chapter eleven
Chapter Eleven
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Your tattoo healed slowly. The morning after, your leg was swollen and you were prepared to spend the morning being lazy and weave yourself a new top. Ronal stopped by, her hands a little shaky as she treated the wound and gave you some fresh om’ana. It was delicious, just as good as the first time you had it.
“Thank you,” you told her, and decided then that you would give her the basket you were making when it was completed. It wasn’t particularly large, but you figured it would be good for storing some smaller dried plants.
Your second visitor during your self imposed healing exile was Tonowari. It threw you off enough that you nearly choked on the dried fish you were chewing, especially when he dropped a basket full of fish jerky in front of you.
You blinked, bewildered as he hesitated briefly and said, “You do not hunt.”
That was true, but it didn’t explain why he was here. Tsonu’e watched the exchange silently, her eyes following him as he left shortly after.
“That was weird,” you decided, biting into your fish.
“My sweet little fool,” said Tsonu’e affectionately.
“Huh?” you said around your mouthful.
“I should have known with Ìweii and Yitì,” she mused.
“What are you talking about?” you finally asked outright.
She looked at you like she was speaking to a child, and in some ways, she was. “Ronal and Tonowari.”
“What about them?”
She smiled coyly, and for a minute, you didn’t think she would answer you. “They wish to mate with you.”
For the second time that day, you nearly choked to death. Your eyes bugged out. “Excuse me?” you nearly shrieked. “They want to what?”
“You started it,” she said. “You have both Ronal and Tonowari gifts you made. You showed them you can do your job and provide for them.”
“But, but,” you protested. “But Ronal and I give each other gifts all the time!”
Tsonu’e clicked her tongue. “You were not an adult then. And Ronal did not create these, or find these for you. Ronal picked the fruit for you, and Tonowari brought you food when you could not get it yourself.”
Your mind blanked, and you wanted to stutter out a protest, but you felt your face warm and you heart speed up.
They… liked you?
You grinned to yourself, feeling a little giddy. They liked you. Enough that even with you unintentionally giving them the Na’vi equivalent of a 3am ‘u up?’ text, they still wanted to spend time with you.
They liked you.
You looked at Tsonu’e, your smile fading as you looked at her smug face. “Oh laugh it up, you are going to tell me everything about this so I don’t make a fool of myself.”
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In your human body—real body, you had to remind yourself now—you remembered why you couldn’t let this happen. Ronal and Tonowari, as desperate as you felt, as much as the yearn to know them, to know their every thought the way you know Ame so tightly consumed you. You couldn’t.
You knew it was wrong. You were human. Your avatar body was just that; an avatar. It was not you. Your real body was tucked away in a lab, growing thinner with each day, more gaunt. More sickly. When you looked in the mirror, you didn’t recognize the person staring back. Her face was alien. Human.
Tsonu’e’s words rang in your head, you are allowed to choose a mate. Mates. But they must also choose you.
Ronal had consumed you. You thought Tonowari could do the same, if you let him. But that was not your body. Your body was human. Your body was alien. You knew it was wrong. It was wrong to do this to them. To let them feel for you. It was wrong to let Tsonu’e care for you, for you to think of her so dearly.
You thought of Ronal’s eyes, the way they burn—the way her gaze penetrated your soul. Tonowari’s gentle demeanor and the way your tswin tingled and your stomach flipped around them both.
As you crawled into bed, your mind drifted to thoughts of Ronal’s soft hands and intense eyes.
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Felix was not welcomed the same way you were. He was watched the same as you were those first weeks. Awkward, uncertain. You stood beside him, pleased when Tsonu’e merely looked at him and then smiled at you.
“Who is this?” she asked you, eyes drifting between you both.
“This is Felix,” you introduced. “He’s a friend of mine.”
Her eyes linger on his eyebrows, his extra finger—his clothes. You smiled. Tsonu’e sighed, standing.
“Olo’eyktan has approved?” she questioned, already grabbing him a change of clothes.
You batted your eyelashes, placing a hand on your chest. “You think I dare go against Tonowari?”
Tsonu’e rolled her eyes, throwing the loin cloth at you. “I think Tonowari is easily distracted by a pretty face.”
You glanced at Felix, who was watching the conversation with a confused expression. His Na’vi, you were quickly learning, while decent—wasn’t fluent. He was more stilted in his speech, not as relaxed and he didn’t know enough slang to follow along with Tsonu’e’s quick words.
“Ronal is very pretty,” you agreed, just in case you were wrong about his skill level. “And I’ll have you know, he had nothing to do with it. Her either!”
