Part 30
Part 30
𝓣𝓪𝓮𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓰'𝓼 𝓟𝓸𝓿:
"Hmm, so you mean , you both got engaged when you were just 15?? " I ask softly, not wanting to look too nosy, yeri hums beside me.
It's the next day after we had the moment in kitchen. The day had went by like that, I hadn't got any chance to even look out for Jungkook, gaurds said he came late from the meeting, I was probably asleep by then
And when I woke he was still gone.
Jungkook and his commanders had already started there strict training, it was confirmed there has to be a war in coming week.
I felt my face pale, there was something nagging inside me, to stop him.
But how could I?
He will be gone sonner, and I'll be waiting for him to come back, just like how I did always.
So it was today when I saw yeri sitting by herself in the garden, I had smiled at her and sat by her side, first it was awkward, really it was.
We both had no words to exchange with each other, for a surreal moment it felt we both were just tied up together with a common thread.... Jungkook.
Besides that, now it felt hollow to talk to yeri, and may be she felt same. But we still decided to hang on for each other, She was alone..... And so was I
She was missing her husband....
And so was I......
Missing her husband.
"Yess" She laughed awkwardly
"We didn't really knew what it was, you know. We were just kids. I was his best friend ever since I had started to understand what a friend is. He was been with me always, and I was with him from the start"
I could see in her eyes the moments flashing between her and Jungkook when they were kids.
Greed
It rise in me, I wished
I wished I was there with him since start, to know him, how beautiful it would have been to know someone from there roots.
But then again, some things are bound to happen, and are bound to happen in specific time.....
That's how things falls in there right places.
"He was always like this since we were kids" She says
"He won't laugh or smile much"
But he have the prettiest smile, his laughs are so melodic, I have heard him.
"He would never cry, even when he was hurt"
He have cried in front of me, he had mourned when he had killed those men in wars. He cried when he hurted me.
"I use to tell him to let me treat his wounds, but he would just say 'I'm a strong man, it's fine" She laughs at her own words
He let me see his scars, he let me heal him.
"When we got engaged, I had no idea what it was even, I just knew I had to stay by his side, no matter what ,my mother had told me to not leave his side" she gulps
"So I just kept doing that"
I held her hand in mine, she breathes.
She gives me a smile and then continues...
"Years past by and we got married soon, in these year Jungkook use to be always on wars or in trainings, he was very focused to help his father. He always wanted to be a warrior, meanwhile I kept waiting for him, I kept making sweaters for him, I learnt to make his favorite food, I tried becoming more beautiful to lure him. I realized to late... I was in love with him"
There's a thunder echo in me.
Part of me wants to walk away, but other part wants to sit and listen to her.
I listen to the other part of me.
"Marriage for us just felt nothing new you know, it was all same. We were still best friends, sharing our day and sometimes laughing and eating two meals together. Nothing more then that. But then we grew up, we realised we were already in a bond that lacked so many things".
She nodded.
" It was a very loveless marriage, I was in love with him and he was not."
I have known that feeling.... Of knowing that the person you love eternally will never love you back.
Feeling of you dying with those feelings alone.
I have known them better.
"Soon I had confessed to him, he had looked a bit shocked, as if he had never got a hint of it. He had held me close that day and told me that he had felt nothing for me and he was sorry and ashamed to not return my love"
I see her gulping and rubbing the heavy tears of her eyes.
"My mother would always tell me how incompetent I was as a wife and a queen, it angered me more"
"I was angry, heartbroken, I was envious, I felt jealous of all my friends who had there husbands loving them, I was angry at Jungkook for not realising my love for him, I was raged, and so one night when he had came back home—"
She sobs, and trembles, I get an unrealistically speedy urge to stop her from telling me anything further if it's going to hurt her in any ways,but I sit there listening to her cry and vale of tears.
"I had tried to force myself on him, I was desperate you know, to want him, physically, emotionally. And when he had opposed I had threw a glass piece at him, it made a cut on his face, his face was bleeding, and he still was trying to calm me down."
