The One Minute Rule

Outside the wide-open window, the wind shakes the branches of the trees, and the draft rushes past the thresholds of their wooden doors, whistling eerily. It's already dark and chilly, but James says the cold boosts his thinking skills.

"That's funny. So you're telling me that you do have the ability to think?" Remus smirks and Sirius laughs. Potter ignores the taunt.

"How about we make it a punishment to rewrite notes for us? For, say, a month?" Peter suggests, but Remus looks at him pityingly.

"I already do it for you most of the time anyway." He rubs his temples as if to speed up his brain. "Generally, this idea doesn't make much sense to me. Let's bet on something else if you really want to."

James jumps on the bed and bounces slightly off the pillows before laying his head down on them in delight. "But Valentine's Day is coming soon. We need... motivation."

"Prongs, you're the only one of us who's so desperate. You didn't need to come up with this whole idea, we all know you're just looking for an excuse to hit on Lily," Remus says, raising his eyebrows, "and Sirius lacks a lot, but not motivation."

"Hey! You take it back!"

"No, I don't think I will." The pillow hits his head, and then only a soft moan of pain is heard as Sirius jumps on top of him and starts wrapping him in the sheet. "Oh yes, please strangle me."

"What!? Don't say that, Moony." He stops. It always works. "I wouldn't hurt you."

"Yes, I know." His tone softens, because he knows how sensitive Sirius gets.

James snaps his fingers ostentatiously to get their attention.

"Can you stop flirting? We are working on some very important rules for our deal right now."

"We weren't—" Sirius begins, but no one wants to argue with him about it. Not today. Not ever.

"Sure. Whatever, Pads. Okay, I got something better," Peter cuts him off. "If not notes, then we're betting on a favor."

The boys look at him blankly. Remus, tangled in the quilt and sheet, with two pillows over his head and one under his feet, tries to push himself up on his elbows, but Sirius holds his arms. James turns his head to the left like a confused puppy.

"Huh?"

"It's just that whoever loses owes a favor to the winners. To be used anytime and can't be refused," he explains, and a thoughtful smirk appears on Potter's face.

"Yes, very well. That's a good idea," he praises. Sirius nods.

Remus looks skeptical. "It turns out Wormtail will want my notes anyway."

"You love being useful to me," Peter teases.

"So the, er, quest... ends at midnight on Valentine's Day, right? And what if we all find someone?" Sirius asks, but James is pointing his index finger out as if he's about to say something smart (he isn't).

"Oh, take it easy, we're not really worried about you winning, Pads. But if we all actually make it, then the last one is the loser. And if no one makes it... then I guess everyone owes everyone a favor," he explains hesitantly, "these rules still need to be fine-tuned. But that's for another time."

Peter winces. "But since the point of our bet is just to find a lover, it's not a challenge for the three of you. For example, if James wins the game this week, he'll have a bunch of fans begging for at least one of his smiles. Too easy, yeah?"

"No, no. You said it. Lover." Sirius pushes himself out of bed, scratching his chin. "It's not about bringing just anyone, but someone who will actually be our valentine. We're supposed to make everyone believe in the love that brought us together. Isn't that right, Prongs ?"

James nods his head with a big smile. "Yes!"

"You want me to fall in love with someone in a month?" Peter makes a dubious face and Remus snorts, "you might as well declare me a loser already."

"You can also try pretending. You don't have to be in love, just be believable, dude. Trick us, I don't know. You got options, really," James suggests.

"So you want me to use someone for a bet? Fake my feelings for them?"

"Well... if that's how you put it..."

Sirius looks a bit disgusted, but speaks up. "Uh. No one needs to know it was a bet... You can always say that you two should break up because you just aren't right for each other."

"Oh, now that is cruel," Remus interjects, "what a little jerk you are, Pads."

"You talk as if you didn't fool two sixth-graders at the last party. Bloody Casanova," Sirius sneers and turns away. "I heard them bet on how many inches your dick might be."

"Is that so? You'd like to know too, wouldn't you?" Remus teases, and Sirius tries not to look at his mischievous expression. 

James swallows, looking around. "Anyway. Everything is clear now, yes?"

