chapter sixteen
Chapter Sixteen
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Her finger tips ghosted along your collarbone, carefully adjusting your top. You felt charged where she touched you. Ronal’s eyes were hooded, her lips parted as her eyes followed the contour of your neck, the curve of your waist.
She stepped back. Impulsively, you grabbed her wrist. Ronal’s face slackened slightly, her lip trembled. You swallowed harshly, stepping forward. Since Tonowari had kissed you, since Felix had caught you—you hadn’t let yourself get any closer to them, carefully keeping your distance. Always aware, focused. But sometimes, they would creep up on you.
The past few days had been quiet, the RDA had not said anything outwardly to let you know that they had known what you had done, and the tulkun had not seen any boats. They were safe in Metkayina territory, the humans unlikely to venture out to far to stranger tides.
Ronal had shown up at your marui this morning, wearing a sparsely beaded top that accented the swell of her breasts in such a way that left your mouth dry. From her smile, she knew it too. Ronal was not as bold as Tonowari, so you were surprised when she leaned forward and closed the gap between you.
It was a short kiss, but her lips were warm and she smelled sweet.
She broke the kiss just as quickly as she had initiated it, her eyes wide as she looked a little flustered. “Tsonu’e wants you to get marked to show your relation.”
You blinked at the abrupt change in topic, in subject. Your lips tingled, and as Ronal’s words registered, you found yourself smiling a little wider.
You cleared your throat, and, feeling a little bold, you threaded your fingers together with hers and said, “Lead the way.”
.
Your new tattoo stung. It was on your leg, just above your knee. The pattern matched the one on Tsonu’e, with slight deviations—yours was less complicated, fewer lines.
Tsonu’e held your hand, and when you were done she walked with you to grab some food and visit your spirit sisters. You looked over your shoulder, eyes on Ronal.
“What happened?” she inquired, looking at you knowingly.
“Nothing,” you protested. You wanted to talk with Ame. Get her opinion about Ronal’s inconsistent behavior.
Still.
“How did you know something happened? Why did something have to have happened?”
“You have the look,” she said.
“I don’t have a look,” you said defensively.
Tsonu’e looked at you pointedly. “Yes, you do.”
You sighed. “She kissed me.”
“Are you upset this time?”
“No,” you said, sure of it. You didn’t think it was wise, but you were quickly becoming resigned to the inevitability of your feelings for them. “I think she is though.”
Tsonu’e hummed.
“That’s it?” you complained. “No annoyingly good advice for me?”
“It’s Ame’s turn,” she quipped. You rolled your eyes, waving at her as you parted ways. Tsonu’e to catch up on her daily chores, and got to catch up with Ame.
Ame was with Roa, because of course she was. They got along well, the same as you and Ronal did. You figured it was only natural.
“Roa, Ame,” you said.
Hana, said Ame warmly. You got a new tattoo.
You smiled at her, drifting underwater to show it off better. Tsonu’e and I, you explained. Rona will be upset I’m swimming so soon.
It is beautiful, said Roa.
You smiled brightly in thanks, shifting your gaze to you spirit sister. Roa looked between you, giving a chortle as you were too polite to ask her to leave outright.
I must go, Ame, I will see you both, said Roa.
You and Ame said your goodbyes, and the moment she was out of sight, you pushed yourself out of the water and climbed onto Ame’s back.
“Ronal kissed me,” you said without hesitation.
Ame preceded to throw you into the water, making a noise of surprise. You sputtered, breaking the surface. “Ame!”
Sorry! I just did not think she would ever do it.
“What?” you asked, a little confused by the phrasing.
Roa said that Ronal only speaks of you and Tonowari. But she said Ronal told her she was afraid of pushing you away again, Ame explained.
Guilt consumed you in one quick moment. “Oh,” you managed. “I’m just afraid that the RDA is going to send me back to Earth.”
Ame is quiet for a long minute. Do you regret it? The bond between us?
“No!” you said quickly, hugging her fin. “Never.”
Would you regret it with them?
“No,” you admitted. “But I’m scared. I’m terrified about what will happen to you if I leave. What would happen to me. Them.”
A life of regret is no life at all, said Ame wisely.
“This is going to end in disaster,” you realized, on some level accepting the inevitable.
That’s optimistic, said Ame cheerfully.
.
You found Tonowari first. He was waist deep in the water, trying to call a rowdy ilu towards him. You stood beside him, watching him struggle with the illusive creature for a few minutes before you took pity on him and clicked your tongue a few times.
The ilu darted forward eagerly, and you were able to redirect it back to the pin with little effort.
Tonowari watched in open mouthed awe. “How did you manage that?” he demanded.
You rolled your eyes. “That’s the sound the keepers make before they feed them.”
He looked bashful, and a little annoyed he hadn’t thought of it himself. You laughed a little. “Have you seen Ronal? I haven’t been able to find her.”
“She was with the tsahìk,” he said. You hummed, not moving. He stared at you for a few moments. “What do you have planned?”
“No plan,” you said honestly, letting the waves carry you forward a little. You were nearly in arms reach now. “I made a choice, earlier.”
He exhaled slowly through his nose. “Oh?”
