Part 28
Part 28
𝓣𝓪𝓮𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓸𝓿-
Silence fills up the Hall even when people chatter continuously, the room feels devoid of colours, even when it is glowing with red velvet curtains , and bright lamps.
It is impossible to not feel the heaviness of sins you do, of the guilt that you carry. It's impossible to not feel heart bursting with rage.
I contemplate if I should run and fall on my knees in front of her begging for mercy. But what should I apologize for? For the sin or for the love?
Or for the Sin called Love I did?
Yeri stands in the dim light, smiling and bowing politely to the royals and there families, she keeps her posture straight, her eyes focused. But I can feel the shakiness in her limbs, her wavering smile that she forces on her lips.
She no more looks like the childish yeri I had befriended, she is now queen, or may be performing the role of queen she owns.
Never in once I have met my eyes with her, because how can I? How can I after I hurt her like that?
As much as Yeri stays silent with her straight face and ignore my existence, Jungkook steals my attention again and again, I see him staring at me and whenever our eyes meet he is smiling widely, his lips curled upward and his nose scrunched, his eyes smiles first though.
His words settle more in me now.
Was it really what he meant? Or was it just me swooning over his simple words?
Slowly, the royals start to leave, wishing king and queen there best luck, Jungkook is by there side bowing with a calm, forcefully laughing yeri beside him.
There family.
Jungkook's family.
His Appa, Eomma and his..
Wife.
I sum up some courage, as I walk towards yeri, she might have felt my presence, cuz why else would she freeze and then walk back somewhere??
I leave Jungkook and His parents alone and walk behind yeri, who enters kitchen.
She starts Washing the unstained washed utensils.
Or may be she is just trying to avoid the distress I have caused her.
"Yeri" I call her.
She do not flinches, but she do inhales intensely.
"Yeri"
Then she looks at me and smiles.
My god
I cannot unsee the unshed tears deep in her eyes.
"Yes tae? " She says.
"Yeri, We need to talk"
She lets out a small laugh, then she wash her hands and brings me a plate of something.
"I saved some strawberry pies for you, I know you like them. Go and have them"
I nod and take the plate from her, I keep it on the wooden table .
"Yeri, it's not what you think"
She shudders a little, may be because I broke her shield she built since the dance I and Jungkook shared, so as to protect her from hurt.
"What are talking about tae? " she smiles at me pleadingly as if she wants me to stop.
She turns away
"I'm sleepy, let's talk tomorrow" She walk upto the door.
"Me and Jungkook" She pauses at my words.
"Me and Jungkook, we are nothing. He is my sovereign, and I'm his paramour. There's nothing going on yeri"
I don't know why am I here to explain her anything, I shouldn't right??? It's true that that there's nothing going on with me and Jungkook......... We have nothing except for the unrequited love.
She turns back to me and stare.
There's a smile illuminating her face.
" Apocalypse " She said
I furrowed my brows
"I saw you guys fighting through the apocalypse of the unsaid feelings tae"
She nods.
"I don't know how do I put what I saw into words, hell I don't even know what to think right now, I just want to sleep. Please let me go. I will do talk to you about this soon. "
She pauses, and smiles at me.
"But for now just let me be myself please"
I back away with little steps, she is right she needs space, she needs time to realize many things, to think about things. I cannot force her .
Specially not when I know how it feels.
She offers me a bow and walk back to her room probably. I say nothing. I stare at her disappearing figure.
God
How did we ended up here?
How did we end up hurting each other so much????
Love.
Only love can hurt like this.
I feel strength of my limbs giving up slowly as I stand there every passing minute.
I'm lost.
And when you get lost, you stay lost.
The only friend I had with whom I shared my worries for months, I ended up hurting her too.
I walk out of the kitchen, walking towards my safe place.
As soon as my feets touch the soft grass, I feel my tensed up body relaxing. Soft breeze, the grounded earthy smell of earth makes me quite calm. I walk towards the bench in front of the pond.
I expected the place to be silent, with small murmurs of crickets, the silence and the uneven moon in the dark sky.
It is all silent until it isn't.
You can actually hear the silence.
I to hear him breath.
The bench were I sit everyday, ever morning and every night staring at the stars filled sky and gloomy sun, was not vacant anymore.
I sigh.
I still reach there.
He is unguarded....
No this is not about weapons.
But about his wall of emotions he always hold tight.
Jungkook sits there on the bench with his knees curled up towards his chest. He stares at the sky .
His face says nothing more then adoration .
I walk towards him.
"Jungkook? "
He flinches a little, he might have not expected me to be here.
"Pearl? "
He shifts giving me space to sit beside him, which I do accept.
I sit beside him.
Ever,
I wonder if I will ever get a chance to tell him, how much warm he makes me feel, how much his presence soothes me.
"I thought you were sleeping already"
Thought so
"Why are you up? "
Now I look at were he was staring before, the endless sky, with endless dazzling stars.
"I thought you were sleeping too, why are you here? "
He then smiles.
His pearly white bunny like teeth, makes his smile look so much prettier.
He is so pretty, I think.
I want to keep looking at him, at this dead of night.
"Ayyyyyy, don't copy me cheater"
He pouts softly and then laughs, he might have felt embarrassed for doing it, but I'm so endeared.
Jungkook then softly lay his legs on the soft grass, his hands on his lap.
"I was, just looking at the moon, look how pretty it is"
I feel myself staring at his face, and his big doe eyes.
Few minutes passes by, with him staring at moon and me staring at him.
And then There's a loud hammering in my chest suddenly, my heart hammers on the walls of my chest.
My guts tighten, and I feel bile rising to my throat.
I let myself feel everything at once, I dare not to stop myself today.
