Caught On Fire
“Steve!” Tony screamed as he rose from his bed, eyes wide open. He breathed fast, his eyes trying to adjust to the dark. His heart was beating very fast and for a moment, he thought he was still in the nightmare. He tried to catch his breath, failing. The door was opened and someone rushed towards Tony. He knew him by the smell.
“S-steve?” Tony managed to say.
“It’s okay.” Steve said, wrapping his arms around him. “It’s okay.” He repeated, tightening his grip.
Tony was shaking badly, he hated this, not Steve’s arms, obviously, but since Civil War, he had been seeing these nightmares where his friends die and Tony would try to help, try to save them but he never could. The worst ones were the ones that Steve died. He never experienced it so vivid, Red Skull ripping him in two, Steve screaming Tony’s name and that look, that look of disappointment- Tony just couldn’t bare it. He was Iron Man. Hell, he even had an iron heart until Steve came into his life. Now he was shaking in arms like a little scared child.
“Tony, it is okay.” Steve whispered and only then Tony realized he was not just shaking but he was crying. He didn’t notice it but he was, and he couldn’t stop. He tried to, because now Steve looked really worried and sad. Tony didn’t want him to be like that.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.” Tony said between tears, slowly calming down.
“Are you joking?” Steve looked at him unbelievingly. “When will you understand that I will be there for you any time?” He said soothingly.
Tony wanted to tell him he never would, because nobody ever was there for him.
He didn’t. Instead, he pictured Steve ripped into pieces in his mind. Because of Tony. Again.
He didn’t reply, he just sat there, staring blankly to Steve.
“Tony?” Steve said.
“I can’t do it anymore, Steve. I am just too tired.” Tony confessed, looking down. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want others to get hurt.” Tony continued, trying not to break down again. “I can’t lose you.” He said, looking into Steve’s eyes. “All of you.” He added. Because, well, he was a coward.
“You won’t.” Steve assured. “You are being too hard on yourself, Tony.”
“You think? Because I got Bill Foster killed. He was my friend. I fought against you, Steve, against everything you ever stood for. How can you still trust me?” Tony asked, his voice cracking and full of regret.
“Because I know you, Tony.” Steve looked at him with compassion. “And I love you.”
“Steve-”
“I will not let you deny it anymore.” Steve said sharply. “You may not accept it but you have to know it.” Oh, Rogers, you have no idea. “If you want me to stay away from you-”
“Don’t say that. I would never want that.” Tony felt afraid even thinking about that.
“Then tell me what you want me to.”
“I – I don’t know.” Tony said. “I want you to be here.”
“As your friend?” Steve asked the question Tony was most afraid of.
Tony couldn’t say he wanted that. He took a deep breath before replying. “I don’t know.” He lied. He knew it. He knew he wanted to be with Steve but he didn’t trust himself enough.
“Want me to help you figure it out?” Steve said, smirking.
“Wha-” Before Tony could even understand what was happening; Steve was inches away from him. Their lips were almost touching, Steve hesitated. It was obvious that he didn’t want to force Tony. Tony couldn’t tell him to stop because he didn’t want him to. He didn’t say anything as Steve’s lips got closer to his; he wanted to kiss him even though he knew he shouldn’t.
When Tony didn’t object to Steve, Steve finally brushed his lips against Tony’s, a magical feeling, he must confess. As he deepened the kiss, Tony realized he was fucked. He should really not do this but his arms apparently don’t agree with him, wrapping themselves to Steve’s neck and Tony kisses him back. Tony feels Steve’s lips slightly forming a smile without breaking the kiss, satisfied with Tony’s surrender.
Tony honestly didn’t know how long they did the thing but he didn’t want to stop. It was nothing like the other kisses he had. It was not rushed, it was gentle and Tony realized he never had a real kiss before; they were all before-sex kind of kisses, all naked and gross and rushed. Steve was taking it slow, he didn’t want to just do it and get done with it. He really kissed him. Tony almost hanged onto him when Steve finally pulled back.
“Fuck.” Tony said, his cheeks flushed and lips red. “Wait, did I just say that out loud?” He cursed again. He was so fucking fucked.
Steve looked at him with satisfaction. That fucker.
“Well. Um.” Talk about awkward. He wanted to be angry with Steve that he kissed him but he couldn’t. One, he never was able to be angry with him and two, that kiss was fucking awesome, not that he would ever confess that to Steve.
“This was unexpected.” Tony managed to say. What he did mean was this was super, perfect and all that jazz.
“Just that?” Steve asked nodding towards Tony’s crotch. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
Tony tried to cover it but obviously he was too late for that. “Geez, Steve.” Tony said, almost blushing. He gave it all away, didn’t he? Having a boner with a kiss? Well, it was a heated one but Tony would not be that easy usually. But, well, it was Steve.
“Can I take a shower now?” Tony asked to avoid the awkwardness of the situation. Steve nodded, still watching him carefully. Tony was still cursing under his breath.
Steve stayed in the bed while Tony headed for the shower; he closed the door and sighed. “I’m so fucked.” He said to himself. “So, so fucked.”
After the shower, a very good one, he must add and it was most certainly not because he thought about Steve while-whatever. He wrapped the towel around his waist, stepping out of the cabin.
He liked to take long showers so he didn’t expect to find Steve on his bed sleeping after one hour. He shook his head as he didn’t think about how peaceful and perfect Steve looked when he was asleep.
He sat on the edge, hesitated to lie beside him. His bed was big enough for like 5 people but Tony was somehow sure he would end up wrapped in Steve’s arms by morning. He cursed again and dragged himself to Steve’s room, falling asleep as soon as he was surrounded by the irresistible and dazzling smell of Steve fucking Rogers.
