The Things We Carry With Us

“You know, I think I’m offended,” Bruce says. “No, I’m definitely offended.”

“It’s an homage!” Tony protests, leaning in close to the camera. “Surely you can see that.”

Bruce leans back in his chair. “I would believe that if you hadn’t named it ‘Igor.’”

Tony grins. “Well, if the shoe fits.”

“Excuse me?” Bruce says. “I’m not your assistant.”

“And yet you’re helping me with so many things,” Tony counters.

Bruce snorts. “I could say the same to you. Are you sleeping any better?”

Tony turns away from the camera. “I actually wanted to talk to you about an idea I had for the arc reactor.”

“Tony,” Bruce says, a warning in his voice. “That’s three new suits of armor in the last fourteen days. You have to sleep at some point.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Tony says dismissively. “I’m fine.”

Bruce wishes he were in the same room, instead of on the other side of the country so he could smack some sense into Tony. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, I’m dealing with it,” Tony says. “I just—I have to make sure I can protect the people I love.”

“Okay,” Bruce says soothingly. “Okay. What did you want me to look at?”

The truth is that Tony doesn’t actually need Bruce’s help. He’s fairly certain that Tony just wants the company, and Bruce doesn’t mind providing it. Tony might be 3000 miles away, but the wonders of technology mean that Bruce can be virtually present. Over the last couple of months, ever since the Battle over Manhattan, he and Tony have talked pretty much every day.

And even when they’re not talking, there’s an open line between them, so that Bruce can overhear Tony’s conversations with Jarvis, his orders to the ‘bots, even his music blasting in the background.

Bruce is fairly certain that his life isn’t nearly so interesting, but Tony doesn’t seem to mind.

“…and I think the next step is microtransmitters inserted subcutaneously to control the suit,” Tony finishes. “What do you think?”

“I think your proposal could lead to subconscious control of the suit,” Bruce says flatly.

Tony spins in his seat. “Exactly! I’d have better protection if I’m ever out of commission.”

“And you could do something you regret with the suit while in the middle of a bad dream,” Bruce counters. “I should know.”

“What? You hulked out during a bad dream before?” Tony asks.

Bruce frowns. “Once, not long after the accident.”

“Bad?” Tony asks sympathetically.

“Everything was bad in those days,” Bruce replies grimly. “I’m just saying, be careful, okay? I would hate to lose you to a lab accident.”

“Fly out here and supervise,” Tony invites.

Bruce shakes his head. “I think Pepper might have something to say about that. We’re not kids any longer, Tony.”

“More’s the pity,” Tony mutters. “What about you? Is Elaine settling in okay?”

Bruce grins. “She’s really taken to the city. We’re having dinner together tonight.”

“Tell her hi from me,” Tony says. “And the next time I’m in New York, we’ll all go out to dinner again.”

“Send me the designs for the microtransmitters, and I’ll be sure to point out all the ways it could backfire horribly,” Bruce promises.

He hears Pepper’s voice in the background, and Tony says, “Gotta go, Big Guy. Talk to you later.”

Tony’s image winks out, and a few minutes later, Bruce has Tony’s preliminary plans in his inbox. He still thinks Tony’s idea is incredibly short sighted, but he understands where Tony is coming from.

New York had shaken Tony, and Bruce can see the signs of obsession. He’s building an army of suits, devising ways of controlling them without having to be in them, ensuring that he never has to make the same choice he had in New York.

Bruce feels bad for him, especially since he’s more content than he’d been since before the accident. He has work to keep him busy in a state-of-the-art lab, he has frequent contact with his best friend, and his aunt and cousin are in the city.

In fact, he’s planning to go out to dinner with them this evening.

He makes some notes on Tony’s project, suggestions to make it a little safer anyway, and is working on a project that will clean pollutants out of both water and soil when there’s a chime, and his receptionist says, “Dr. Banner, Captain Rogers is here to see you.”

“I’ll come out and meet him,” Bruce replies, not wanting Steve in his lab, although he can’t put his finger on the reason why.

Bruce likes Rogers, in a way. He’s a likeable guy, even if he does drive Tony crazy, and he seems very young to Bruce.

But Rogers is also the epitome of success, whereas Bruce definitely isn’t, and he’s jealous. He tries not to be, because he recognizes that it’s petty, and it’s not Rogers’ fault that Bruce had been cocky and stupid.