Peter throws his head back, sighing heavily. "No, not quite. I guess you'll have to somehow make me put effort into it. Let's find a better prize for whoever succeeds first."

James scratches his nose. "Isn't it enough for you to have someone fall in love with you?"

"No. I am not really passionate about unrequited feelings. It's your thing."

"Okay then. So notes. If you win, we'll all copy notes for you. If Remus wins, he gets a supply of chocolate. If Pads wins, we will throw a huge party in his honor. Deal?"

Sirius cheerfully throws his hands up and grins. "Deal! Oh, your brain, Prongs... it turns me on."

"That's why he wasn't born smart," Remus comments sarcastically, but then smiles playfully at James. 

"Huh?" 

"What, Sirius? Would you like to go around horny all the time?"

"But I already do."

"Never mind."

Remus rolls his eyes and makes himself comfortable. He's starting to get tired. He hears James yawn. He pulls the duvet up to his ears, sincerely wishing Sirius to lose the bet. There are so many things he would want from him, but that means he has to win, doesn't it? To be rewarded with a favor. And chocolate. He smiles slightly at the thought of sweets, then winces again, disturbed by how excited Sirius seemed to be about the whole idea. Oh my, he is invested. Too bad. 

But Remus should want the best for his friends, right? So in the morning, he washes his face with water and tries to forget that he would make a better Valentine for Sirius than anyone he's going to recruit.

One fact about Sirius Black is that he loves to win. Recently, he learned to knit only because no one believed that he would take first place in a Christmas decorations competition. 

Although, he was not even enrolled in honorable mentions. The contest was won by some dim-witted girl who enchanted candy canes to spin and bounce on the tree. Sirius believes that it only happened because doom hangs over him. No one had the heart to tell him that people were reluctant to decorate the house with knitted slippers. 

But he can knit, that is a fact. And he has found that it relaxes him somewhat. He's slowly getting better at it, even secretly working on an orange and brown jumper for Remus with yellow stars on it.

This time, Sirius also intends to try hard, he can't help but dedicate his whole self to each new challenge presented to him. Yes, he also tends to give up quickly, but when truly motivated, he works intensively. Starts from the morning.

He strides confidently to the girls sitting in the courtyard. Marlene rolls her eyes at him.

"You again?" she asks, and Sirius smiles goofy. "James was bothering Lily an hour ago, and now you're here for the third time. What's the matter, Black?"

"Can't I just miss my dear friend?"

Mary giggles and covers her mouth with her hand.

Marlene raises her eyebrows, looking skeptical. A loud sigh. She grabs Sirius' sleeve and pulls him aside.

"What are you trying to do?" her tone is gruff and inquisitive.

He scratches the back of his head, slightly embarrassed. "I want you. To be my girlfriend. I'm the best match."

"I'm a lesbian. Everyone knows that, moron." She stares at him, disbelieving that he had the nerve to ask that question.

"Yes, but—" Marlene puts her hand in front of his face and looks away.

"No, no. I don't want to hear anything like that. And James is to leave Lily," she insists.

"He can't."

"Ah, yes, because she is the love of his life. Too bad he's not hers. Let me talk to him, what do you think? I'll sort him out. Where is he now?"

Sirius starts to back away, but Marlene tightens her grip on his white shirt sleeve. He doesn't want to give up his friend, but on the other hand, what if someone finally talks some sense into him? With some guilt, he reveals that James is on the Quidditch pitch.

But Marlene finds him in the broom cupboard, where he fascinatedly strokes varnish on the wood. He makes a surprised, slightly scared face as the girl touches his shoulder, sneaking up behind him.

"Merlin! You scared me!"

"It's Marlene, not Merlin. And I didn't come here to scare you."

"Okay…? Then what did you come here for?"

"To ask you why you are so frivolous." She crosses her arms and gives James a reproachful look. "You and whatever's going on with Sirius right now, you're giving us a headache. Can't you just give up, huh?"

James gently puts the broom back on the stand. "Actually I can't! Not now!" He raises his hands, flustered, and sighs, "listen, I'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone, okay?"

Marlene smiles slyly. She loves secrets. "Okay. Go on."

