shook her head. `Marls is right. If there`s anyone too good for anyone, it`s you. You deserve the world and he is a…` Lily seemed to hesitate, swallowing. `Wanker.`
Mary snorted despite herself; Lily using foul language would never not be funny.
`But he was my wanker.` she mumbled, staring at her hands. `Now what am I supposed to do?`
It wasn`t really a question and nobody answered. Mary leaned into Lily again, her hair tickling her face.
`My offer still stands.` Marlene broke the silence. `You two can visit me. Might be good to, erm, take your mind of it, aye?` She shrugged.
`Yeah,` Mary nodded. `I`d like that. If my mum`ll allow it.`
They spend the rest of the evening wallowing - as Lily called it. Dusty Springfield`s mournful voice filled the room while they lay on their backs, gazing up at the canopy of Mary`s bed. They cracked into the stash of chocolates and sweets they still had left over, getting crumbs all over the duvet, but not caring.
***
Saturday June 28th 1975
The last days of term were always a pandemonium; last minutes errands to be run; cleaning up to be done; final tasks to be finished. So it happened to be that on Saturday morning Lily was on her way to the infirmary, transporting the healing potions they had made in Slug club.
The task had originally been assigned to Severus, however, he hadn`t shown up. Hence, Lily had volunteered to do the job after she`d wished Professor Slughorn a pleasant summer; killing two birds with one stone.
Just as she was about to enter the hospital wing she almost bumped into someone.
`Hiya, Remus!` Lily let out surprised.
`Hello.` Remus responded startled, tinkering with the frayed edge of his sleeve. `What are you doing here?`
`Dropping these off for Professor Slughorn.` she held up the large jar with purple syrupy liquid. `We`ve been doing healing potions in Slug club this term. Wait here. I`ll walk back with you.`
Quickly she strode through the hospital doors, clutching the jar tightly, terrified she might accidentally drop and break it. Madam Pomfrey was in her office, curved over some paperwork.
Softly she knocked on the open door. `Where should I put these?`
Madam Pomfrey looked up, her cap shifting on her head. `Oh Miss Evans, good. I assume Professor Slughorn send you?`
Lily nodded and raised the jar for her to see.
`You can just put it on my desk.` she said. `I`ll find a spot for it.`
With a dull thud, Lily set the heavy jar down, and after having wished Madam Pomfrey a good summer, she left the little office. She smiled satisfied; another task she could cross off her list.
As agreed, Remus was still waiting for her, looking bored.
`Thanks!` Lily beamed. `What were you doing in there?` she asked, barely containing her curiosity.
`Oh, nothing, I um…` Remus faltered, not looking at her. `A hex that went wrong.`
`Oh gosh, what happened?` Lily asked alarmed, surveying Remus; noting about his appearance seemed out of the ordinary.
`Er…rather not say.` He cocked an eyebrow.
Lily sighed. `Was it Potter, again?` she asked, rolling her eyes. `Ugh, he hexed Sev last week with something that made his neck swell up like a life ring!`
`Huh, yeah,` Remus snorted, clearly amused. `James it good at engorgement charms.`
`Well I wouldn`t have thought he`d hex people who are supposedly his friends.` Lily said sharply. Though her opinion of James was rather low, doing that would be notch below the belt, even for him.
`It wasn`t him!` Remus snipped.
`Black, then.` Lily pulled her shoulders to her ears and dropped them; it was all the same to her. `He`s just as bad. No idea why everyone fancies him.`
`Mm.` Remus replied noncommittedly.
Lily dropped the subject, not wanting to steer too deep into that territory. She`d only just been able to rid herself of the nagging feeling she got in the pit of her stomach every time she set eyes on Remus. It wasn`t exactly that she didn`t fancy him anymore, but it had dulled a considerable amount. Enough to content with, for now.
`So…Big plans for the summer?` she offered, breezily.
`Nah.` Remus shook his head. `Usual stuff, probably. Homework. You?`
`I`m going to visit Marlene in July, we`re trying to get Mary to come.` she replied.
`How is she?`
Since she`d received the letter, Mary basically refused to leave their dorm room; hiding in bed with the drapes drawn shut. She didn`t want to come down to the Great Hall for meals, so Marlene and Lily were resolved to sneak food up to their dorm.
`Better,` Lily nodded hesitantly. `She can go a few hours without crying anyway. Keeps playing depressing Dusty Springfield albums, thought.`
It was hard to see Mary in so much pain; pain that couldn`t easily be taken away. Lily thought she`d hardly ever seen Mary cry this much, or be as openly upset as she was now. Mary was a person who swallowed her hurt and kept on going.
They strode along, nearing Gryffindor tower now. In front of the portrait entrance they encountered Peter and Desdemona; the pair was practically inseparable. The couple was intertwined in an ardent embrace, whispering sweet nothings between small kisses.
`I`ll miss you!` Desdemona sighed, looking sad.
