Chapter 1
Five and Sam were finding alone time particularly awkward since her return from being captured in Abel. There was too much to say, too many feelings to sort through. Five cracked first.
She told him about how Steven “called her in.”
How hard it must have been for Steve before she arrived, and she didn’t really blame him.
How they lied to Sigrid and Abel about being together.
How it wasn’t totally a lie.
How they both felt betrayed and afraid.
How they were beaten and desperate.
Desperate to feel anything other than…
It didn’t matter. It was an excuse.
Five got quiet. She looked at Sam, who was looking away.
And laughing.
Laughing?
“Five.” Sam said, so gently, through tiny chuckles. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t…what?”
“Whatever you did in there, it doesn’t matter. Did it get you out alive?” Sam looked at Five with rare intensity. “Did it get you home to me alive and unzombified?” Five made a dramatic show of checking herself.
“Looks like it.” Sam pulled her into a hug.
“Then I don’t care.” He got up and started rooting through a drawer. “Listen, I don’t have another old disgusting piece of wire, but I did find this dragon ring in a closet a few days ago. It looks like an old part of some costume-” Five was on him before he could finish his sentence. Five tried it on her left ring finger but it was huge. Fortunately, it fit on her middle finger.
“It’s perfect.” She grinned and raised her finger proudly. “Now if I’m ever captured again, I can show them this ring and tell my captors to fuck off. I’m going home to Sam.”
They were about to have a very nice moment when the rec room door slammed open, making them both jump.
A tiny voice babbled “Ffffpblthhhh.” Sara was in Paula’s arms. Paula and Maxine walked in with the rest of Noah Base in tow.
“You’ve hogged Five long enough.” Paula winked. “This whole thing with Sigrid isn’t over forever, but it is for today. I found some old vodka in storage and we need to break in this new rec room with a good game night.”
Five looked around. It was definitely good to be home. It was good to have some fun. Right now, things out in the world were quiet.
Quiet days never lasted.
Dr. Myers scheduled an exam with Five the next afternoon. Maxine looked her over and determined that somehow her time at Abel hadn’t done any lasting physical damage. She was, however, dehydrated and malnourished. Unsurprisingly, her mental state had suffered the most. She was jumpy and spent long periods of time staring into space, eyes moving in funny patterns, mouth moving as though talking to someone.
“We’ll get you sorted, Five. It’s just going to take some time.” Maxine assured her.
“How long? I think Janine has a run scheduled for -”
“Jody and Peter can do it.” Maxine interrupted. Five pouted. “You need rest. You need to let us take care of you.”
“I just…Maxine, I can’t sit around all day. I need to do something to keep my mind…busy.” Five stammered. She stopped just short of saying that, despite still being angry, she was obsessively worried about Steve. And the others, of course, but her brain was playing Steve’s plight on repeat. She also didn’t want to say that Moonchild had been paying her a visit.
“I’m sure we can find you a nice desk job for the next week or so.”
Five glared at Maxine. Maxine was unmoved.
“Don’t give me that look, Five. I’m not clearing you until I know you’re back in perfect form.”
“Fine. I bet I can be ready in 2 days.”
“I’m not Peter and this is not a competition.” Maxine held her gaze for a little too long. Five had a feeling there were some things Maxine wasn’t saying, either. But then the doctor let out a loaded sigh and Five knew she was about to spill. “There’s a lot of brui-”
“No.”
“Five. I would like to know about the bruising.”
“No.”
“Was it Steve?” Five’s breath caught.
“Absolutely not!” She said, just a little too loud. She lowered her voice. “No. Steve was - he actually took - he helped when…” Maxine was giving her a look. “Can we not talk about him?”
“Sure. Let’s talk about who actually hurt you, then.”
“So about Steve,” Five backtracked.
“Look, I get it. You’re not ready.”
“Is there lasting damage that will affect my running?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll never need to be ready.” Five said, stubbornly. “I just want to move on.” Maxine nodded.