"We made a deal to find someone for Valentine's Day. I thought it would give me a little... more courage to try for Lily, you know? Because I finally have a reason to care so badly and it makes it... less weird, I guess. You could say I just wanted an excuse."

"An excuse to be persistent, I see. Are you really betting on my friend's love?" She snorts.

"No, of course not! It's not about her specifically... Anyone will do, really. But I want Lily."

"Such a stupid idea."

"Maybe. But it already worked. I can't remember the last time I talked to her as much as in the last three hours."

Marlene leans her back against the door and throws her head back, looking pityingly at James.

"Silly Potter. I'm afraid it's just a deceptive impression."

"But it's important that I try, right?"

"You are just annoying."

"And that's only one of my virtues!" He grins cheerfully and pushes his hair back from his forehead. The smile slowly fades from his face. "I wish Lily knew what she was missing when she refused me again and again," he adds quietly.

"Then show her."

"How?"

"I don't know. Find someone else. Not just for the bet, but to show her that you're not the obsessive and arrogant asshole she thinks you are and that you can love wholeheartedly without being... batshit crazy. Get someone spectacular who will agree to do this shit with you. And they have to be better than her," Marlene says reluctantly, but feels sorry for James. It hurts to see someone close to you who keeps trying and failing. "Find someone who will dazzle her."

"But why are you telling me this?" He looks at her a bit suspiciously.

"You are a good guy, Potter. You're wasting your time on someone who will never want you. Not in a romantic manner at least. You know that, right? We are friends. I want you to finally accept the truth. It may not be the gentlest way, but it is a way." 

James is silent. He just stares at her, blinking slowly. Yeah, they are friends. Warmth spreads through his chest, it's nice. Marlene is quite nice. This one time, not for Lily, but for him. And maybe that's what he needed. He has long demanded reassurance that he is more than ignored declarations of love.

"Perhaps you can suggest someone in particular?" he asks as the girl waves her hand in front of his face.

"Oh, yeah, I guess. Try with Regulus Black. The last time we had combined classes, when you overslept, Lily complained that Regulus was better than her at pretty much everything, and he's a year younger and probably doesn't even study as much as she does. In fact, they even argued a bit about how to repot Mandragora, and when it turned out that Lily was wrong, she didn't speak to anyone until the break. Regulus is a little bitch, I must admit. If I were her, I'd be pissed, too. But in this case, his spitefulness works in your favor, because at least he has reasons to agree to such a deal."

"Reasons? What reasons?"

Marlene snorts cheerfully and somewhat frivolously. "Oh, man, you should already know that he is a mean one. He'll do anything to piss off Sirius, so he'll be happy to pretend he fucks his best friend. He thinks Lily is a nerd with a disproportionate ego, but he knows you're very interested in her, and he'll think you've given him an opportunity to humiliate her a bit, you know? Not only did he take all the praise from her teachers, but also... a would-be boyfriend. That would just prove Lily was right when she complained that Regulus was better than her. Plus, he's quite pretty." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "And seems to dislike you, and you don't like it when someone dislikes you, so you'd be very keen to try to change that, wouldn't you?"

"How do you know he doesn't like me?"

"He looked you straight in the face and called you a pathetic clown with a congenital disease."

"Come on, that was a long time ago..." James smiles innocently. "Like... last week. Besides, I don't want to piss off Sirius. Quite the opposite."

Marlene shrugs, unconcerned. "Then find someone else who will impress Lily. I wish you good luck, you will need it." She is about to leave, but turns back for a moment, as if something suddenly struck her. "I understand that you are all taking part in this challenge, right? How are the others doing?"

James thinks for a moment. He's not sure, he's been so preoccupied with Lily since this morning that he hasn't even had a chance to talk to his friends for more than a few minutes. "Well, I guess Remus doesn't care at all, Peter probably forgot, and Sirius is doing his usual. I mean trying his best."

Marlene snorts. "All it takes is Remus and Sirius to finally get their shit together and understand their feelings for each other, and then they'll win right away."

"I know. I would help them, but I can't lose." he says and smiles chastely.

"What a selfish attitude, James Potter. You keep surprising me more and more."

