Fourth Year, Aftermath
Early March
Regulus Black was set to make a full recovery; at least that was the notion that was buzzing around the school. Fortunately, the bludger that had made impact with his head, though, having made considerably damage to his skull, hadn`t rendered him completely beyond repair.
The whole affair had made quite an impression under the students; for days following the match it was the only thing that people appeared to want to discuss. Walburga Black, Sirius` and Regulus` mother, was seen to arrive at the castle soon after the incident; their family physician in tow – a wizened stooped little feller. Apparently she`d taken Regulus home with her; whisked him away from the gentle care of Madam Pomfrey to recuperate at their family mansion.
The Blacks were masters at hushing up trouble; sliding things under the rug. Hence, what had actually transpired behind those hospital doors was a mystery for most. It was rumoured that Sirius had been threatened to be expelled from the Gryffindor quidditch team, while Regulus was now banned from playing quidditch altogether.
The Gryffindor v Slytherin match was rescheduled and set to be played later that week; the opinions on whether or not this was responsible were divided. Marlene wasn`t sure where she stood on the matter. On the one hand, it was quidditch; accidents like these were bound to happen. Yet, on the other hand, a match between teenagers should never have gotten this violent and irresponsible. Even tough Sirius had been the one to hit the bludger, Regulus` condition was undeniably a team effort; they had swayed away form true sportsmanship and veered into proper warfare.
Another problem at hand, which had waylaid the rescheduling of the match considerably, was the fact that Slytherin was now without their seeker. Trials were still being held among the existing team members to find a swift replacement. Which, by incident, put Gryffindor at a considerable advantage.
Though the Gryffindor team was still intact, it was obvious that Sirius had taken quite the blow himself when he`d accidently almost bludgeoned his younger brother into a swift and merciless death. It was obvious that he was blaming himself. He was withdrawn and less sure of himself on the pitch; flying cautiously, without his usual vigour. Marlene feared it would seriously affect their performance if Sirius didn`t pick his heels up in time. Which, she recognised, was a wee bit of a selfish though considering the circumstances.
Immediately after the game, she`d written to Danny, desperately wanting to have her brother at her side. He hadn`t written back yet, which wasn`t surprising, seeing as it was still high quidditch season; as far as she knew, he was off somewhere with his own team. Marlene wished it was easier to reach her brother when he was touring; their family owl had gotten lost multiple times already trying to locate his ever changing location.
Though it was nearing spring, the weather didn`t appear eager yet to budge and soften. It was dire cold with a cutting wind, making practice a trying affair. Their team captain was set on taking full advantage of this idle time they had been given due to the postponed match.
While more practice usually seemed to blow a wind of confidence into the team, this time around it felt like it was working counterproductive. If anything, all this overanalysing of their strategy seemed to be adding to the building pressure; Marlene just wanted to get it over with at this point. Their arc was wearing thin and people were starting to get snappy due to nervous energy.
Due to frayed nerves and snippy attitudes, practice had been cut short that morning. Marlene had stayed behind; enjoying having the pitch to herself for a once. Well, almost to herself; James was there as well. It appeared that he too was more on edge than usual; he was flying fast loops around the goalposts, evidently trying to get rid of some expendable energy.
`Oi, lass!` someone suddenly called up at her. `Which fecking gobshite thought ye how to ride a broom!`
Marlene looked down; both surprised and ready to bite back fiercely. However, the sight of who`d yelled at her made her almost swerve her broom straight into a goalpost.
`Danny!` she yelped and hastily soared down towards the ground; jumping off her broom and running towards the culprit.
`You bastard!` she said, flinging her arms around her brother`s neck and clinging on. `What the feck are you doing here?` A hint of panic entering her voice; had something bad happened?
`Come to see you, now didnae?` he grinned, spinning her around.
Marlene stared at him in amazement; so many question burning on her tongue that she couldn`t get a single one out.
By now, James also seemed to have taken notice of the visitor and gracefully landed next to them, sweeping his messy hair from his spectacles. He looked like a wee lad on Christmas morning as he gaped at Marlene`s brother.
James thrust out a self-assured hand and Danny shook it. `James Potter, sir. Big fan.`
Marlene snorted; equally horrified, embarrassed, and amused.
