Chapter 1
“Don’t touch her. She’s coming with me.”
An authoritative voice responded, “She needs a safe place.”
“I AM her safe place.”
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4 months prior
The yelling was the first thing that caught her attention. Jet was at her desk, assisting Olvia with a case via phone, when the voices got louder. Olivia, subconsciously taking on a mothering role with almost anyone, noticed the look in Jet’s eyes. She had that look for years—anytime that her mother would get drunk and pick a fight. Olivia could tell that the yelling was triggering something with Jet.
She spoke in a soft voice, “Jet. Sweetheart, take a deep breath. Jet, take a deep breath and go outside for some fresh air.” While trying to calm down Jet, Olivia could hear Ayanna and Elliott still going at it. Jet slowly got up and went outside. Jet was nearly hyperventilating when she got outside. “Jet, sweetie tell me why you’re so upset.”
Jet shook her head, “I’m supposed to be looking into your suspect—”
“Forget about that right now. You’ve got to calm down before you have a panic attack.”
“Everything is falling apart.”
“What do you mean Jet?”
Jet started to ramble, “Sarge is being promoted. The unit is getting shut down. Stabler is all over the place. I let Malachi play me even though I knew better. My parents found out about my divorce. Gina’s death anniversary is coming up. Everything is just fucked.”
Olivia sent a text to Ayanna {When you and El are done screaming at each other, one of you might want to check on Jet.} Olivia was about to try and calm Jet down but saw Muncy lingering near her door. “Give me a second Muncy.”
That snapped Jet out of her thoughts, “I’m fine Captain Benson. I really am. We should both get back to work.” Jet hung up, took a few deep breaths, and tried to prepare herself to go back inside. When she turned around, she saw Jamie standing near the door. She stopped him before he started speaking, “I’m fine. I just had no desire to listen to constant bickering. I’m gonna head home.”
______________________)))))
After Elliott and Ayanna’s argument came to a close, Elliott was still fuming. Although they’d been going at a rocky pace to get back to their friendship, Elliott felt like venting his frustrations to his true best friend—Olivia. In the past, he just immediately went over to her place but now, he knew that he needed to respect her boundaries. He called her to see if she was okay with him stopping by to talk. Olivia saw her phone ringing, noting Elliott’s name, and decided not to answer. In truth, she had her own issues with Elliott. To Olivia, Elliott didn’t seem to understand how much she changed. Olivia wasn’t dumb and Elliott couldn’t lie to her. She saw it all in his body language; she knew that he slept with Flutura. She knew it because he was evasive and far too protective of her ‘position’ in the KO. Olivia had already made up her mind about that status of her relationship with Elliott. The problem was having the guts to tell him. Avoiding him is starting to become childish and it’s getting to the point of being immature and ridiculous. Her phone started ringing again and she sighed before pulling it out of her pocket. Instead of seeing Elliott’s name, she saw Ayanna’s.
Olivia answered her phone, “Hey Ayanna.”
Ayanna sniffled and asked, “Is Jet okay? She was gone when we got finished—”
“Arguing.” Olivia supplied. “I think the whole situation just brought up some bad memories.”
“I feel like such a bitch. I know how sensitive Jet can be to conflict within the team, especially because we’re pretty much her family now. I think that I should—”
“Let everything cool down. Because she’s upset, Jet isn’t going to want to talk things out right now. If
she’s self-isolating tomorrow, then you can have a more in-depth conversation with her.”
Ayanna let out a watery laugh, “How do you always have the answers?”
“I don’t. It’s all trial-and-error. I’ve done a lot of fucking up over the years. Anyways, how are you holding up?”
“I don’t even have a word for it.” It finally hit Ayanna that Olivia may be busy. “I’m sorry Liv. I didn’t even consider that you may be busy.”
Olivia laughed, “If I was busy. I wouldn’t have answered. You know---you should join me. You definitely need a pick-me up.”
“Tempting but I don’t really think that I have the desire to drink anymore tonight.”
Ayanna could hear the laughter in Olivia’s voice when she said, “Well I guess it’s a good thing that I’m not drinking.”