“Yes,” you told him. “But it is only fair if Ronal is there when I tell you both.”
He swallowed. “Is this choice something that will hurt her?”
He paused. “Me?”
You smiled softly, reaching out gently to touch his chest. “No, I don’t think so.”
His eyes softened, his guard dropping. His hand reached up to cover yours. You said, “I don’t love you.” His face fell. “But I could. I will. Both of you. And, I want that. With you. With her. If you’ll have me.”
“Oh,” he said, voice rough.
“We should find Ronal,” you whispered, feeling flustered. Your heart picked up speed as he leaned in, placing a hand at the small of your back. The waves crashed into you gently, and the sky was rapidly darkening as eclipse came to pass and night on Pandora began.
His tanhì glowed, his eyes shiny and you felt something stir in your chest. “Ronal was going to meet me here,” he said.
His voice shot something electric through you, making your toes curl as he drew you in swiftly, pinning your hand between your bodies as he kissed you fiercely. You gasped, and he used the opening to introduce his tongue, swirling it around your bottom lip and tongue. The moan that escape you made your cheeks warm, and Tonowari’s hand drifted downwards. He pulled back after a moment, leaving you gasping, withering—a mess.
Your heart hammered in your chest, pounding so quickly you thought it might give out.
Tonowari rested his forehead against yours, his eyes shut tightly as he attempted to catch his breath. “You do not know what you do to me,” he rasped. You shivered.
You wanted him.
A splash grabbed your attention, and you attempted to pull back slightly. Tonowari’s arm stopped you, and your eyes fell on Ronal. Her eyes were guarded, like she wasn’t sure what she was seeing—was nervous it was something it wasn’t. Or was.
“Tonowari?” she asked softly. Wordlessly, he held out his other arm. Ronal took his hand, allowing herself to be pulled through the waves toward you. You raised your hand to her cheek, and before she could say anything, you kissed her. Ronal responded immediately, and you could feel her heart pick up speed below your fingers.
“You,” she said as you pulled back. “Why did you change your mind?”
“I would never regret either of you,” you said sincerely. “No matter what. I can’t live in fear of what might happen.”
Ronal kissed you, hard. Her teeth mashed against yours, feral. She pulled back, turning to Tonowari. Her gaze was heavy, and they exchanged a heated look before sharing in their own kiss. You watched them, heat pooling in you belly.
When they broke their kiss, Ronal’s attention shifted to you. Tonowari’s fingers dug into your side, and you wanted to kiss him—her, both of them, but held yourself back.
“I’m tired of pretending I don’t want this,” you said. “So I’m done doing that. But I want to do this right. I want to know you both.”
Ronal’s hands graced your side, where Tonowari’s hand rested. “I would like this.”
“As would I,” he agreed.
You beamed at them. The salty spray of the ocean, the sway of the water against your legs, wrapped up in Tonowari and Ronal, you felt content.
.
That night, you picked at your food. The rations you ate as a human kind of sucked. Your avatar belly was full of fish and fruit, and a few berries Tsonu’e had set aside for you. Felix’s arrival is unexpected. He hadn’t said much of anything to you beyond stilted pleasantries in front of colleagues.
“I want to understand,” he said finally.
You signed, setting down your fork. “Ask away.”
“What’s it like? Your bond with Ame?” he asked. “I know what it’s like with the ilu—the skimwing too. But not a tulkun.”
You didn’t know if you had the words to describe the bond, the words feeling hollow even as you said them. “Ame is… me.” you finally decided. “She is half of myself.”
He did not look convinced. You pursed your lips, and said, “Look, when you bond with an ilu, you feel his heart beat, his breath, you taste what he tastes, you feel the hunger in his belly and his exhilarating, fear—everything. The same is true with a tulkun, only, you share thoughts, memories. I know Ame as intimately as I could ever know anyone, and she me. Tsonu’e says the only thing that rivals it is the bond between mates. But that might only be because of how often they make tsaheylu.”
“Do you believe that?” he asked, almost hesitant.
“Yes,” you said. Tsonu’e had never steered you wrong. You trusted her with your life.
Felix looked away, and you didn’t think he was going to say anything else for a moment. “So, Tonowari?” he continued.
“Yup,” you agreed. “And Ronal.”
He grimaced. “How does that… work?”
You smiled a little, remembering Tsonu’e’s explanation. “The Metkayina believe that the Eywa is in all things. The air, the earth, the water. They live their lives by the water, and water is flexible. It takes shape of whatever it’s put in, it flows with the current and is always changing. Relationships are kind of the same for them. It’s not common but it’s not uncommon either for couples to share a partner or bring someone else in. Didn’t Yitì tell you all this?”
Felix blushed a little. “No,” he said flatly. “He avoided that topic like the plague. I get the impression he was into you at some point.”
“Oh god, don’t remind me,” you complained. “Ìweii won’t shut up about it whenever I have to be around her. I’ve hardly spoken to the guy. I doubt he knows much beyond my name.”
“You are more popular then you think,” said Felix.
“Don’t flatter me, it’ll get you nowhere,” you joked, and for a moment, it was like it was. You smiled at him, and Felix smiled back but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You’d take it for now, it was a start.