`Guid to hear it lad.` Danny just smiled and clapped him on his shoulder; he`d always been the people person of the two of them. Marlene couldn`t greet someone in passing without feeling like she`d failed at basic human interaction.
After some more chitchat between the two boys, Marlene dragged her brother along by his sleeve, not wanting to have to share him with James any longer.
`Wow, this place really hasn`t changed at all.` Danny sighed; he`d left Hogwarts the year before Marlene had started. `Ye`d think they`d at least give it a spruce.` He dragged a finger over the worn wood.
`So, what are you really doing here?` Marlene asked as they took a seat in the spectator stands. `Couldn`t just have been to parade yourself in front of my teammates.`
Danny laughed and shielded his eyes from a non-existing sun as he peered over the pitch. `Potter is a guid lad. But no; I read your letter and wanted to check in on you; make sure you were alright.`
`I`m alright.`
`Aye?` Danny looked at her inquiringly. `Must have been quite a shock.`
Marlene shrugged; understating her feelings; it had been quite a shock, but she didn`t want to come off as a wuss.
`Merlin, am I glad that it wasn`t yerself that got injured.` Danny said. `You better stay clear of Black`s bludgers.`
`It wasn`t his fault.` Marlene defended him. `It was a nasty match; could have happened to anyone.`
`Still.` Danny gave a small shrug, staring at his hands. It dawned on Marlene that the purpose of his visit wasn`t only to make sure she was doing alright, but also to calm himself; he`d been worried.
`I`m glad you’re here.` Marlene said.
Danny grinned and put an arm around her. `Wouldn`t want to miss an opportunity to see my little sister - and this dung heap of a school.`
Marlene rested her head on Danny`s broad shoulder; feeling extremely grateful that he`d always been such a stable part of her life.
`Families are messy.` she sighed.
`Aye, ain`t that the truth, lass.` Danny replied; not needing an explanation for this statement.
They grew comfortably silent for a while, breathing and watching as the sky already started to dim, the lights in the castle turning on.
***
Friday March 14th 1975
The fire in the hearth was slowly going out, the last embers glowing in the dim light of the common room, quietly crackling and hissing. If she wanted, Mary could throw on an extra log and keep the fire going. Both Lily and Marlene were already off to bed. She was practically the last person left; save for two sixth years who were violently snogging in an armchair, limbs intertwined, probably not even aware of her presence.
Mary was feeling listless and agitated; she had been feeling this way for a couple of weeks now. Ever since the veritaserum business with Remus had transpired, she had been feeling on edge and self-conscious about everything she said; which was a new feeling. What didn`t help was that she hadn`t heard from Darren for over a week. She`d sent him a letter, but she was yet to receive an answer. Normally he never let her wait this long.
It was starting to get bothersome to have to communicate with her boyfriend in this way; she couldn`t help but suspect that Darren was starting to feel the same way. In the beginning, it had been so incredibly exciting to write him letters; including dirty passages; telling him how much she missed him. That was not to say that those feelings weren`t there anymore – she was even starting to suspect that she might love him; it just felt more difficult to keep things exciting.
She stared at the snogging couple; their busy working hands and hungry, almost animalistic, groping. It made her feel glum. It didn`t matter how much they caught up on their desires during the break, it was never enough. Mary was afraid that at some point Darren might get sick of it and decide that it was too much of a faff to hold up.
There was the soft padding of footsteps on the stairs; someone was coming down from the dormitories. Mary turned, suspecting to see Lily or Marlene, asking her why she wasn`t getting ready for bed. However, it was Avni, fully dressed and holding a pair of shoes in her hands, silently tip-toeing across the common room.
`Oi,` Mary hissed after her. `Oi, where`re you of to?`
With a jolt, Avni spun around, apparently not having noticed Mary before.
`What`re you doing here in the dark?` she whispered back.
Mary tossed the parchment and quill to the side; she`d been mulling on whether or not she should write another letter to Darren.