Bruce swallows his jealousy, pasting a pleasant smile on his face as he goes out to the main reception area so he can greet Steve with a handshake. “How have you been, Cap?”

“Good,” Rogers says. “How are you, Dr. Banner? You look relaxed.”

“I’m doing well,” Bruce says pleasantly. “What can I do for you?”

Rogers shifts a bit. “Oh, I was just, uh, in town on SHIELD business, and I thought I should check in, see how you were.”

Bruce has the most insane urge to pat him on the head. Rogers is trying so hard to be their leader, and they’re not giving him much to work with. Tony’s in Malibu building suit after suit, Barton is still out on mandatory psychiatric leave, Natasha is doing whatever it is that she does, Thor is in Asgard, and so Rogers gets left with Bruce.

“I’m doing well,” Bruce replies. As much sympathy as he has for Rogers, he’s not ready to offer himself up as a willing sacrifice.

But then, this is Bruce’s life, which means his aunt chooses just that moment to appear, striding into the small reception area outside the lab. “I’ve come to steal you away for dinner,” she announces, and only then catches sight of Steve. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

Bruce shrugs philosophically. “Captain Rogers, this is my aunt, Elaine Walters. Aunt Elaine, Steve Rogers.”

Rogers shakes her hand, looking charmingly bashful. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am. Dr. Banner, I don’t want to intrude on your evening with family.”

His aunt shoots him a look that Bruce easily reads, and he sighs. “You’re welcome to join us for dinner, Steve,” he says, extending the olive branch. “I’m sure Aunt Elaine won’t mind.”

“Of course not!” she exclaims. “I’d love to meet more of Bruce’s friends. I still haven’t met many people in the city, and it’s always nice to meet someone new, especially someone so interesting as Captain America.”

Bruce doesn’t think he’s been this mortified by his aunt since he’d been a teenager.

Rogers glances at Bruce. “I really don’t want to intrude.”

“Do you have anything better to do tonight?” Bruce asks with a wry smile.

Rogers shakes his head. “No. I was hoping to have dinner with you.”

“The more the merrier,” Bruce says.

Rogers hesitates. “I really don’t want to be a bother.”

“Nonsense,” Aunt Elaine says, taking Rogers’ arm. “There’s no sense in you eating alone, and I think you would love my daughter. Bruce, why don’t you call Jennifer?”

Bruce feels as though his life is rapidly spinning out of his control, but he does as he’s asked, knowing when he’s beat.

