Outside Looking In
Ava and Bea arrived safely at the airport to find a familiar black van waiting to pick them up. Camila had obviously been able to reach Mother Superion to inform her of this particular change in plans and Bea wondered how much more the older woman knew. By now, the sister warriors would have all left Rome and would be trickling back into Cat’s Cradle over the next few days. Bea thought about Eileen and Rosemary. She had expected them to return with the divinium before anyone else had arrived but considering her and Ava’s sudden and swift departure from Italy it was unlikely that the rookies had gotten back first.
It was a bright and sunny afternoon when the van pulled up to Cat’s Cradle. Mother Superion and Father Vincent were both waiting outside to greet them.
“Well that’s never good,” mumbled Ava. Bea silently agreed. They left the van and walked hand in hand to the two OCS leaders.
“Ava, Beatrice,” Father Vincent greeted them. “I’m glad you’re back safe.”
“As am I,” agreed Mother Superion. “Now could you kindly tell us why you’re back two days early; why we’re hearing rumors of Beatrice literally disappearing from a police interrogation room; and, most importantly, Ava, why exactly a Tarask crash landed onto the middle of the street?” Bea had never seen the normally unflappable woman so agitated.
“So,” Beatrice hesitated, “you heard from Camila then?”
“That was all from the Vatican!”
“To be fair to Beatrice,” said Ava a little unsteadily, “we wouldn’t have needed to break her out of jail if the Vatican didn’t issue the warrants for our arrests.” Father Vincent brought his hand to his mouth to hide his smirk. Mother Superion was not nearly as entertained.
“Explain yourselves,” her voice low and dangerous as she glared at them.
“The FBC was there,” explained Bea. “They tried to hijack our divinium and steal the rest of the Vatican’s. Ava took Camila, Yasmine and some of the girls and led some of the FBC away. Dora and I and the other girls stayed to hold off the rest until the Guard arrived. We got separated from the group and I got arrested the next morning.” She looked over at Ava in wonderment, “yesterday morning.”
“It seems like it happened a while ago doesn’t it?” asked Ava.
“Yes,” agreed Bea, “it’s been a crazy two days. That really doesn’t seem possible does it?”
“Hey,” said Ava, “we got a lot done.”
Mother Superion watched the exchange in amazement. Father Vincent looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. Both Ava and Bea seemed to have forgotten that the two elders were there.
“Ladies!” shouted Mother Superion, causing both girls to jump. “Am I to understand, that in less than seventy-two hours, you stole divinium from a warehouse; fought a bloody battle with the FBC; led the FBC on a car chase around the city; summoned a Tarask; managed to evade the Swiss Guard; got yourself arrested, Beatrice; broke Beatrice out of jail, Ava; stole a car to escape the city, stowed away on a ferry out of Italy and then flew back here?”
“Technically three cars,” Bea said impassively. “Sister Dora stole one after I was arrested to get to the second safe house quickly and Yasmine stole a different car to come back and get me. I stole the third so we could leave Rome.” Both Mother Superion and Father Vincent stared at her with their mouths hanging open. “We were very efficient,” she said simply.
“Also,” input Ava happily, “Bea called me her girlfriend and I was finally able to come up with a pet name for her.” Everyone stared at her; Bea trying not to laugh. “It’s ‘Beebs,’” she finished awkwardly.
Mother Superion puts her hands to her temples and quietly groaned. “They’ve broken me, Vincent,” she said to the priest.
“Mother…” said Bea tentatively, but Mother Superion raised a hand to her and shook her head.
“No. I need a moment.” She walked away muttering under her breath. Beatrice was sure she heard the words “…give me strength…” as she left. Father Vincent looked at the Halo Bearer and Sister Warrior with a mildly amused expression.
“So neither of you are allowed to step foot in Italy ever again,” he said to them. “That was the deal we made with the Vatican and the Vatican in turn made with the Italian government.”
“That hardly seems fair,” argued Beatrice. “Rome I can understand but the rest of Italy as well?”
“Also,” said Ava seemingly angry, “the Vatican owes us don’t they? We saved their divinium supply.”
“That is why they are not going to retaliate for the divinium we stole,” replied Vincent immediately, “and also why they are willing to work alongside us again instead of trying to take us over. The Pope sees the value in what you have accomplished. You did well.”
“Oh,” said Ava, looking slightly confused. “Then why aren’t we allowed back in Italy?”
“That was Rome’s condition,” said Mother Superion as she returned to the group. “Apparently you managed to really piss them off. Beatrice,” she looked at the young sister warrior, “what did you do to get arrested?”