***
Steve frowned when he wake up to see that he was alone in Tony’s bed. Where was he? Well, he was Tony so he didn’t exactly expect him to sleep with Steve in the same bed; Tony was just so damn stubborn. He stood up and headed for his room. He smiled when he saw Tony sleeping in his bed, looking really comfortable. He was lying sideways and his head was not on the pillow.
Steve walked to the bed, sat on it and watched Tony. He did that a lot.
“Agent Carter is on the line, Captain Rogers.” Jarvis said as Tony jumped from the bed, suddenly inches away from Steve. Steve smirked. Tony pulled back quickly.
“Jarvis- how many times did I tell you not to talk when I sleep?” Tony rubbed his eyes, yawning.
“Agent Carter says it is important, Mr. Stark.” Of course, Jarvis possibly couldn’t sound apologetic so Steve just assumed he imagined it.
“Carter? Like Steve-i-want-to-go-to-the-movies important?” Tony rolled his eyes.
Steve grinned. “Jealous?” he teased.
“Oh, please. I don’t do jealous.” Tony said, he wasn’t convincing.
“She says it is about Thor.” Steve watched Tony as his face dropped. He still felt guilty about Thor, Steve knew.
“I didn’t tell you earlier because you were all messed up.” Steve explained. “Thor is alive.”
“No.” Tony said unbelievingly. “It’s impossible.”
“You of all people should know that there is no such thing as impossible.” Steve smiled, well expect you saying you love me, he added internally.
Sheldon stormed inside as Steve was trying to explain the details.
“We’re getting signals from Thor. He is here.”
------------------
After one hour, they were in Midtown Manhattan, fighting some guy named Whirlwind, when they were supposed to find Thor. Whirlwind was that kind of villain who didn’t have any real motive, he just wanted to prove his superiority. Tony had respect for some villains, he really did but Whirlwind was just so stupid.
“Just give it up, dude.” Tony said as he sent blasts towards him but he was just too damn fast so he just dodged them.
He even dodged Steve’s shield. Tony had a feeling that they would be stuck with this retard for the rest of the day.
Then the sound he did not hear in a long time came. A thunder followed by the landing of a man.
“Thor.” He said in amazement.
“My friends.” Thor said briefly. Well, he was a god.
“You shall not trouble my friends!” Thor exclaimed as he swung the Mjolnir and threw it towards Whirlwind.
Whirlwind was unprepared for this sudden attack so he was struck by Thor’s lightning, falling to the ground unconscious.
“Missed the feeling of having a Norse god by our side.” Tony said.
“I missed you too, Iron Man.” Thor hugged him; Tony could almost feel his ribs cracking. Then he did the same to Steve. God, Tony really missed Thor.
“What happened?” Tony asked.
“I do not wish to talk about this matter. I am back on Midgard now.” Thor said.
“Whatever you say, we are glad to have you back.”
Then they went to the Mansion, all the Avengers were informed on Thor’s return so they were in in the meeting room to give him a warm welcome. Tony felt happy. He really did. He was happy that Thor was back and all of his friends were here, all laughing and looking like they were a family. And they were, Tony knew. They were one big family. He sighed and turned back to go the kitchen, finding himself face to face with Steve fucking Rogers. Not to mention his hands touching his arms. Fuck.
“Careful.” Steve said, lowering his hands. He had a knowing look in his eyes. Tony debated whether or not he should kiss him. Probably not, he decided.
“Right.” Tony said, trying not to make eye contact. He walked to the kitchen. Steve followed him.
“Still avoiding me?”
“What? No. I am not.” Tony lied, attempting to sound cool, terribly failing. “I’m really glad Thor is back.” Tony added to avoid the subject.
“Me too. It was about time. Now we are complete.” Steve smiled.
“Yes, yes we are.” Tony said as he poured water for himself.
“Are you?” Steve asked.
“Am I what?”
“Complete.”
Tony didn’t know how to answer that so he just stared at Steve, not being able to form a simple fucking sentence. He wasn’t obviously. He loved Steve and didn’t have the guts to say it. Even though Steve already said it.
“I- I don’t know.”
“I hope you remember what happened the last time you said that.” Steve said coming dangerously near him. He did remember. Steve kissed him when he last said he didn’t know.
“Steve…” Tony tried to object, again, failing at that. Steve’s lips were so close yet he didn’t kiss him. Why wasn’t he? Tony could kiss him any minute if he didn’t hold himself back.
“No.” Steve said, still close. “No kissing till you confess your undying love to me.”
Tony choked on his water, coughing. “Un-undying love?”
“I was just joking, Tony.” Tony took a deep breath. “No kissing till you stop denying my and your feelings.”
“Wasn’t a fan of it anyway.” Tony lied, shrugging.
“Oh, really?” Steve said, daring.
Tony shrugged again. He fucking hated his life. He fucking loved Steve.
“Do I have to say it?” Tony asked. He was sure he was going to regret this. He was sure of it. But he just couldn’t keep this going.
Steve looked at him with surprise.
“Only if you mean it.” Steve said.
Tony considered this, he really did. After the dream he had, he didn’t want to lose Steve without him knowing it. Well, he never wanted lose him but whatever. This would be the first time since he said these words, really meaning it.
“You know I do.” Tony said, still not being able to from a proper sentence to confess it.
Tony was a fucked up, egotist asshole. Steve was the most perfect human being on earth. They loved each other. Tony honestly had no idea how that happened or where that would lead them, but he was tired of avoiding and hurting him when his only purpose was to keep Steve form getting hurt.
“I fucking love you. I love you for fucking years.” Tony confessed. Fuck, he thought. Fuck.