He has a lot to make up for, which means he’s willing to do just about anything for his aunt at this point, even if it means having dinner with Steve Rogers.

~~~~~

“Were you talking to Bruce?” Pepper asks. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“We were just talking,” Tony says. “I had to show him the latest suit design.”

Pepper approaches the hologram of Igor. “Based on the Hulk?” She leans in closer. “Are you calling it Igor? I can’t imagine that made Bruce happy.”

“It’s an homage,” Tony protests. “Bruce understands.”

Pepper rolls her eyes. “Knowing Bruce, he wasn’t impressed.”

“Bruce hasn’t seen it in action yet,” Tony says, knowing that he sounds sulky. “He’ll understand when he does.”

Pepper shakes her head. “Come have dinner, Tony. You’ve been buried in your lab too long.”

Tony doesn’t want to leave his workshop, but there are appearances to keep up, and he owes Pepper a dinner out. “Sure. Let’s get dinner somewhere.”

“Are you okay with that?” Pepper asks. “You’ve barely left the mansion since we got back from New York.”

Tony shrugs. “Haven’t had a lot of reason to go out.”

“Not when you’re talking to Bruce all day every day,” Pepper observes.

Tony hesitates. “We’re not always talking. Sometimes he’s just there.”

“And sometimes you’re talking to Elaine and Jen,” Pepper says.

“They’re family.”

Pepper’s expression is cautious. “I think it’s good that you have people who care about you, Tony, and it’s not just me. I just think it’s strange that I didn’t even know they existed a few months ago.”

“We’re making up for lost time,” Toy says. “It’s not a problem is it?”

Pepper shakes her head. “No, not at all. As long as you’re talking to someone. I know you’re not sleeping.”

Tony looks away. “I just need a little time.”

Pepper leans in for a light kiss. “Okay. Dinner. We could use the break.”

Tony pastes a smile on his face and tries not to let on to the sense of panic he feels as they head into town. He doesn’t have the suit with him—Pepper had frowned fiercely when Tony had suggested that he could fly in and meet her at the restaurant.

They go to an inexpensive bistro, one they haven’t been to before, in a bid to avoid the press and any fans. The other Avengers are on the news, but not the same way Tony is, since he’d been in the public eye before the Chitauri attack.

It’s worse now, though. They haven’t even ordered when three young women approach the table, giggling nervously.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark,” one of the girls says. “We were just wondering if we could have your autograph.”

Tony forces a smile. “Of course.”

He signs a couple of napkins and a t-shirt, and then one of the women turns to Pepper. “Would you sign my shirt, too? You’re my avatar.”

Pepper smiles pleasantly and shoots an inscrutable look at Tony. “I would love to.”

“You have no idea what she meant by that, do you?” Tony asks.

Pepper raises an eyebrow. “It means she wants to be just like me when she grows up.”

“She could have worse role models,” Tony says.

Pepper gives him another look. “I think that might have been a compliment.”

“It was definitely a compliment, because you notice she didn’t want to make me into a role model,” Tony replies.

Pepper sniffs. “Like anyone would think you were role model material.”

Tony opens his mouth for a quick retort, and then thinks better of it.

“No, what were you going to say?” Pepper asks.

Tony had been about to say that Bruce had wanted to be like him at one point in time, but he’s still cautious about their relationship. He doesn’t want Pepper to think that he’s in love with Bruce—because he’s not.

Not really. He’s just happy to have Bruce back in his life, and that’s enough.

“You’re right,” Tony says with his most charming grin. “No one would ever think about emulating me. Iron Man maybe, though.”

Pepper flinches. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Tony runs a finger through the condensation that his mug of beer has left behind on the table. “I know. It’s fine, Pep.”

She looks stricken. “You know I was teasing.”

He does actually, now that she’s said it. Pepper doesn’t cut him down, and replaying the conversation in his mind, Tony can see the signs of teasing, and the mischief in her eyes.

But Tony can’t quite shake Rogers’ accusations, that he’s nothing more than a suit. People look up to him, but why should they?

A real hero could go to bed and sleep like a baby, right?

Pepper reaches across the table to take his hand. “Tony, where did you go?”

Tony shakes his head, unwilling to admit that he keeps going back to that hole in space, to falling, and the certain knowledge that he was going to die this time, and there would be no rescue.

He’d been the guy to lie down on the wire; he isn’t sure he’d managed to get off of it just yet.

“Talk to me,” Pepper pleads.

Tony takes a breath and tries to focus on the here and now. “What do you want to talk about?”

He can tell that she’s casting about for a question that won’t aggravate his demons, and is coming up short. Tony thinks that might be his fault; his whole life is the suit now. There’s nothing else to him.

“You know, I don’t know anything about Bruce and his family,” Pepper says, “but you all seem close. Did you spend a lot of time with them?”

Tony breathes a sigh of relief, because it’s easy to talk about Bruce, and Elaine and Jen. Bruce has been a part of his life, more or less, for the last thirty years. They’re family, even if not many people know it. “Just a few vacations,” Tony says. “Elaine didn’t mind if I crashed at their place during school breaks.”

He’s never really been able to talk about Bruce before, but Pepper had asked, and he tells her about the first winter break he’d spent with Bruce and his family, how desperate he’d been to get away, and how easy it was to be there.

And if Pepper appears melancholy, Tony writes it off as her feeling sorry for the boy he’d been, who had so much and wanted so much, all at the same time.

~~~~~

Bruce tells himself that he is definitely not disturbed by how well Rogers and Jen had hit it off. It makes sense, in a way. Jen is a civil rights attorney who fights for justice, so it’s not like they don’t have anything in common. And Steve seems a bit lost, which is sure to appeal to Bruce’s aunt, who had taken Tony under her wing once upon a time.

It might be easier if he didn’t like Steve, if the guy was an asshole under all that patriotism. Instead, Bruce just resents him, and feels guilty for it.

But then, Bruce’s life has been complicated for a long time, and he refuses to give into his jealousy. Bruce will listen to the better angels of his nature, and he’ll be kind and welcoming, and remember that Steve is still very young, whatever the date on his birth certificate might be.