Before Beatrice could say a word Ava excitedly jumped in as if she had been waiting for this question. “Jaywalking!” Both Mother Superion and Father Vincent stared incredulously at the beaming Warrior Nun before turning as a pair to look to Bea for confirmation. She could only shrug and nod.
“Unbelievable,” muttered Mother Superion as she turned and walked away again.
The four of them walked through the training yard as Bea and Ava spoke to the older pair about their suspicions. Ava was sure that Bea was right about a leak. She also agreed with the sister warrior wholeheartedly in her beliefs that no one in the inner circle would be actively passing information to the FBC. But the whole topic troubled her for reasons that she felt were just beyond her grasp. Bea had basically admitted that there was more to it that she wasn’t telling her.
That she’s not telling anyone.
Did that really make it better? If Bea was worried about a leak that started while Ava was gone, why couldn’t she tell her about it? The Warrior Nun could be cavalier with private information but only for a laugh, and she was never truly careless with it. Bea knew that. The only things she had really told Ava were that her information could be dangerous and that lives could depend on it. That didn’t really provide too much in the way of hints. Everything about their lives was dangerous and life-threatening but none of that was really a secret.
She took a deep breath, completely ignoring the ongoing conversation at this point. At least she could be happy that Bea no longer suspected a spy. She smiled to herself at the thought; it seemed almost laughable thinking back on yesterday’s conversation. Where had she gotten that idea?
Her smile faded. It wasn’t Bea’s idea. It was her own—way back when they were talking after their first mission. They had been talking about…
Oh shit! Lilith!
Bea wasn’t hunting for a spy in the OCS; she was trying to protect a spy for the OCS! Ava hadn’t realized she had stopped dead in her tracks while the other three had continued on. They all stopped and turned when they realized she was no longer with them. Bea walked back to her.
“Are you alright, darling?” she asked, a concerned look on her face.
Ava finally felt how wide her eyes had gotten. She cleared her throat as she tried to gather herself. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She put on a fake smile. “I’m just really tired. Listen, I’m going to head to our room and shower. Will you come grab me for dinner?”
“Of course,” replied Bea. She still carried that worried look for the other woman. “I’ll be there shortly once I finish the debriefing, alright?”
“Yeah,” said Ava feeling relieved. “That would be great.”
“Ava? Darling are you alright?” Bea asked as she entered the Warrior Nun’s room. She was worried about her girlfriend. Ava had looked pale when she had left them almost an hour ago. Bea had seen the tension in her posture and the beads of sweat forming just under her hairline. She had looked as if she had seen a ghost.
The room was dark and Bea thought for a second that Ava had fallen asleep. That would have actually been even more out of the ordinary for the young woman and it made the sister warrior slightly nervous. “Ava?” she called again.
“I’m here, Beebs.” The Halo Bearer’s voice came from the bed.
“Lying in the dark?” asked Bea. “What’s going on? She crawled onto the bed and lay next to Ava, pulling her close.
“I’m okay,” said Ava reassuringly. “I took a shower and afterward the darkness seemed appealing, like it’s helping me clear my head and think.”
“Alright,” Bea answered, nodding her head, “I can understand that. Do you want to share what’s going on in there?”
Ava lay silently on the bed, thinking about her answer to Bea’s question as she snuggled in closer to her girlfriend. The moment of realization that Lilith was spying for the OCS and that Beatrice knew had been overwhelming. Surprise, disappointment and anger had all battled for dominance in her psyche, but as she let the hot water soothe her body and mind in the shower, a new emotion had emerged and taken center stage.
Understanding had pushed its way into the forefront. Bea had been put into an impossible position. Lying in the dark with no distractions had helped Ava realize that her lover had probably made the right decision not to tell her. There was no way she could have given Lilith a realistic looking fight if she had known the former sister warrior was actually on their side. Logically it all made sense; but knowing that did not help with the feelings of hurt and betrayal that were slowly oozing out of her ribcage and spreading throughout her being.
For right now, Ava had to decide how much of her discovery she should tell the sister warrior. Would finding out what Ava had guessed about Lilith put Bea at ease? The FBC were still getting information about them somehow. She wanted to tell her everything but a little voice in the back of her mind was saying that perhaps it was better to keep it to herself.
“Just more of the same,” Ava sighed. “All of the cloak and dagger stuff. I’m sorry I can’t seem to get passed it.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” responded Bea. “The first time you are forced to be on the outside is tough on everyone. I remember the first time it was me. Shannon, Mary and I were investigating some cult and Shannon had a source inside. I had to constantly leave the room whenever she was contacted. The worst part was that Mary already knew about the man so it really was just me on the outside. I don’t even really remember the details—just how much it made me second guess everything.”
“So how did you deal with it?”
