Semantics of Free Will

Ava awoke gradually; a tiny puddle of drool pooled beneath her mouth on Bea’s chest and her face sticking slightly to the woman’s breast as she lifted her head. Bea, it appeared, was just as exhausted as Ava had been judging by her even breathing and that her eyes were still closed.

Damn. When was the last time I woke up before her?

She gently put her head back down. As sleep left her, Ava was quickly reminded of the fact that they were both nude in the bed together. She was suddenly hyper-aware of every bit of skin that was touching her body all at once. Each nerve ending in contact with Bea firing panicked messages to her brain. It nearly exploded.

She could also see, close by her face, the woman’s other uncovered breast; the one she hadn’t drooled all over. She wondered how well it would fit into the palm of her hand; how it would feel to hold it; how Bea would react to being woken up is such a way.

Maybe she would enjoy it?

Her hand twitched.

“Before you even think about touching me,” said Bea, eyes still closed. How the hell did she know? “You’re going to take a shower. You haven’t bathed in four months.”

“Two weeks!” replied Ava, offended.

“Not any better.”

“Fine!” Ava got up out of the bed grumpily. “It’s not like you smell any better Miss-let’s-go-for-a-hike-and-not-wash.”

Bea opened her eyes enough to watch Ava’s almost naked body stomp off into the bathroom and chuckled quietly to herself.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t want to tell them,” Ava explained, sitting on the bed with her knees to her chest. It had been about an hour since they both showered. Bea watched her impassively as she finished buttoning her shirt. “It’s just that every time she knows I’m outside of headquarters, Mother Superion inevitably orders me back to headquarters.”

“They’re family,” said Bea, sympathetically. “They deserve to know. Also, don’t you want to see them?”

“Of course I do, and stop using the doe eyes. It’s cheating.” The sister warrior smirked at her as the Halo Bearer got up off the bed. “I just want to be with you for a while before we have to go back.”

“I’ll buy us some time,” said Bea. She walked over to Ava and put her arms over her shoulders. “I think I can get us at least a week.” She leaned down and pressed her lips to the Warrior Nun’s.

“Not long enough,” Ava pouted after breaking the kiss. She started undoing the other woman’s buttons. Bea smiled with a sigh and rolled her eyes.

“Camila?”

“Beatrice! You’re check-in isn’t for another week. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, Camila, everything is fine. I just wanted to report that I found something. Um, a clue—about Ava.”

“Really?” the young sister warrior’s voice grew excited over the speaker. Ava had to bite down on her hand to keep from laughing. “Wait one moment; I’ll go get Mother Superion.”

“Why did I let you put me up to this?” Bea asked, covering the phone with her hand. “She’s already mad enough at me; now she’ll never forgive me.”

“Are you kidding me? She’ll love it. The two of us pranking Camila is a surefire way to get her to smile.”

“Just make sure they both know it was all your idea,” Bea replied, sternly.

“Beatrice?”

“Yes, Camila, I’m here.”

“I have Mother Superion, Father Vincent and Yasmine all here with me. What did you find?”

Bea’s face went white as Ava doubled over with silent laughter. Bea’s glare could have set her on fire.

“Um, well—um, it’s not so much that I found it. It’s more that it kind of, just, fell out of the blue.”

“Beatrice,” came Mother Superion’s stern voice over the phone. “What is going on?”

Bea handed the phone to Ava, shaking her head. “Hi Mom!” said Ava, smiling wide.

“Ava! She’s back! AVA! How?” Four voices talked over each other on the other side of the phone. Ava smiled, pleased with the shocked reactions but also overwhelmed with the joy that she could hear coming through the speaker. It took a moment before Mother Superion could regain control over the others. “How did you make it back? What is your condition?” That was Mother, Ava thought fondly, reverting back to mission commander whenever she was overwhelmed.

“I’m fine. Bea wasn’t lying when she said I fell out of the blue. Reya was able to send me back using the Halo. She opened a portal about a hundred meters in the air.”

“Less than thirty at best” interjected Bea from behind her, “still quite the fall. For the record, it was Ava’s idea to tell you this way.”

“Very well,” replied Mother Superion evenly. “We’ll need a full report about the other side. When can we expect you to come in?”

Ava looked at Bea nervously, mouthing “I told you so.” Bea took the phone from her. “We’ll need some time, Mother. The Halo healed Ava but not completely. I suspect it was overwhelmed from her transport. Also she needs some time to readjust. I think we’ll be able to leave here for Cat’s Cradle in a week.”

“Beatrice, you know how important it is to debrief as soon as possible,” replied Mother Superion.

“I’ve already begun writing my report relating Ava’s time on the other side,” Bea lied smoothly. Ava was impressed. She didn’t realize Bea had it in her to lie directly to Mother Superion. “I’ll make sure to produce a thorough debrief.”