That’s not going to stop him from complaining, however.

“I can’t believe you’re trying to set Steve and Jen up,” Bruce complains when he meets his aunt for dinner the next day.

Jen works long hours, so she’s not always available, but Bruce’s schedule is more flexible, and he’s making up for six years’ worth of lost time.

She smiles indulgently. “It’s not setting them up. Steve doesn’t know many people, and Jen’s last relationship didn’t end well. They could both use a friend.”

Bruce makes a face.

His aunt laughs. “Bruce, just because you’re content with only Tony for company doesn’t mean everyone else enjoys the isolation.”

Bruce shifts restlessly. “It’s not like that.”

Aunt Elaine reaches across the table to pat Bruce’s hand. “Sweetheart, you’ve always been the solitary sort. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people need to be surrounded by other people; others are content with their own company. I suspect that Steve could use someone to show him the ropes, and Jen could use the boost of having Captain America interested in her, even if it’s just as a friend.”

Bruce doesn’t know much about the last six years of Jen’s life, and he grimaces. “How bad was the last one?”

“He was a dick,” his aunt replies, and then laughs, probably at Bruce’s expression. “There’s no other word for it. He was another lawyer, and he cheated on her. She’s better off without him.”

Bruce begins to see his aunt’s logic. “No fear that Steve would do anything like that.”

“None at all,” she says primly. “Unless, of course, you have someone else you’d rather set her up with?”

“I don’t want to set her up,” Bruce says. “Jen and I have never interfered with each other’s love lives.”

His aunt gives him a sharp look. “That’s because you didn’t need interference. Tony was the only person you were interested in, at least until Betty.”

Bruce can’t disagree.

“Have you spoken to her recently?” she asks.

“About a month ago, after the battle,” Bruce admits. “She’s getting married, and she’s pregnant.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

Bruce really doesn’t want to discuss his love life with his aunt, but he figures he owes her a bit of leeway after his long disappearance, and letting her think he was dead. “The person I was back then isn’t who I am now,” he says, which is the simplest explanation he has.

“Do you still love him?” his aunt asks.

Bruce doesn’t even think twice. “Yes, of course, but it’s different now.”

“Is it?”

“I’ve been in love with Tony since I was fifteen,” Bruce says quietly. “But he isn’t the calmest person in the world.”

His aunt raises her eyebrows. “Calm isn’t what you need. If it was, you would have wound up in the wilderness somewhere.”

Bruce sighs. In spite of the years that had passed, his aunt still knows him too well. “Tony is in love with Pepper. I’m content with his friendship. It’s more than I thought I’d have again.”

She pats his hand. “Do you know, I haven’t been able to seriously date anyone since your uncle died? He was the most frustrating man, but I loved him. I can live my life without him, but I can’t imagine living with anyone else.”

Bruce has to admit that’s a pretty good summation of his life right now. Betty is out of his reach, and he still loves Tony. He just knows that friendship is the most he can hope for at the moment.

“When you’ve lived without something for twenty years, you get used to its absence,” Bruce says quietly. “There are a lot of things you can get used to.”

Her smile turns a bit sad. “I’m just glad you don’t have to go without anymore.”

“Are you enjoying being here in the city?” Bruce asks, wanting to change the subject.

“I enjoy being close to my kids,” his aunt says. “And I’m certainly not bored.”

Bruce can see that for himself. Elaine lost no time in finding a book club, a volunteer gig at a youth shelter, and she signed up for classes in sculpting and French.

He hasn’t asked. He figures his aunt can do whatever she wants with her time, and he’s just glad she’s happy.

“It’s good to have you here,” Bruce replies honestly. “It’s nice to have family close again.”

Elaine smiles at him warmly. “Good. I hope you won’t get too tired of having me around.”

Bruce thinks of long, lonely years and shakes his head. “Not a chance of that.”

He’s staying in the Tower for the time being, because Tony had insisted, and Bruce hadn’t been looking forward to finding a place to live. Jen had said he could sleep on her couch, but her loft didn’t offer a lot in the way of privacy, and he would have felt bad if there were an incident.

Granted, he’ll feel terrible if there’s an incident in the Tower, too, but at least Tony has some idea what he’s getting himself into, and there aren’t a lot of alternatives.