“Sam is waiting for you in the kitchen. Go ahead and have some lunch. I’ll talk to Janine about getting you a temporary desk job.”
Five found Sam, Sara, and Paula finishing lunch. Sara smiled big and bright when Five walked in and waved a chubby hand. Five went over and gave her a kiss on the nose. She stayed in Sara’s face just a little too long.
“Sara, honey. Can you let go of my nose please? It hurts.” Sara let go and gave a gurgly giggle. Five rubbed her nose. “She gets her strength from you, Paula.”
Paula laughed.
“When is it too early to get her out there training to be a zombie hunter?”
“Pretty sure she has to walk first.” Sam chimed in, putting an extra sandwich down on the table. “Sit, Five. Eat with us.”
“I’m actually done.” Paula said, getting up and putting her dish in the sink. “I’m going to put Sara down for a nap. What’s the word from Maxine, Five?”
“At least a week of desk duty.” Five sighed and sat down woefully in a chair.
“Only a week? That’s not too bad.” Five shrugged. “Hey, either way -” Paula paused and gave her a hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re back. Not only did I miss you, but Sara started making ‘f’ sounds all the time. I think she was asking for you.” She finished clearing Sara’s place and picked her up. Paula smiled and Sara waved. Five waved back and they left.
Five chewed in silence. Sam didn’t know where to look or put his hands. So he got up to do the dishes.
“Janine is going to find a desk job for me.” Five said at last. “Maybe I will get to help you on comms.” Sam stopped cleaning and turned.
“That could be fun.” He stayed leaning on the counter.
It had been like this since she had been back. One minute things were comfortable, normal. The next minute, awkward. Silent.
Last night when they were lying in bed, it was hard to find a comfortable position. His arm was getting crushed, her legs were falling off the side. Moonchild said their ‘aura’ was off. It was frustrating until Sam got up and started pacing. He told her everything. It all just spilled out in one long, fast sentence - how Janine held him back after their planning meeting and she said that Five needed to think he was angry with her - she wasn’t supposed to get captured but she did and this was their Plan B but at the same time Janine was awfully well prepared for this to be a backup plan and how he suspected she knew it would happen and how she told him there was no word from Steve and that Five was being well cared for and everything was fine. Except it wasn’t fine. Because he missed her. And clearly Steve had been lying.
Five listened. And then patted the bed. Sam came back in and they found their perfect spots and they slept well, the air between them clear. Their minds at rest.
And this morning, they expected everything to be back to normal.
But it wasn’t back to normal.
There were still long stretches of uncomfortable silence. Like this one. Sam turned back around and kept cleaning. This is fine. He thought. We just need to get back into a groove.
Five kept eating. We just need more time. I just need more time to forget about everything. She closed her eyes.
She finished her sandwich and brought her plate to the sink, where Sam was putting the last glass in the drying rack.
“I’ll get this one. It’s so annoying when you’re done and someone brings one last plate.” Five said, softly.
“No problem, I’ve got it.” Sam reached for the plate and his hand touched hers. He froze.
“You okay, Sam?” Five asked gently. Sam put the plate in the sink and grabbed her hand with both of his.
“I miss you.” He said, simply. He ran his fingers over her arms. She remembered him doing this the day Janine pulled them into her office. Before everything fell apart. She felt his touch, his gentle hands. It was a beautiful gesture. A symbol of his love. And yet, Five started to feel anxious. You love this. You love when he does this. She remembered being with him on the couch. She remembered feeling safe, loved. Before…just before. Sam put her chin in his fingers and gently lifted her face to kiss her.
Five’s pulse raced. But not in the way it usually did with Sam. She felt Ian’s dry, rough, angry mouth on hers. She tried to push it out of her head. This is Sam. It’s Sam. Stop. But Ian was holding her arms down and trying to shove her legs apart and she couldn’t breathe.
She pushed Sam away and gasped for air. She covered her mouth with her hands and choked back a sob.
