Chapter 17
Darcy wasn’t going to do it here. No, she had to get away, go somewhere. Though she was supposed to be in class, she emailed her professors and claimed being ill before packing a bag for the car. The drive was lonely, but she wasn’t going to do it. She wasn’t going to break. She blasted Seether to get it off her mind (though it never really left). Things are better with angry music and road trip food, she told herself.
She told herself she was okay and that everything was going to be alright. She was better off, they both would be. Who wants to be tied to a dead man stuck in their head, anyways? She needed real dates and a physical relationship.
She kept repeating these things when she pulled up in the driveway. She was okay, she was not broken, she told herself as she opened the door. Everything was already better now.
It all broke when she saw her mother rushing towards her, shock and happiness covering her face. Her mother was saying something to her, but it sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher to Darcy’s ears. She didn’t even realize her mother was holding her up till she couldn’t see through the tears in her eyes.
She doesn’t remember much that night. Her mother helping her to her room, her father maybe asking a question about why she wasn’t at school. Her mother tucked her in, kissed her goodnight. Darcy figured on some level her mother knew this was heartbreak.
When her mother closed the bedroom door, Darcy allowed herself to feel the pain in the comfort of her old room.
“What’s your girl like, anyways?”
Steve tried to ignore the pain of Bucky’s question but failed. He kept his gaze forward. “She’s not my girl anymore. I broke up with her.”
“Um, how?” Bucky waved his arm around the area and Steve mentally cursed himself.
“I meant, I’m going to.”
“Why? I thought you said you guys had something deep or whatever.”
“It’s just not going to work, too many things between us.” He clipped out.
Bucky paused for a moment. “You still never answered my question. What’s she like?”
Steve ran a frustrated hand over his face. “Bucky, it doesn’t matter anymore…”
“Just answer this one questions and I’ll stop buggin you about it.” Bucky promised.
“Darcy is…not like other girls.” He winced at the stupid statement. “She’s very intelligent, more so than what people give her credit for I think. She pushes the people she loves to be what they want to be. Hell, she’s the reason I survived Basic. She doesn’t take shit from anyone. A guy once tried to get too fresh with her and she, uh, took him down several notches all on her own. Has a beautiful laugh, can make me stop with a smile. She’s just…”
“The girl you love.” Bucky finished for him.
Steve didn’t deny it, but flinched when Bucky smacked the back of his head. “What the hell was that for?”
“For being a dumb, punk, that’s what it’s for.” Bucky snapped. “Most guys would kill for a little of what you have and you’re just gonna go and throw it all away because it’s getting too hard!”
“It’s not because it’s getting too hard,” Steve argued. “It was difficult from the moment we met!”
“Listen to me,” Bucky stopped walking to turn to him. “If you can’t imagine a moment without this girl, if she’s what picks you up when you’re down and makes life feel worth living, then don’t end it. If you do, you’re gonna lose something that most of us will never get the chance to get.”
Before he could say a work, Bucky walked away from him. He knew what he was saying was right, but he didn’t know everything about the situation. He didn’t know that Steve wanted nothing more than to check on Darcy, but it would do nothing but pursue this unhealthy relationship. He was giving her a chance of a happy life without him.
“Darcy sweetie, please talk to me. I might not be able to help, but sometimes it’s good just to get it out there.” Her mother consoled as she set a cup of hot chocolate beside her.
“You’ll think I’m crazy.” Darcy’s voice was raspy from lack of talking and increase of tears. It was day two at her parents. Darcy couldn’t remember the last time she had even showered, telling from the messy bun piled on top of her head and the comfy pajamas.
“You know I hate that word.” Her mother scolded. “It’s what everyone called my sister.”
“Aunt Jenny?” Darcy asked, hesitantly reaching for the hot cocoa.
Her mother nodded briskly. “I never told you this, didn’t see any reason to since she passed away before you could really know her, but..”
“What?”
“She was diagnosed with schizophrenia when she was your age.” Her mother sighed. “She had always been a little eccentric, but then one day she started hearing things, talking to people who weren’t there…my parents worried so much. They hoped it was just stress, but then other symptoms started appearing so they got her some counseling and some medication. She was still my sister, no matter what, but other people in the family and friends started acting like she was a serial killed. Kept telling my parents that she belonged in a padded room.”
Darcy kept her eyes on the table, trying to process this new information about the aunt who had passed away when she was only eight years old. Her mother had been accepting of her sister, so maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t think Darcy was completely bonkers.
“Mom,” Darcy took a deep breath. “I’m going to tell you, but I want you to know that it’s real, okay?”
“Okay, Darcy,” Her mother said softly.
Retelling hers and Steve’s story was harder than Darcy could ever imagine. Each memory was like a repeated stab to her heart. She couldn’t look at her mother, fear of the judgment, but instead kept her eyes focused on a Christmas picture of the family that hung in the kitchen. It was the year that Darcy had begged for a kitten, later named Buttercup, only to come home one day from school and had her parents explain the death of the cat for her. It was one of the reasons Darcy still had issues with having another pet, Buttercups death was still fresh eight years later. She wondered when Steve would pass how long it would feel like an open wound to her. Probably for the rest of her life.
By the time Darcy had come to the end of the tale, the hot chocolate was as cold as she felt. She finally met her mother’s eyes, the other woman completely impassive. “He broke up with me the other day, said he wouldn’t talk to me even if I tried. Said he could find this happiness with someone else without having an only partial relationship. So, yeah. That’s the story of how one day the future Captain America appeared in my head and I fell in love with him only to have my heart ripped out.”
“Darcy…” Her mother said slowly. “I don’t know if you just have an active imagination or…”
Darcy snorted. “You’re not getting it. It was real! I could see what he was seeing, feel what he was feeling. Do you not believe me?”
“I believe that you believe it’s real.” Her mother responded. “I see how upset you are.”
“It’s more than upset, Mom.” Darcy muttered. “I can’t remember life before him and I don’t want to know life without him. Right now, he’s fighting against Hydra and he’s going to die soon and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Mom, please believe me!”
“Darcy, it doesn’t matter what I believe.” Her mother held her hand. She had forgotten how soft her hands were. “You believe it. But…”
“But?” Darcy echoed.
“I do think you should get some counseling.” She tried to yank her hand away but her mother held tight. “Not because I think you’re crazy, but because I see how upset you are. You need a professional to keep you from going into a depression.”
“And if they try to lock me up?” Darcy rasped, tears filling her eyes.
“I won’t let them. Trust me, Darcy, it will be good for you to talk out these emotions so one day you can move on from whatever this is.”