Part 22
Part 22
There's nothing much to say when someone ask you ,what love is? What would you answer? Because we can never give justice to the beautiful face that flashes everytime as we say the Word again and again.
Being in love feels so odd sometimes, you tend to look at the evens and forget the heart wrenching odds. Never thought of what you'd do the if your person would leave you? Never thought of falling out of love???
Hate and love are no different , they play no different games with heart. Both will paralyze your mind, you heart, your senses.
Good thing is, in hate you know what's coming to you, you know the feeling. In love? It's a slow burning fire, it's a poison.
It would eat you up from inside, your entire soul would turn into ashes and all you'll be left with a diseased heart.
Broken and still in love.
There's little knock on the door and Taehyung sigh irritatedly.
It's now the 10 time he had told the maids to not inturpt and to not ask him to have breakfast.
He had woke up this morning to a massive headache from the all night Overthinking he had did.
He had not slept even for an hour.
He replayed memories all night, giving way to more hurt in his already wounded heart.
Well, memories hurt more then humans.
Sweet memories hurt more.
He had turned down the breakfast in early morning and locked himself inside the room he was given.
All hours he did nothing but to sit in the beautiful vast balcony and stare at the sky making it's own pattern with clouds.
If Taehyung was to have a normal day, he would have danced and laughed sitting in the same place where he was shedding tears.
Don't think he is weak .
No one have ever defied the hurts caused by the person we love.
He was hurt and him mourning was the way he could get himself out of it.
Taehyung had witnessed a glimpse of his lover this morning.
Jungkook was there near his horse, patting and mumbling something to the animal.
He had his beautiful dark blue Hanbok with his golden skin flashing tender warmth.
All taehyung wanted to do was forget the night and run back in his arms and let him know—
I love you!! I still love you so much
But as much as what he though was impossible and stupid, it was stupid how he was staring at Yeri holding his arm and intertwining there fingers together.
She had kissed his cheek and blushed a crimson red.
She was pretty indeed.
More then him.
They had trailed near the horse lovingly holding each other close , jungkook had helped her getting on the horse as he ride it from the back.
His arms wrapped around her.
A day before he did that to me.
He smiled looking at her.
I thought it was just for me
He looked so in love with her.
Oh-
He never loved me.
Taehyung was in a sour mood since then.
The last thing he wanted to do was watch them being in love.
Don't take him wrong.
He was happy that Jungkook was happy and with his love but it hurt him somewhere that it wasn't him.
It hurt him that he thought Someone like Jungkook would ever love him, let alone think of him.
The door knocked again.
He walked in anger.
"Ohhgod, I don't want anything, what's wrong with yo—"
And the miseries won't end.....
He suddenly bowed as he sat on his knees.
"I apologize your majesty, I had no idea it were you. I would have never use the tone on you my Lord. I beg for the mercy"
The woman smiled, as she crouched holding his shoulders and guiding him up.
"It's fine, felt good to be honest. Jungkook use to yell the same way. He was a brat, not gonna lie. You made me a young mother again"
Taehyung saw her smiling, and now he knows from where Jungkook have got that beautiful, endearing smile.
"Your Majesty, you could have just left the order for me to be there in court. I would have been there in a minute. You had to walk all over here"
"No need, I had to have a conversation with you. And heard you were busy with something in here. So thought of visiting myself"
Conversation?? Oh-
Why would she want a paramour to stay in a royalty palace.
Thought so
She wants me to leave in Jungkook absence???
Would he mind if I leave?
The maids walk in with the pure plated gold and silver plates full of sweets and the best food he had smelled.
"Can we sit? I'm old Enough to crack my knees up"
"Ohh my ,sorry, yes please"
Taehyung picked up his discarded clothes from the bed and cleaned the sheets for Jungkook's mom to sit.
She grabbed one of the plate and signalled the rest to keep them on the table near by.
"Taehyung, son. Come sit here"
Tender
Taehyung felt himself stare at her with amazement.
His mother when he was younger use to call him like that, so he could finish his food.
He sat beside her fiddling with white silk shirt.
He felt his skin soften where she pinched and caressed.
His cheeks.
His tear stained cheeks.
"When I was younger, my mother told me one thing I still hold onto. "
She rubbed the tear stains on his white skin.
"You should never cry for a Man, who won't even realise he had broken you so much. "
Taehyung gasped at the harsh words.
Was he so transparent???
Was he so loose on his emotions, that people could make out what's inside him?
"What do you mean? "
She takes a spoon full of rice with meat gravy on it and holds in front of taehyung.
"I'm okay, I just have a headache because of traveli—"
"You not eating anything, and staying up locked in a room, won't change anything between you and Jungkook. It also won't change the fact that when you are crying here, he is there living his best day with his wife" She said with a poker face.
Taehyung jerks back at the intensity.
She knows
She knows
How??
"What? I don't understand you, your majesty" Taehyung swallows the dryness.
She again signals at the spoon and taehyung now opens his mouth, gulping the first bite of food he had since he have been here.
" I saw you, I saw you yesterday shattering in pieces when Jungkook was kissing yeri"
"I cannot go wrong with the hurt I saw in your eyes son. "
Taehyung thinks he is few words before he would start crying.
He felt awful and heartbroken and so much weak yesterday, but he feels vulnerable now when he listen it from her mouth.
" I-I think you read me wrong, highness. How can I love him? " He questions, but he knows it's for himself more then for her.
