chapter seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
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Her body was cold when you arrived. Tsonu’e was inconsolable, and when you saw Äa, and her sweet little girl in the water next to her, you felt like screaming too. They had been leaving—continuing on their migration once more.
Tears flooded your eyes, and you jumped forward to Tsonu’e, swimming to her quickly. She clung to you, her breath catching in her throat.
“No,” she begged. “Please tell me it is not true.”
You held her, your eyes falling on a stone faced Tonowari. Ronal sat beside him, her eyes like ice. You had never seen either of them so angry. You had never felt so angry—never felt so distant from your species in that moment.
Tsonu’e would not leave her, even when eclipse passed. You remained with her, as the water grew colder and the night longer.
When you managed to pull her away, to get her to a fitful sleep in your marui.
Tonowari stood just outside, pacing. You stepped out, and he turned to you immediately.
“Are you well?” he asked. You shook your head.
“No,” you admitted. “But Tsonu’e is in pain.”
He placed a hand on your shoulder, your hand rested on top of it as you leaned into his touch, your eyes watery.
“I don’t know how to help her,” you admitted quietly, ashamed.
“You are helping,” he promised.
You exhaled shakily, nodding. “I’ll find who did this.”
Tonowari’s gaze was heavy, his hand moved up, caressing your cheek gently. “I will be beside you.”
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Claire was your first target.
“Did you know?” you demanded.
“What?” she asked, bewildered. She looked you up and down, cataloguing your appearance. “Who died?”
Your expression darkened. Claire blanched. “Hey, chill out. What happened?”
You swallowed harshly, shaking your head. Claire sighed. “Look, we don’t always get along—but something is clearly wrong. I can’t help you if you don’t even tell me what the hell is happening.”
“Äa was murdered,” you said thickly.
Claire paled further. “Oh my god, who’s Äa?”
“She is Tsonu’e’s spirit sister,” you said quietly.
“A tulkun?” Claire repeated, voice incredulous. At your expression, she said softer, kinder. “Do you know who it was?”
“Us,” you said. “It was human. They drilled into her skull. Her baby was six months old. Her name was Luë, and she liked to dance.”
You started crying.
“Oh fuck,” muttered Claire. “Okay, so, I don’t get the whole thing with the tulkun—but I know that they are smart, like super smart. Like. Scary smart. Smart enough some of the labs guys were freaking out over some new data. They seemed pretty confident the tulkun are as sentient as you and me. Or… Na’vi.”
“Tsonu’e,” you managed. “I have to find out what happened for her.”
“And we will,” Claire assured you, her voice uncertain. Like she wasn’t quite sure why she was promising you this. “We will. Come on, let’s wash your face.”
You forced yourself to calm down, Claire listing theories about who it could have been. She sounded like she was playing a game of Clue. In a lot of ways, it helped ground you, distance you from the pain you felt for Tsonu’e, for Äa.
“Okay,” said Claire. “So, we are trying to figure out who let the RDA in on the tulkun being intelligent.”
“Yes,” you agreed.
“Well, it has to be someone who could observe the tulkun for extended amounts of time. Yates maybe? She doesn’t really check out though, she was interested in passing mostly. Felix maybe? He always was interested in them. Remember he kept wanting you to write that paper about your tulkun friend? God, he’s so annoying. I wonder what I ever saw in him. Do you think he and Ava ever got it on? I mean, is she even his type—“
Your blood turned to ice as Claire’s words registered. You didn’t want to believe it. You hate that you do. That you know it’s true. It explained Felix’s absence that morning. Why even during one of the worst moments of your life, he was nowhere to be seen.
“Oh my god,” said Claire, her eyes on you. “You think it was Felix?”
“I—“
“Why would he do that? Aren’t you guys best friends?”
You had thought that too. Until he stopped speaking with you after catching you and Tonowari kissing.
“I have to go,” you blurted, leaving before Claire could say anything else.
Felix had killed Äa. You steeled your shoulders.
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You were not a warrior. Ronal said you were too soft, too gentle. You enjoyed your work with Tsonu’e, you liked to weave and enjoyed finding pretty shells to make jewelry for your favorite people.
