-Alicent
She remembers so much, too much. She remembers how she loved rhaenyra, she remembers how Rhaenyra loved her, or at least she thought, she remembers her father's poison suffocating her from birth.
She remembers her mother's eyes looking at her with kindness and love the way her smile never left her when Alicent was around. How rhaenyra would take her hand as she lost herself to her own thoughts, the comfort her warm hand gave, the way rhaenyra said her name with such reverence and devotion.
When her father's voice lured her into her prison, so alike a siren lures it's prey offering sweet words and grotesque demands. When she offered the king comfort, when Viserys' eyes stopped looking at her with a father's love and more with a dragons lust. Terribly like rhaenyra he looked at her like he wished to ruin her feast on her flesh until she was nothing but bones and to lap at the leftover blood like a starved dog. How he looked with pride as he announced he would marry her and how rhaenyra looked sick and betrayed.
And she remembers all too well what he looked like as he stole her virtue and slowly broke her chest open with grief, to eat at her lungs robbing her of breath, oh how she wished to dull her senses, to vanish into the strangers arms. As she imagined him softer, his white hair so kin to her love, his touch and painfully weak thrusts of his hips were rhaenyra's, her touch, her hips in-between alicent's, their skin brushing so softly, the flesh of her thighs making that obscene sound as she thrusts into her. But alicent rarely gets what she wants.
She remembers how she would look for her in Aegon and never see viserys but rhaenyra, rhaenyra's soft silver curls, her eyes, her laugh, her loud personality. No matter what she always saw her so she started searching for rhaenyra in all of her children.
Helaena had her looks the spitting image of her love, she had her kindness and love for the world around her as well.
Aemond her sweet boy had rhaenyra's smile and playfulness, her temper and devotion but the rest of him was all alicent, and that made her proud, she felt as much a piece of rhaenyra and rhaenyra was of her.
Daeron daring, arrogant daeron he was more of rhaenyra than any of her other children though he looked the spitting image of alicent save for his hair, his personality was all her loves.
She remembers when rhaenyra would become cruel to her, how she lied to her, and broke her evermore than viserys could hope to. How her fear had been fed by her father's song, and how she finally started to believe him after Criston's confession.
When aemond's eye was carved from him and rhaenyra threatened him, so thin was the line between love and hate that night. Her son ill avenged as she took the kings blade and her love bled, she looked so beautiful and that the guilt didn't come after she cut her only affection and rage.
The anger and hurt that filled her, her father summoned back to court, he took no time to spread his poison and pour it into her till it came from her throat and eyes a blackened sludge that tore her lungs to dust. She made sure however that her father's song and lies never reached her sons or daughter, aegon she made sure to protect he was her and rhaenyra's love and she would drown before she let the it reach him.
When she learned valyarian with aemond she learned the word kepá, that is what rhaenyra was to them or that is what she taught them rhaenyra was, though it would not matter viserys never cared for them anyways at least rhaenyra had spoken to them, paid the barest amounts of attention.
How she would talk to rhaenyra in her head what they would say. "Your not happy here?" No "would you run away with me on dragonback if i asked" yes i would without hesitation
"hmm aegon still crying? Try boucing him, yeah like that, coo at him tell him how beautiful he is. There we go." he looks like you
"gods our babe, our helaena" I wished I could've named her visenya "I know"
"Im sorry for aemond you both deserve better" thank you
Oh how she remembers the touches and the pain after them, oh how she knows rhaenyra can never know any of it.
Aegon still calls rhaenyra kepá even after driftmark so does Aemond, though he's mad at her he still thinks of her as his kepá. Helaena knows so much and tells so little, Daeron is with his uncles in oldtown blissfully unaware of viserys' neglect because he does not know him as his father but as his grandsire.
She remembers when rhaenyra found out about everything, of how aegon accidentally called her kepá in front of everyone in his toast during dinner, Ottos rage evident on his face, Viserys' and Rhaenyra's confusion. How her love asked him about it and he looked panicked and terrified, aemond letting it slip as well though on purpose, oh how her daughter explained it as if it were the most common knowledge and daeron agreeing confused and joyful. The horror and mortification on mine own face, of rhaenyra's sweet laugh burst out from her lips and her smile growing as she looked at me with disgust and pity in her eyes.
And how when she claimed the throne a fortnight later with daemon at her side, she locked me in a tower with my children to rot.
And how she slowly outlived her sons and daughter, left with nothing but memories and her thoughts as she rotted "I am still here though" yes, i suppose you are. "And I'll stay until you're last breath, My sweet Alicent"