Bruce is always going to be a danger to those around him, and Tony had promised that the Tower is reinforced. He’s probably safer here than he would be anywhere else, unless he went out to the middle of nowhere.

And that’s not a possibility anymore. The Other Guy can be used to do something good—if just to smash alien threats—but that means Bruce can’t be on the other side of the world if he’s needed.

Even though it’s late, Bruce isn’t tired, and he settles down in an armchair with a book and a mug of tea, his feet propped up. Bruce is still unused to creature comforts like this, and he feels a warm hum of gratitude.

He’s safe, there’s no one chasing him, and the people he cares about are only a phone call away.

Bruce is halfway through the latest Grisham novel when the monitor on the wall beeps with an incoming call, and Pepper’s picture flashes on the screen.

He frowns. “Answer.”

Pepper’s face fills the screen, and she smiles. “Bruce, hi. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“You’re not,” he assures her, feeling an uptick of anxiety. “Is Tony okay?”

She laughs, but the sound is forced. “Yes. I mean, he’s not in any danger, but I’m worried about him, and Rhodey’s on a mission right now, so I—you talk to him every day.”

Bruce takes a moment to parse through the information dump. “I do. Is he still not sleeping?”

Pepper sighs. “He spends all his time in his workshop. I can barely get him to take a break for meals, and he seems—panicky when we do go out.”

“He did go through a fairly traumatic event,” Bruce feels compelled to point out. He understands where Pepper is coming from, and he shares her concern, but he also feels as though he’s caught in the middle somewhat.

“I understand that,” Pepper replies. “But this time is different.”

Bruce runs a hand through his hair. “Okay. Please don’t take this the wrong way, Pepper, because I would love to help, but I’m not sure what you think I can do.”

He likes Pepper a lot, but it feels a little awkward to be talking to his ex’s girlfriend about his ex.

“Can you visit?” Pepper asks. “Maybe drag him out of his workshop? Or at least distract him?”

Bruce hesitates. “Chances are we’ll just wind up doing science together. That’s kind of what we do.”

“Then he’ll at least have someone else with him,” Pepper says a little desperately. “Although if you can get him out of the basement, that would be great.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” Bruce protests.

“I have to take a business trip,” Pepper replies. “And I don’t want to leave Tony alone.”

Bruce really doesn’t think this is a good idea, but he says, “There are a couple of things we’ve been working on together. And maybe I could convince him to go surfing or something. We used to do that when we were kids.”

Pepper gives him a relieved smile. “Thank you, Bruce.”

Bruce wonders if she’d still be thanking him if she knew the depth of his feelings for Tony, but nothing is going to happen. He knows that.