`I asked you first.`
Avni seemed to hesitate, dawdling nervously, her trainers dangling by their laces from her fingers. `Fine,` she sighed and approached Mary. `But, you can`t tell, ok?`
Mary`s eyes widened and she nodded, locking her lips with an imaginary key; she adored secrets.
`I`m off to the greenhouses.` Avni confided.
`The greenhouses?` Mary knitted her brow together in confusion, feeling disappointed. `What`d you do that for? It`s almost midnight, surely you don`t need to work on your homework now.`
`It`s not for homework.` Avni grinned mischievously.
`You`re making so little sense, you know that?` Mary sighed annoyed.
Again, Avni seemed to mull something over, looking pensive and tugging at her headscarf. `You know what… I`m strictly not allowed to just take anyone along, but…` she eyed Mary. `Get your cloak and shoes; meet me in the courtyard in ten; make sure you`re not followed.`
`Alright.` Mary replied boldly; curious and somewhat nervously excited.
`You won`t regret it.`
Trying to make as little noise as possible, Mary snuck into her dorm room. Luckily, both Marlene and Lily were already sound asleep. Darren, the cat, briefly brushed past her legs as she grabbed her cloak from the hook on the back of the door. Just like Avni, she waited to put her shoes until she had clambered through the portrait entrance, the lady in the portrait tutting at her.
Mary was rarely out of bounds after curfew and it was eery to see the castle in such a dark and deserted state. Her shadow appeared to move swifter than she was, faintly travelling across the stone slabs. Usually she prided herself on rarely being scared, however, being alone in the dark could get under her skin in a way that little other things could do.
Avni was already waiting outside of the castle entrance; standing in the dark shadows of the courtyard. It was freezing cold outside and Mary`s teeth immediately started to chatter.
`Did anyone see you?`
Mary shook her head fervently.
Hurriedly, trying to stay as much in the shadows as possibly, their trudged over the Hogwarts grounds towards the greenhouses. Though Mary was burning with curiosity, she didn`t ask any question, afraid to break the seal of the night. The sky was littered with stars, but the moon was a mere sliver in the sky.
On the contrary, one of the greenhouses seemed to glow with a soft green light. The glass windows were completely covered in leaves and plant stems, hence it was hard to peek inside.
Under her breath, Avni whispered something, pointing her wand at the lock of the greenhouse door. With a soft click, the door opened and Avni pulled Mary inside. Instantly, Mary was met with a heady pungent scent familiar to any South-Londoner, intermingled with sweet incense and soil. There was music playing; Stevie Wonder`s Fulfillingness` First Finale; her older sister played that record to death in their flat.
An older boy with a mop of messy loose curls came their way, manoeuvring his way through the potted plants, his Hufflepuff tie hanging loosely around his neck.
`Didi, who`s this?` the boy frowned, eyeing Mary.
`It`s fine.` Avni replied. `She`s a friend, she won`t grass on us.`
The boy still looked sceptical. `I better not get any shit over this with the lads.`
`Mary`s cool, aren`t you?`
`Yeah,` Mary nodded, still nonplussed. `I`m cool.`
`Sorry about that.` Avni whispered when the boy had disappeared again. `That`s my brother, Rahul. He can be a bit-`
`Nah, don’t worry about it.` Mary waved her concerns away. `What is all this?`
They had now entered further into the greenhouse. It was softly lit by candles and floating orbs. There were maybe ten to fifteen students present; all lounging on chairs or pillows between the planter boxes that had been pushed aside. It was pleasantly warm inside, somewhat hazy and humid, plumes of smoke circling up to the ceiling. A short thick girl with dreads was manning the record player, flipping through a truly impressive collection.
`A save space,` Avni replied, taking off her robes. `Or a place to get pissed and stoned. Whichever one you prefer.`
`Don’t you get caught?` Mary said, donning her own robes.
Avni shrugged. `Think Sprout does know about it, but she somehow tolerates it - that woman is truly surprising. It was set up in the early sixties by a couple of Hufflepuff students who wanted to get together to perform moon rituals. That`s why it`s still held during the new and full moon - or the weekend following it anyway. It has kind of been transformed into…well this…` she gestured around.
Mary looked around the glass room and felt a vast sense of security enter her as she noticed that most of the students attending where non-white.