I let out a loud gasp , his scar.... His scar on his face...... His scar were I kissed him everytime.
Yeri looks at me, and smiles sadly.
"Yeahh, that scar on his cheek, his bleeding cheek had made me realise how inhuman I had been with him. At the end of the night, he was still the one who had comforted me and promised me to try being the best husband I would ever have. And he was really. He did everything for me,he was really the best husband I would ever have, but then one day when I had asked him to kiss me and make love to me".
She pauses, remembering her hurt.
"He had said he'd do that too if I wanted, but he had also mentioned that, nothing would make him love me back, he had told me to do not accept anything from him except for nights we'd sleep together physically entangled with eachother, there will be no love from his side ever"
"After that day, kissing was just a habit, but everytime he would kiss me, I saw him being nothing but just a body, his eyes were soulless, he was not warm, he would kiss smile and won't say a word for my sake."
She looks over me, I think she wanted me to say something, but my mind was too fuzzy, too heavy.
"I saw him yearning to kiss you that day, I saw him wanting to hold you. I saw his soul through his eye as he stared at you tae. It hurt me, I won't lie, it hurt me to see him being everything towards you that I wanted him to be for me. "
" At first I was in denial thinking, he might be just physically attracted to you, but who was I fooling? , soon everything started to get clear, him leaving Royal dinner to stay late so he would eat with you, him sitting outside your door when you were not talking to him, him talking about you when he was with me, him leaving my bed late night just so he could come to yours when you were asleep, and stare at you, and kiss you good night "
Yeri cries, and I don't realize I do it too. I feel so stuck between the emotions I feel, it makes me think if it's even valid to feel so many things all at once ??
I recall all those days, when I had locked myself in room, not eating and not talking, feeling loneliest in the huge palace, only now for me to realise, Jungkook was all this time, walking step by step beside me. Holding me with him.
Was he sad too?? Was he lonely too??? Did he cried himself to sleep too???
" I really don't know taehyung, what will happen to you both, will you be together? Or not? I don't know, but I want Jungkook to be happy, I want him to have what he deserves. I want him to be happy, so I can be happy as well, just looking at him being soulful you know. "
I look at her, nodding.
I want that too, I want Jungkook to be happy too.
"He is bit stupid , he is bad at taking decisions, he is very ruthless when it comes to choosing between himself and his duty as a warrior and king, he will always choose his duty, he might hurt you, but he'll be hurting through it too."
I understand what she says, since I have known Jungkook, I have very well known how much his duty and his kingdom matters to him, if he willingly throws himself in wars without thinking of himself, he surely don't care about his own life either.
"Take care of him, yeah?? " She says
I instantly nod at her, it comes out naturally out of me.
"Take care of you too, you both had too much going on recently"
I furrow my brows at her words, they feel unsettling.
"Why are you sounding like, you are going somewhere yeri? " I ask her, her words felt heavy, and I couldn't hold them onto me more.
She smiles and tucks my hair behind my ear.
"I am going over at my Father's kingdom"
I feel a huge turmoil fall upon me, was it because of me? Because of me and Jungkook??? I couldn't help, but to feel more and more guilty.
She laughs a little as if she read my mind, and shakes her head.
"It's not because of you or Jungkook, it's because of me. I don't feel being myself these days, I miss my father, he is my best friend even before Jungkook you know, I miss him too much. I'm overwhelmed too with everything happening these days, so I feel, I need some rest, I need to go back home and rest for a while tae. "
"Are you sure yeri? " I ask,
"Yes, don't worry, when you'll wake up tomorrow morning I'll be gone, but I'll make sure I'll come back before Jungkook is off too war. Till then take care of him,and of yourself too"
I rest my head on her shoulder.
I have always felt her shoulders so firm, so strong , she is indeed strong.
She is a sister to me, and I wish we both were at better places, where I had not hurt her like this.
When I'll wake up tomorrow, she'll be gone.
And sooner, Jungkook will too.
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