Fall

“Love is strange.” Thor murmurs around the side of his goblet of mead.

Sif shoots him a sharp look and raises an eyebrow. She could barely hear him over the noise of the tavern but then again Thor had been silent ever since she had managed to force him out of his chambers.

“What do you mean?” she asks as Volstaag and Fandral laugh boisterously at some disgusting tale Balder had just finished telling.

Thor looks at her as if he didn’t know she was there and offered her a vacant smile.

“Nothing.” He answers quickly, placing his goblet down.

Sif narrows her dark eyes and leans closer to her closest friend. And she is so near now that she can count the freckles that patter their away across his skin. He is still as golden as ever, but the spark of life that was once the brightest in all of Asgard, was definitely fading.

“You can tell me.” She urges softly.

Thor gazes at her sadly for a moment before shaking his head.

“I fear I cannot. You are Balder’s now.”

Thor pats her hand before giving it a light squeeze. Sif tilts her head to the side and regards Thor carefully.

“With all due respect, I belong to no man. You are my closest friend, Thor. Balder is my betrothed. You are two separate entities. I can listen to your thoughts without revealing them to him.” Sif snaps stiffly.

Thor glances at Sif curiously before offering her a ghost of his old smile.

“That is true. But if he were to ask you, and forced you to swear to him, then you would have no choice but to tell him. I cannot put you in that position.”

“I am asking you to!” Sif growls, leaning forward and grabbing Thor’s forearm. “I want to know what happened on Midgard that changed you so.”

Thor blinks once before replying.

“Love.”

…

Thor can remember falling in love with Loki. He can recall the moment clearly. It had been a few weeks after Mother’s birthday. They were out in the stables, grooming the horses. Thor had watched the way Loki stroked his horse, the way his green eyes seemed to shine like the most expensive of emeralds. His cheeks were flushed pink and his hair was windswept and out of place. He had glanced over at Thor, a knowing smile on his face.

“You like watching me, do you not?” he teased.

Thor had blushed furiously, ashamed at being caught. He had looked away quickly, turning his attention back to his own horse who seemed a bit miffed by the lack of attention.

He could hear Loki making his way towards him. His heart had hammered itself against his chest. Loki ran one finger down the back of his neck, causing him to shiver. Thor heard Loki laugh and glanced up at him uncertainly. Thor was a man but he felt like a boy.

When he thinks back on it, he thinks himself of no more than a child, naïve and full of hope.

“When we were children Mother said you would be cast out for allowing me to touch you.” Thor whispered, his eyes boring into Loki’s.

Ever since that fight, ever since they had truly managed to label themselves as lovers, Thor had been riddled with guilt, recalling every warning their mother had ever shared with them.

Loki had waved his worries aside dismissively and slipped his hand into Thor’, a smile so wide on his face that Thor could almost count his shining white teeth.

“I know of a place where none could see us, not even Father.” He breathed, his eyes glittering with excitement.

Thor frowned unsurely and looked down at their fingers, so intricately entwined. The contrast of their skin frightened him. They were so different and yet they were brothers and that reminded him of who he was and who Loki was and what would happen should anyone see them holding each other.

“They would stone us, Loki. They would cast aside and watch us burn.”

Loki frowned and took a step closer, until they were almost chest to chest.

“If they understood our love, how could they watch us burn?” he demanded.

Thor swallowed his answer. He did not think Loki old enough to understand the true workings of the world.

“Our love should be the love of siblings. It is not.” He explained desperately. “It is wrong.”

Loki’s nostrils flared when he turned on Thor next.

“How is it wrong if it makes us happy?” he snapped. “I have heard of Gods that allow each and every man to touch whatever part of another being as much as they want! I have heard of far flung kingdoms where incest is not a taboo! Even mortals are free to do it!”

Thor shushed Loki anxiously and grabbed his wrist, dragging him towards a quieter part of the stable for fear of being overheard.

“But it is a mortal act, Loki. We are Gods.” He whispered calmly.

Loki tilted his chin up defiantly and pressed himself against Thor’s front, pushing the golden god against the wooden wall behind them. Thor was about to push him away when Loki pressed his hot lips against the side of Thor’s neck and began to suck. Thor’s mouth had dropped open as Loki hit that exact spot. He had attempted to swallow his moans, to push his younger brother away and force him to listen but Thor found that he could not. They had soon become lost in a hot, messy tangle of mouths and tongues and teeth and hands that only stopped when Loki pinned Thor to the ground and looked down at him desperately.