“Five?” Sam whispered. He put his hands up so Five could see that he wasn’t touching her anymore. “You’re okay. You’re here at Noah. You’re safe here. Do you need a countdown?” His voice was calm, even tempered. He always knows exactly what to do.
I don’t know what to do. Sam was worried. Five came back to them quiet, timid. She was holding something back. She told him about Steve, and he wasn’t lying when he said that he didn’t care. Maybe he should have been jealous, but how could he be? She thought she was left alone. Steve was protecting her in there. If he helped her feel happy for even a few minutes (probably a lot longer than that) then Sam was fine with that.
What he was not fine with was whatever else happened to her while she was held in Abel. There was something she wasn’t talking about.
“No, I … I don’t think I need you to count me down.” Five stammered. “I’ll be okay. I just need a little more time, Sam. Before…you know. There was…there were very few nice touches in Abel and sometimes it’s okay but sometimes…I just…I need more time.”
Sam’s heart broke a little. What the hell is going on in Abel?
“Whatever you need, Five. I can wait as long as you need.” He rinsed off Five’s sandwich plate. “Eh, good enough. Should we go see Janine about getting you on comms with me this week?” Five smiled. A lovely, real smile.
“Yeah. I think that would be good.”
***
Ian was not happy. Rationing was supposed to be for everyone else, not him.
“Where is the delivery of food from London?” He asked Sigrid, trying to sound respectful but he was impatient and angry.
“No more deliveries in or out of Abel.” Sigrid said carefully. She was also losing her patience. “From now on, we eat and use only the supplies we already have on hand. I will not allow an opportunity for another traitor to slip through those gates.”
“I could meet them outside-”
“You will do no such thing. You are dismissed, Ian.” Sigrid turned away and focused her attention on the cameras around Abel.
Ian walked out of the Minister’s quarters on a rampage. Someone will have to pay for this. As Runner Five was no longer available, he would have to take out his frustration on Steve.
Steve was lying on his cot, watching Dr. Lobaste work. Well, sort of watching. As much as he could watch with one eye completely swollen shut. He decided just to close his eyes. He had practically memorized the way Kefilwe moved around the room anyway. He definitely memorized the way she gently touched his face when she was checking on him. And if he really reached back in his memory, he could remember how it felt when…
Steve smelled him before he heard him.
“Still lying here in bed, Steven? Useless.” Ian sneered.
“Yup. Another lazy day for the Builder.” He heard Kefilwe shuffling around and figured it would be safe to poke Ian a bit since he had a witness. “If you wanted me to be more useful, you should have maybe not tried to take my eye out.”
“Big tough Builder. Taken out by a little brick. Pathetic.”
“Ian.” Dr. Lobatse interrupted. “Is there something you need from Steven? He should be resting.”
“Yes.” Ian’s face brightened. “The Minister would like you recovered and back on duty.”
“Ian, that’s not how this wo-”
“Okay.” Steve said over Kefilwe’s protest. “I’m ready.” He really was bored with resting. As nice as it was to watch Dr. Lobatse work all day, it was also becoming difficult to keep his feelings - and hands - to himself. He had to get out.
“Steven, I really can’t recommend -” Dr. Lobatse tried again.
“I’ll be fine, love.” Steve swung his legs over the side of the cot and stood up. The sudden, jarring movement of his head caused a wave of pain and nausea to radiate through his body. He winced but kept going until he was standing. “See? All better.” He swayed on his feet. He definitely did not look better.
“If you say so, Steven.” Kefilwe sighed. But Steve was sure that if you listened closely, you could hear a hint of playfulness. He followed Ian out, ready to distract himself with whatever the Minister needed him to do.
Sigrid had visited Steve the night before, after Kefilwe left for the night. He was tired and hurting, but ready. He knew she’d come. Sigrid started with a guilt trip. No surprise there.
“After everything we’ve been through together, Steven. I never thought you would betray the Ministry. Or me. What were you thinking?”
“You really thought I would betray you?” Steve lied smoothly. “It’s Ian, Sigrid. He had to be stopped. He was running this place into the ground in your absence. He killed Owen. He was going to kill Runner Five. I had to tell him it was me to spare the rest of the township.”