The silence from the other side of the phone was deafening. Ava held her breath, worried that Bea’s bluff was about to be called.

“Very well,” said Mother Superion. The Halo Bearer squealed in her hands as she jumped up and down in excitement. “I trust your judgment, Beatrice. Is there anything you will need?”

Bea glared at Ava, clearly annoyed that the impulsive woman might get them caught. “Just clothes for Ava, she came back in the same attire she had for the assault on Adriel’s cathedral. They’re completely shredded.”

“Very well, take her shopping. And Ava?”

“Yeah?” Ava responded trying to sound subdued in her enjoyment.

“I’m happy that you made it home, child. I’ll put Camila on the line now before she bursts.”

“How are we, well, how are you, paying for all of this?” Ava asked as she held up yet another sweater to Bea’s shoulders. “Didn’t you tell me you cut your hours at the bar to make time for training?”

“Well, as I’ve already told you we’re not paying for me,” Bea replied with a frustrated eye roll, pushing the sweater away. They had been shopping for two hours and Ava was still trying to find more new outfits for the sister warrior than for herself. “We’re here because you’re the one who doesn’t have any clothes, remember?”

“I don’t see why that should bother you,” said Ava absently, now looking at pants. “Unless you’re going to try to tell me you didn’t enjoy our sleeping arrangement last night.” Bea felt her face going red as she tried not to think about topless Ava pressing against her.

“That’s not what—I mean—I’m not a doll!” Ava was now holding up a skirt to Bea’s waist.

The shorter woman huffed as Bea again pushed her hands away. She looked up into her eyes. “I know you’re not a doll, Barbie would be taller.” She planted a kiss on Bea’s nose and turned away.

“Who’s Barbie?”

Ava looked at her in disbelief. “Hottest doll on the planet? Literally impossible proportions? Gave little girls everywhere self-esteem issues? Seriously, did you even have a childhood?” Ava shook her head. “Still haven’t answered my question.”

Bea sighed, “We’re not paying for it. Mother Superion is.”

Ava raised her eyes and gave her an amused look. “Oh! Don’t think you’re getting away without explaining that one, sister.”

“When I called and asked for help,” Ava put her hand on Bea’s chin and gently lifted her face as she had started to look down at the floor. The Halo Bearer nodded. “Mother told Camila to wire some money to allow me more time for training. Camila thought it easier to just send me a credit card.”

“Wait,” Ava’s face lit up with excitement, “so you’re telling me we can just spend—however much we want?”

“Ava,” Bea smiled at her with an exasperated look. “No, we can’t just spend on however much we want. Mother Superion gets detailed receipts.”

“How detailed? Like, she’ll know what we buy, or just from where?”

Bea wasn’t sure she liked where this was going and drew a concerned look on her face. “I believe Camila said she’ll see the breakdown. So she’ll know what we’re buying and from where.”

As it turns out, that was the wrong answer. Ava immediately got a mischievous—possibly evil—grin on her face. “Oh this is going be so much fun—where’s the lingerie?” And she ran off deeper into the store.

“What?” Bea’s face went scarlet as she chased after the younger woman. “Ava! No!”

Finally dressed in her own clothes, stealing Bea’s was fun but she couldn’t do that forever, Ava stepped out of the apartment into the crisp winter feeling clean and refreshed. She could smell the snow on the air, filling her lungs with the scent. “You have no idea how good this feels,” she said to the beautiful woman standing next to her.

“Ava, you were just outside a few minutes ago,” Bea replied lightly, a smile warming her face.

“Yeah but now I’m just,” she gestured to her outfit and did a quick spin, letting Bea take her all in, “me again!” She saw Bea watching her, looking dumbstruck. Normally, she’d take this opportunity to poke her a little, to embarrass her. She loved how Bea blushed when she was embarrassed; loved watching the heat spread from below her neck up into her face. Of course, last night, she had a great view of where it originates…

Great, now I’m blushing.

For right now, she simply enjoyed the loving look she received from the other woman. She walked over to the sister warrior and put her arms around her shoulders. A million words sprang to her mind but none of them could do justice to the feelings she wanted to convey so she simply satisfied herself with a sigh and gazed into the amber eyes of the amazing woman before her.

“I think I’ve been staring,” said Bea, eyes still on Ava’s smiling face. The overwhelming sensations she had felt while taking in Ava’s body lessened a little as they got closer.

“Yeah,” said Ava, holding onto a huge grin.

“Now I think you’re staring,” Bea said, still not looking away.

“Yeah,” laughed Ava.

“I love you, Ava,” Bea said, simply. It didn’t seem enough, but Ava’s beaming smile knocked that thought out of her mind.