Tony is his best friend, and apparently he could use Bruce’s help. Who is Bruce to deny him?

~~~~~

“I asked Bruce to visit,” Pepper says, standing at the entrance of his workshop. “He’ll be here tomorrow.”

Tony spins on his stool. “Okay,” he says slowly. “I have no idea whether to be incredibly grateful that you talked Bruce into a visit, or really insulted that you don’t think I’ll be okay on my own.”

“You can be both,” Pepper points out. “And Bruce mentioned something about surfing. It would do you both good to get out of the lab.”

“I probably have enough to keep him busy,” Tony admits. “There are a couple of projects I wanted him to look at.”

Pepper frowns. “I asked him here to get you out of the workshop.” She pauses. “That might have come out wrong.”

It takes Tony a minute to figure out what Pepper means, and then he frowns. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I wouldn’t have asked Bruce to come here if I were worried about that,” Pepper replies. “I trust you, and I love you, but I’m worried about you. I think having him here might help.”

Tony can’t deny that the thought of having Bruce around isn’t a comfort. Maybe Bruce hadn’t exactly been there for the hole in space, but he’s familiar with the aftermath, and Bruce has been through his own shit.

If anybody understands waking up in a cold sweat after a nightmare, it’s Bruce.

“This is why you’re awesome,” Tony says. “And I love you.”

“I know you do,” Pepper replies. “Take a break for me?”

Tony knows that he needs to reassure her, and that means taking a break. “Okay, sure, whatever you want.”

He tries to focus on her that night, to set aside the panic he feels at being out in the open without the suit, and to be present.

There are things that Tony hasn’t succeeded at when he’s put his mind to it, but not many, and he thinks he manages that night.

Pepper leaves the next morning, and Tony sees her off, itching to get back to his workshop, where he has some semblance of control.

“Jarvis, drop the needle,” he orders, and starts work on the next iteration of the suit. He’s still working on one that will work in space long term, but he’s come up with some other variations in the meantime that could be interesting. He has to work out the kinks in the transmitters, and somehow ensure that he has mental control over the suit. Or suits.

Maybe all of them at once. There’s an idea—he could have his own robot army.

Jarvis interrupts. “Sir, Dr. Banner has arrived.”

“Send him downstairs,” Tony orders. “He has full access.”

Bruce enters the workshop a few moments later, and Tony notices that he looks good in a gray suit and blue shirt that actually fit him. “Hey there.”

“Bruce, buddy ol’ pal,” Tony says. “It’s great to see you, thanks for coming, and I’m fine.”

“Pepper says you’re not sleeping,” Bruce counters. “And she’s worried about you.”

Tony sighs. “I can’t sleep. I’ve tried.”

Bruce shoves his hands in his pockets. “Okay.”

“That’s it?”

“Sometimes you can’t sleep,” Bruce agrees. “I get that.”

If Pepper had passed her worry off to Bruce, he’s not showing it. He’s just watching Tony with amused fondness, and Tony can’t quite believe that he gets to have this again.

“Thanks,” Tony says quietly. “Really.”

Bruce responds by taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. “Come on, I want to see what you’re working on.”

“I hope you weren’t expecting me to still have the particle accelerator,” Tony says.

Bruce rolls his eyes. “There’s no way you wouldn’t have mentioned having one of those in your basement weeks ago, if only to get me to visit.”

“Would you have come out sooner if I did have one?” Tony asks, and he’s teasing, but there are so few people who are willing to put up with his shit, and he sometimes wonders if Bruce was staying away for that reason.

Bruce shakes his head. “Probably not unless you invited me.”

And Tony had said something about Bruce dropping in anytime, but he realizes now that Bruce had probably needed a little more of a push than that. Bruce has learned caution over the last few years, and he’s learned hard lessons about not taking anything for granted, even when Tony wishes he would.

“Anything else you want to do while you’re here?” Tony asks.

Bruce hesitates. “Actually, I’d love to go surfing.”

Tony hasn’t been surfing in years, and he generally tries to avoid being naked, or semi-naked, in public with the arc reactor. But with Bruce, and covered up in a wetsuit, it might be kind of fun.

“You got it,” Tony promises, because anything that will make Bruce happy is something Tony will do, if it’s within his power. “Maybe tomorrow?”

“Great,” Bruce says. “But for now, show me the latest version of the suit?”

“You got it,” Tony agrees easily, and he finds himself relaxing with Bruce in a way that he can’t around anybody else.

But then, that’s nothing new.

~~~~~

Bruce doesn’t try to force Tony to go to bed that night, knowing that it would be fruitless. Instead, he waits until it’s late, and then he suggests that he make dinner for the two of them.

“You don’t have to cook,” Tony protests.

“I’ve gotten a lot better at it over the years,” Bruce says with a smile. “And I’m hungry.”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Tony says. “I could eat.”

Someone had apparently stocked the fridge before Bruce arrived, and he finds a carton of eggs, cheese, and vegetables, and he starts to whip together a couple of omelets.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Tony asks, perched on the counter next to Bruce.

“I always liked helping Aunt Elaine out in the kitchen,” Bruce begins as he starts cracking eggs. “And when I got my own place, and I met Betty, I put it to use. She didn’t really like to cook, and I did, so it wasn’t a chore. And then later, when I was on the run, I didn’t always have enough money to eat out.”

“I really wish you’d called me,” Tony admits.

Bruce pauses as he grates the cheese. “I wish I had, too.”

“So, moral of the story?”

“I call you the next time I’m in trouble?” Bruce suggests.

Tony smiles. “That will do.”

They eat dinner together, and then Bruce suggests a movie. He figures that even if Tony can’t sleep, he can at least relax. They end up watching Real Genius, which they’ve both seen before—actually, they’d seen it together.

Tony gradually falls asleep, tipping over sideways until his head is resting on Bruce’s thigh, and Bruce rests a hand on his shoulder. He drifts off, too, and then wakes when Tony stirs under his hand.