“The Tsahìk approved?” she questioned, sounding more serious.
“Yup,” you said. To Felix, you pointed at the back room and told him in English, “You can change back there.”
As Felix disappeared into the back room, you turned to Tsonu’e. “You don’t have to worry about him, he is staying with one of the warriors.”
Tsonu’e shot you a questioning look, and you awkwardly clarified, “Yitì volunteered.”
She laughed, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “You must let him down gently.”
You scowled. “I’ve said maybe two words to the guy.”
“It was enough,” she quipped.
“Ronal thinks it’s funny too,” your griped. “At least Tonowari is on my side.”
To say your first encounter with Yitì was painfully awkward was a gross understatement. You had been walking with Tonowari to the evening meal, having ran into him on the way. Ronal was waiting, and you’d just spotted her walking towards you when Yitì appeared. He was nervous, babbling about how he had heard you were a woman now in the eyes of the clan. You’d been close to crying from how uncomfortable you were, and the thunderous expression on Tonowari’s face wasn’t helping. Ronal had arrived then, something akin to glee in her eyes as she looped arms with you, resting a hand on you. She’d saved you from having to deal with wherever Yitì had been going with the conversation—and potentially Tonowari’s eventual explosion.
“Ronal knows your heart. Tonowari is still learning,” Tsonu’e informed you.
Your stomach flipped. You had resolved to distance yourself. You did it ever night, in your human body. And then you’d wake up in your avatar, and those thoughts would vanish like tears in the rain. It was hard though. When Ronal giggled at something he said, when she looked at you first when something happened—how you’d started to unconsciously find them in a crowd, your eyes always finding theirs. How Tonowari had started giving you the pretty shells he found beyond the reef.
Against your best judgement, you were falling for them.
You were saved from answering by Felix. He was good at that. You should give him a medal—his timing was immaculate. You stood quickly, walking over with a laugh bubbling in your throat.
“Need help?” you teased, eyeing the loose way his garment fit him.
“This is a lot more confusing then it looks,” he grumbled.
“I had a hard time with it too, Tsonu’e saved me from strangling myself my first night,” you said. You wound the strings of his loin cloth around his tail, quickly securing it in place with a well placed knot.
“There,” you said, pleased with yourself. “Now come on, I’m supposed to larks you to the ilu pen.”
You turned to Tsonu’e, and said a quick goodbye to her. She waved you off, focused on her weaving.
“Come on,” you said, pulling Felix along behind you.
“How did you get so good at this?” he finally asked, awkwardly shifting in place. He wasn’t used to the clothes yet, but he would get there quickly. You grinned.
“I found your luck,” you joked. “I just made friends.”
Felix chortled. “Of course you did—for a wallflower, you really are a social butterfly.”
“I can’t help my magnetic personality.”
Felix rolled his eyes, unbothered. “So, where’s the ilu?”
“I’ll show you, it’s closer to the rocks.” You tugged him along, glad that you finally had someone who might be able to understand this part of your life that had consumed you so completely.
Yitì was already there by the water. He gestured to you excitedly, his grin large as he focused on you.
“I see you, Hana,” he said. His eyes lingered on your tattoo, your shin. “It healed well.”
“Thanks,” you muttered, unsure how to politely remove yourself from the situation. Felix’s was watching the interaction uncertainly, and in English, you clarified, “He said my tattoo healed well.”
Felix nodded, offering Yitì a smile as he said stiltedly, “She scared.”
“She was scared,” you corrected. “And I wasn’t.”
“Will you get one to match your spirit sister?” Yitì asked flirtatiously, unbothered by Felix’s presence.
You hadn’t really thought about it. “Maybe. Ronal hasn’t said anything,” you saw your escape. Your eyes lit up, and you raised your hand and called out, “Tonowari!”
His eyes scanned the crowed, and when he realized it was you that had called for him, his shoulders straightened a little as he moved forward.
He gestured to you in greeting, you quickly repeated the action, grabbing onto his arm. “Have you seen Ronal? I have a question for her.”
He blinked slowly, knowing just as well as you did that Ronal was with Uäloä and wouldn’t have time to speak with you right now. Helplessly, before he could say that out loud, you widened your eyes a little and slid your gaze to Yitì, who was looking a bit sour at Tonowari’s intrusion.
His eyes gleamed with understanding, and you could have kissed him as he said, “Yes, I will take you too her.”
His acting needed work, but it was enough to work on Yitì and Felix. You beamed at him, letting his hand fall to the small of your back as he led you away. Your heart hammered, and you felt hot where his skin touched yours. You didn’t pull away.
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