When Emma was five, she knew her parents loved her.
Her mother would read her stories at night before leaning down to kiss her forehead and crack the door open to keep the monsters at bay. Her father would let her sit on his shoulders when they went to the zoo.
After school they would both be waiting for her, hand in hand, and she would yell their names and run into their arms. Unfortunately, Emma’s memories from that time were very little, and she could not remember that she knew this.
When Emma was seven, she knew her parents loved each other.
They would dance together when love songs came on the radio in the kitchen. Her mom would bring her dad snacks while he worked in the office. Her dad would give her mom a massage after a long hard day at work.
They would go on date nights and Emma would scam the babysitter out of an extra cookie after dinner. Unfortunately, not all love is everlasting.
When Emma was nine, she knew her parents were upset with her.
She couldn’t focus on class, couldn’t get her grades up, couldn’t sit still. It wasn’t her fault the teacher made her sit in the back. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t good at math. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t help but flap her hands and kick her legs in class. Her parents didn’t see it that way, though. So, she tried. But nothing worked.
One night her teacher handed her a note, telling her it was very important that her parents saw it. Emma made sure her parents read it.
She heard the screaming from the other room that night. Emma hid under the bed, crying. Her mother opened the door and wept on the bed above her. Emma went to comfort her. She expected to be held until they were both done crying, like when they watched sad movies together. Instead, she was yelled at and grabbed so roughly her wrist bruised. She cried so hard her dad came into the room.
“What’s wrong now? I’m trying to sleep.” He grumbled.
“She won’t shut up and go to bed.” Her mother rubbed her fingers on the sides of her head. He looked at Emma. She ran to him and held her hands out, wanting a hug.
“You’re too old for this now, Emma.” He said. “Get to bed.”
Emma climbed into her bed, still sobbing. Her parents shut the door all the way. Unfortunately, that meant Emma was no longer safe from the monsters.
When Emma was eleven, she knew she was the reason her parents no longer loved each other.
“Honestly, Henry!” Her mother screamed from the living room. “How could you do this to me?! How could you fuck that woman in our own house?!” Emma flinched; she couldn’t remember ever hearing that word come out of her mother’s mouth.
“Martha!” Her father hissed, “Emma is in the kitchen.”
“So what? You don’t want her to know her father is a cheating bastard? If you cared about that child, you wouldn’t have done this to us!” Her mom didn’t quiet down.
“What do you want me to say?” Her dad signed. “We’re hanging on by a thread. We should just get a divorce.”
Her mother let out a blood curdling scream. Emma dropped the plate she was holding. “I will never get a fucking divorce. I will not feel that shame.”
“Then what, Martha? God damnit!”
Emma couldn’t remember much more from that argument, only her punishment of being locked in her room and the black bruise on her mother’s face.
She also remembered her mother’s alcoholic rambling the day after.
“This is all your fault.” She slurred, gesturing to her black eye. Unfortunately, Emma didn’t know yet that parents could be wrong.
When Emma was fourteen her house started to feel lonely.
Her parents were away on business trip after business trip even since they moved into their new huge house. Emma hated when her parents argued, but she hated quiet more. So, she started watching youtube to fill the house. She had learned to take care of herself. Unfortunately, no child should have to do that alone.
When Emma was sixteen, she knew she wasn’t straight, but she also knew she had to be straight.
She found women as hot as men. She has crushes on female and male characters, so it only made sense she was bisexual. It only took a couple of google searches to figure it out. Emma knew the queer community weren’t a very accepted group, so she decided to test the waters before coming out to her parents.
Luckily, they were home. During one of their silent family dinners, she spoke up. She lied about one of her old friends saying she was gay on social media. They never talked anymore, anyway.
Her mother scoffed. “What a bunch of freaks. Parading around like that. Don’t you agree, Henry?”
Her father looked uncomfortable. “I don’t really mind. As long as they keep it far away from us.”
Emma’s heart sank. She didn’t push the subject anymore. Emma nodded at her parents and continued to eat. Unfortunately, her parents wouldn’t be accepting her anytime soon.
Emma was twenty when she sat in front of her computer. That was a normal sentence.
Emma sat in front of her computer, surrounded by her friends, with confetti cannons ready to be fired, a giant rainbow banner that read “we’re gay as hell” ready to be revealed, and anxiety in her stomach. That was a less normal sentence.
For better or for worse, the second more accurately described her situation. She turned to face her friends. “Ready to start?”
Everyone gave their own affirmations that they were. They were a little cramped, struggling to stay in view of Emma’s camera. Jacob was awkwardly sitting on a folding chair in the back, only able to be seen because of his size. Dylan, Ryan and Kaitlyn were crammed onto a single bean bag. Max and Laura were sitting on the one beside them, in the middle. Nick and Abi were sitting on the one closest to Emma, who was sitting in the front in her normal chair.
“Before we start, does anyone want to get off?” Jacob said, his tone very serious.
Emma gave him a dead faced stare. “You seriously did not just quote Captain America to me in this time of crisis.”
The joke broke the tense atmosphere as Emma prepared to start. “Here we go!”
She started her stream, and since she had announced she would be streaming with a big announcement, it only took a second before messages in the chat flew by.
“Hey guys!” Emma activated her “Influencer Voice” (as Dylan called it), putting more energy into her words. “Welcome!”
She clapped once. “Okay! I know you’re all excited for the big announcement. But first we're going to do a roll call! In case you didn’t know, the people sitting behind me are, for some reason, my friends.”
Said friends, who had been surprisingly quiet so far, were loudly offended by that comment.
“You’re so mean to us.” Dylan pouted.
Emma shrugged as she looked at the chat.
