Captain America
The world was a cruel place filled with evil and suffering at the then hands of madmen. It took an extraordinary few to make a stand against the most hopeless situations, and keep on fighting to the bitter end. Today, however, was not one of those days. Today, the most hopeless situation was the inevitable stomach ache that results from eating too much ice cream, because it was really good ice cream.
“You know,” Tony Stark, Iron Man himself, said. “I should be so much more upset my car is ruined…but this triple fudge chocolate chip is divine.”
Somehow, against the laws of physics, every car in upper Manhattan was now constructed with ice cream. Mint chip Chevy’s, strawberry Volkswagons, and an occasion vanilla Prius made for a messy street, but a delicious midday snack. Tony looked over his shoulder at Captain America, waving a slop of ice cream in his armored hand. Jarvis was going to be so pissed at how much cleaning his suit will need.
“Come on, Steve!” he shouted cheerfully. “Relax a bit. You’re the lucky one. Your shield is like a giant ice cream scoop!”
Despite Captain America’s valiant effort to object to the flagrant vandalism and destruction of personal property, there was a hint of an embarrassed flush as he uncharacteristically fiddled with his shield.
“This is still wrong,” Steve feebly objected. “This is a violation of personal property.”
“Please, most of these cars belong to fat cats who can afford to buy a new car,” Tony argued, licking his lips as he set his sight on a lonely, butter pecan Jaguar up ahead. “I just ate my fifty thousand dollar car. I have no regrets.
Shifting his weight, Captain America finally gave into peer pressure. He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a handy Swiss Army Knife, because he was always prepared like that. He hesitated a second before dipping his portable spoon in a plain chocolate Mercedes, and taking a bite.
“Ha! Even the great American hero falls for my dastardly plans!”
Steve choked on his mouthful of ice cream from surprise. The supposedly evil mastermind behind the deliciously sweet destruction stood right behind him. Still coughing from the ice cream, Steve felt the villain helpfully pound him on the back.
“Geez, startle a guy why don’t you,” Steve grumbled.
“I happen to be evil like that,” the villain replied carelessly. “Enjoying yourselves?”
Tony waved with a grin.
“This is great, Loki,” he said around a mouthful of ice cream. “How did you get this stuff to taste so good?”
Loki shrugged a shoulder then licked a dollop of ice cream from a waffle cone.
“Mere mortals need not know what does not concern them,” Loki sniffed. “Besides, your minds are not physically capable of comprehending such methods.”
“So you’re telling me the flavors are magic?” Tony snorted. “How can flavors be magical? You know what though, forget it. I’m not going to ruin this perfectly good crisis arguing about taste buds, chemical reactions, and magic.”
Loki arched an eyebrow, unimpressed.
“As I said, your mind could not possibly grasp the concept.”
Scooping another spoonful of ice cream, Steve watched, and barely listened, to Tony and Loki argue. It was a common occurrence. He guessed their intellect and egos clashed and repelled each other, like the same charges on a pair of magnets.
Steve mentally patted himself on the back for contributing to the science. At least, Steve assumed it was science since it was Tony, but it could just as easily be about magic, or even both. Science and magic sounded about the same to him anyways. Besides, there were more pressing issues at hand.
“Hey, Loki, where’d you get the cone?” Steve asked, eyeballing said treat in Loki’s hand.
“Magic,” he immediately answered, making a show of biting into the crispy cone.
“Son of a-“ Tony rolled his eyes. “Waffle cones can’t possibly be magic. You had to get it from somewhere.”
“Magic?” Steve supplied helpfully.
He suddenly felt the Swiss Army knife grow lighter and crispier. Looking down at his hand, Steve was pleasantly surprised to find a large, warm waffle cone in his hand. It smelled just like he remembered from his childhood. Thanking Loki with a salute, Steve scooped a glob of ice cream into the cone.
“Hey, where’s my cone?” Tony demanded.
“Surely your science can make you one,” Loki sniped.
With a puff of green smoke, Loki disappeared from the scene, leaving a bemused Tony with ice cream melting in his hand. Steve shrugged when Tony turned his begging eyes on him. It wasn’t his fault Tony couldn’t keep his mouth shut.