“I know,” the younger woman smiled, “and tonight,” she dropped her voice to a whisper and brought her mouth to Bea’s ear, “I’m looking forward to showing you just how much that means to me.” She gave Bea a wink and turned away, practically skipping down the street. “Come on, let’s go!”

Bea swallowed thickly. She took a deep breath and resigned herself to her fate as she watched it bounce down the street, her hands trembling slightly as she moved them to her pockets.

Ava and Bea arrived at the bar shortly after dinner. The tables were mostly filled with people that Bea recognized, many of them she could almost call friends. The music had already been turned up and the tumult was beginning to grow.

“Hans!” Ava cried to their friend behind the bar. He looked up and spotted her immediately.

“Ava!” He shouted her name as he practically ran around the bar to see her. The entire crowd looked over upon hearing the name of their favorite bartender, even those people who hadn’t heard of her could tell someone special had entered. Bea watched happily as Hans and Ava embraced and he shouted “Welcome back!” over the din. He eyed Bea over Ava’s shoulder and raised his eyebrows. She gave a smile and brief nod in response and he broke out into a grin.

The crowd of regulars who knew Ava had all made their way over to her by this point and shuffled her towards the bar, shouting greetings and welcomes. She looked back at Bea with a shocked smile on her face. Bea could only smile and wave. “I’ll catch up to you,” she yelled and she started working her way around the side of the room.

The room spins, bodies everywhere, walls closing in. Bea is nervous. She loves Ava, she loves being with Ava, she loves listening to Ava, looking at Ava, tasting Ava. Ava implied, basically stated outright, that she wanted to do more, so much more with her. Bea wants that too, more than she is willing to admit, even to herself. She takes a shot to steady her nerves.

Ava waits until Beatrice joins her at the bar to order the first round. “Hans! Lemon Drops bitte!”

“Kommen!” He eyes Beatrice as he works. She nods to him over Ava’s head.

While Ava and Bea were inseparable since Ava had ‘landed’—I hope I remember that one tomorrow—they drift apart and back together many times over the course of the night as so many people want a chance to see and talk to Ava again. One thing Beatrice never realized before, downing her drink as she watches the young woman mingle, was that Ava really knows how to work a room. Bea enjoys watching her go from her own spot on the sidelines. How can anyone not love her? Quick to laugh, constantly smiling and completely genuine, Ava moves from person to person with ease. She brings with her a thirst and desire for life that few people ever even witness let alone experience firsthand. Bea is even a little jealous, not of the way certain people are looking at the young woman, but of the way everyone seems to see Ava. If Bea is able to blend into the background like a shadow in the dark, then Ava stands out like a spot light.

Laughter rings out around them at some joke or other. Beatrice laughs while cradling her drink in her hands. She sees Ava smiling. The room is a blur. Why isn’t Ava smiling?

Oh my God! I’m making out with Ava! Right in the middle of the bar! Oh my God! Oh my God!

“Wait, I have to tell you something.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“But I have to tell you…”

She sits at a table with friends she knows. Toasts are made, drinks are downed. Shots around!

“Bea, are you ok?” Why does Ava look concerned? Wasn’t she just laughing?

They are dancing together. She holds Ava close. Ava is smiling up at her, face positively glowing with delight. Bea wants nothing more than to lean in; to cup her face in her hands and claim ownership of her mouth.

She stumbles outside into the fresh air. Finally, she can breathe again. She walks away.

The beat pounds through the room, through her chest, through her skull. The pressure builds on her body. She takes a shot.

Crack! Oh, she should pick that up. “Bea, what are you doing?” She should pick that up. “Bea, you’re going to cut yourself.” But she should really pick that up. Hands grab her shoulders. “Beatrice! Let Hans take care of it.”

“Hans!” yells Ava. “Have you seen Bea? I haven’t been able to find her.”

“I haven’t seen her,” he replies. Ava is starting to get worried now. She begins looking around frantically.

“Hey.” There’s a tap on her shoulder. She turns around to see Beatrice behind her, looking unsteady on her feet. “Where have you been?” Ava almost yells at her. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Beatrice gives her a confused look. She opens her mouth and shuts it again. She looks like she’s struggling to think. “I just followed you up from that table over there.” She turns and points to a two-person table in the corner that is very much fully occupied. Ava is mystified. “No you didn’t,” she replies. Beatrice looks indignant now. “Yes I did. We were just sitting there, then you got up and I followed you here.” Ava raises her eyebrows. “Bea, that was twenty minutes ago.”

They were walking home together. Beatrice had her arm around Ava’s neck while Ava’s other arm was around her waist. They didn’t say much. For some reason, she couldn’t think why at the moment, this seemed very familiar.

“Oh look,” said Beatrice, “a bin.”

“That’s great, Beatrice,” replied Ava. “Hey what are you…” Beatrice pushed her out of the way as she leaned over the bin and vomited. Ava let out a sigh and walked over to hold her hair back.