Fourth Year, February
Friday February 7th 1975
The weeks went on monotonously; January turned into February; Lily`s birthday passed by; and everything once again turned back to normal. As normal as things can feel when you`re fifteen and experiencing your first heartbreak. Lily had thought that fancying someone was bad enough; the constant nervousness and uncertainty of not knowing. However, having a definite answer was possibly even worse. Normally, when she had a problem she could reason herself out of it; with feelings you couldn`t do that. There was no potion that could suddenly cure her. Because if there had been, she would have definitely taken it. It was excruciating to have to act normal and mature around Remus.
Luckily, Remus didn`t treat her any different than he had before. They were still partners in Potions and got together to study after classes. Lily didn`t once mention their failed date; trying to spare them both the embarrassment. Remus truly was a great friend, and Lily would hate to lose him. Hence, she`d practically do anything to preserve their friendship, even if that meant having to stuff her own feelings down. Eventually, it would probably pass.
What was a little bit of an unfortunate by-product of this non-date, was that apparently James was truly feeling upset about it. As a result, he was now freezing Remus out. He seemingly didn`t believe that Remus didn`t fancy her. Consequently, Remus was sitting alone at dinner that evening, away from the other marauders. Feeling sorry for him, Lily, Mary and Marlene had chosen to sit next to him.
`I feel like I`m going to boke from the nerves.` Marlene said, shuffling her potatoes around. `There is so much pressure surrounding this bleeding match.`
`I`m looking forward to the match.` Mary stated, beaming. `All of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws I`ve spoken to are supporting Gryffindor too.`
Lily sighed, rolling her eyes. `Why does it always have to be so black and white? No one`s good all over, not even the Slytherins.` She was tired of having this discussion.
`You can`t blame us, Lily.` Marlene replied, swallowing a bite of food. `Even if it`s not all of them, most of the Slytherins have been utterly foul this year.`
Lily hated to admit that Marlene was right, but she loathed to loose an argument.
`Speak of the devil…` Mary whispered, bending towards them, gesturing with her eyes behind Remus and Lily.
Quickly Lily turned around, only to come face to face with Severus. He was just standing there; lingering; a mechanical smile on his face; looking somewhat suspicious – but he often looked somewhat suspicious. Why did he always have to pop up like that out of nowhere?
`Hello, Lily.` Severus greeted her, his voice held low.
`Hi Sev,` Lily replied, rather coldly; she was still angry with him for calling Mary such a nasty word. `What`s up?`
`I just thought I`d check to see if you wanted any extra help with the Potions assignment. It`s very complex.`
`I know.` she spat back, aggravated. God, it was like he thought he was the only one who had access to the assignment. She`d told him many times before that she didn`t want his help in Potions. `But I`m sure I`ll manage-`
*BANG*
Lily was rudely cut off by a loud noise going off at the far end of the hall. Their whole group jumped and spun around. Someone had set off a firecracker at the Slytherin table; leaving a large mess.
`Five points from Slytherin!` Professor McGonagall hollered as she stalked up to the culprit. `And you`ll clean that mess up at once…`
The dining hall resumed to their usual activity; everyone picking up where they had left of in their conversation, or picking up their cutlery again. Severus was still hovering next to them; Lily looked up at him, wanting him to leave, not understanding why he hadn`t yet.
`As I said, Remus and I will manage.` she repeated. `I`m not stupid, you know, Severus.`
Severus scuffed his toes on the flagstones. `I never said you were…` he muttered, looking genuinely glum. `I just…oh never mind.` He turned stony again, shot one last look over his shoulder, and stalked away with a sweeping motion of his robes.
`Weirdo.` Mary muttered, raising her eyebrows and sticking her fork in a pea.
`Leave him alone.` Lily bit at her. She didn`t know why she was defending him now, especially since he`d been so horrid to Mary recently. Mary looked taken aback and kept quiet; Lily felt bad for snapping at her.