“You should have let him kill Runner Five.” Sigrid huffed.
“Probably. But I thought she was on our side. Right up until the foolishness with the Armory guards.” Steve put on the saddest pout possible with one eye. “I thought she really was starting to love me, Sigrid. You of all people know how charming I can be.”
He swore that he saw a blush cross Sigrid’s face.
“You can’t trust her. Or any of them. But I am willing to trust you.” She grabbed his hand. Steve fought the urge to pull his hand away. Instead he squeezed it lovingly.
“I just took a beating for this town. You know where I stand. It’s always on your side, love.” An easy smile, a little rub of the thumb along the side of her hand. Normally he’d wink, too, but with only one eye that wasn’t going to look as cute.
“I am the Minister and your boss. I am not to be addressed as ‘love,’ Steven.” Sigrid grabbed her hand back and cleared her throat. She was clearly uncomfortable. If Steve didn’t know her better, he’d think that he screwed up. But he did know her, and he was sure he had her in the palm of his hand.
“Sorry, ma’am.”
“Yes, you are. Please see me when you get out of here. I have a job for you.” Sigrid turned and left. Steve smiled into the dark. That was too easy. Easier than Five. A wave of guilt washed over him. He shouldn’t have thought that.
When he arrived at the Minister’s quarters with Ian, it was clear that his bit of manipulation had worked. Sigrid told him he was back to working with Ian. And that was that. Once again, Steve Sissay had charmed his way out of trouble.
***
“What do you think, Janine?” Sam’s gaze shifted between Five and Janine.”Five? On comms?” Janine looked thoughtful.
“Have you gone over the changes with Five yet?”
“Changes?” Five asked.
“Yes. It’s okay. I wrote them all out.” Janine reached behind her desk and grabbed a very large pile of papers bound with yarn. She flopped it down on the desk. The weight of it sent a cloud of dust in the air.
“Oh. So, just a few small changes, then?” Five chuckled. “When did you even have time-?”
“I haven’t, umm, quite gotten around to explaining all of those yet.” Sam was holding back laughter of his own.
“Have you even reviewed all of them yourself, Sam?”
“When?” Five asked again, not sure if she should be impressed or concerned.
“Not, ummm, not exactly. It’s just that some of the changes seem-”
“Seem what, Mr. Yao?” Sam fumbled for words.
“Well, there is a whole section in there about when I’m allowed to play Duran Duran.” He turned to Five and continued excitedly, “I found a compilation CD. It’s amazing. It has - “
“Mr. Yao. I suggest you and Five begin familiarizing yourselves with these new procedures and protocols.” She turned to Five with a ghost of a smile on her face. “If you should ever find that the old world music playing in this base is deleterious to your running ability, Runner Five, rest assured that I will happily destroy all Duran Duran albums. I run a tight, military, detail-focused organization.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Five nodded. “I will report any instances of, eh, debilitating music.”
“Janine, is this about Amelia and the smuggler’s chute?”
Janine was silent for a few seconds. She looked down.
“Maybe.”
“What smuggler’s chute?” asked Five.
“After you returned home, Janine received a transmission from Amelia on a private comms channel. She asked why we didn’t just get you out of Abel through the chute accessible under Janine’s old desk. Amelia had it installed when she was in charge there years ago. Janine…uh…well, she didn’t know about it.”
“I had that place searched thoroughly after Ms. Spens left Abel. At least, I thought I did.” Janine looked up with such fierceness it almost made Five gasp. “Look, I let something slip by me. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But I do plan on preventing that from happening again.”
“I think maybe it happened because you’re human, Janine.” Five said kindly.
“No. That’s not an excuse. Now, if you’ll start reading, I would like to call attention to regulation 1.0.11.”
An alarm sounded in the background. Five jumped. The alarms at Abel. Alarms when she was being chased by zombies. Alarms when she was a zombie.
