the feelings of a dead woman
Beidou’s eyes stared at the food in front of her, a deep sigh leaving her lips. She had learned that she wasn’t a picky eater in her past life, since everything she placed in her mouth she found incredible. Or, maybe, she just didn’t remember her preferences or the dishes she enjoyed back then, so she found everything amazing.
Poking the food with her fork, she overhead some people walking down the halls, talking about how someone needed surgery soon or else they were going to pass away.
For a moment, she considered being in their position and how, if she had died, she wouldn’t be causing Ningguang and Kazuha this amount of pain. And Ganyu, she seemed so sweet. She had even brought a cake for her, which tasted a bit salty. And Keqing, who initially seemed annoyed to have to go there and interrupt her work, but soon caved in and started talking fondly about Beidou’s past self and how amazing she was.
It didn’t feel as if they were the same person.
Oh, and how could she forget Hu Tao. She was so eccentric. She walked in with a coupon and started talking about her business before chuckling. It seemed as if she was trying to make light out of the situation. That or she was just going through a hard time in her business and wanted some easy cash.
Her eyes shifted towards the seat placed in the corner of her room, staring at what seemed like a glass globe, gray and empty, filled with what seemed like clouds. Was that hers? In order to not ponder too much on the origin of it, she found herself looking at the balloons that were next to her bed. They had been placed there by Ningguang before she had gone to work. Apparently, she was a busy woman, or so she appeared to be. While setting up photos of them together, she was fumbling and muttering about some important business deal. In truth, Beidou hadn’t been paying attention, which seemed to make the albino haired woman annoyed.
“The old Beidou used to listen to me,” She muttered under her breath before her eyes widened, quickly dismissing herself while apologizing rapidly.
In shock, the dark haired woman had been lying there, pondering about that glorious ‘Captain Beidou, wielder of an electro vision’. So many meaningless titles. As she felt her eyes water once again, a small knock interrupted her train of thought.
“Hello? Oh! Hi there Beidou! Unless you prefer another name now!” Such a bright voice made her eyes widen, almost as if she was surprised to hear someone be so cheerful around her in that state. Turning towards the source, she found a blonde, disheveled woman who seemed as if she had been running to get to her room.
“Sorry, I kinda got lost, this place is huge.” Rubbing the back of her neck, she laughed, closing the door behind her while looking at Beidou.
The other woman just seemed surprised, blinking rapidly at the newcomer.
“Teyvat to Beidou! Everything okay?” She asked, raising an eyebrow while the other nodded softly.
“You’re not upset.” She noted, making the blonde frown momentarily before her face lit up again.
“This is about your feelings, not about mine! Besides, what am I here for? Sulking around about how you can’t remember anything? Nope! I refuse! I’m here to help you create new memories to replace your old ones.”
And, for the first time, she found herself tearing up out of joy.
“Oh come on buddy, don’t cry.” The blonde quickly dropped her bags at the door and walked towards the other, engulfing her in a tight hug. In a response, the dark haired woman melted in her touch, closing her eyes while hugging her back. “I’ve got you.”
And like that, the tears started flowing.
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Hours and hours of talking seemed to morph into what seemed to be seconds. Laughs turned into cackles and Yoimiya shared many stories with her. The way her face would light up when she talked made Beidou, finally, not worry as much about not remembering. Rather, she was more focused on that bundle of joy in front of her.
After various hours of enjoyment, Ningguang walked in, finding Yoimiya talking to Beidou while sitting on the edge of her bed, giggling away with her before turning towards the business woman.
“Hello Ningguang!” Yoimiya greeted, followed by Beidou waving in the background,”I was just telling her about that one time I sold you fireworks for that one time those important Snezhnayan businessmen were visiting the Jade Chamber.”
At that, the albino woman found herself smiling softly, nodding along,”Yes, I remember that quite fondly. I was incredibly annoyed at the time, but now I can look back at it and laugh.”
As Beidou looked at her, Ningguang smiled, expecting a smile in return, only to receive a half smile. Maybe her words that morning hadn’t been ideal, and she admitted that to herself. Not to Beidou, but to herself. She couldn’t talk about it in front of the blonde woman, obviously, it would be of poor taste.
With a giggle, Yoimiya turned towards Beidou, soon frowning at the woman,”I have to go back to the place I’m staying at. Lumine recommended it to me, after all! Have you met her yet?”
When the dark haired woman shook her head, the blonde nodded,”Would you want to meet her? I can bring her here!”
“Sure, Yoimiya.” And while her heart soared, Ningguang’s heart cracked.
Beidou had always said no to her when she suggested bringing others in, so why did she say yes to Yoimiya? As she bit her bottom lip, she waited until the firework girl hopped off the bed with a bright smile, waving goodbye.
But as soon as that door shut, the once-captain turned her body away from Ningguang, only to be followed by an apology, which burned her.
“I know I shouldn’t have said that, and I’m sorry. I’m not perfect, and I truly am trying to work with this. . . I am trying to deal with the pain of losing someone I love while trying to help you remember who you are. I’m trying to bring back the Beidou you used to be. And I’m sorry if I’m not doing it in the best way possible, I’ll try and be better, I promise.”
And at that moment in time, Beidou realized she had never been asked if she wanted to be her old self again.
“Okay.”
But it wasn’t okay.