Felix knew the slap was coming before you even lifted your hand. His eyes were rimmed red, his throat scratchy as he blustered apology after apology.
You screeched at him, feeling feral and borderline animalistic as you clawed at him. You were pulled off quickly, slammed into the floor as you screamed at him.
“You knew this would happen!” you hollered, uncaring as Felix cried. “You knew!”
You were dragged away, fighting desperately against the security personnel as they threw you into an unoccupied room, locking the door as you banged on it wildly. The fight left you as quickly as it had come on. You slumped in the corner, crying.
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It unraveled quickly, so quickly you are terrified and overwhelmed at how quickly it happened. The RDA didn’t waste time, the security personnel—military, since what’s happening here closer resembles martial law—peppered you with questions. They wanted to know everything. Why, how, who. They wanted names, and they wanted to know how much you’d told the Metkayina about their operations. They wanted to know if their staff was compromised beyond you, and if they Metkayina knew enough to actively sabotage their life support.
You said nothing, and earned yourself two black eyes for your effort. They threw you back into your pseudo cell, and you watched in mounting horror as eclipse ended and signified the start of another day. A day you would not be allowed to enter your Na’vi body. Tsonu’e would quickly realize something was deeply, deeply wrong—and you were terrified of what would happen as a result.
You were useless, stuck in a cell with no escape.
You weren’t a warrior, and for the first time, you found yourself resentful of that fact.
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To say Augustine was pissed off was a massive understatement. You’d had limited interactions with her, aside from a few emails about algae growth and a video call or two about the Metkayina relations, the woman was all but a stranger.
She was also your boss’s boss, the head of the Avatar Program.
“So,” she said, her voice tinny on the screen. “Are you going to tell me why the yahoos are currently threatening to shut down the entire Avatar Program?”
You blinked, not having expected that. “Uh,” you said wisely.
She rolled her eyes. “Start from the beginning.”
Fuck it, you decided. It literally could not get any worse.
“Felix wrote a report about the tulkun, the RDA picked up on it—well, some guy named Garvin did, I’m not totally clear on that part—but they murdered Äa and left her calf for dead. The Metkayina wouldn’t let it stand, and I couldn’t either. Also, I deleted all the files they had on, well, everything,” you said, a lot more casual then you felt.
Grace blinked, set down her cigarette and looked directly into the camera. “Do you have any idea of the absolute shitstorm you created?”
You banged your cuffs on the table. “I can take a guess,” you said sarcastically.
She looked at you intently. “Okay. Here’s the deal; you have to give me something. Felix is working with the Metkayina to minimize this disaster—but they are holding firm that they won’t leave without you. And he’s not exactly in their good graces right now.”
“Wait,” you said. “Rewind a little—they’re making demands? I thought this was still about the files.”
“Nobody told you,” she realized. “Of course they wouldn’t—you are a prisoner.”
You looked at her flatly.
“I figured you had at least some friends there,” she said defensively. She lowered her voice a little, “Felix contacted me this morning. The Metkayina are pissed. They know the RDA isn’t letting you link and are insisting you be delivered to them unharmed.”
“That’s not so bad,” you said weakly.
“They sunk 4 boats and killed 60 people.”
“Oh,” you said awkwardly, frankly a little surprised.
“I’ll give this to you,” she quipped. “You did what I asked. You gained their trust.”
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Ava woke you up, carrying and exopack and a gun. She unlocked the door quickly, her eyes a little wild.
“Hey, get up,” she hissed, throwing the exopack at you. She already had one on her face, and she was quick to adjust her gun. “I’m getting you out of here.”
“What’s happening?” you asked, a little groggy from the poor sleep you were having before she arrived.
“Tsonu’e’s here,” she said, a little desperate. “And this has gone on too long. The RDA won’t back off.”
That woke you up. You followed her quickly, your footsteps nervous, terrified. “Why are you helping me?” you asked.
Ava glanced at you, bewildered. “We’re friends,” she said. “And I know the difference between right and wrong. The RDA is wrong for this.”
