Alicent is always wandering the halls.
It helps her thoughts. She shouldn’t be out of bed, not when she’s so weak, but everyone knows to leave her alone. Alicent Hightower is to be left to her own devices. If you see the former queen, avoid eye contact and keep walking. Do not stare at her, no matter how difficult it is to look away.
“Long stroll this morning,” Rhaenyra comments as she appears next to her.
“Just my routine morning stroll,” Alicent replies with a smile.
Rhaenyra links her arm in Alicent’s, “You know I will always be here by your side.”
“Ever since we were girls,” Alicent agrees.
Rhaenyra’s hold on Alicent tightens. They had been able to come to an understanding and patch things up, thankfully. Alicent does not know what she would do without Rhaenyra. After all of her losses, Rhaenyra is the only thing holding her together.
“Perhaps we might see the garden,” Rhaenyra suggests.
“Yes,” Alicent nods, “That is an excellent idea.”
Alicent allows Rhaenyra to lead her to the garden. She rarely gets to see such beauty anymore, besides Rhaenyra. Alicent sits on the bench to watch the fountain and pulls Rhaenyra down to sit next to her.
Rhaenyra’s head falls on Alicent’s shoulder, “This is relaxing, we should come here more often.”
Alicent hums in agreement. After the war, things had been bad for a long while. Being here with Rhaenyra is relaxing. When they had been fighting, Alicent had been so unsettled. Now that they have mended their relationship, Alicent feels at peace.
She had once thought that she would never be allowed this feeling. After all that she had done, Alicent knows that she does not deserve this. She does not deserve to feel peace with Rhaenyra by her side.
If Rhaenyra had never forgiven her, Alicent is unsure she would be able to keep her mind. Rhaenyra is the only one left able to ground her to reality.
“I am glad you have forgiven me,” Alicent admits.
“Of course,” Rhaenyra responds, as she always does, “You know our love for each other will outlast any other strife that comes between us. I will be with you, always.”
It settles Alicent to hear, as it always does. Rhaenyra always knows exactly what to say to Alicent. It is as if they share one mind.
A servant on the other side of the garden stares at the two of them on the bench for a few moments.
Rhaenyra scoffs, “They never understand our relationship.”
“It is unusual,” Alicent relents.
“Be gone!” Rhaenyra shouts at the servant, who stares for one more moment before rushing away.
“You did not have to do that for me,” Alicent says.
“I did,” Rhaenyra argues, “We have gone through enough, we do not deserve their scowls.”
“Perhaps I do,” Alicent says. She has done horrible things, she wonders sometimes how Rhaenyra was able to forgive her. Alicent had once been so certain that she had lost Rhaenyra forever. However, Rhaenyra continues to surprise her. She has forgiven Alicent for everything that has passed between them since they were girls.
Alicent does not deserve Rhaenyra’s forgiveness, but she is so glad to have it. If she did not, she would not be able to keep going. After all she has lost, Rhaenyra is her sole anchor in life. Alicent would have fallen apart a thousand times without Rhaenyra by her side, she is certain of it.
“You would not have fallen apart without me,” Rhaenyra argues.
“What?” Alicent asks, pulled out of her thoughts by her love.
“You are strong,” Rhaenyra says, “Stronger than you know. You would be able to keep going without me.”
Alicent shakes her head, “I think not. You keep me here. You help me keep my mind.”
“That is not true,” Rhaenyra says, sounding angry now, “I do not.”
“I do not wish to fight,” Alicent pleads.
Rhaenyra falls silent. They do not fight often, but Alicent does not like it when they do. Rhaenyra knows that she means everything to Alicent, so why must she try to make Alicent believe otherwise?
“Because it is the truth,” Rhaenyra snarls, “You are fine without me.”
Alicent startles as she turns to Rhaenyra, “I thought I said I was done fighting. When I say that you always stop and just hold me. I wish for you to do that.”
“And I always do as you wish?” Rhaenyra questions.
“Yes,” Alicent huffs, “That is why you are here.”
“What do you mean?” Rhaenyra asks with confusion.
Alicent takes a deep breath, “You are here to comfort me, that is what I wish for, that is what I need.”
“But is it what you deserve?” Rhaenyra questions unkindly.
Alicent blinks, “This is not what you are supposed to do. Please, stop.”
“No, this is not what you wish me to do.”
“You are never like this,” Alicent accuses.
“Because you never wish for me to be like this,” Rhaenyra says exasperated, “You always wish for me to be compliant and to comfort you, but now you have finally realized you do not deserve my comfort. You deserve my hatred, my disgust.”
Alicent shakes her head with teary eyes, “Please, Rhaenyra. I will do anything to deserve your forgiveness. Please just tell me what you wish me to do.”
“I cannot do that,” Rhaenyra sighs, “You know that.”
“I beg of you, please,” Alicent pleads as she grabs Rhaenyra’s hands with her own.
“You do not deserve my forgiveness,” Rhaenyra says simply, “You do not even deserve my presence.”
“No!” Alicent shouts as Rhaenyra disappears before her eyes, “Please!” Alicent cries as her love has abandoned her. She needs Rhaenyra. She cannot go on without Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra was all that Alicent had left, Rhaenyra was the only thing keeping her tethered. Alicent sobs, “I need you, please, Rhaenyra. Do not leave me alone.”
Alicent’s cries are of no use, Rhaenyra is gone. She has finally faded away. Alicent sits back against the bench, waiting for the fever to finally claim her, so that she may fade away, too.