`Er…` Marlene began. `Have any of you had any luck with that hinkypunk essay?` It was obvious that she was trying to be some sort of mediator. `Mine`s crap.`
`I`ll lend you my notes, if you want.` Remus replied quickly and took a large gulp of his pumpkin juice. `If Sirius gives them back…`
Sirius` ears pricked up and he looked their way.
`Oh yea, sorry Moony, hang on, they`re in my bag…` He disappeared beneath the table, clearly digging away in his satchel.
`How do you find anything in there?` Remus sighed, continuing to drink his pumpkin juice. `You`re the messiest person I`ve ever met.`
Lily praised herself lucky that she didn`t have to share a room with Sirius. The notes were passed along to Marlene, who accepted them gratefully..
`Oooh, Remus,` Mary spoke, excitedly. `Did I tell you I had another letter from Darren this week?`
Remus audibly groaned. `Yes,` he whinged, throwing his head back. `And it was just as boring as the last five hundred letters you`ve made me read.`
Marlene`s fork clattered to the table; Sirius` snorted; Mary opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, looking absolutely appalled; and Lily stared wide-eyed at Remus. She`d never heard him being this dismissive of Mary, it wasn`t like him at all.
`Sorry.` Remus shook his head, looking down at his hands and tugging at the fraying cuffs of his jumper.
`No, I`m sorry.` Mary said, a tremor in her voice, but still composed. She got up from table, standing over them. `I won`t bore you anymore then!` She left her food and turned on her heel.
`Mary!` Marlene sprang up and ran after her.
Lily was feeling extremely confused and she eyed Remus wearily. `Did you really mean that?`
`Yes.` he replied, without hesitation. `Actually I find all of this boyfriend-girlfriend stuff boring. I whish you`d just leave me alone.`
Lily`s eyes widened even more. Was this really how Remus thought about all of this? Did this mean that he also thought that about her?
`Remus!` she said indignantly. `There`s nothing wrong with Mary wanting to talk about her boyfriend or…um…or teenagers having crushes, it`s normal isn`t it?`
`I don`t care if it`s normal. I think you`re all acting like idiots. Even you – why on earth would you want to go out with me, when the most popular boy in the school is madly in love with you? He`s ten times nicer than me, too, you`re just too arrogant to see it.`
`Remus!` Lily yelped again, feeling like she could cry.
`Well, it`s true!`
`Moony?` Sirius interjected. `Are you ok?`
`I`m fine, still a bit hungry, though. Think Mary will mind if I finish her potatoes?`
Lily gaped at Remus.
`Seriously, Remus,` James entered the conversation. `This isn`t like you at all.`
`I`m just being honest.` Remus shrugged.
`Yeah, brutally hone-oh Merlin!` Sirius clapped a palm to his forehead and turned to face her. `Evans, did Snape put something in his drink? When the fireworks went off, maybe?`
`He would never do something like that, it`s illegal.` Lily replied affronted.
`Pffft.` Remus blew a raspberry, having dug into Mary`s potatoes by now. `As if Snivellus gives toss! He`s been trying to get back at me ever since I hit him on the train.`
`You what?!` Lily gaped at Remus. This was the fist time she`d heard of this.
`Yeah,` Remus swallowed and nodded nonchalantly. `Nutted him right in the head, it was great.`
Lily shook her head in amazement; what on earth was going on.
`Right,` Sirius stood up resolutely. `Stop talking, Moony, before you say something you`ll really regret.`
Remus started grinning impishly. `Y`know…that`s exactly what Snape said on the stairs the other day…`
However much she didn`t want to believe it; there was no denying now, Severus had done something to Remus` drink.
`SEVERUS!` she screamed and stormed over to the Slytherin table; he would not live this one down easily. `What have you done to Remus?!` she stipulated, angrily stomping, clenching her fists.
`There`s nothing wrong with him.` Severus just drawled, oddly serene. `Is there, Remus?`
`Nothing really,` Remus replied casually. `I do keep saying things I shouldn`t, though, like…`
`SHUT UP.` Sirius kicked Remus. `You bastard, it`s veritaserum, isn`t it?! Truth potion!`
Lily watched on in confusion. What big secret did Remus have that Severus wanted to prise out of him so badly that he had actually drugged him.