Marlene McKinnon is truly clever and charming, but above all, she is very rarely wrong. She was right this time too, unfortunately. Regulus, as a matter of fact, is a little prick.

They're standing in the middle of the Viaduct Courtyard, James has followed him without a jumper on, and now he's shivering mercilessly every time the wind picks up a bit. He turns his face to keep his hair out of his eyes as Regulus mocks him mercilessly, regardless of the fact that he draws the other students' attention to them. 

"You want me? To help... you?" he raises an eyebrow. "Thank you for sharing, now I'm going to jump in and try to make things as difficult as possible for you." He's no longer amused, but more annoyed, and points his index finger at James. "I don't give a fuck about your love problems, Potter. And most of all, I don't care what Evans thinks of me."

"Yeah, but you care what Sirius thinks." 

"What?"

"I'm his best friend. If you want to be the mean brother, this is the perfect opportunity." 

Regulus licks his chapped lips as he considers it. Bloody hell. He's got a point.

"And that's all I'll get in return?" he frowns. "The opportunity?"

James hesitated. "Well, no. As your boyfriend, I'll be good to you, I'll spoil you," he promises, "you'll be able to annoy Sirius while doing the right thing by helping those in need, which is me. And of course, I guarantee you, er... popularity. I'm quite popular, as you may have noticed."

"And quite modest at that," he teases.

"Come on. You probably have your own reasons too. What do you want? Name it." James impatiently grabs him by the shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. It's so cold outside, and Regulus' body is pleasantly warm. "I'll give it to you."

"My reasons?" he licks his lips and tilts his head slightly as he considers. When he looks up, he meets James' pleading gaze. "Alright. It's fair to say someone's been bothering me lately and might back off if they think I'm in a relationship. Lucinda Talkalot. Ever heard of her?" 

James nods. "Of course. She's my age, she's a brilliant Keeper."

"Not good enough. And I want her to stay away from me. Besides, you're right that it could pay off for both of us. I have one more reason," he adds thoughtfully, and looks at his friends chatting by the concrete pillar.

"What reason?"

He winces. "Don't be too inquisitive, Potter." 

They are silent for a moment, James concludes that Regulus just likes to arouse someone's curiosity and never satisfy it. He looks at the dark, rain clouds rushing across the sky. He reaches out to feel the drops on his skin. 

"I agree," Regulus says, but James keeps staring at his wet, wind-roughened hand. "But I have some conditions. Find me somewhere at the next break, and then we'll talk."

He leaves without waiting a second longer, ducking his head trying to protect himself from the January weather. A good fake-boyfriend would have given him his jumper right now, but James hadn't brought one with him.

"Wait— what? Just like that?" he shouts after him as he came to his senses. He was already set on being obnoxious and insistent in his requests, but Regulus simply agreed. James had twelve different ideas to persuade him, and apparently needed none. 

An hour and a half later, Regulus Black found himself dragged into a cupboard. He was just walking leisurely down the corridor, trying to catch up with Evan, and now he stares dazedly at James, who mutters "Colloportus," and points his wand at the door. Then they hear a soft click, suggesting they've just been locked in here.

Regulus blinks slowly. Only now, pulled into some dark, dusty room, did he realize that he was making a huge mistake. Unfortunately, there was no way to undo his decision.

"Are you nuts, Potter?" he asks indignantly. 

James doesn't understand. "Eh? You told me to find you at the next recess, so I did."

"Find, not kidnap and lock up!" 

"Are you claustrophobic? Oh my, did I scare you? Sorry." James slowly walks over to him and holds out his hand in concern, but Regulus ducks.

"I just don't like these kinds of places." He coughs ostentatiously. "Dusty."

James scratches his head. "Then we can go—"

"No. It's fine," Regulus cuts him off and sweeps his hand across a wooden chair before sitting down on it. "Let's get straight to the point."

"Alright. Yes. Of course. Your conditions."

"We pretend to be a couple until Valentine's Day and break up right away the next day, all right? No prolonging. We both want it to be believable, so do your best, Potter. No one can have any doubts, especially Sirius and Talkalot." James nods and looks around. For a moment, he focuses his attention more on the empty cardboard boxes crammed into the counter and the red fabric draped untidily over the curtain rod, but Regulus winces, so James obediently fixes his gaze on him and listens more closely. "My friends have to believe it too. At least at first. But it will be hard to convince them."