She smiles, feeding him spoonful of soup.
" The first thing a person in love does is never accepts that he is in love. "
And taehyung pauses.
He just declined he doesn't LOVE Jungkook, when she didn't even ask for it.
first thing a person in love does is never accepts that he is in love.
"It hurts less when you accept you are in love. "
Taehyung furrows his brows.
How is that possible?
" That way your heart prepares itself for the coming strom, you know. The emotional disaster and breakage "
Right
She cuts a juicy piece of meat in pieces, taehyung stared.
He loves meat and now he waits longingly for her to feed him.
He knows he is getting comfortable with her more then it should be anticipated, but there nothing he can do.
She tuggs his hair behind his ear.
"You love him, don't you? "
Taehyung chews the foods and gulps it down.
He sit there beside her thinking for the answer she have asked.
She did tell him to accept his love but its not easy.
To accept he is in Love with a Married man.
But how far can he keep it?
"I do, but I swear I'm not gonna do anything to ruin what they have "
She sighs.
"I never said you would"
Taehyung nodds.
" I just feel heavy and heartbroken. I have"
He pauses.
"I have never fell in love before. Jungkook is my first in everything"
He smiles.
" I know I have got no right to love someone like him—
" What do you mean?"
Taehyung stares in the blank space.
" I'm— I'm Paramour. I'm a mistress. I'm not a royalty " He smiles, but it's sad. A grief hides under the wide smile.
He feels like a little stumped stone on the marvelous red carpet.
Small, dirty and unnoticeable.
Taehyung know what would come after this Confession, Jungkook's mother would get up and leave him alone.
She won't talk to a paramour anymore.
And nor would she feed him again.
"And so? "
Furrow creases his forehead.
" You being paramour doesn't make you any less human son. Your position, status nothing matter when it comes to the matter of heart"
She laughs a sad laugh.
" You kids these days, find a reason to run from the hurtings. Stop doing that. "
" My son, You love my Jungkook and now you feel your first worst heartache. He went away but he took a part away from you. And I hope you know he is going to ruin you. " Her eyes are sad. Unreadable and pained.
Taehyung sobs.
Taehyung knew his love would ruin him, but it was addicting.
" Not intentionally, I know Jungkook. He would never hurt you knowingly. Not when last night he slept without eating anything, because you didn't had your food, not when he sat outside your room the whole morning, waiting for you to open the door"
"He won't hurt you, But his love would, your love would"
Taehyung nods, wrapping his arms around him.
Anything in the world but Jungkook would never hurt him. He knows that well.
" He have a wife , he is married and he loves her. But so he does to you. I don't know what you and my son did when you were there. I have no idea if he ever told you he loved you, nor do I know if he thinks of you more then a mere companion. That's something you both have to deal with"
She carreses taehyung's cheek and wipe out the hot tears.
" As a mother I want Jungkook to be happy, which he is not. He should have been, he should have been happy returning to his wife and his parents. But I see he is not. So I want him to find what's hiding "
Taehyung covers his face with his bare hands as he weeps loudly.
"But as a mother to you son"
Her tears brim down her cheeks.
" I would hate it if you just give in to whatever he says. Do not go back to him yet. Not when you do not love yourself enough. Not until you feel you deserve to be loved highly and not as a mere second choice by someone. "
Taehyung looks at her crying face and hugs her crying in her arms.
He have never felt it before.
He doesn't remember him even having a civil conversation with his mom or even his father.
But now this woman feels home and she feels so warm and someone he would cry to.
" So please, do not settle for the bare minimum son. Try to grow on your own, try to grow without support . Try to value yourself. You are very precious as Jungkook said. So save yourself before you Wilt"
She softly carresed his head as he let his tears soak her velvet hanbok.
" I love him, I can't stop loving him. I can never. "
Jungkook's mother sobs.
" You are right and you don't have to stop loving him. You just need to Start loving yourself first. Thats all it takes. It's Enough for the start."
Taehyung nods.
" I thought you were telling me to leave the palace, I was scared"
Queen laughs.
" Ohh you thought I was someone like my mother- in-law"
He scoffs and taehyung gasps in surprise.
Woman is really something.
" You did not just said that your honour " He smiles genuinely.
" Just Call me Eomma, I'm fine with it"
Words doesn't curl on taehyung's tongue at the uncertainty.
Eomma?? Like mother????
She wants me to call her mother???
"Ok, I will try"
Woman smiles as he starts with her feeding again, while taehyung tells her the tails of his life and what he did back where he stayed.
The days passes.
And Taehyung learns a thing today.
He got no major hurting from Jungkook, but he got the hurt from blaming and defaming himself.
He hurt himself, with not valuing and trusting his own self.
When you are not healed, you try to hurt the people around you.
He did the same, he was wounded and he chose to frame that on Jungkook so he would have the reason to cry and to put the blame over someone.
He understands, how he never had himself on his own top priorities when he wanted Jungkook to keep him his first.
He now understands the importance of being transparent and true to yourself.
Importance of trusting yourself in the process of healing and maturing.
He is going to heal.
He deserves to be healed.
He will preserve the love he have for Jungkook.
He have done it, he have already given his heart to a certain person, and he accepts that.
He'll try to grow in a beautiful flower and not let himself wilt.
He is going to heal.
" I have been in your place Taehyung, broken and shamed. Matter of heart are risky. I lost my love. I hope you heal enough to love again "