You followed her around the corner, smacking directly into Claire.
“Oh my god,” she screeched. Your hand flew down over her mouth, shushing her.
“Shut up , Claire!” you said, maybe a little harsh. You’d been wanting to tell her that for a long time.
Blissfully, Claire shut up.
Ava said, “I’m taking her to the Metkayina.”
“Oh thank god—this whole thing is a serious buzzkill,” complained Claire. “Carry on, I saw nothing.”
You rolled your eyes, thankful for her carefree attitude for once. Ava led the way, skidding to a stop as she rounded another corner, quickly back tracking.
“Fuck, fuck,” she seethed. “Okay, we can’t go this way. There’s a fuck ton of guys.”
“Wait,” you said. “I think I have an idea.”
You explained quickly, watching Ava’s eyebrows rise with each word. “It’s risky, but it’s better then nothing.”
You nodded, and bracing yourself, shot around the corner, Ava hot on your heels. She tackled you quickly, and you wrestled with her for a minute before one of the guys hoisted you up and off of her.
He grabbed you quickly, needle stabbing your arm as he injected you with sedative. Immediately, you lost consciousness.
They left you in the infirmary overnight, loading you up on sedatives, and when the security came for you—you knew they knew about what you’d done with the files. Combined with your assault on Felix, you imagined they’d be sending you on the next trip back. Ava was safe though, and if she managed it, she’d be able to bust you out—more effectively this time. But still. If she failed, if you were sent back.
Six years in cryo back to Earth. Six years without you. You’d be six years older, and so would everyone else. You didn’t want to imagine your life without them. Without Ame, Ronal, Tonowari, Tsonu’e. Your fingers ran down your shin, tracing out the lines of the tattoos on your other body. You cried yourself to sleep, refusing to eat the mush they served for dinner. You worried about Tsonu’e all night, sleeping fitfully. Guilt gnawed at you. Tsonu’e was in pain, and you weren’t even there to comfort her.
You weren’t a warrior—but you wouldn’t go willingly.
You weren’t certain how long you were there, strapped to the bed before Claire arrived. Your head was cloudy, you were dazed even as Claire’s arms wrapped around you and she helped you stand. You stumbled, barely able to stand up at all, never mind walk.
“Wha,” you slurred, barely able to keep your head up. Claire pushed your hair from your face, sliding the exopack over your face.
“When we get out there, you need to get to her,” said Claire, her voice serious.
Your head swirled, and you leaned to the side, vomiting.
“Fuck,” said Claire.
“What’s taking so long?” Ava’s voice came suddenly.
“She’s sick from the sedative. I doubt she will be able to walk 3 feet,” replied Claire.
“Wake her up,” hissed Ava. You reached forward, wanting to comfort her. Ava was always nice to you. “If they see her like this—if she sees her like this, I don’t know what they will do.”
“She’s not even a warrior,” Claire cried, voice shaky.
“Doesn’t mean she isn’t any less pissed!” Ava jeered.
“Sa’nok,” you murmured, your mind struggling to process their words. Tsonu’e had promised she’d come for you.
“What did you say?” Claire squeaked. She shook you a little, your head flopping to the side. She slapped your cheek. “Hey, hello in there—what did you say?”
“Don’t slap her,” hissed Ava, batting Claire’s hand away.
“No,” moaned Claire, a little desperate. “Okay, okay. We need to get her out of here right now or we are going to have a big fucking problem on our hands.”
“Claire, what is going on?” demanded Ava, obliging and grabbing your other arm. It was hard to focus, even as Claire replied to Ava. You saw her face pale,
her eyes growing large as they picked up pace.
“Felix said that they were pissed—I think he underestimated her place,” Ava grumbled as you stepped outside. Your head was foggy, but each step forward was one that help jostle you awake a little more.
You looked out at the sea, and saw what had Claire and Ava so scared.
Tsonu’e broke off from the crowd, moving forward quickly. She hissed at the sight of you, her eyes wild as she batted Claire and Ava back. She scooped you up gently, smoothing your hair from your face.
“I am here, 'itetsyìp,” she said, her voice soft. “Sleep.”
