Unrequited memories

Finally, she met the famous Lumine, who smiled softly at her, muttering a few simple words now and then. From Yoimiya, she learned that she didn’t talk much, but she was a person who had saved entire nations, including the one she was in at that moment. She also learned that her floating buddy, Paimon, spoke quite a lot.

“Lumine is amazing! I showed her how fireworks were made once, and they made a few that were super nice!” She smiled brightly while the shorter blonde sighed, nodding.

“One nearly hit us both from the way it blew up.”

“But it was fun!”

“We nearly died.”

“Of fun!”

And to this, the woman wearing the white clothing sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before looking puzzled.

“Where did those balloons come from? They’re deflating already.” She asked, pointing at the ‘get better soon’ balloons which weakly floated, trying to stay afloat. To this, the dark haired woman let out a small sigh.

“Ningguang.”

“She doesn’t seem too happy about Lady Ningguang. . .” Paimon thought out loud, making Beidou sigh once again, nodding.

“Long story, little buddy.”

And everyone collectively decided to drop the topic. Awkward silence filled the room momentarily before Yoimiya spoke up again, making Beidou smile softly. This reaction prompted Lumine to squint.

“Well, once you get a bit better, I can take you to Inazuma! Well, it would have to be on a boat but. . . we’ll see how we do it!”

“Lumine can drive boats!” Paimon shot up, and Lumine nodded,”Yeah, I can sort of maneuver a boat.”

And, while laying in that bed, Beidou had the realization that if Ningguang had been there, she would have definitely brought up her ‘Captain’ past.

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Every single day Yoimiya came by, Beidou’s face would light up, and she’d laugh like she had never laughed before (at least from what she can remember). Seeing Beidou so happy should have made Ningguang happy, but instead, it lit up a fire, and a burning hatred for that wide smile started to devour her.

One afternoon, the albino walked in, holding a cake in her hands. She remembered Beidou’s favorite cake. She also remembered how much Beidou hated sweets, since she wasn’t used to the taste. Ningguang recalled hearing her lover state how ‘weird’ the sweet flavor was. But dark chocolate cakes were something sweet that Beidou would never complain about.

Yet when opening the door, she was met by the sight of the dark haired woman laughing at another one of Yoimiya’s jokes, holding a plate in her hand. The plate had crumbs of, what she could only assume had been, a slice of cake. A slice of red velvet cake at that. What made her snap, however, was when Yoimiya turned towards her with a wide smile, and Beidou had turned with a raised eyebrow, almost as if she was asking ‘why are you here?’.

Hatred fueled Ningguang and, like a match dropped on gasoline, she rashly shoved the plate in her hands on the nearest table and left, her heels clicking down the hallway.

Powder had been ignited and the flame was trickling rapidly up the pathway. As soon as the flames grazed the rope, she burst into a colorful explosion of tears and emotions, uncaring of anyone who could see the waterworks. 

A loud sob racked her body as the sliding doors moved automatically, just like how she felt her body was functioning at that moment. 

As the rain drenched her from head to toes, Ningguang finally realized the truth. She had been so focused on trying to get back the person she loved she had lost her. In truth, Beidou had never truly been there just like she had wanted her to be. Amber colored eyes shifted along the people walking down the street, and she, for the first time in years, felt so alone in the world.

Maybe this was the price to pay.

As she walked, she closed her eyes momentarily, remembering the fateful night of their first kiss.

“Only a true treasure captures the eye of Captain Beidou,” She smirked, looking at the woman standing in front of her. 

Half lidded eyes stared into wide ones. 

“I suppose you could say that, yeah,” a small laugh left her, followed by her walking up to the albino. The space between them was so small, and yet they didn’t dare to lay a finger on each other.

“This treasure isn’t only for staring at,” after those words left her lips, the dark haired woman felt her face boil.

“Is it alright if the treasure. . . you know. . .” The space between both of them was decreasing by the second, any minute now they would run out of it. But Beidou encouraged this lack of space by tucking some of Ningguang’s platinum white hair behind her ear, “is it alright if I kiss the treasure?”

“Of course, Captain.”

And with that, Beidou did what she had been waiting to do all these years. With that, Ningguang also managed to get what she had wanted to have for years. They had each other wrapped around their fingers and their hands tangled in the other’s hair as they kissed each other like they had never kissed anyone before. Such passion went into the kiss that they were left breathless after it, and they still found themselves hungry for more love. Hungry for the love they have been deprived from. Hungry for the love they had deprived each other of.

—----------------------------------

“Sorry about that, Miya.”

“Why are you apologizing, Beidou? Please, it’s not your fault she isn’t taking it well.”

“I just. . .  I wish she was more like you.”

A blink from the two followed, soon resulting in the two women blushing.

“More like me? Why?” Laughing nervously, the blonde scratched the back of her head, swatting the air,”I mean I know I’m pretty good at things but you’re flattering me a bit *too* much!”

“Well it doesn’t feel like I owe you something. With her I feel obligated to remember, I feel like I owe her at least a memory or two of what we used to be. She told me we were dating, but I don’t understand why I would ever find myself loving someone so distant and so occupied.”

Those words hit Yoimiya like a brick. She was dating Ningguang? But. . . they didn’t seem compatible, at least from what she had seen. Maybe the shared experiences they had was what brought those two together, rather than their personalities. 

“I. . . I don’t think that was her intention. Well, I can assure you it wasn’t, because I don’t see Ningguang doing that type of thing, you know? Urm. . . I doubt that she would ever go through all the trouble of paying the bills and bringing you gifts if you meant nothing. . . Which doesn’t mean that you need to pay her back! Just to take that into account and to not resent her, you know, not handling this well because she tried her best and-”

“I love you.” Beidou cut her off, and the blonde felt her face turn pale.

“But Beidou, what if this isn’t actually love and you’re feeling something else? You know, you won’t exactly remember how emotions feel, and it’s normal for you to get it all confused, don’t worry you don’t have to figure it out now but maybe you’re just confused and-”

“I know what love feels like, I asked Ningguang once.”

“W. . . what?” 

And with that, the fireworks specialist felt sick. Something in her cracked, yet her heart soared. She shouldn’t be reciprocating these emotions, she knew that much. Archons, she felt terrible for Ningguang. Surely, Beidou didn’t know what she was doing or saying, right?

“Beidou, please, think this through. I don't think this is a good idea.” Her hesitance was clear as day,”It isn’t fair on Ningguang, it really isn’t fair for me to ruin it all just because of a whim, just because of puppy love and I really don’t want to upset her. She’s such a nice, kind woman. . .” Her voice faded away, and Beidou replied immediately in a nonchalant way. The lack of memories also meant a lack of attachment, clearly.

“It isn’t fair on me either to be forced to love a woman I don’t even remember loving.”

Silence followed, and the blonde’s mouth opened as if she was going to try and defend Ningguang once more, but she felt like saying anything would make Beidou feel worse. So, instead, she opted to shift in the bed, staring quietly at the woman who had forgotten herself.

“Why don’t you love me back?” The question came out as a frustrated groan while she turned her body towards her completely.

“Beidou, it isn’t that, it’s just that it isn’t fair on her you know?”

“But I don’t want her, Yoimiya, I want you. Only you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am!” She almost seemed irritated at the question.

Yoimiya and Beidou stared at each other in silence for a few moments before parted lips crashed into each other in what could only be described as gentle aggresiveness, almost as if they had been waiting for that moment. 

But, no matter how happy she was, the blonde’s heart ached for the business woman.