"Yeah, because you openly hated me for a good couple of years. Truly that might be a challenge," James interjects, but then puts his hands up defensively. "Not that I don't like a challenge, of course!"

"Fantastic, I am pleased with your motivated approach," Regulus sneers.

"How will we announce that we are together? It can't be too sudden..."

"First we have to pretend that we tried to hide it. Most people won't believe it anyways, being very aware of your obsession with Lily, but it's all about appearances. In fact, anything can be used as an excuse, because you would do a lot to keep it a secret, yes?" Regulus has a serious expression on his face, but his tone is slightly mocking, and he jiggles his leg unconsciously. He seems... rather excited. James tries not to smile, but the thought of Regulus being interested in something is especially pleasing. 

He bites his lip, hiding a smirk, but his cheerful eyes have already given him away. Though Regulus doesn't look at him as he takes off his tie.

"Wait, what are you—?"

"Tomorrow morning you'll come in late for breakfast with a Slytherin tie around your neck. And I won't be wearing one. Sirius will ask you about it and you'll pretend to be embarrassed, blush like a very innocent boy that you are, you'll glance my way and mumble your words, yeah? And my brother and my friends will notice. And Talkalot will notice it too. And Lily. Actually, everyone will notice it, because Sirius can be so damn loud." Regulus steps dangerously close and shoves his tie into James' trouser pocket. James just swallows nervously. "Yeah, exactly. This is what you're supposed to look like tomorrow. All red."

"Oh, well. Do you have any more instructions for me?" James tries to sound sarcastic, but with an expression like this, he rather comes across as docile. 

Regulus snorts and takes a step back. "Actually, I do. You have to win tomorrow's game."

James looks baffled. "Of course I will win, but, er... what does that have to do with us?"

"My, my. So inquisitive," he sighs, as if disappointed, "be patient, Potter. You will find out."

"Okay. You can already consider my spectacular win as dedicated to you."

"As it should be," Regulus says, walking to the door and pulling his wand out of his pocket. "Oh, I almost forgot. One more thing. Come to The Old Theater tonight. Make sure you drop something on the floor while leave the room, as if by accident."

"Noted."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Will you be waiting for me?"

"No. I'll make you sit there for no reason."

"Sounds like you, to be honest," James snorts, and Regulus rolls his eyes. 

James Potter is not clumsy, quite the opposite. He can move silently and gracefully. Everyone knows it, but when James breaks a glass trying to sneak out of their room, Remus just looks up, unsurprised, as if breaking glass is a nightly tradition he's used to and mutters something unintelligible, closing his eyes again. Sirius doesn't even stop snoring, and Peter just rolls over in his sleep.

Fucking hell, James thinks. He wasn't even going to break that glass, he wanted to drop his textbook on the floor instead. And he wasn't going to make any more of a mess, but while searching for his cloak, he tripped over shoes that someone had left in the middle of the room and bumped into a chest of drawers. Merlin, he wasn't going to. 

He briefly considers shaking Sirius' shoulders or whispering in his ear something like, "I'm leaving in the middle of the night and I won't tell you why, so in the morning when you remember, you'll get suspicious." But he only stomps, annoyed (just like kids in the store when mom doesn't want to buy them their favorite candy bar), and then stomps again, much louder, but it doesn't work anyway, everyone is still stubbornly asleep, so he leaves, hoping the glass on the floor will be enough for them as a clue.

The Old Theater is located on the fourth floor. James goes downstairs, covered from head to toe in a Cloak of Invisibility, and, Merlin, he is genuinely excited. The irritation had left him a few minutes ago, replaced by that strange, sparky feeling.

James wouldn't have known how to get there if it wasn't for the fact that sometimes after practice, when he still has an hour to go, he wanders around and checks all the different nooks and crannies of the castle. He's finally getting something out of it. Besides, he also has a map, but Regulus has no way of knowing that. So he just expected James to somehow get to the appointed place, no matter how. Oh, well, Regulus Black truly enjoys challenging people.