You did.
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When you woke, you were infinitely less foggy, more cognizant of your surroundings. You were in your marui, your avatar in a deep sleep off to the side. You stood awkwardly, slowly, feeling a little wild. Tsonu’e sat up from where she had been laying beside you. Her face was gentle as she reached out to you.
“Hana,” she said. “Are you well?”
You nodded slowly, swallowing thickly. “Why am I here?”
Her face darkened. “Those humans, they wanted to take you from me.”
Tsonu’e’s eyes watered, and she pulled you into a tight hug. “I promised I would not let you be taken from me.”
You cried in her embrace, hiccuping as you brought your arms up around her. On some level, you were terrified. Your exopack wouldn’t last forever—and even if it did, you still had to eat. Your body was already weak from the time you’d spent in your avatar.
But even your fear couldn’t squish the overwhelming affection you felt for Tsonu’e in that moment. And there was a part of you, however small, that was glad you would die with her and not among strangers.
“The exopack won’t last,” you said quietly.
Tsonu’e looked at it intensely for a few moments, tracing it with her fingers. “I will not let you die,” she swore.
“I know,” you did.
“I will steal more from the humans. We have sunk their ships,” she said, clearly forming a plan. You grabbed her hand gently. Yours was so small in her grip—like a child’s.
“It won’t last forever,” you warned her.
“Then I will find another way,” she said fiercely. “You can not be taken from me so easily.”
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Ronal came first. She was timid, her eyes wide as she looked at you. She crouched in front of you, her fingers reaching out tentatively as she touched a strand of your hair. It was different then the hair in your Na’vi body. You wondered what she thought about it. She looked at you, tilting her head slightly.
“You look…” she hesitated. “Human.”
“I am human,” you told her quietly.
“I have never seen eyes your color,” she said seriously. Oh. You hadn’t considered that was the reason of her interest. “Do all humans have eyes like yours?”
You shook your head. “No. Sometimes humans have green eyes, brown, blue. Sometimes it’s more then one color—we call that hazel.”
Her hands came around your face, around your exopack. Gently, she said, “I see you.”
“I see you,” you told her, your voice a little shaky.
She sat with you, and it was like you before in a lot of ways. She looked at you softly, with the same affection as always. Ronal’s declaration had been accurate. Human, or ilu, she did not care what form you took, what body you lived in.
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Tonowari seemed so very tall now. He was always taller then you, Ronal was too—but this, you felt minuscule.
He came with Ronal, on her second visit that evening. He seemed reluctant to approach you. You wilted, finally seeing the other show drop.
Ronal noticed it too, whacking him on his chest.
“She is not going to break,” she hissed at him.
He looked embarrassed, but obligated to the simple command. His hand rested on your hair, affectionately. You felt a little warm.
Tsonu’e watched the interactions silently, something in her eyes that you couldn’t place. Tonowari relaxed the longer they were there, becoming more of his normal self and following Ronal’s lead.
You felt happy, with them, with all of them. It gnawed at you though, that this would not last. It couldn’t. You didn’t have any resources anymore. Your human body wasn’t built to survive this planet.
You squished those thoughts down, forcing them away as you laughed at something Tonowari said, sharing a grin with him and Ronal.
“What do you think?” you asked him quietly, while Ronal spoke with Tsonu’e. He looked at you, seeming so strong, so intimidating.
“You are small,” he said.
You smiled a little. “I’m human.”
He looked at you for a long moment, leaning forward to study your features. You tried not to shrink under his gaze, remembering Ronal’s interest in your eye color.
“You have the same smile,” he decided. Your hand flew to your mouth. You locked eyes with him. You smiled. He smiled back.
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The marui was quiet. Tsonu’e held you close even as Ronal and Tonowari departed, quiet promises to speak later.
“When you did not come back,” Tsonu’e began. “I went to Felix.”
You swallowed, lip wobbling. “I didn’t know that he—“
“I know,” she said, cutting you off. “You would never do anything to hurt any of them. This I know.”
You leaned against her, resting your head on her shoulder. Tsonu’e stroked your hair. “He didn’t want to speak with me. He was… afraid. Remorseful. I made him tell me where I could find you.”
