Chapter 5
Formerly, he did not know that there are words we do not hear but one night a shadow came who told him: "Listen a little more a voice speaks to you with unknown words do you hear the small voice of silence?" The one that hides deep inside of you, echoing words that you refuse to say out loud... What if? What if? What if?
She was sleeping next to him but didn't dare to speak to him for fear that her words would be confused with the noise of the world. But he loves her so much that one day he will understand, he will hear, he will listen. Shout the words of silence. Those that she had not dared to express.
It’s almost late spring, early summer and the temperature is starting to rise rapidly in Geneva, allowing to open the windows for a longer time and to enjoy the terrace and the gardens. He has never taken time for himself, always running, always on edge.
As Helen moved on with her life, ready to leave behind her Max whispering unintelligible words in her ear on their last night together, He’s backed into a corner. His friends were his doctors, NA was his band-aid and the two together kept him from sinking and thinking about her. He makes sounds and sounds where he talks about her, as if that will change anything... still no response to his previous calls and texts.
So he tries something else, the night they made love, between a glass of water and a break before falling back into each other's arms, they joked about social médias and Max posting a lot.
He had then explained that it was for Gwen and Calvin and Helen had just laughed watching with tenderness the pictures of Luna and his father. He took the opportunity to send her a request that she had ignored the whole time! He didn't believe in it anymore and had even given up hope that she would accept his friend request, considering how they had parted ways. Then last week he smiled like a child when at 3:00 AM he got a notification that she had accepted his request. Almost a month after he sent it.
She only watches stories about Luna... but not his, ever. Just Luna. But he spends hours looking at her pictures, her posts, stories.... He feels like he's spying on her, but it makes him feel good to see her, even in pictures, and he dares to comment on a picture of her from her last trip to Istanbul.
Max : Beautiful! Hope someday I will visit this city.
In reference to the promise she made to him sometime ago. Three days later, Max had received a notification, she had just reply with that emoji 👍 on his comment and he felt ridiculous that his heart had been racing! Then a story of him, alone... asking for advice between a tie and a bow tie….Helen had responded
The small collar is unobtrusive and can be well combined with a tie or a bow tie. But I would always choose the bow tie.😉
And that simple response gave him every reason to believe that everything was not a bust, so every post he made after that was planned, every single picture, every single story, so that she could see that he was trying... that he was trying to connect with her... But he knows deep down that Helen's ignorance is killing him. He knows he has to be the one to go back to her this time and he has to find the right words.
A week later, he posts a picture of him at Heathrow airport.Dozens of comments, but not from the person to whom this picture is destined.Two days Max is in London for work, but Helen doesn't comment on any of his pictures, any of his stories. So he tries bigger. He posts a picture of the gazebo, the one they had broken the banister and adds to the caption, It’s fixed. He waits... waits... Nothing. No comments, No like... And he's clueless. So he stops the insinuations and texts her, subtle but it's Max...
6:00PM, Max:
Im in London for a few days, can you suggest a good Italian restaurant please?
8:30 PM Helen:
Hope you weren't waiting for my answer to eat? Sorry, I just had a meeting.
7:35 PM Max:
Kind of... I'm starving
7:40 PM Max:
You owe me a restaurant :)
8:20PM Max:
Sorry if I'm bothering you... but I was hoping to see you. Would you be available for dinner?
8:52PM Max:
or just coffee?
Max sees the dots appear on his screen, showing that Helen is answering, then they disappear and he puts his phone down in frustration.
9:45 PM - He jumps on his phone as soon as he hears it vibrate.
Helen:
Sorry, my phone was dead. I can’t…
He’s disappointed but insists
9:50PM Max:
Maybe tomorrow or Thursday? I have my flight back on Friday.
10:00 PM Helen:
I am not in London Max
A feeling of deception runs through his body. He doesn't want to seem pushy, but he really wants to see her.
10:02 PM Max:
Too bad really ! I was hoping to see you.
10:03 PM Helen :
Why?
Max:
To talk to you...
Helen:
about what?
He thinks and takes his time before answering something that might make her cut off the conversation.
Max :
About how we left things the last time we met...
Helen :
You mean, me finding out you were in a relationship after we had sex? I’m not sure what more to say.
Ouch, Max puts his hand in his face, wondering how he will be able to get out this situation
Max:
I'm not with Wilder anymore. I wanted you to know that.
Helen:
Okay...
Max:
I just want you to know.
Helen :
Now I know
Max :
Helen... Please, can I see you? Can we talk?
Helen:
Few months ago, I wanted to talk to you.. when I was in NY. And you left me waiting in that bar for hours... You didn't even bother to answer my text.
Max :
You're right, I didn't answer... but I was there.
Helen
No you weren't
Max :
I was there Helen... I just didn't go inside. I can even tell you what you were wearing and how …
I'm sorry, I was too stupid to talk to you. Too scared to sit in front of you and listen that you didn't love me anymore…
Helen :
37 Quai Wilson, Geneva. On Friday?
Max :
Geneva?
Helen :
8:30pm? If you have a problem with luna, let me know.
Max :
Luna is at Disney with her grandparents.
Friday at 8:30. I will be there. Thank you!
Helen:
I have to go. Good night, Max.
Max:
Good night Helen.