`I`ll miss you more!` Peter replied, his lower lip pouting.
`Will you write?`
`Every day!`
Peter kissed Desdemona forcefully again.
Lily stifled an uncomfortable laugh in the palm of her hand and Remus made a noise as if he was going to throw up, making Lily giggle even harder. Peter jerked his head around to glare at them, eyes shooting daggers. Hastily Remus and Lily scampered past them, holding in their laughs.
As expected, the common room was complete and utter chaos; students were running around; shouting spells; looking for lost belongings or pets. It truly was a barbaric affair. Some objects seemed to begin levitating by themselves, adding to the racket.
Forcefully Lily shouldered her way through the masses, trying to locate the source of this impishness; already knowing whom she should be looking for.
`You two!` she shouted reprimanding as she found James and Sirius hiding behind a large fauteuil. She pointed her wand threateningly at them.
Sirius broke out in laughter and pulled James in front of him, using his friend as a human shield.
`Come on Evans, just a bit of last day high spirits!`
Lily sighed, annoyed and exasperated. `Why can`t you just leave people be, Black?!`
`Why can`t you leave us be,` he pouted petulantly and raised his wand to shoot some sparks up into the air, hitting the ceiling. `You`re not a prefect yet, y`know?`
`Oooh, just you wait `til I am!` she chimed triumphantly; next year couldn`t come soon enough. Quickly she fired a jinx at Sirius, however, it missed him by a hair and struck James instead; instantly bunches of turnips sprang from the boy`s ears, leaving him in a comical state of shock.
Next to her, Remus burst out laughing. Lily tried hard to contain herself and keep her stern demeanour; it would completely ruin her intent if she started laughing.
`Well that wasn`t very goody-goody.` Sirius snickered as he transformed the nearest table lamp into a flock of small fluttering birds.
Sirius was still cowering behind James, who was clutching feverishly at his vegetal-ears. To get him out of the way, Lily hit him with a jelly-legs jinx, making him collapse to the ground. Now, with Sirius in full view, she put him in a binding curse. She sighed satisfied at the sight of the two squirming and blubbering boys.
Resolutely she turned to Remus. `Help me sort this out will you?`
`Aww…ok fine.` Remus replied, sounding a tad bit disappointed as he wiped a tear from his eye, still recovering from his belly-shaking laughing attack.
It didn`t take long for Lily to transform the lamp back into its usual non-birdlike state, rid the ceiling of the scorch marks, and console a crying first year who wasn`t able to find her cat; all the while grumbling to herself, wondering why the actual prefects weren`t doing their job. She`d left Remus to deal with James and Sirius; she didn`t want to waste another minute of her time on those boys.
After the pandemonium had died down, she went up to their dorm to check on Mary. To her surprise she found her out of bed. Her cat, now once again called Cat and no longer Darren, was circling around her as she was sorting through a stack of polaroid pictures.
`Look,` Mary said, holding up a picture for Lily to see. `Can`t believe how much we`ve changed already.`
Lily squinted at the badly lit picture and smiled; neither could she. Neither could she.
***
Sunday June 29th 1975
The sun streamed in through the dorm window as Marlene was busy packing the last of her belongings; the light pooling onto the floor in bright puddles, warming her back. She stowed her Care of Magical Creatures textbook next to the others, the binding creaking as she did so. Next year they would be taught by someone else. In other words: Professor Kettleburn was returning. Ferox had announced his departure during their last lesson of the term. Marlene was torn between feeling sorry to see him leave, and extremely relieved. She had liked Ferox, and she thoroughly enjoyed taking his class, but it would be a breath of fresh air not having to deal with Mary gushing over how gorgeous he was all the time.
Speaking of which; it appeared that the objects of Mary`s affections were all flocking away like birds in winter. It had come as quite a shock to all of them that Darren had dumped her; Marlene though he was an blithering eejit for doing so. Mary was extremely torn up about it; it was difficult to see how much it affected her. She hadn`t been able to shut up about how much she loved him yet.
Though Marlene absolutely sympathised with Mary`s heartbreak and did everything in her power to make her feel better, there was this wee nagging part of her that was absolutely elated. She was even ashamed to admit it to herself. It was vile to be chuffed about something that brought her friend so much sadness. And that was what Mary was after all; her friend. Still, she was glad that the days of Darren were behind them. No more boys.
Lily appeared in the doorway, her satchel crossing her body, the strap digging into her shoulder. Of course Lily had already packed all of her belonging the previous day; always completely prepared.
`Ready?` she asked. `Mary`s waiting downstairs.`
`Aye.` Marlene nodded and got off her knees, wiping her sweaty hands on her trousers.
Sadly, Marlene`s dream of a boy-less future was punctured sooner than she`d anticipated. As they trotted down towards the station, following the long queue of students, Mary announced that Sirius had asked her to accompany him in his carriage. There was a familiar glint in her eye as she said so.
Instantly Marlene felt her heart sink and her throat turn ashy dry.