`One way to find out.` Severus bared more of his teeth, grinning. `What`s your deepest darkest secret, Lupin?`
The question seemed to stunt Remus and he looked like he was mulling it over in his head, very carefully. Lily watched on anxiously, waiting for disaster to unfold itself.
`Well, I`m a---`
`SILENCIO!` Sirius hollered, muting Remus. James tackled Remus to the floor and clasped his hands over his mouth.
The other boys dragged Remus along out of the Great Hall, under great hilarity from the Slytherins. Lily was left marooned, completely flabbergasted, not sure what just had transpired. What was it that Remus had wanted to say? He is a…what?
Severus started to open his mouth, but Lily cut him off before he could even begin.
`Don`t even think about it, Severus.` she snapped.
And with that, she too left the Great Hall.
***
`You don`t think that me talking about Darren is annoying, do you?` Mary asked.
`No, of course not.` Marlene shook her head. `Remus was just being mean for no reason.`
They were sitting in the bathtub in their shared bathroom. Being extremely angry, Mary had locked herself in there, not wanting anyone to see her upset. However, Marlene had been able to coax her to open the door and let her in. It was oddly calming, sitting together in the empty tub.
`I just don`t understand why he`d say that.` Mary huffed. `It was so uncalled for. He never complained before that he thought I was annoying.`
`I`m sure he doesn`t think you`re annoying.` Marlene replied reassuringly. `Maybe just a bad day. Lily will probably know more when she gets back.`
`Hmm, yeah maybe.` Mary shrugged. `Do you know how she`s holding up, by the way? With the whole Remus thing?`
Marlene started picking at a nail. `Think she`s still pretty torn up about it; I mean, she doesn`t say so, but she did really like him.`
`Yeah, I know. I really thought they had a shot. It`s a proper shame.`
`Aye. Well, there`s always Potter. He`d marry her on the spot.`
Mary started laughing despite herself; Marlene was always able to cheer her up; she didn`t know what she`d do without her.
They fell quiet for a while, sitting in the serenity of the white porcelain. Marlene was absentmindedly chewing on a strand of hair, her eyes unfocused and clouded over. It hadn`t escaped Mary`s attention that Marlene wasn`t always all that eager to hear about her exploits with Darren. Earlier, Mary had just written this off as jealously, or possibly boredom. However, now that Remus had so clearly voiced his annoyance, she started to doubt whether or not it was indeed vexing that her main topic of conversation was her boyfriend.
`Do you think I`m shallow?` Mary asked, taking Marlene out of her trance.
Marlene dropped the strand of hair out of her mouth, looking surprised. `No. Why would you think that?`
`Oh, I don`t know.` Mary replied breezily. `Never mind.`
`No, not never mind.` Marlene said, sitting up straighter. `Something obviously made you ask that.`
`Well,` Mary frowned, uncomfortable with sharing her feelings, even with her best friend. `I don`t know. Sometimes it feels…it feels like everybody else is just so much more interesting than I am…or more clever. I mean; you and Lily both have such a drive. And,` she sighed. `Oh, I don`t know, sometimes I guess I can`t help but feel that I am just shallow, or boring.`
`But loads of people look up to you.` Marlene replied stunned. `You`re anything but uninteresting.`
`Yeah, I know people look up to me. But you know; that is kind of the problem isn`t it? All these people like me because of my experiences. And I fear that my sole identity is based on my relationships with boys.`
`I`m sure that`s not true. You have so many good qualities; way beyond your, erm, boy…things.`
`I just don`t have any passions.`
`You`re good at Divination and Defence Against the Dark Arts.` Marlene offered.
`Yeah, but do I reallycare about those?`
Marlene started biting her nails again, looking unsure.
