Chapter 7
Therapy sessions are once a week on Tuesday's. The therapist's name is Ms. Karen Marshall. She was older, well into her fifties with greying brown hair and a tired but warming smile. There was little Steve knew about her besides that she was an old friend of Bruce's but his recommendation was enough.
The first session was the day after Bucky had slept in Steve's bed for the first time and there was little said. Steve was allowed to stay and watch, for that sessions at least. They were sat in the living room, her in the single chair and bucky in the middle of the couch. She asked a few questions and chatted a bit (mostly one-sided) in an attempt to break the ice.
"Would you prefer I call you James or Bucky?"
"Bucky," he replied simply. She smiled.
"Thats a rather uncommon name. May I ask why you go by it?"
"Its a nickname from when i was a kid. My little sister couldn't say my middle name, Buchanan."
"That's quite sweet." she hummed, seeming genuine pleased by the story. She opened a little writing pad and set it on her lap. "Okay, so Bruce told me as much as he knew about your situation, which granted, wasn't much but it was enough to get me here. I'm gonna ask your side of the events. And we can start off with small things, whatever your comfortable with." Steve saw Bucky tense a bit.
"What do i say?"
"Let's start with a very short summary of your life up until this point. Major things you believe were important and we'll go by that."
"I-uh," he stuttered, unsure. "I was born in Brooklyn, 1918." He went on about his family in a few choppy sentences. Meeting Steve was next. A few moments in their lives, Steve being sick so much, Steve's mother Sarah dying, were all condensed to a small mouthful of words. And then he talked about going over seas and his period of imprisonment.
"We were there a couple of weeks. At some point I was singled out and kept seperate from the group." There was a slight pause. "I was told that that lasted 10 days before steve busted us all out." Ms. Marshall would every noe and then, scribble down a few notes but her eyes barely left bucky.
"It wasn't too long afterwards that I fell off the train." It was Steve's turn to flinch. "The soviets found me and a lot of stuff after that isn't very clear. I was tortured for a long time, given a new arm, molded into something they could use. I become compliant enough to do missions for them. Assassinations mostly, under a few certain powerful soviets but when i was The Soldier, I was compliant to anyone, if you knew the right words." Steve felt his stomach drop at those words. "Eventually I was given back to hydra from the KGB. Whenever I remembered too much or questioned orders, I was wiped." Somehow bucky managed to get through most of this without too much inflection, like he was simply reading from a page but there were certain things that brought in hesitation or breaks. Apparently being wiped was one of them. He went on though, attempted to go back to his nonchalant tone.
"I still remember most of what happened. At least, I think I do. There are some fuzzy bits and a lot that kinda overlap each other... I was in a mission when I came across Steve. And seeing him broke through something and after working up the courage to come back, here I am." There was a silence, short but booming after what had been said. Ms. Marshall looked at Bucky, not with pity but with her tired, warm smile.
"I think thats enough for today." She stated, finally, putting her little notepad away. "Let me just finish with saying something. You have survived something, Bucky, that frankly most people would not and that none, that I've heard of, have. You are strong. You wouldn't be sitting in front of me if you weren't, dont forget that."
"The thing with therapy is that you have to be willing to help me help you. There are gonna be things you don't want to talk about, things that scare you. We won't rush into all that but you must be willing to try." Bucky nodded and she nodded back. Steve jumped up from where hed been sitting across the room.
"So you can help him."
"I'll do my best Mr. Rogers. I cant guarantee too much. Trauma is difficult to deal with, especially something so extensive but," she gave Bucky another smile, "I think I'll be able to do some good." Steve and Bucky glanced at each other and Steve nodded.
"Good enough for me."
"Now I'll have Bruce give you all my info so if you need to contact me in between visits, you can do so."
"Um," Bucky spoke up, still seated on the couch, "Can you recommend anything for night terrors or when im... Not really myself?"
"Well the easiest thing at this moment is to eliminate anything that you know could trigger an episode, whether it's words or objects. And I think Mr. Rogers is more then capable of being able to bring you back to yourself."
"But what if I hurt him?"
"You could hurt a lot of people, Steve's much more resistent then most people. Besides he's the strongest tie you have to your past and as far as we know, one of the only thing that can break through to you. You may not like it but he's gonna be a major factor in your rehabilitation and to do that he might be put in a bit of danger." She left without another word and Bucky continued to sit on the couch, thinking over Ms. Marshalls words.