“Looks like Five is going to get to test her skills on comms sooner than we expected.” Sam elbowed her excitedly. “I mean, awwww…what a shame we can’t continue the review of regulations. That's the signal that the courier is on the way. Who's running? Five is sidelined.”
"Runner 23 and Dr. Myers are ready to go."
"Maxine and…what? Both of Sara's mums?" Five swallowed hard. It should be me. It shouldn’t be them. She could swear her legs were twitching with desire to get out there.
"They will be fine. Nobody else has fresh legs right now. Please. Just go get comms ready with Runner Five, Sam. Brief Five and your runners on the way. I have some things to finish up here."
Five and Sam headed to the comms room. They reached it in silence and turned on the lights. Five sat gingerly in one of the chairs.
"You're quiet." Sam said as he flicked switches and turned knobs. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. I just…I wish I knew what this was all about." Five sighed. "And I hate not being out there. They shouldn't be out there together. It should be me." Sam patted her shoulder.
"I'll brief you all. And, selfishly, I'm glad you aren't out there. I've had quite enough of you being out in the field and in danger, thank you very much."
Five couldn't help but smile despite a strange feeling of loneliness building. She watched Sam put on a headset and put on one of her own. Sam squinted at the monitors coming to life. He moved confidently, rhythmically, like a dancer gliding through choreography. The corners of his mouth turned down in concentration. He tapped his fingers on the table 6 times. One time for each step in the pre-mission process. Double checking that they were all completed.
"It's been a really long time since I've watched you work. I miss watching you.” Five tried concentrating on Sam, who blushed furiously. He opened his mouth to answer but the headsets crackled to life.
"Elevator up! We're heading out, Sam." Paula sounded positively giddy and the lonely feeling was still there.
"Dr. Myers here, standing in for Runner Five! I'm glad to be outside today. This feels great."
"Yeah. Uh, you’re welcome?" Five grumbled. Maxine went on and on about fresh air and birds. The weird lonely feeling was churning and changing into something else. Anger. Annoyance. Irritation.
Sam nodded and adjusted his headset.
"Simple mission for you ladies, today. I'm pretty sure you and Paula won't be attacked by, ummmm…"
"Sea monsters?" Five flinched as the three of them laughed loudly and Maxine continued. "Like 2 weeks ago when you told me and Paula that we wouldn't be attacked by sea monsters?"
"What?" Five tried asking, but nobody could hear over their little memory exchange.
"You weren't attacked by sea monsters! They were just zombies covered in barnacles!" Sam was nearly in hysterics.
"Two weeks ago, huh? Wow. Sounds like you all had it really rough here." Five's sarcasm - her whole sentence - was drowned out by the squeals of delight while they continued.
"And seaweed! Don't forget about that." Paula chimed in.
"And party hats!" Five's stomach twisted in knots as Maxine continued. "Who would have thought a party at an aquarium could have gone so wrong?"
"Anyone want to go ahead with the mission briefing or do you all three already know it?" Five snapped.
Everyone went silent.
"Yes. Sorry. Five, while you were away," Yeah, Sam. Away. Like a vacation. "We've been using Steve's list of Wakened Land loyalists to work out who in the Ministry we can trust. It turns out, quite a few people."
"Well, a few people. We think." Maxine jumped in.
"We've been doing information swaps with them."
"And while we wait for more information about Netrophil to respond to a call sign we found,
we're doing a simple dead drop! Picking up information from the laundry west of here. So keep moving!" Sam was laughing again.
"When did you and Maxine start finishing each other’s sentences?" Five grumbled. She noticed Sam gave her a worried glance out of the corner of his eye and she forced a smile.
“Zombie, Sam.” Five pointed.
“We hear it. Thanks Five. Hopefully those zombies will keep us motivated to run!” Paula looked to all sides.
“You’re clear for now but Five’s right. It’s close. Keep pace and you should be okay.” Sam directed.
“Sam, Maxine, do either of you know what this laundry we’re headed for is?”