`What if Snape was right? That I`m purely some slag.`
`Now you`re just talking sodding bollocks.` Marlene snorted. `Snivellus is a massive wanker and everything that comes out of that bleeding mouth of his is pure shite.`
Almost chocking on her own spit, Mary started laughing; Marlene had a very righteous point there. `Alright, maybe I`m whining. But, what about you? I almost never hear you talking about boys. Isn`t there someone you fancy?` Mary prodded.
`Eh,` Marlene shrugged, looking at her hands and turning red. `Not really.`
`Not really?`
`No, actually. I thought I might fancy James or Sirius for a while. But, you know; they`re both on the quidditch team, and believe me when I say that once you`ve seen them spit at eachother on the pitch, they suddenly become a lot less appealing.`
At this, Mary laughed again; feeling grateful that she`d never seen Darren spit at someone. `There are always other boys.`
`Hm.` Marlene tore a strip of skin off her finger; making Mary want to cry out in pain herself. `Aye, s`pose so.`
The door to the bathroom flew open and Lily stormed in; her face bright red and her features turned wry; she was panting as if she`d been running. Her face somewhat changed from expression when she noticed the two other girls sitting in the dry bathtub. However, she didn`t seem to question it, and sat down on the porcelain edge, kicking off her Mary janes.
`Are you alright, Mary?` she asked, eyeing her.
`Not really,` Mary shrugged. `But I will be. Don`t worry about me.`
`What happened after we left?` Marlene gazed up at Lily.
Lily told them how Remus had kept on spewing offensive nonsense; calling the whole dating epidemic foolish and bothersome; even calling Lily out on her own crush on him; telling her how she was just too stuck up to see how deeply in love James was with her - which explained a part of Lily`s apparent anger. When Lily went on to explain what had transpired next, both Mary and Marlene gaped up at her.
`And then it turned out Severus put veritiserum into his drink!`
`Truth serum?` Marlene asked befuddled, her eyes wide in shock. `But that`s illegal isn`t it?`
Lily nodded. `Yes, highly so.`
`But, why`d he even do that?`
`Apparently he wanted Remus to reveal some sort of secret.`
`Oooh, what secret?` Mary asked.
`Mary.` Marlene reprimanded her.
`Sorry. But, what secret?`
Lily shrugged. `He didn`t spill it. James and Sirius dragged him out of the Great Hall before he was able to let anything go; Sirius even hexed his voice away.`
`Wow,` Mary replied. `Must be some secret then.`
`Yeah,` Lily mulled pensively. `Or just some sort of other vendetta that Severus has against Remus. Apparently they had another fight on the train at the beginning of the year. Remus hit him or something; it`s a bit vague.`
`They are so immature.` Mary sighed. `You leave them alone for two second and they`re already bashing each other’s heads in.`
`Boys are fools; the lot of them.`
`Amen, sister.`
If it was indeed true that Remus had ingested truth potion, then it would mean that what he had said about her was his genuine opinion. Somehow this cut even deeper. People often said mean or hurtful things just to spite someone else; that didn`t always mean that they were true; Mary herself was also guilty of doing so. The Slytherins were masters at flinging insults at your back; they did it so often that at a certain point even the vilest of insults lost their hard edge. Mary`s skin had turned into a raincoat by now, letting all the odium roll off her as if it were mere water droplets. However, this was different, this really meant something, seeing as Remus had truly meant what he`d said. It brought on a mixture of shame and embarrassment. How many more people thought she was annoying and loud, yet were just too polite to say so?
Now Lily seemed to have calmed down somewhat - the red flush draining out of her face and her high breathing returning to normal - she was starting to look glum. Mary didn`t blame her; she would have been properly heartbroken if a boy she fancied - and who had already turned her down - had said those things about her.
`Does any of you want to play a game of snap?` Marlene asked.
Both Mary and Lily shook their heads.
`No, think I might turn in early.` Lily replied.
`Aye, alright.` Marlene responded. `I`m getting a bit chilly, so I`m going to go.`
With that, Marlene got up, gripped the sides of the tub, and clambered out; almost folding her gangly body in two as she squirmed her way out.
