Chapter 18
Darcy was pretty sure her mother was the most amazing person ever. She convinced Darcy to take off the rest of the semester with a Withdraw from her classes. Darcy kind of wanted to fight back and claim she was going to go back to school, finish this out like a normal person, but Darcy didn’t feel normal anymore. She had simply nodded and her mother sent her father to Culver to get Darcy’s things. Darcy figured it was probably best this way because she hadn’t been doing too great in her classes anyways, she was definitely going to have to take another science course because she had bombed chemistry and do a complete redo on Spanish.
Her mother had shown Darcy several therapists and they spent the whole day doing pros and cons listed on each one. She would catch her mother staring at her sometimes like she wasn’t sure what was going on inside her head anymore. Well, join the club Mom, Darcy though bitterly. She missed the feeling of Steve being with her, his voice soft inside her head. On her first day at her knew appointment, her mother insisted on driving her. She gave one last eyeroll to her mother in the waiting room before meeting in Dr. Sanders office.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Darcy.” Dr. Sanders welcomed here.
“Thanks, you too.” Darcy muttered, fidgeting in her seat.
“Before we even start on the heavy things, why don’t you tell me about some things about you, just so I can know you a little better.”
Darcy cleared her throat, absently fidgeting with her hair. “I’m in college. Or well, I was. I decided to pull out for the rest of the semester. Though, I’m definitely going back in the spring. I just needed a break right now.”
“Everyone does eventually.” Dr. Sanders nodded, her blonde bob dancing. “What are you studying?”
“Political science,” Darcy responded, her mind immediately going back to the conversation she had with Steve. “I’m not sure what I want to do with it, but…”
“It’s a start.” Dr. Sanders nodded. “Any friends?”
Darcy nodded. “Not my roommate, that’s for sure. My best friend is Lily, but I haven’t spoken or seen much of her this semester. I’ve kind of been a little anti-social. When I told her I wasn’t coming back this semester she kind of freaked.”
“She’s probably concerned.”
“Like everyone else,” Darcy sighed, rubbing her forehead with closed eyes.
“Darcy,” Dr. Sanders said softly. “Why don’t you tell me when it all began?”
She could do this, she told herself. She needed to talk about him, needed to talk to someone about the aching pain in her chest.
“I’ve spent the last few months talking to someone only to find out I knew when they were going to die. And I fell in love with them.” Darcy started. “I was working in this diner when it felt like someone was attacking me…”
Darcy met with Dr. Sanders twice a week. The woman was nice about not making Darcy feel like she was completely bonkers. Darcy had met with her doctor, through her mother’s pushing, and was started on depression and anxiety medication. On the rest of the days, Darcy worked in her mother’s hair salon to keep her busy and planning out the rest of her college career so she could still graduate on time.
If she was being completely honest with herself, she felt like an empty shell. Everything was automatic with no feeling. She was in her room just lying on her bed when it all came back to her. She shot up, feeling him around the edges of herself. She could see the remains of a building, though it was dark.
“Darcy,” Steve rasped.
“Steve,” her voice shook.
“Did you know about Bucky?” He gritted out, his hand clutching a bottle tighter.
Darcy’s heart stopped as her eyes closed on the tears. “Yes.”
Steve’s anger was practically radiating off of him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It would have been a mistake if I did! Steve, I don’t know what it would have changed. I couldn’t risk that, you need to see that.” She begged.
“The mistake was us,” he said coldly.
Darcy gasped for air as the connection was suddenly cut. She knew he was grieving, taking it out on her, but it didn’t erase the hurtful words. Darcy hugged her knees to her chest and begged for this pain to pass.
Steve had hated the words as soon as he said them. He was doing nothing but causing her pain just because he was in pain. Steve shook himself as he felt Bucky slipping from him again. What did Steve have now? A dead best friend and the girl he loved hurting and far away. He had nothing.
It should have felt normal, getting up and having breakfast with her parents before heading to the salon. She would straighten up, answer the phone, sweeping hair and washing it. Going home consisted of debating with her father about political news and helping make dinner. She had forgotten how much she missed being home. It went on this for a while, Darcy getting lost in the routine. The only time she would feel remotely anything would be when she talked to Dr. Sanders. That woman was a saint to Darcy.
It was just one of those normal days where Darcy had opted to stay home instead of going with her mom. She needed a day to herself. She spent the morning writing in a journal, something encouraged by Dr. Sanders. She was looking at her old books and trying to decide on what to read when it happened again. Darcy’s whole body stood straight as a rod.
“Darcy,” Steve’s voice rushed. “I don’t have much time.”
No, no, not now, not ever! “Steve, no, please don’t!”
“So you already knew.” His voice was filled with pain.
“Yes,” she sobbed, already seeing the window of the plane through his eyes.
“Being with you wasn't a mistake, I had to tell you that.” She saw him look down, her sketch had been placed in front of him.
“Steve, I don’t want to lose you. There has to be another way, please. Don’t make me say goodbye.”
“Not goodbye, sweetheart, never that.” He swore. “Do you remember the date we had planned? Dancing and…”
“And crappy hotdogs.” She finished for him. “I love you so much, I can’t lose you..”
“I’m sorry, Darcy, you’re the best thing…”
Suddenly it was cut off, Darcy’s heart dropping to her stomach. “Steve? Steve!”
She wasn’t breathing, she realized this when she began to feel dizzy. Her knees were crumbling underneath her. Her fist pounded against the wall as she tried to hold onto something, anything. She repeated his name like a mantra, hoping that he would come back. Tears were pouring out of her as she waited for his voice.
“Come back, please come back to me.”
Darcy was still on the floor, completely numb to the world when her mother found her there later the day. She tried to talk to her, but what was the point anymore? Darcy had lost her soulmate, something she had always known was coming. She just never knew the true pain she would feel.