Chapter 15
Darcy woke up to the cold, rainy day with the absolute knowledge that everything was going to change today. She didn’t know how she knew, only her pounding heart did. She sighed as she looked around the empty room. Diane had left the day before to go home for the weekend, giving Darcy some type of peace. Yet, right now, she didn’t really want to be alone.
She wished she could talk to Steve but she knew he was busy today. They had spent the night before listening to classic songs she loved. She didn’t know if she was going to change the future by teaching Steve the lyrics to Sweet Child of Mine, but she could care less about that now. She was tempted to throw caution to the wind and tell Steve about Bucky, about him crashing the plane to save lives. It was weird to know the death of the man she loved. If she thought about it, she was dating a dead man. Only I would, Darcy thought as she began to organize her room. What better to do when you don’t know what to do with yourself than cleaning and organizing?
Well, she would rather have a strong drink right now, but that would have to wait. As Darcy cleaned out her closet, she thought about the article she had read about Steve’s death. It had said that Howard Stark had spent most of his life trying to find the plane with Steve in it but had never succeeded. It made her want to cry and vomit at the same time. But it also made her head hurt when she thought of how she could be talking to him while he was also dead. She shivered, tossing a sweater she hadn’t worn in forever to a donate pile.
“Darcy,”
His voice was rough, sounding so desperate that it went through her whole body. “Steve? Where are you?”
His eyes were focusing on the rain pouring in front of him. From what she could make out, it looked like a base camp. But where?
“Steve?” She asked again when he didn’t respond.
“I have to do something and I know you’re not going to like it.”
Darcy froze. “What’s going on?”
“I have to find him.” Steve breathed. “He’s like my brother.”
Darcy gripped her closet door tight, leaning against it. She already knew the answer but still asked. “Bucky?”
“I’m kinda going against orders here, but…” He gave a short, stilted laugh that held no humor at all. “I’m going with Peggy and Howard Stark. He’s gonna fly us close to the lines.”
“Please be careful,” she begged.
“I will, love.” He whispered. “I can’t contact you, though, nor you me or else…”
She nodded briskly. “I know,”
“Do-do you know if he’s okay?” He asked, the words sounded like they were being dragged out of him.
She could give him this, this one ounce of hope that a man that was basically family was okay. “He is, Steve, but just know by me telling you this could change things. So go into this as you would if you didn’t know, okay? Don’t get cocky.”
“I’m not. I’m coming back to you, doll.” He swore. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
When she felt him leave her, she sat on the floor with her back to the wall. Things were going to start getting more complicated now. He would get Bucky back, he and the Howling Commandos would start their battle against Hydra camps, and then…and then it will all go to hell.
Darcy didn’t expect things to happen so quickly. She wondered where the time had gone. One minute it was just her and Steve against this strange predicament life had put them in and then she blinked and suddenly the man she loved was fighting for his country. She was biting her tongue, bidding her time. She wanted to go back in time, before she had ever known the outcome. People think knowing makes things better, but they’re wrong, so wrong.
Yes, she was proud of Steve. He sacrifices everything for everyone else. He was filled with a certain passion for helping others that Darcy envied. But it didn’t meant that she loved counting down the time till she no longer had him. Part of her acknowledged that she should be cherishing the time they had together right now, but the rest of her could only feel dread when he told her that he had gotten approval to gather his own team to wage war against Hydra.
“Darcy, talk to me, love.” He said after he had told her the news.
“I just-I worry that’s all.” She had given a weak smile as she continued to walk. She had decided a long walk around campus would do her some good.
“I’m not stupid, Darce.” He huffed. “I know I’m not going to live forever. I know I’m never going to be there with you. We’ve both known it from the beginning. But you’ve been acting so different lately.”
“I think I’m just now processing it.” She said softly. “Do you sometimes wonder what your life would have been like if I had never entered it?”
“No, not at all.” He said immediately. “I can’t imagine life without you anymore.”
“I think you would have had a normal life.” She continued, voicing her thoughts. “I feel like you and Peggy would have hit it off. You know, her and I are kinda similar in some ways.”
“Darce,” He whispered. “What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing,” she rushed. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
“It’s going to be okay, love. We’ll get through this.”
It was after their first mission against Hydra that Steve rested against a tree as the rest of the group, his friends, huddled against the fire to trade stories. He pulled the sketch out of his pocket, unfolding it against its many wrinkles to only sigh at the beautiful woman on it. Something wasn’t right with her lately and it was doing nothing but making him worry.
“Whatcha got there, Rogers?” Bucky asked, settling next to him.
“Oh, nothing.” Steve lied, quickly trying to shove it in his pocket.
Bucky rolled his eyes, snatching it out of Steve’s hands. “You know, they made you bigger but they didn’t make you a better liar.”
Steve reached for the drawing, but Bucky had already had an eyeful. Steve closed his eyes and groaned, Darcy was going to murder him.
Bucky whistled lowly. “Now, who is this lovely gal?”
“No one, I just drew.” Steve fibbed.
Bucky snorted. “This the gal you were talkin’ about?”
Steve let out a long sigh. Maybe it would do him some good to talk to someone about him and Darcy. “Yeah, that’s her.”
“She’s a looker. Liked you when you were little, huh?” Bucky smirked. “Always told you that you’d find a good gal just by being you.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “You were right, Buck, is that what you wanted to hear?”
“I thought you were going to cut things off?” Bucky asked, handing the drawing back to Steve.
“No, you told me to.” Steve corrected.
“And as always, you didn’t listen to me.” Bucky snarked.
“I feel in love with her, Buck.” Steve said softly. “It happened so quickly, but it feels like it was always supposed to happen this way, ya know?”
Bucky shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Steve frowned, looking away from his closest friend.
“But,” Bucky continued. “You know what you’re talking about it. If she means that much to you, why don’t you just go ahead and marry her?”
“Things are still complicated.” Steve muttered.
“Well, yeah things are now.” Bucky nodded towards their group. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen after this is over.”
“There’s a lot more to it than the war, Buck.”
“The living in different places, thing?” Bucky raised his eyebrows.
Steve shook his head. “Tell ya what, when we get out of this, I’m going tell you everything. You're going to think I’m crazy, but I’m not.”