***
Saturday February 15th 1975
If someone had had a fuse, they could`ve probably let the entire stadium go up into bright sparks and flames. The tension was palpable during the run-up to the Gryffindor v Slytherin quidditch match. Marlene felt certain that she`d never played a game where the stakes had been this exuberantly high. Whatever feelings about the war the Hogwarts students were unable to express outside of the quidditch pitch, were played out on the field and in the stands. The spectators were screaming loudly; fights were breaking out left and right; detentions flying every which way. She hoped that her friends had been able to find a spot where they wouldn`t be pushed around too much, though, knowing Lily`s competitive spirit, they would be able to take care of themselves just fine.
Their quidditch captain brought the entire team together for one final group-huddle; revving themselves up just a wee bit more before the match would be kicked off. Marlene`s bat was practically buzzing in her hand; an extension of her arm; skin and wood turning into one and the same.
`We`re going to crush those bastards.` their captain growled, his jaw clenched.
All of them hollered loudly; a monotonous drone, blending in with the cheers and boos of the spectators.
In single file they were ushered out onto the pitch, the bright white sky greeting them as cutlery clattering onto a plate. The Slytherins were also queueing up, their faces contorted into ugly sneers, sticking out above their emerald green robes.
Marlene felt Sirius tense up next to her as his brother came into view, the smallest member of the opposing team; Sirius wielded his bat back and forth as if exerting some energy. Though Marlene wasn`t aware of the extend of the relationship between the two brothers, it could hardly be easy to be put against eachother like this; to fare a war that wasn`t theirs to begin with.
`Tensions are high in this year`s semi-final,` the commentator, Tracey Darcy, boomed out above the loud cries of the crowd. `This match will of course determine which team goes through to the final against Ravenclaw, and by the looks of the players, it`ll be a close one…On Gryffindor we have Potter, of course, a legend in his own right with more than two hundred goals under his belt already…Marlene McKinnon-`
Marlene`s heart began to hammer fast in her throat; as it always did when her name was called during a game; she didn`t think she`d even get used to that.
`-there, a formidable beater – and so she should be, her brother Danny McKinnon of course plays professionally for the Chudley Cannons…`
As she sighed, annoyed that they needed to state this fact every time again, Sirius turned to her and almost unnoticeably shook his head, rolling his eyes, making her crack a smile.
`…and there`s Sirius Black, Gryffindor`s second beater, in his second game of the year…Black has already shown himself to be as competent as McKinnon, and I`m sure all the ladies will agree, doesn`t look half bad in his kit…`
Sirius grinned smugly and this time Marlene rolled her eyes at him.
`Ahem.` Professor McGonagall coughed into the megaphone.
`Sorry, professor…` Tracey picked up. `..and here comes Slytherin.`
As the Slytherins advanced further onto the field, the crowd erupted into ear-splitting cries of disapproval.
`They have their own Black on the team, of course, Sirius` younger brother, Regulus – seeker … and Mulciber, taken on as beater this term…`
The crowd`s hollering grew even louder, almost completely drowning out the commentary. Marlene wished she`d brought earplugs with her, and desperately hoped they wouldn`t be this loud during the match itself, as she feared it might affect her performance. The stands were a sea of red and green; more red than green for their good fortune.
Marlene was itching to begin; not wanting to stand there anticipating the horror any longer; awful delay of execution. After what felt like an eternity, Madam Hootch blew her whistle and the game had officially begun.
Their tact during this game was to play it clean and quick; get off the field as soon as possible before the spirits would get too high. This was not the time for showing off; only for efficient and swift manoeuvring. She hoped that Sirius would keep himself to this agreement; he could be somewhat unpredictable at times.
The players rocketed up into the air, streaks of red and green surrounding her on all sides. Sirius was nearby, making sure they knew where the other was at all times.