“You are my brother and I love you.” He had whispered breathlessly. “But you are also my lover and I am in love with you.”

Thor can remember his heart skipping a beat. He can remember losing himself in those green eyes for what seemed like eternity before nodding. He nodded quickly and kissed Loki almost violently.

“I love you too.” Thor panted against his mouth. “I love you too, Loki.”

.

Loki paces up and down the length of his cell. He had enough. He needs to get out. He needs to feel the sunlight on his skin just one more time. He needs to get beneath that heat and just savour it.

“You are liked a caged animal today.”

Loki spins around to that voice, his heart leaping in his chest. He cannot help but smile when he sees Thor approach him. He places one hand against the window pane and smirks.

“Do you blame me?” he challenges lightly.

Thor’s small smile disappears and he shakes his head.

“No. I do not.”

Thor walks closer to the glass until he is standing right in front of Loki. Loki closes his eyes and if he tries hard enough if he can feel Thor’s heat, his golden light seeping through the glass panes that encase him.

“You may leave.” Thor tells the Einherjar that are gathered around them.

“Your Highness, the Allfather left strict instructions that under no circumstances are you to be left alone with any prisoner.” One of the guards pipes up shakily.

Loki opens his eyes again and smiles widely at Thor.

“Oh he is good, our father.” He teases.

Thor rolls his eyes and turns to face the guards.

“I commend you for respecting your last king’s orders, however, I am king now and so I insist that you take a break now.” Thor says firmly.

Loki raises an eyebrow as the guards slowly march away, glancing over their shoulders every now and then.

“Can you shield us?” Thor demands as he taps the pane of glass to his left, allowing him entry to the chamber.

“If I had my magic.” Loki hints, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Thor smiles and shakes his head.

“I am afraid not, brother.”

Loki tries not to look to put out and instead opts to take a step closer to Thor, almost squirming with happiness when he smells the familiar smell that reminds him of happier times.

“You smell like mead.” He whispers, so close now he can almost taste the alcohol on Thor’s breath.

“I was with Balder and the Warriors Three.” He explains.

There is a longing in Thor’s eyes that makes Loki want to scream. He wants Thor to touch him, to hold him and love him the way they used to. Thor goes to raise a hand but Loki shakes his head minutely.

“Heimdall.” He breathes. “I have no magic to protect us.”

Thor drops his hand and nods stiffly, his nose wrinkling unhappily.

“I needed to see you.” He answers to the question Loki was too afraid to ask.

“I want to touch you.” Loki retorts with a smirk.

Thor grins and shakes his head.

“Forever the tease, Loki.”

Loki shrugs and steps away from Thor before he damns them all and touches him.

“I need to get out of here, brother.” Loki begs quietly. “I cannot take much more.”

Thor nods earnestly.

“I am doing everything in my power to bring Mother onside but-”

“She will not help.” Loki says hollowly. “She has made that abundantly clear.”

Thor raises an eyebrow but says no more. There are so many unspoken words between them, so many apologies and declarations of love that Thor thinks he will never have enough time to explain everything to Loki.

“I will not leave you rot here.” He promises. “You will rule by my side.”

Loki laughs and gazes at Thor lovingly.

“I shall never fail to admire your obtuseness.”

Thor smiles softly and watches Loki carefully.

“As I shall never fail to admire your resilience and your ability to forgive me, even when I have done wrong.”

Loki nods stiffly and takes another step back, the air between them suddenly becoming much too warm.

“That is what Mother always told us, is it not? To forgive the ones we love?”

Thor swallows audibly and frowns at Loki.

“Do you still? After all the pain I have caused you, do you still love me?”

Loki hates the sudden change in atmosphere. He hates his sudden need to claw his way out of the cell because he hasn’t told Thor this in such a long time. He hasn’t told Thor since the fall of his beloved Avengers and Loki doesn’t want to do it now, not here, not in this cell.

But Thor is looking at him as though he is the brightest of stars so Loki cannot help but nod.

“Of course.” He breathes so softly that Thor almost doesn’t hear him. “Of course I love you.”