`Hi, Mary.` A tall dark skinned girl approached them. `Didn`t know you knew about this.`
`I didn`t.` Mary replied. `Avni brought me along.`
`Sound.` Dorcas nodded. `Dre is doing our horoscopes; feel free to join. Mine was really trippy.`
A different record was put on; a Nina Simone album by the sounds of it.
Mary followed Dorcas, ducking underneath some low hanging plants. A couple of colourful blankets and pillows had been splayed out on the floor; a handful of students half sitting half laying on top of them. The two girls joined them, settling down on the soft underground, making themselves comfortable.
A spliff was being passed along; Dorcas took a drag and handed it over to Mary. At first, Mary was hesitant; she`d drunk a couple of times, even taken a few drags of a fag, but she`d never had something more fun - as so to speak. Gingerly, she took a small drag and passed it on the next person, coughing lightly and chuckling. She was sure neither Lily nor Marlene - nor her mom for that matter- would approve; which made it somehow more fun.
Soon she felt a slight haziness come over her and she started getting giggly and sluggish; feeling comfortably warm and sleepy in the humid greenhouse. Momentarily she forgot they were on school property, letting go off her worries as she let herself be led along by the calming and safe energy of the people around her.
***
Friday March 28th 1975
Even though it was well frowned upon for Professors to be picking favourites, or handing certain pupils privileges solely based on the grounds of preferring them above others, Slug Club still existed. The front of it was an advanced Potions class for gifted students, yet everybody in their right frame of mind was well aware that it was more of an upper-class society gathering and breeding ground for successful witches and wizards than anything else.
This given made Lily often doubt whether or not she should even be there; she was far from the higher realms of magical society. Almost all of the other students attending were stuck-up purebloods; exceptions there, obviously. Professor Slughorn doted on them as if they were the only pupils under his care. There were often little parties or gatherings being hosted; mostly to mingle and eat ridiculously posh canapés.
`Ah, Lily, very good work my dear.` Slughorn came to stand behind her and peered into her steaming cauldron. `Lovely colour there.`
They were working on healing potions this year. In third year they had covered the basics in class, now they were expanding on those. At the end of the year, after examinations, they would bring the potions to the hospital wing so they could actually be put to good use.
`Truly magnificent, eh.` Slughorn patted Lily encouragingly on the back. `Madam Pomfrey will be very pleased.`
Severus glared at her from across the dungeons and started angrily chopping up his lavender. Though Severus was obviously a natural born Potions master, he didn`t get nearly as much praise as Lily did.
Once again, Lily and Severus were waging a cold war. She hadn`t properly talked to him since the altercation in the Great Hall with the truth serum. Lily supposed that Severus had stolen the veritaserum from Slughorn`s personal stash; even for someone as good at Potions at Severus it would have been too hard to brew on his own.
It had been extremely reckless and dangerous to spike Remus` drink like that; which made the whole incident even more of a puzzle. Though Severus could be indecipherable at times - even for Lily, who left like she knew him like family - it wasn`t in his character to be reckless. Everything concerning Severus was extremely calculated and well planned out; he wouldn`t have done such a thing without having a proper reason.
It was evident that Severus wouldn`t be the one to come to Lily and apologise, or give a reasonable explanation; he had too much pride for that.
`Sev, wait up!` Lily called after him.
They had once again been the last two people to leave the dungeons. Sometimes Lily thought Severus did it on purpose; he`d linger in her vicinity as if wanting to get a reaction out of her.
`Please, can we talk.` Lily heaved as they trudged up the steps out of the dungeon.
At the top of the stairs Severus halted and let Lily catch up with him. He didn`t answer, but did turn to face her.
`Why`d you do it?` Lily demanded, cutting to the chase.
`Do what, Lily?` Severus asked.
Lily rolled her eyes; did she have to spell it out for him? `Why did you put that truth serum into Remus` drink?`
`Oh…that.` Severus` drawled, as if he`d completely forgotten about it already. `A little bit late to be coming at me for that now, don`t you think so Lily?`
`Well, I was angry.` Lily replied, resisting to get angry again.