To say that the Slytherins were playing dirty, would have been a severe understatement; they were playing foul and vicious. It was as if the two teams were trying to settle the war right then and there. James was darting back and forth, moving as quick as water between the other players. In turn, Marlene made sure that she and Sirius were communicating at every moment. In their second game together, they truly moved as one unit, anticipation each other’s next and every move.
`Whoops, accident.` Mulciber grinned, holding up his hands apologetically. He had had whacked a bludger directly in James` way; clearly not accidentally.
`Wanker!` Sirius hollered back, smacking the projectile the other way, protecting James.
`Don`t let him distract you!` Marlene screamed at him above the howling of the wind. `Remember what we`re here for!`
Mulciber had flown away by then, his broad back turned on them, green robes billowing. Already, Marlene had averted her attention, frantically scanning the pitch for the other Slytherin beater and the bludgers. Just in time she was able to locate them before the Gryffindor seeker was knocked off his broom.
`I`m going to shadow!` Marlene hollered, gesturing at Sirius and pointing at their seeker, already fending off another bludger.
The crowd was in complete hysterics; things were being thrown onto the pitch; and Marlene even saw some students being dragged off by a members of staff. Though, she didn`t have much time to pay attention to the crowd, seeing as the seeker was being bulleted with bludgers.
James was harassed by yet another bludger from Mulciber, quickly averted by Sirius. It appeared that everyone had completely forgotten the aim of the game. There were barely any goals being made; and their seeker was so busy staying out of harm`s way, that the idea of even getting the snitch was rather farfetched.
At the same time, while everybody else was fighting it out, the Slytherin seeker, Regulus Black, was high up in the air, scanning his surroundings carefully for the little golden snitch. Marlene shot a couple of quick glances up at him, trying to gauge what he was planning.
`Seems like Mulciber has it in for Black now – the older one that is!` the commentator practically screamed over the magically amplified megaphone. `You don`t see this every day; beaters turning on eachother!`
`Black, use your bleeding bat!` Marlene screamed at Sirius as she soared close by him, in the wake of their seeker.
Sirius was able to propel the rapidly advancing bludger right back at Mulciber, who was smirking wickedly. Even though Mulciber maybe wasn`t that quick of a thinker, he was cunning and fast in the body; the burly boy dunked, just in time to get out of the way.
An unanimous shriek went up in the stadium, even Marlene couldn`t help but scream along in terror as they all watched how the bludger made full contact with Regulus` skull. The small boy was knocked sideways and plummeted down towards the muddy pitch.
The next thing she saw was that Sirius, seeing his brother fall, pressed himself flat against his broom and shot down like an arrow; both brother`s quickly advancing towards the ground. It was as if everything was happening in slow-motion; movements sliding through molasses.
Madam Hooch, trained in these sort of things, quickly raised her wand and was able to slow Regulus` decent. The younger brother floated down towards the grass, where he came to lay stationary on his side.
Quickly, both teams descended, crowding around the two Black brothers. Sirius was squatted down next to Regulus, shaking at his shoulder and crying. Marlene`s stomach made a flip as she saw the dented skull and the blood pooling it, she turned her head as not to boak. A stretcher was conjured up and Regulus was swept away by Madam Pomfrey; Sirius and James running behind them.
Marlene`s head was swarming; her pulse still elevated from flying; her entire back soaked in cold sweat. The ground felt as if it had become liquid and she had to sit down. Her vision had gone black and it was as if there was a small ocean in her ear canal.
`Marls?` a voice sounded above her, feeling very far away.
`Marls, are you ok?` another voice. `You`re white as a sheet.`
`Try to put your head between your knees.` a pair of hands guided her head. `Do you think you`re going to feint? Try to breathe.`
`I`m going to get her some water. Stay with her will you.`
Slowly the dull throbbing and swishing noise subsided, and as things got quieter Marlene started to shiver, her entire body drenched in sweat. The image of Sirius couching over his bludgeoned little brother didn`t want to leave her minds` eye. She started to sob and shake uncontrollably; Mary and Lily holding onto her, yet whishing in that moment those arms were her own brother`s.
///