`I said it was alright, but only if you two would be allowed to come too.` Mary said, still beaming, looking a lot happier than she had in the last couple of days.
Lily sighed, clearly not looking forward to having to spend the train ride in the company of James and Sirius.
`Please?` Mary batted her eyelashes. `Sirius insisted.`
`Alright.` Lily rolled her eyes. `If it makes you happy.`
Marlene gnawed at a hangnail, staring out in front of her. She had been looking forward to a long train ride with just the three of them; talking about what they would get up to when they visited her in July. She still had to ask her mother, but she was rather sure that it would be alright.
Ever since the escalation of the war, her mother had been a lot more lenient when it came to Marlene; probably because she had more pressing matters on her mind than what her daughter was up to. There hadn`t been any close surveying of her marks this year; no threating to pull her off the quidditch team like last year.
It was a tight squeeze to get everyone into the train compartment. Peter was joined by Desdemona, as expected, so with everyone accounted for it were eight of them. Marlene was squashed between Lily and the window, feeling highly uncomfortable on the sticky leather couch. Fortunate enough for them, Desdemona didn`t take up any space, seeing as she was sat on Peter`s lap, engaged in a tongue wrestling match. Mary was sitting next to Lily, Sirius on her other side, already trying to impress her with something or other.
James was lounging opposite Lily, a smile splitting across his face, obviously not believing his luck. Grappling around in her bag, Lily pulled out a book and pointedly started to read. Remus sat next to the window on the opposite bench, his head leaning against the frame as he stared out at the platform.
The hallway was still a cacophony of noise; the last students trying to locate their friends or find a decent seat. The train came into motion, jangling them about in their seats as the rickety wheels thundered over the metal tracks. Marlene`s elbow knocked into the side of the compartment and she rubbed it, pained.
Mary had let Cat out of its basket, the black and white little feline sprang onto Lily`s lap, making it impossible for her to continue reading. Making use of the distraction, James started chatting to Lily, trying to get her attention. Lily was only half engaging, staying polite, but coldly so. Marlene watched on in fascination as Lily hit advancement after advancement out of the ballpark; she`d be a good beater if the bludgers were words.
Eventually James gave up on trying to have a conversation with Lily and switched over to engaging with Marlene. Though Marlene had decided that she would be a moody git for the entire duration of the journey into London, she could feel her resentment melt away as she and James wound up in a heated discussion over quidditch tactics. James was already riling himself up for his position as captain next year. He`d passed his exams with flying colours, so there was no need to worry for him anymore.
The compartment door slid open. Sirius was interrupted in his rendition of the Beatles` Come Together, trying to impress Mary with his music knowledge.
`Anything off the trolley, dears?` the plump witch asked cheerfully.
Desdemona and Peter broke off their clumsy fumbling, pink cheeked, looking embarrassed. Each of them got their respective share of sweets.
The trolley witch went on her way again and Sirius broke into yet another song. James glanced sideways and leaned in, bridging the space between the two benches.
He lowered his voice. `Oh by the way - just so you know,` he began. `Next year, I want you to be my second in command, McKinnon.`
`Your what?` Marlene asked confused, sinking her teeth into her pumpkin pasty.
`Keep your voice down.` James said, gesturing with his eyes at Sirius.
Lily put her book down slightly, appearing to be listening in.
`When I`m captain, I want you to be my stand-in.` James whispered. `For when, I don`t know, for when I can`t make it or something.`
`What about Sirius?`
`Eh,` James snickered and raked a hand through his messy hair. `Do you see him being captain?`
Sirius was now standing on top of the bench, using his wand as a makeshift microphone, blearing at top volume. His hair was falling into his eyes and he continuously pushed it aside.
`Fair point.`
`So, you`ll do it?`
`Aye, of course.` Marlene beamed, feeling chuffed that James had considered her above anyone else, giving merit to her abilities.
`Cheers.` James slapped her knee and sat back, looking satisfied. `Just don`t mention it to Black, will you?`
`Mention what to me?` Sirius turned his head, once again pushing his hair out of his eyes; he needed to get a headband or something.
`That you`re a terrible singer.` James replied dryly.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking mock insulted. `How dare you!` he gasped putting a hand to his chest as if he had been stabbed.
Mary started giggling, hiding her face in her hands. A jolt of panic shot through Marlene`s body and she instinctively started biting her nails, looking away.
The rest of the train journey consisted of Marlene trying to distract herself from Mary and Sirius by engaging with Lily in conversation about her upcoming visit. If it was up to Marlene, Mary and Lily would stay for the entire summer. Obviously that was unrealistic; they had their own lives to attend to.
As the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky, the Hogwarts Express pulled into King`s Cross, coming to a shuddering halt, the platform and all its attendees slowly starting to become visible through the engine steam. Marlene leaned her forehead against the window, taking it all in.
Fourth year was truly over; summer was heard knocking at the door.
///