Ava
Interlude: Ava
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She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life. In 9th grade, she let a senior cop a feel under the bleachers. She missed class that day, coming home late with messy hair and dollar store makeup covering the hickeys on her neck. It had been easy—so painfully easy to make the mistake of signing up for the military right after she dropped out of college. Sometimes, when she thought about it too long, she wanted to reach back in time and throttle some sense into herself. And yet, there she was.
Making another mistake.
The RDA didn’t officially know she and Claire had smuggled you out. Felix had taken care of that—giving her an alibi a little too easily for the goody two shoes he really was. Ava had known Felix since that failed year in college, when she had convinced herself she could do more with her life, have more (she was right, she could and she did, just not how she imagined back then). They’d stuck together ever since. Ava and Felix, Felix and Ava.
For a little, a brief, startling moment in time, it had been Ava, you and Felix. People mentioned you in the same breath, and Ava had been so happy.
It had been a long time since life was easy that way. She treasured those moments with you , Ame, with Felix on that stupid little boat on an alien planet. It had been torn away so quickly, it felt like maybe it had never really happened at all. You were somewhere else, physically present but never there. And then Felix was the same. Your human body was just something to keep alive until you could get back to your real body, your real life.
Rescuing you had been an easy choice—maybe not a good one, but the right one. This was a mistake, and finally—finally, it wasn’t one Ava was making.
“Felix,” said Ava. “You can’t do this.”
“I have too,” he said. He looked awful. His eyes were red and bloodshot, the scratch on his face from where your nail had caught his cheek was red and swollen. “I need to fix this.”
“I don’t know if you can,” she said gently. “You saw her. You saw Tsonu’e—Felix, I don’t think there’s a coming back from this. Hana isn’t coming back from this.”
You weren’t coming back. Ava knew that. Tsonu’e’s face had been intense, terrifying. The look on her eye was the same one Ava’s own mother had when she disappeared one day when she was 7 to go to the park by herself. Desperate and terrified.
“You don’t understand,” he said. “I need to fix this because—“
He broke off, choking up. “I need to fix this. I can’t let this be how it ends.”
“For her, or for you?” asked Ava. You only had a few hours left with your exopack. You’d either have to come back or you would die out there. Ava was certain you would chose the latter. She’d seen how Tsonu’e clung to you, how you’d clung to her right back.
He exhaled shakily. “It’s not just me. Or her.”
Ava’s heart sunk. “Felix, what did you do?”
“It wasn’t on purpose,” he said weakly. If you had been there, if you had seen the look on his face, Ava imagined you might have found it in yourself to forgive him.
She sat down. “What happened?”
“He… he was just strong. Brave,” said Felix. “I was one of the people.”
Ava said, “I can’t believe you. After the amount of bullshit you spewed to Hana—and this thing with the tulkun. Felix, what the hell were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t,” he said. “I fucked up.”
“I think that’s a serious understatement.” said Ava. She didn’t want to do this. She wanted things to go back to how they were before, she wanted to curl up in her bunk and read a book and put notes in the margins that would have you looking at her in annoyance. She wanted to tell jokes with Felix and laugh at something Ame said.
“I need to fix this,” repeated Felix.
“I don’t think showing up in your avatar is going to help right now,” said Ava. “Tsonu’e might just kill you out of principle.”
“I know,” he said. “I have to do something.”
“Felix,” said Ava softly. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point.”
“I can’t leave it like this,” he mumbled.
“Sometimes,” said Ava. “You don’t have a choice.”
.
She was transferred the next day. The RDA couldn’t prove anything, but they knew she had something to do with it. Felix and Claire both had Avatars, they were scientists and the investment with them was financially worth it. Ava was just a grunt, a warm body to get shanked or blown up.
Her bag was small, all her clothes and worldly possessions folded neatly, carefully tucked away from view. The picture of her, Felix, you and Ame was carefully tucked between the pages of her Great Gatsby novel. In the picture, you are smiling wide, eyes bright as you sit on Ame’s back. Felix was in the water too, holding onto Ame’s fin to keep himself afloat. His head is just barely above the surface, his face was caught in a hilarious expression, unaware of the camera. Ava was taking the picture, holding the camera out with a wide grin and laughter in her eyes.
It was her favorite picture. She kept it hidden.