My eyes become blurry with moisture, and there this hollow ache in my chest.
Hollow ache?
Yeahh, I'm empty inside, the day I loved this man, I had already given him my heart, And now I feel empty.
So empty that it hurts.
How can love hurt???
It is not supposed to hurt, right?
My lips wobble at there own and there leaves a small sob out of them.
I shift back on the bench, curling myself towards Jungkook, and he let's me sank on his side.
He wraps his arm around my shoulder, as I rest my head on his.
He breathes slow and soft, his arm is firm on my skin and then he rests his head on my head, not before planting a kiss on my forehead.
"Are you alright pearl? You know you can tell me, right? "
I nod, I wrap my arm around his bicep , other one tangled with his fingers.
He holds me then.
We sit in silence, just stealing warmth from each other.
And at this instance I breathe better , I hate things less , I admire my surrounding more with Jungkook beside me.
The stars now glow bright and moon is not uneven anymore, it is in its element, In it's beautiful form.
I stare at moon and it comes back again.... The voice telling me I love this man.
And someday, somewhere, I'll have to accept that, it can never be me and him together.
I need to accept, that whatever happens with us in future, I would never stop loving him.
Even if a day comes when I hate him, it will be still out of love I have lost.
He will always be the one whom I love.
My only love.
His cold hands are warm on my fingers when he caress them.
"Jungkookie"
"Yes pearl"
"Do you—" I gulp
"Do you think there's this alternate universe where you and me are together? In love? "
I pause to gather words.
"Both in love with each other and happy? "
There's silence between us, so much silence, that I can hear him breathe.
"Both in love? " He ask and I simply nod.
He hmms
"I don't know about the alternate universe pearl, may be, may be we are and may be we are not. "
Right
What a dumb thing I asked, how would he know?
"But I have known about this universe"
I feel air fill up my lungs and stuck there making me breathless.
My grip on his arm tightens.
"I have known about this Universe though, where you met me as the most precious of all gifts I have ever been granted. I know this universe where I let all my guards fall when I am with you, this universe were I found you and you found me"
He gulps certainly, his fingers caressing mine.
"This universe were I know I hurt you, and I still keep doing it, this universe were I only want you"
I sob loudly letting exhaustion strip out of me.
He holds me closer.
"Why do you want me to love you in different universe tae? I am here and you are here too. In this universe—"
He kisses the back of my palm softly.
"In this universe you love me "
Yes I do
I do love you.
"You love me Kim Taehyung"
"And I—"
Before even he says the words, I get them engraved deep in my heart.
The unsaid I love you
He didn't say those words, but not even a second I feel myself full of him and his love.
I grab his arm.
"Don't say it Jungkookie"
He shudders a little.
"Don't say it please"
"Why? " His voice is uneven and groggy
Why??
"You wanted to know what I feel, don't you? So now I am here, I am here telling you what I feel for you, then why not pearl? "
I smile at that.
"You don't know how heavy your words are on me jungkook, Yes, I desperately wanted to hear you say, how much you have loved me, you don't know how many nights I have stayed tossing on the bed, just to know that I was not the only one in love"
"I still want to hear you say, but not like this, it makes me feel guilty, it makes me feel cheap. You said I was your companion when I confessed to you, you said you have a wife, you kissed her in front of me gguk"
His eyes are shut closed.
"You hurt me, you hurted me too much Jungkook. And now you are here telling me what you feel for me? It's too good to be true. I'm scared to let you love me. "
I take a big dramatic pause.
There's so much to say, but the trival part of my heart don't want to open up my wounds.
I'm scared he will walk away again with me bleeding with open wounds.
"I love you Jungkook, you have no idea, how much and You said you lo—"
"Love me"
"But where does that brings us? "
He pulls me towards him,I release his arm and wrap ny arm around his waist while he wraps me to his chest.
"Where does our love brings us to jungkook?? I am still your paramour and you are still a husband to someone"
"What do you want me to do then pearl? "
I nodd aggressively
"I don't know, I don't know what I want from you either".
" One part of my heart wants you so badly, that it doesn't bother me you leaving your wife either, I want all of you for myself, I hate even the idea of you being with yeri, but at the same time I feel like a monster, a homewrecker to even look at you, because you are her husband, you are not mine"
"But funny I am yours"
" So please "
"Tae"
"Please don't say those words Jungkook, I would go feral if I hear you say them. I won't be able to stay strong, I won't be able to keep up with myself then. "
"I am happy like this, loving you alone, from distant. Knowing there might be a universe were I am your husband and you are mine. " I laugh
"Don't show me stars, when all you can afford to give me are long lasting scars. "
I look at him and he blinks tears silently.
He was hurt too.
All this time.
"I am sorry"
"No"
"I am really sorry tae"
"It's not your fault Jungkook"
"I don't know what to say, what to do. I am lost"
When you are lost, trust me you stay lost.
"Just, hold me a little longer please, just stay like this for a while "
He nods.
We sit wrapped around each other, gazing the falling stars.
I see those stars falling over us in the dark black sky, and to every falling star, I wish for him to love me.
I wish for him to be my husband in every universe there might be.
"What you wished for? " I asked him
"It won't come true, if I tell you"
I huff
"It's nothing like that ,you can tell it to me. My grandma use to say, you should share your wishes with the person you love , they come true"
He laughs out loud, and then gasps dramatically.
"My god Pearl, are you going to use my untold confession against me now?
I shrugg with a smirk.
" I might warrior Jeon Jungkook "
He smiles and then plants a small peck on my forehead, his lips stay there on my skin for free minutes.
"For you —"
"For you to be my husband in every single universe we are ever alive"