“Tony, hey, Tony,” Bruce murmurs, his hand tightening on Tony’s shoulder. “Come on now. It’s just a bad dream.”

Tony wakes with a gasp, and he would have fallen off the couch if Bruce hadn’t clutched at him, anchoring Tony to the couch. “What—”

“Don’t make this weird,” Bruce murmurs. “Come on.”

He stretches out behind Tony and puts an arm around his chest, holding him close. It feels dangerous, what they’re doing, because Tony is out of his reach, and Bruce doesn’t even know if he could have this if Tony were free.

But that’s not what this is; holding Tony now is just as innocent as what Tony had done for him when they were kids. It’s just comfort and friendship and a reminder that Tony isn’t alone.

“I’m not going to sleep,” Tony mutters rebelliously.

“Sure you’re not,” Bruce replies. “Did I ever tell you about this time when I got stuck in a brothel for the night?”

“You did not,” Tony says.

Bruce chuckles against the back of Tony’s neck. “I did. I was on the run from the Army, and it was the only place I could think of at the time. It turned out that the madam had a problem with her computer, so I fixed it.”

Tony laughs. “Tell me you didn’t just fix her computer.”

“We talked,” Bruce offers. “At the time, I wasn’t even sure I could have sex without the Other Guy making an appearance, and she was a nice lady.”

“And now?” Tony asks.

Bruce breathes out slowly and doesn’t pretend to misunderstand the question. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s still a risk. Bodily fluids are a risk, and there hasn’t been anybody I cared enough about to try.”

“That’s a damn shame,” Tony says.

“You haven’t slept with nearly so many women since Afghanistan,” Bruce points out.

Tony huffs out a laugh. “No. When trust becomes an issue, it can narrow down your choices.”

Bruce tightens his grip. “It’s not that big of a deal for me, really. I’m more than content right now.”

Tony sighs. “Good. I didn’t realize how much I needed you here until I saw you.”

That’s probably a dangerous sort of thing to say, but Bruce isn’t about to complain. Instead, he rubs small circles into the back of Tony’s neck, easing the knots he finds there. Tony grunts, but Bruce can feel the tension begin to ease out of him.

Eventually, Tony slumps against him, lax and heavy, and Bruce closes his eyes, slipping down into sleep.

Bruce counts it a success when Tony doesn’t stir until dawn, rolling off the couch and stretching, mouth open in a jaw-cracking yawn. His t-shirt rides up, showing a thin sliver of pale skin.

“You hungry?” Tony asks when he catches Bruce watching him. “We could take a drive, get some breakfast, maybe even find a place to surf.”

Bruce sits up cautiously. “Only if you want to.”

“I think it’s about what you want to do,” Tony says. “You’re the one on vacation.”

Bruce gives him a long look. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Tony scoffs. “Like you could. We’ll head back if things get too weird.”

“You mean weirder than usual?” Bruce teases.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on. I think the rest of the world is insane, not us.”

“Well, we are the only ones who can speak English,” Bruce replies.

Tony dishes out the charm that day, not quite flirting, but not far from it either. They take a leisurely drive down the coast and stop for breakfast burritos at a roadside stand, and then they head for a beach Tony knows.

With a little more warning, Bruce knows that Tony could have rented out an entire beach, purchased the best surfing equipment, and generally thrown his money around. Today, Tony just puts the briefcase suit in the trunk, and they go.

Sitting in Tony’s convertible with the top down, Bruce is suddenly 18 again, with nowhere to be and nothing to do other than hang out with his best friend. When they find a beach and a place to rent gear, no one gives them a second look, especially when Tony pays cash.

There are curtained off areas to change, so no one has the chance to see the arc reactor.

Bruce doesn’t think of himself as particularly attractive, but he’s also shed a lot of his modesty over the last few years, and the wetsuit covers more skin than the tattered remains of his clothes after an appearance by the Other Guy.

Tony emerges from the dressing room, rolling his shoulders. “These things always feel so clammy.”

“Just wait until you get in the water,” Bruce advises, repeating the same advice Tony had doled out to him the first time Bruce had gone surfing.

Tony makes a face. “Come on, then.”

Avengers or not, they’re still a couple of middle aged guys who only surf occasionally, and Bruce wipes out spectacularly a few times.

