attention

You don't understand how much i want attention. I want it so bad. The longing for attention is so strong; I cannot control it.

But she's beautiful. And I want her to see me so bad. She has short blonde hair with glossy blue eyes. Round pink lips that talk so sweetly. With her sense of fashion, it's hard to not look at her.

It's not that I like her or anything, and I'm serious. The ways I describe her and many others may seem as if I long for their love; that's wrong.

I do not long for their romantic love; I long for their attention.

Anything they do remotely involving me makes me feel more happiness than any relationship I'll ever be in. (I'll never romantically love)

Yesterday she hugged me and patted my head. I wanted so badly to wave my hands in joy. She actually knows me.

She's so cool.

I want her to be friends with me. I want her to have her focus on me. I want to be apart of her life. I want her to realize who I am, and think I too might be cool in her eyes. I want her attention on me. I want her to hug me and have fun with me and look me in the eyes and care for me. I want to be more than just someone she happens to know.

I don't want to be someone she just sees and is friendly with. I don't want to be someone who's unimportant to her. I don't want to be someone who she's only nice to because I'm near her. I don't want her to forget about me without knowing me from the beginning. I don't want to be left out.

How can I get her attention? How can someone like me get the attention of someone so cool and amazing and memorizing and gorgeous?

There's a few ideas I've came up with:
1. Manifest. If I think about it then she will eventually become my friend.
2. Look cool like her. Maybe she'll notice me if I dress like her.
3. Talk to my friend who is friends with her. This way I might be able to have a conversation with her while with my other friend, making it less awkward. It kind of seems like I'm using my friend, but I have to do what I got to do to get what I want. Besides, it's not like I'm only friends with my friend just for her. Kinda confusing.
4. Just talk to her. I'm no pussy. Socializing has gotten easier for me over time.

The forth one is my last resort. I'm most definitely a pussy but just don't really realize fully.

Anyways, I am willing to try my best to be on her mind. There's very few days left where I get to really be with her, so I am going to make the best out of it. It'll be hard though. Nobody knows I want to be her friend. I don't want to tell anyone, since it might look like I have romantic feelings, but I know I don't. They'll all think I'm weird.

It's whatever. My main goal is to get her to really like me. I know I can do it.