Ayanna started to unconsciously smile. “Okay. So what are you doing?”
“Guess.”
Ayanna pondered, “I don’t hear any pots or pans so I’m guessing that you aren’t cooking.”
“Great detective skills, but you’re incorrect.”
“Hmm, okay. Are you cleaning?”
Olivia’s husky laugh rang clear in her ear, “God no. Not even close.”
“Okay. How about self-care?”
“In a manner of speaking.”
“Come on Liv. I give up.”
“I am….at Target. Join me in some overindulgent shopping. Don’t make me break the bank alone.”
Ayanna smiled, “Well, I can’t have you becoming bankrupt without a voice of reason. Which one are you at?”
“10th Avenue.”
“Ooh swanky. I’ll be there in 30.”
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Olivia continued to aimlessly roam the store until she heard her order being called. Olivia went over to Starbucks to procure her order. She smelled Ayanna before she saw her. Ayanna always had a distinct smell that Olivia could spot from a mile away. Olivia wasn’t sure if she was the only person to notice Ayanna’s unique scent. Olivia spoke, without turning around, “I got you a Cinnamon Black Tea.”
Ayanna’s steps faltered slowly; she’d been trying her best to sneak up on Olivia. “How did you hear me? I was intentionally walking quietly.” Ayanna was temporarily stunned silent by the bright smile on Olivia’s face as she turned around.
Olivia handed her the tea, “I didn’t hear you. I smelled you.” Ayanna self-consciously sniffed herself but Olivia quelled her worries. “I smelled you in a good way. I think I may even be able to decipher what your signature smell is.”
Ayanna hid her blushing face behind the hot cup of tea. “Why did you pick tea?”
Olivia shrugged, “It’s almost 10 at night and the last thing we need is more coffee. Don’t change the subject. Do you want me to guess your scent?”
Ayanna snickered, “You worded that terribly but sure. Knock yourself out.”
Olivia hummed to herself, “Toasted vanilla, lemongrass, and lavender. Am I right?”
“Olivia. Do you have cameras in my house or something?”
Olivia laughed happily and dragged Ayanna along to the beauty section of the store. “No. My neighborhood mother—who practically raised me—is a perfumer and candle maker. She taught me everything that I know about identifying scents.”
Ayanna was intrigued. “Your neighborhood mother. Is it okay if I ask you to elaborate on that?”
Olivia shrugged, “Provi has always looked out for the kids in her neighborhood. Unfortunately, most of us had absent or…abusive parents. Provi, made sure we felt loved. She picked up the pieces.”
Ayanna’s heart dropped, “Olivia, I didn’t—”
“My mom was a high-functioning alcoholic.” Olivia sniffled, “My mother was raped and I was the product of that rape. I believe in my heart of hearts, that she tried her best with the hand she was dealt. Seeing me never allowed her to heal from the trauma. She really tried but there were many times that I hate that she gave birth to me…hated her. That’s where Provi stepped in. She lost a child to a brain tumor and was never able to have more children. She decided to make all of us misfits her surrogate children.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Back in the day? 4. Still in the city? Just me.”
Ayanna decided to change the heavy subject. “I’m kind of happy that I’m here. I’m out of edge control and co-wash.”
Olivia let herself be steered towards the hair products but kept her mouth shut until she saw Ayanna reaching for a brand that she wasn’t keen on. “Are you sure that you want to use As I Am edge control? Doesn’t it start to flake after 5 or 6 hours? Mielle is better in my opinion.”
Ayanna found herself speechless once again, “How do you know so much about black hair products?”
Olivia smirked, “Did I not mention that Provi is black and taught me all about black hair?”
“No. Pretty sure you left that bit of info out.”
“I also fostered the child of a victim many years ago. I fostered Nathan for a few months and mastered my braiding skills.”
Ayanna grabbed Olivia’s suggested product and chuckled, “You are full of surprises Olivia.”
“As are you Ayanna.”
Ayanna bit her lip, “You want to talk about my argument with Elliott don’t you?”
“That’s up to you.”