Tony has obviously kept up his physical training, because he seems to have a better sense of balance, and he does fairly well, right up until he tries to take on a massive wave.

Bruce is standing in the surf, watching him, when he sees Tony wipe out, and he waits anxiously for Tony to pop back up again, the way he has every other time. When he doesn’t see Tony immediately, he begins paddling out, stroking through the water easily.

He could probably have moved faster without his board, but Bruce thinks that if Tony’s having real difficulty, it might be easier to haul him out this way, because if Bruce panics, the Other Guy is likely to make an appearance.

Bruce spots Tony’s untethered board just a few moments before he sees Tony, and he lets the board drift, heading in Tony’s direction.

Tony is gasping for air, but he’s managing to tread water, and Bruce realizes there’s another, underlying problem. He grabs the back of Tony’s wetsuit and just hangs on until Tony grabs Bruce’s board. Once Bruce is certain Tony has a good grip, he drops off the other side to provide some balance, and then he just treads water, hanging on, feeling the hot sun beat down on the back of his neck.

Eventually, Tony’s breathing starts to even out, and Bruce asks, “Are you okay to swim back? I can haul you on the board if you need the assist.”

“I’m fine,” Tony replies, still a little breathless, but sounding irritable, too, which Bruce takes as a good sign.

“Okay, good,” Bruce replies. “Because I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”

It’s an easy out, and Bruce knows that he’s not imagining the gratitude on Tony’s face.

They swim in together, and Tony takes a detour to grab his board, which some kind soul has pulled up on the sand. And then they sit on the shore, and Bruce unzips his wetsuit until he can pull off the top half, letting it pool around his waist. He notices that Tony doesn’t do the same.

“You want to talk about what happened back there?” Bruce asks.

Tony shakes his head.

“Okay,” Bruce agrees easily. “I had a thing I wanted to run by you, anyway. I’ve been looking at desalinization techniques, something that could be done on the cheap with renewable energy, maybe even with an arc reactor. Clean water is a problem for a good percentage of the world’s population, and—”

“I couldn’t breathe,” Tony says.

Bruce stops and takes a deep breath. “I guessed that. Was it a flashback?”

“I don’t know,” Tony admits. “It was fucking awful. I couldn’t breathe, and I just—I thought I was having a heart attack.”

Bruce casually reaches over and feels the side of Tony’s neck, and the skin is clammy, in spite of the warm sun. “Panic attack.”

“What?” Tony asks, giving him a startled look.

Bruce shrugs. “Panic attack. I used to get them when I was a kid, you know. One minute, I’d be fine, and the next—well, I thought I was going to die.”

Tony swallows, and Bruce can hear how harsh the sound is. “That’s it? I’m just fucked up?”

“Tony,” Bruce says softly, turning to look at him. “Think about who you’re talking to for a minute, okay? Think about the first thing I told you when you said we should be roommates.”

Tony looks at him, and comprehension dawns. “You said you had nightmares.”

“I’m sorry this is fucking with your head,” Bruce says quietly. “I can’t tell you how to fix that. I can’t even tell you that it is fixable, and you’ll find some magic bullet to solve the problem. What I can tell you is that you’re going to survive this. You’re going to be okay.”

Tony lets out a choked sound, and Bruce puts an arm around his shoulders, the way they’d done when they were kids.

“I don’t want you to go back to New York,” Tony confesses.

Bruce tips his head back to look at the sky. “I know. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to stay here, though. Not really. I don’t think Pepper would approve.”

“I still love her,” Tony murmurs. “She’s—she’s the most important person in my life right now.”

Bruce feels that sting, and takes it on. If he’d called Tony after the accident, they wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, he knows. That’s on Bruce, and if he’s not entirely happy with the status quo—even though he’s trying very hard to be grateful for what he has—it’s his own damn fault.

“And you’re lucky to have her,” Bruce replies quietly. “But if you need something—anything—from me to hold it together, you know how to get in touch with me.”

“I do,” Tony agrees.

They turn in their gear and head back to the mansion, stopping on the way for greasy burgers and fries. They don’t talk much, and while Bruce feels a low hum of attraction, it’s easily ignored. He has had years of practice, after all.

And if they spend the rest of Bruce’s time there in the workshop, and very little time sleeping, Bruce doesn’t question that either.

He’ll give Tony whatever he needs. Bruce owes him that much.