*OMG DYLAN*
*whats going on*
*I bet the announcement’s merch*
“Let’s get this role-call over with.” Kaitlyn deadpanned.
Emma nodded. She went down the line, pointing to her friends and joking with them as she introduced them. It felt very natural. “Okay before we get into any revals, we’re just going to hang out for a bit! We have media-share on, so go wild.”
They did just that, cracking jokes and watching whatever clips the chat sent to them. After an hour, it was show time.
“Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for…” Emma trailed off dramatically while she read chat.
*FINALLY*
*oooooh reveal time*
*hell yeah*
“Fucking finally.” Kaitlyn sighed loudly, “It is cramped in here. I’m tired of being so close to Dylan.”
Dylan made an offended noise.
“Without further ado..” Emma took a deep breath and nodded at Nick, who held the button that would fire the cannons and unveil the banner. He pressed it and they were all covered in confetti. The banner made a loud thunk against the wall as it was revealed. The group cheered and laughed at the dramatics of the situation. Emma pulled Abi into a kiss. Maybe she should have just tweeted this.
*WOOO GAY*
*awwww nice*
*i knew it*
*i thought this was common knowledge*
They stayed on stream for the next couple of hours, clarifying things and talking about other things. When they finally ended, they were all eager to get out of the room.
“Maybe we should have done this somewhere else…” Abi stretched as she stood.
“Too late, now.” Nick said.
“I’m hungry!” Jacob announced loudly. “Let’s order a pizza.”
“Sure.” Dylan said, “But you’re paying.”
Jacob groaned. “Fuck off!”
“I’ll help cover it.” Nick cut in.
Jacob shook his head. “Nah, I got it. I’m just joking.” Nick shrugged and grinned.
Emma relaxed and watched as her friends bickered about pizza toppings. She sighed; her house finally didn’t feel so empty. She frowned, this had to end soon. Everyone had to leave eventually.
Abi nudged her shoulder and smiled. Emma smiled back. No use in thinking about that now.
Emma’s phone rang loudly. Everyone stopped and looked at her. “Sorry, one second.” She looked at the caller ID. Mom. “I’d better take this.”
She stepped out of the room, picking up the phone.
“Emma.” Her mother said curtly.
“Hello to you too.” Emma remarked, “What’s up?” It was strange that her mother was calling, her parents never cared enough to check up on her in the past.
“You father and I heard the news.” Emma heard the disappointment through the phone. Her breathing picked up. She hadn’t even thought about her parents finding out through the stream. She supposed she just assumed they wouldn’t care anyway.
“I didn’t know you watched my videos.” Was all Emma could come up with, some hope to cling onto.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Her mother snapped. “We don’t have time to watch you fool around. Of course, we have eyes on our child at all times. We knew has soon as it happened.”
Emma’s mouth was dry. Her mother continued to speak.
“You will stop this silly YouTube thing. We allowed you to start an online present because we trusted you, but clearly, you’re not deserving of that yet.”
Emma found her voice again to defend herself. She regulated her breathing. She wasn’t going to let her mother get her emotional. “Why am I not deserving? What have I done?”
Her mother scoffed. “Going around kissing that girl in front of all those people?! Honestly, Emma, I should hope you were smarter than that.”
“So, you don’t have a problem with me being gay, you just want me to do it privately?” Emma’s voice oozed with sarcasm.
“You shouldn’t be doing it at all!” Her mom shouted into her phone. “We raised you better than this. To lie and to be so unnatural is disrespectful. I knew we never should have allowed you to go to that summer camp, but your father insisted that you needed friends. Nothing good came out of it, you only met those people.” She spat the last two words like they were poison on her tongue.
“I am not lying, and I am not unnatural.” Emma was holding her phone so tight she thought it might break. “I have always been like this. My friends have only helped me accept that.”
Her voice softened. “Honey, you’ve been brainwashed. We can find you a nice man to settle down with. Have some grandkids.”
“I don’t want that! I’m finally happy!” Emma lost her temper. She distantly heard the chatter of her friends go quiet, but she paid that no mind. “At least now the house isn’t so damn quiet! At least now there are actually people here for me. I hate being in this fucking house alone.”
Her mom clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Watch your tone, young lady. You will get those people out of my house and never speak with or contact them again.”
“Absolutely not.” Emma growled, “They have done more for me emotionally in a year I’ve known them then you have in my whole life! This wouldn’t have come as a shock to you if you weren’t such a bad mother!”
“Emma!” Her mother shrieked. “Fine. You hate this house and your parents so much. Leave. Don’t expect any more handouts from us, though! Then you’ll actually be all alone, brat. You can either get all your friends out and stay or pack your things and go. If you aren’t there when we return and you or your little friends come back, the authorities will be connected.”
Tears were silently streaming down Emma’s face. She would not give her mother the satisfaction of hearing her cry. “I want to talk to dad.”
“He does not wish to speak with you until you’re over this ridiculous phase.” The women on the phone spat.
“Fine.” Emma held back a sob. “Fuck you, Mom.”
She hung up. A loud sob tore through her throat. She slid down the wall. The door beside her swung open. Abigail sat next to her and held open her arms. Emma fell into them. Everyone else was hovering nearby, not awkwardly, but in silent support.
Emma was twenty, and she had survived unspeakable things. Unfortunately, her parents weren’t there.
Emma was twenty, and she was waking up to nightmares every night. Unfortunately, her parents weren’t here to comfort her.
Emma was twenty, and she was coming to terms with herself. Unfortunately, her parents had no interest in accepting her.
Emma was twenty, and she had been kicked out of her house. Given an impossible choice. Left by herself, again. Fortunately, she had people in her corner. Fortunately, she wasn't as alone as she thought.