“Well,” Maxine began. “There's a laundrette in the location they gave us, so we’re sort of presuming…”
“But couldn’t it be spy code for something, darling?”
“You should ask New Canton Runner Eighty-Three!”
“Oh my God, that guy has read…”
Five drifted off as the two bantered back and forth about the words literally and figuratively and how many books Runner Eighty–Three literally and figuratively read.
Sam muted their mics.
“You’re doing great.” Sam patted Five’s knee. “I know you’re upset about not being out there.” Five turned her head and glared at him.
“I don’t care about that.” She lied. She did care about that. She just cared about other things more. “It doesn’t matter. This is a mission and we need to get back to it.” Five reached for the controls and pressed the button to unmute. Sam shrugged.
Jody poked her head in the comms room doorway. Another tiny head peeked around at her knee height.
“Blurbababa…FFFFFFFF!” Five grinned at her. Sara scooted herself in just far enough for Five to roll her wheelie chair over for a high five. Which was more or less a sticky hand grab.
“Hey guys, I think…Sara needs a change. Or something. Something smells…off.”
“I’ll go -” Five started. She really just wanted to get off comms.
“Daddy’s got this!” Sam was out of his chair, picking up Sara, and bouncing out of the room with her on his hip before Five could even blink.
“He does love being a father. Do you need help while he’s out?” Jody asked.
“Nah. I’ve got it.” Five turned back to the monitors, thanked Jody, and took a deep breath. Pull yourself together. Sara’s parents are out there.Be better. For Sara. Five took a breath and spoke into the mic.
“Sam went to go take care of Sara for a moment, but you’ve got me.”
“It’s so good to have you back, Five. Have you met any of the New Canton people yet? Your feet have barely touched the ground.” Paula said. On cams, Five watched her deftly maneuver around a branch.
“Yeah, it’s good for us but not great for New Canton. Every single shady character between here and London is moving to New - I mean - Fort Canton to trade dodgy stuff. They really need someone to straighten that place out.”
Five saw a shadow behind them on the grainy monitor.
“Hey, guys. You’ve got a bit of a zombie tail behind you. You were keeping pace but they seem to be catching up. There is a broken bridge coming up, you two could pull off-”
“A McShell Maneuver!” Paula and Maxine laughed together.
“Yeah. Super idea.” Five spat, bitterly.
They pulled the move off perfectly. They really were a spectacular team. They’ve really been fine without me.
Sam opened the door and took his seat. He looked at the monitors and his face fell.
“Awww. I missed a McShell while I was out! I love a McShell.”
“You and I can go out later and do one!” Maxine teased.
“Ah, no thanks. Recreational zombie running isn’t so much my thing.” Sam adjusted a few things and instantly returned to work-mode.
Five took a minute to really look at him. She had to shove her negative intrusive thoughts away. This was Sam. Her Sam. He didn’t care about what happened with Steve because it kept her alive. It gave her a little happiness in an otherwise horrific situation. Why couldn’t she get her brain to do the same? To accept that Maxine and Paula gave him some happiness and comfort in her absence?
Sam tugged at a few strands of hair. She squinted and looked a little more carefully. There were red spots on his scalp that she hadn’t noticed before. Places where he’d been pulling hair out - a common stress response for him. It had been a long time since it had been noticeable.
Five frowned. She was being selfish. Sure, they had private jokes and stories about missions she missed. But to think they were fine without her…even if everyone else was, the one person who really mattered hadn’t been fine at all.
“...keep going and meet up with Paula.” Sam was finishing his directions. He turned to Five and noticed how intently she was staring at him. She had gotten out of her chair and moved her face inches from his own. “Well hello there.” She surprised him with a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you.” She whispered.
“For what?” He whispered back.
“Just - thank you.”
“Well, then. You are very welcome.” Sam grinned and turned his mic volume all the way up. “Let’s finish this mission, guys, and plan to have a Demons and Darkness night when you get back. We need to get Five up to speed on our new campaign.” Sam squeezed Five’s hand. Five didn’t feel the urge to pull it away.