The Old Theater has one main entrance. The huge, wooden and terribly creaking door, which was usually closed, now remained ajar, as if inviting inside. You can also get inside by going under the spiral stairs to the former dressing room for actors, but Regulus might not expect it at all. James thinks he wouldn't want someone to suddenly rise up behind him in the middle of the night in an abandoned hall, too, so he shrugs off his coat, then puts it in his bag.

He takes silent steps, looking around. Some candles are lit, finely illuminating the blood-red cashmere seats and oak paneled stage. Brass chandeliers hang from the ceiling, and gold curtains cover the gallery. James glides on a black, fluffy carpet leading directly to the stage, where Regulus lies with his feet on the prompter's booth.

"Potter," he says and it feels almost like a friendly greeting.

"Regulus." 

"You came." He doesn't sound surprised, but his eyes widen so much that it's clear that he wasn't expecting James to show up.

"Well, you left the door open, it's your fault I'm here. I felt welcome." He gestures, and Regulus turns his head and smiles at the curtain to his right.

To his left, James is just putting his head down on the same boards and propping his feet up against the same prompter's booth.

"Did you wake them up? Do they know you left?"

"I suspect so. I made some noise. And I left some...er, traces," he admits reluctantly, and Regulus looks at him questioningly. "I broke a glass and then tripped over someone's shoes and knocked half the clothes out of the wardrobe."

"You took this task way too seriously."

"Yeah, the worst part is I didn't plan any of these things."

"I could have expected that, honestly."

James rolls over, looking at the profile of Regulus' face. He puts his hands under his head and traces the bridge of his nose. 

"The rules. Anything you want to add? Something you don't want me to do?"

James doesn't even have to think, his answer is simple and immediate, "no." Now his gaze follows Regulus's jaw, who doesn't even bother to turn his face away from the ceiling. "You can do what you want. Kissing, hugging, holding hands and any kind of touching is fine. I'd rather you not stab me, but situations happen, so you have my partial consent."

Regulus snorts and throws an amused glance at James. "You're saying I can do whatever I want with you? You're writing yourself off, you know that?"

He nods. "Yeah, pretty much. How about you?"

"You can play with my hair and fingers, or hug me in exceptional situations, but not for too long. And most importantly, never kiss me unless I initiate it."

"Good."

"But why are you giving it to me if it's so important to you?"

"Because Sirius knows it is. The fact that you have it already means something. Got any more stupid questions?"

"Only Marlene."

"I see," he says, slowly standing up. "I'm leaving."

"No, wait, don't go," James stops him and pulls off his sweater. "I've got your tie and you've got my jumper. Now we're even."

"And you want me to wear it?" Regulus raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "You are a funny guy, Potter."

"Well—if you say no, then—" James slowly withdraws his outstretched hand, but Regulus quickly snatches his sweater away.

"I didn't say I wouldn't."

And James looks genuinely pleased.

"Okay!" Merlin, he's so disgustingly cheerful. Regulus rolls his eyes. "One more thing, Regs. You know that as my boyfriend, you should go to parties with me?"

"I hate parties."

"There's one tomorrow, I'll be waiting for you," he says, but Regulus is already at the door and doesn't look back, doesn't answer, but he for sure heard James.

Barty leans back, putting his arm around Regulus, who is lazily stirring the butter with his knife. Evan sits in front of them, jostling with Dorcas for a seat. Pandora waves and immediately comes over to them, smiling softly as always.

"So, tell me, Reggie, where were you last night?" Barty asks, uncomfortably close, but the concept of personal space has always been unfamiliar to him. His nose practically rubs Regulus' cheek, who sneers, putting down the cutlery.

"Why? Did you miss me?"

"He couldn't sleep without his favorite cuddly toy," Evan says, and Dorcas laughs as she pushes his tray away to put hers down.

"I guess he was playing the Sorting Hat, because Potter obviously changed houses," Pandora interjects, and everyone looks towards James as he rushes into the Great Hall.

Wearing a Slytherin tie.

Then they look at Regulus, who doesn't have one on.

And James also glances upon him, immediately followed by Peter and Remus. Sirius seems unsure if he has the courage to turn his head. He does it slowly and is met with Regulus' smirk.