They continued to shop in comfortable silence until Ayanna spoke, “I guess the argument started because I got angry that Elliott demanded that I consult him first before making a decision about my career. He thinks that I turned my back on the unit. I mean, he of all people, should understand making tough decisions for your family. He tried to ostracize me for a promotion that I earned. It’s not my fault that he doesn’t know how to play nice and move up in the ranks. Why the fuck should I have to put my life on the back burner for Elliott?” Ayanna paused her tangent and broke eye contact with Olivia. “I’m sorry Liv. I know how close the two of you are.”
Olivia chose her words wisely, “First, you’re closer to him these days than I am. Second, you’re preaching to the choir. Let me ask you a question. How do you actually feel about how all of this went down with your promotion? You trust Goldfarb?”
Ayanna shrugged, “Should I not trust her?”
“Look. All I know is that Goldfarb always has an agenda that is disguised by ‘seeing the potential and putting out feelers’.” Olivia looked at Ayanna’s face, “And I’m guessing that she said those exact words to you?”
“Was Goldfarb behind any of your—”
“No. My Rabbis were Cragen, Munch, Murphy, and Dodds. I just know of Goldfarb and have seen her in action from a distance. Between you and I, get the hell away from her.”
“You think she’s gonna hang me out to dry?”
“I think she’s going to do whatever she has to so that her image is protected. Even if that means yanking away her endorsement if she feels that you won’t do her bidding. Unfortunately, the NYPD is a political gauntlet as you move up. Trust me, I should know. I’m not saying that you didn’t earn the promotion, because you did, but may I ask what your honest motivation was for going after it now?”
Ayanna let out a sigh, “Denise left me because I couldn’t make time for my family while running OCCB. This new position gives me that freedom.”
“Hmm.”
“What was that sound supposed to mean Liv?”
“We’ve had conversations about Denise before. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t think Denise’s only problem with your job was how busy you are. I’ll be the first to say that Denise gave me the impression that she was unhappy with being married to a cop in general. Feel free to disagree with me but I think that OCCB was an easy avenue for her to use as a reason to separate. I think that you love Denise more than she loved you.”
Ayanna got defensive, “You don’t know D like I do. You only know one-sided venting sessions that I had with you!”
Olivia bit her lip, “I know that you wouldn’t have taken your son away from her, with no warning and in the middle of the night. Denise took a very spiteful route…even after you kept her aware of the kinds of people she kept in her circle. I’m not saying that you’re perfect, no one is. But, I am saying that taking a job for a woman that has made it clear that she wants to divorce you, can make the people that have supported you—your team—feel betrayed. Look at it this way, do you think that you’d honestly be happy riding a desk and out of the action? I personally don’t think that you’ve gotten to that point in your career.”
“I expected you to bring up Elliott’s feelings.”
“Look Ayanna, the world doesn’t revolve around Elliott’s feelings. I understand why he would feel like the unit will crumble once you’re gone, but that doesn’t justify Elliott trying to reprimand you for worrying about your own career.”
“I don’t want OCCB to be shutdown but I don’t want to keep scaring myself out of promotions. Brewster stole a promotion right out from under me and I don’t want to let that happen again. No one will ever allow Elliott to run the unit.”
Olivia pointed out, “Elliott isn’t the only cop in the unit. What about the rest of them? You took a chance on Jet, earned her respect and trust, only to let some wannabe European version of me snatch her up.”
Ayanna chuckled. “You’ve heard about Tia.”
Olivia laughed, “Jet and I talk quite a bit. Anyways, Jamie was quite the catch—wanted by many—attained by you. And let’s not forget Reyes. Kinda sucks that they’d be getting settled into a unit that’s shutting down. Now, I’m not trying to guilt trip you—”
“It feels like it.”
“No. I’m just making you aware that Elliott’s feelings aren’t all that matter. You have built cases on people that half the NYPD feared to go after. That’s not a small feat.”
“You think I should turn the promotion down?”
“I think you need to go with whatever decision won’t keep you up at night. Don’t worry about what Denise, Goldfarb, or Elliott wants. Put Ayanna first.”