“There was nothing to deal with,” Bea answered. Ava felt her shrug. “I was a rookie. It was just the way things were. I just had to trust Shannon and Mary.” She hesitated a beat and kissed Ava on the top of her head. “Then the next time was a little easier, and each time after that. At some point, it no longer becomes personal and you can just accept it.”
That made sense to Ava, except for the fact that her relationship with Bea was completely different than Bea’s relationship was with Shannon or Mary.
“I just want you to know,” said Ava quietly, “that I am trying to accept it, Bea.”
“I know that, darling,” answered Bea, “And I will keep reassuring you as much as you need until this is all over and I can tell you everything.” She pulled Ava closer and the two lovers laid together in the dark in silence.
Ava and Bea had gone to bed shortly after dinner that night and stayed there most of the following morning, skipping breakfast. The mission had taken its toll on both of them—physically, mentally and emotionally—so they decided they could take their time to recover—and recover again. When Camila and a small group of nuns arrived shortly after lunch, Ava and Bea were already outside to greet them.
“I wasn’t supposed to come back with this group,” said the young nun in a flurry of activity, “but Dora, Yasmine and I agreed I should head back early to start sweeping Cat’s Cradle. Any word yet on Eileen and Rosemary?”
“Nothing,” replied Ava. She checked on Bea out of the side of her eye—the sister warrior was looking gloomily down at her feet. “I’m sure they’ll turn up soon,” Ava continued.
“Of course they will,” agreed Camila, brightly. “Just because you two were able to make it back so quickly doesn’t mean it’s that easy for the rest of us.” She quickly took both of their hands. “I’ll be in the armory for a while if either of you need me.”
Camila had not wasted any time getting started on her newest mission. She had even skipped her debrief with Mother Superion. It seemed to Ava that the young sister warrior had taken the idea of a leak personally.
“Can I give you a hand, Cam?” the Warrior Nun asked later that afternoon.
“Hi Ava,” said Camila, looking up at her. “No thanks, there’s not much to it. I’m just getting the equipment ready.” She must have seen something in Ava’s face because she kindly added, “But you’re more than welcome to stay. What’s on your mind? Where’s Bea?”
“She’s taking some time to stretch out her ribs and some other aches and pains before she starts training again,” Ava replied. “I think she might be a little annoyed that I don’t have to deal with lingering injuries, she certainly didn’t like any of my jokes about it.”
Camila raised an eyebrow and gave Ava a skeptical look. “Certainly you know by now that you’re not going to have a lot of fans around here if you rub that particular power in our faces?”
Ava shrugged. “I was trying to take her mind off of Eileen and Rosemary and the divinium. She’s worried about them so she’s on edge, which makes me feel bad for being on edge.
“We all are,” responded Camila. “Missing sisters, information getting leaked, having to investigate everything and each other.” She sighed. “It’s never easy.”
“And all of the secrets,” added Ava. She was surprised when Camila looked at her with sympathy but didn’t agree.
“Secrets are part of the job, Ava. Is that what’s bothering you?”
“She knows more, Cam, and she doesn’t trust me,” Ava said quietly, looking down at her feet.
“That’s not it,” consoled Camila. “Whatever it is she knows or suspects has scared her, so she’s doing what she was trained to do. You haven’t really been with us that long and you were never trained properly. She is handling this exactly the way any of us would. Believe me I know that doesn’t make it any easier being on the outside or,” she took a deep breath, “being one of the suspects. But I trust her—enough that I’m willing to do all of this based on really nothing but her word.”
“I trust her too,” said Ava. “It’s just…” She ran her hands through her hair. “It’s so frustrating!”
“I know,” agreed Camila. “You won’t feel better until this is all figured out and you can finally process everything. But I promise this is not any easier on her.”
The next morning another group had returned to Cat’s Cradle. “The rest should be back tomorrow,” said Bea. She was staring off into the distance, looking out at the nearby town. Ava took her hand.
“I’m sure they’re safe.” Bea did not need to ask whom she meant. Her shoulders had been feeling heavier and heavier as the hours passed by and the two rookies did not return. She squeezed Ava’s hand, silently thanking her. The younger woman brought their hands to her mouth and kissed Bea’s before she turned away to go start her training regimen for the day.
She couldn’t help but feel the growing tension between them. It was as if they were being gently pulled apart when she wasn’t looking but whenever she reached out to hold on to Ava, the younger woman was right there next to her again. Then she would look away and the process repeated. She tried to ignore it and readjust to life back at the convent but it was ever-present in the back of her mind. If the Warrior Nun felt it too than she was hiding it well. Bea would have to deal with it eventually, but for right now she could not see anything beyond the return of the two rookies whose lives she feared she had put in danger.