`Why would you be angry?` Severus replied bitingly, a hint of true confusion in his voice. `It wasn`t your drink.`
`Well no, obviously,` Lily replied, frowning, feeling very annoyed. `But Remus is my friend.`
`There we go again.`
`If you hurt my friends, you hurt me by extension.` Lily continued, ignoring his remark. `How many times will it take for you to learn that lesson, Sev?`
`I hurt you?` Severus knitted his brow together, looking genuinely upset.
`Yes you did, Sev.` Lily spat. `I thought that was rather obvious.`
`But I never meant to hurt you.` Severus dawdled. `I only ever want to protect you, Lily.`
At that moment, Lily felt a slight pang of sympathy for him. `I know that,` her voice softened. `But I don`t need that. I can take care of myself just fine. I don`t need you being this knight in shining armour that treats me like I`m some sort of damsel that needs saving. You`re slaying the wrong dragons.`
`I don`t slay dragons.`
`I was being metaphorically.`
`Right.`
Lily sighed and shifted her weight to her other leg, trying to balance out the bulk of her bookbag. The hallway to the dungeons was chilly and her arms were specked with goosebumps.
`So, why did you?` Lily returned to her initial quest.
`I wanted answers, Lily.` Severus shrugged.
`What answers?` Sometimes having a conversation with Severus was so intensely laborious; dragging out one word at a time to get the full story.
`Explanations for his scars and his absences; for his overall demeanour. Lupin is not a normal boy.`
`Remus is just as normal as everybody else.`
`He`s violent, Lily.`
`So is Mulciber.` Lily raised her eyebrows, feeling the hairs in her neck rise at the thought him alone.
Severus didn`t have a comeback for that.
`What do you think is wrong with him anyway that you want to know so badly?` Lily asked, genuinely curious now. `I reckon you must have your theories.`
`I do…` Severus responded, drawing out his words. `But they are too feeble to voice.`
`Alright.` Lily sighed exasperated. `Well, either which way, will you promise me that you won`t do something like that again?` At this point, it was almost a childish pleading.
Severus seemed to hesitate, scuffing his toes on the flagstones, staring down at them, his limp hair falling over his face.
`Severus?` Lily pressed. `I`m not kidding. One of these times will be the last one. I can`t keep letting you hurt everyone around me.`
`Fine.` Severus gave in. `I won`t hurt you again, Lily.`
It wasn`t exactly the answer she had been looking for, but it was a start at least.
`Can we get out of this corridor, please?` Lily clutched her arms close to her upper body, shivering slightly. `There`s a draft coming in from the stairs.`
Severus nodded and they took to walking towards the warmer part of the castle. Every couple of seconds Severus would shoot a hesitant glance at her, as if he was mustering up the courage to pose a question; Lily just kept on walking, waiting for him to open his mouth on his own.
`Erm,` Severus began uncharacteristically hesitant. `Did…Did I hurt you because…because you fancy him?`
That wasn`t what Lily had expected at all. `Oh,` she replied surprised. `No, that`s not why.`
`But you do, fancy him?` Severus asked.
`No.` Lily shook her head; that was a lie.
Severus looked at her sceptically, raising his eyebrows, willing her to divulge more information.
`I did. At one point.` Lily gave in, thinking she could placate him in that way. `But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t think of me like that anyway.`
`Oh.` Severus replied; either surprised or relieved. `Well, he`s a fool; if that helps.`
Lily snorted in surprise. `Thanks, Sev.`
Severus seemed to have cheered up a great deal by this news. He was positively grinning all the way to the Great Hall; which was a bit of an unusual look on him.
Marlene and Mary were already waiting at the Gryffindor table, having saved her a seat.
`Did you make up with Creepy McCreeperson?` Mary scrunched up her nose in disgust as she followed Severus with her eyes.
Lily nodded, not wanting to elaborate.
`I don`t know why you even bother, Lil.` Mary sighed and poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice.
`Yeah, well.` Lily shrugged enigmatically.
Sometimes she also didn`t know why she even bothered with him; he`d given her many a reason to stop being friends with him. Still, the prospect of loosing him altogether was too much to bear. Now, with Petunia practically completely turned away from her, it felt like Severus was the closest thing to a brother she had.
///