“What happened to him?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“He is outcast now. He killed tulkun,” she said harshly. “He will never be one of the people.”
Your stomach swooped, guilt curling in your chest. You had brought Felix in—you’d known his stance on the tulkun. You’d known what the RDA would do. You had trusted him.
“This is my fault,” you told her, choking up.
“No,” she said. “It is not. You protected the tulkun. Us. Our family. The People.”
“You… you came for me.” You remembered that part, Tsonu’e taking you from Claire and Ava. Holding you close. Protectively. You remembered Ronal and Tonowari were there too, some other Metkayina as well.
“I will always come for you,” she said simply, like it was as easy as breathing.
“But I’m one of them,” you burst out, feeling sick.
“You are Metkayina,” she said fiercely. “No matter your body, you are Metkayina.”
Were you? You didn’t feel so sure. You couldn’t contribute in any meaningful way now, your exopack would expire and you would have to eat. Whichever came first. It had already been a day, and in the next 24 hours, you would run out of oxygen, and be dead.
You told Tsonu’e the same thing. She touched your heart with her hand. “No,” she insisted. “You are mine. I will find a way.”
You exhaled slowly. “You really believe that.”
“You should too,” she said. “You are one of the People. You are my child, you are Hana te Ue Tsonu’e’ite. If you wish for it.”
“I do,” you said. “I want that.”
“It is yours,” she promised. “I will not let you die.”
“I will not either,” said Ronal, startling both you and Tsonu’e.
“Ronal,” said Tsonu’e. “You came back.”
Ronal entered slowly, looking you up and down slowly. You curled your toes nervously. Ronal crouched in front of you, bringing you to eye level. Gently, she kissed the top of your head. “I see you,” she said. “I am selfish, I will not let you go so easily.”
“I see you,” you said back, voice raw. “Where is Tonowari?”
Ronal tilted her head slightly, a soft smile on her face. “He is waiting for us.”
Tsonu’e grabbed Ronal’s hand, eyes pleading. Ronal grabbed her hand gently, and said, “You carry her.”
Ronal turned to your avatar, picking it up gently. Tsonu’e scooped you up, as though you were a baby. She cradled you to her chest, her grip firm but gentle as she called and ilu. Ronal led the way. You knew this path, you realized. You’d followed this path before, giggle with Ronal and chasing after Tonowari. On the back of Tsonu’e’s ilu. The Cove of Ancestors illuminated the water around you, glowing a hue of purple so bright you were overwhelmed.
You held onto Tsonu’e tightly, feeling like a child. Tsonu’e submerged slowly, following after Ronal quickly. Ronal was moving quickly, swimming with your avatar to where Tonowari was. She connected the queue, and swam back over to you and Tsonu’e.
Come, she signed, offering her hand. You took it, allowing her to place you against the tree of ancestors. You weren’t certain what was happening, but you trusted them, even when Ronal told you to hold your breath undid your mask.
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You where somewhere else. Tsonu’e stood in front of you, her arms open. Only, when you looked at her face, it wasn’t Tsonu’e at all. You stepped forward. The apparition stepped away from you, a fond smile on her face. She was beautiful. Her smile beautiful like Ronal’s, her eyes expressive like Tonowari’s, her face open like Tsonu’e.
You wanted to go with her. You stepped forward again.
“Not yet,” she said gently, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. She pushed you backwards—
—your eyes snapped open, and you choked a little on the water. You disconnected your queue, clawing for the surface. Tonowari’s arms wrapped around you, helping you reach the surface quicker. You coughed harshly, his hands thumping gently on your back.
“Breathe,” he said. You gasped for breath, pushing your hair from your eyes. Tsonu’e and Ronal surfaced, and they swam to your side quickly. Tsonu’e’s hands cupped your face, and she studied your features.
“My 'itetsyìp,” she murmured. She kissed your face gently, resting her forehead against your cheek. You brought a hand up, breathing slowly. You looked at Ronal, who’s pupils were blown and her expression paled. You held out a hand to her. She took it.
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