Chapter 5
Steve woke up to the sound of soft breathing. For a moment he was confused because he wasn't in his bed but rather just laid out on top of it and then the previous day flooded his mind. He opened his eyes and saw Bucky sitting in the corner of his room holding a large knife, sound sleep against the wall. He shifted to sit up and Bucky immediately woke up, eyes flashing around for a threat.
"Hey," Steve spoke softly. "It's just me, relax." And he seemed to, at least as much as he was capable. Bucky loosened his grip on the knife and settled back into the corner. Steve looked at his clock which only read 5:53 A.M. "It's still early. You can go back to sleep." There was no reply and no real acknowledgement that Bucky even heard Steve speak. "Are you sure you don't want to sleep in the guest bed or even mine. I wouldn't mind." Bucky looked Steve up and down Eyes void of any emotion that Steve could make out before his hand flexed around the handle of his weapon and he pressed himself further into the corner. Steve frowned but knew he couldn't force him to sleep in a bed. "Well I'm not going to be able to get back to sleep. Are you hungry? I can make some breakfast." There was a tiny motion that Steve took for a shrug. Steve nodded to himself and headed for the kitchen. He doesn't see Bucky stare after him as he leaves the room.
Something simple would be best, he decided. Eggs? Simplest thing he can think of at the moment and it seemed like a decent enough plan. It only takes him a few minutes to scramble maybe too many eggs and toast half a loaf of bread so when he walks back to his room to get Bucky, he's surprised to see his friend curled up on his bed asleep. Bucky's face is smooth and peaceful like this and Steve can't help the little smile that tugs on his lips. He tries his best to not make a sound and makes his way back to the living room where he gets comfortable on the couch, still grinning about Bucky. He doesn't really take notice of his eyes getting heavy.
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This time when Steve wakes up it's to the sound of chewing. He untangles himself from the blanket, which he did not have before he had fallen asleep and sits up. Bucky it sitting on the floor in front of him eating at the coffee table. He's scooping egg up with the toast and shoveling it into his mouth at a speed which, if he hadn't been aware of Bucky's previous eating habits he might be concerned. But he's not because it's old news that Bucky never truly learned good table manners.
According to his phone, Steve's nap lasted a little over two hours and he received a total of six text messages from Sam as well as two missed calls. Steve pushes the blanket off to the side and stands.
"Slow down, Buck. You'll get sick," he tells the man who does stop shoving eggs into his mouth. "I'm going to step into the other room really quick." He hesitates when he notices Bucky staring at him and realizes that he might have been sitting there for two hours doing nothing before he decided to eat. "Do you want me to put a movie in?" Bucky just looks at him blankly. "Right, okay. I'm going to restart Cinderella. You'll like it." Steve turns the T.V. and DVD player back on and let it run. He's read the messages he received from earlier as he walks down the hall. Once he reaches his room, he looks back down the hall to see Bucky staring up at the television screen, doing nothing of concern before turning his attention back to his messages.
[message received 1:56 A.M.
Sam:
hey steve I talked to banner not too long ago about your buddy and hes on board to try to help him
[message received 1:57 A.M.]
Sam:
sorry about not asking you first but I figured you had your hands full at the moment. speaking of which id better be getting a full version of your guys story later on
[message received 1:59 A.M]
Sam:
Im not one to pry...xp but I totally need to know details about this bucky character. you never told me much about him despite having me RUN AROUND HALF THE WORLD LOOKING FOR HIM so I figured that soon would be a good time
[message received 2:00 A.M.]
Sam:
sorry about blowing up your phone. ill tell you if banner manages anything soon. night.
Steve chuckles at Sam's messages despite himself. Sam wasn't wrong about Steve not having told him hardly anything about Bucky. He hadn't told anybody much about him actually. Most of the information that they knew was just the stuff Natasha and dug out of SHIELDS (Hydra's) database and released to the public. There rest were thing that were displayed in the Smithsonian, most of which had been common knowledge because of the sheer popularity Steve had had previously. Anything else was mostly rumors or just assumptions made on their parts. The people who probably knew the most about Bucky were Natasha, for obvious reason, having been trained by the same people and meeting a couple of times and Tony. Where Nat knew how the Winter Solider operated and fought, Tony had grown up on stories about Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Tony heard all of Howard's stories about them, most of which Steve wasn't actually sure what Tony did and didn't know. Maybe Howard had told Tony everything he knew, maybe Steve and Bucky had only featured minor parts as Howard told Tony about how he had helped defeat the Nazis. The later was honestly probably the most likely.
Steve glanced down the hallway again and Bucky was still seated so he continued with the rest of his missed notifications.
[message received 6:04 A.M]
Sam:
hey man, wanna go out for a run?
[message received 6:07 A.M.]
Sam:
I actually totally forgot about barnes, youre probably busy.
Steve clicked on his voice mails the first of which was from Bruce and had been made at 7:42 that morning.
"Morning Steve," Bruce's voice came through the speaker with a certain tightness Steve felt that he constantly had. "I don't know if Sam told you that he told me about Barnes, but he did." Steve smiled at Bruce's blatant disregard about possibly keeping Sam from getting in trouble. "I'm happy he did though because Barnes will need help. I've contacted a good friend of mine who has worked with people who've had, lets say, similar experiences with Barnes. She's the best at what she does. I'm not saying you have to agree but as a doctor and as your friend, I highly recommend it. She'll be in town Monday and if you do agree to do this, we can discuss when and where this can happen. Take care of yourself and please get back to me, bye."
The call ended with a click and then the next one began, having been made only ten minutes after the previous one.
"Hey, man," Sam always seemed as happy on the phone as he did in real life. "Banner just told me that his therapist friend is going to be in NY tomorrow and you should totally have Barnes talk to her. I know you probably aren't big on the idea but she can probably help him a lot more than you and i can. Sleep on it and get back to me when you can. See you when i see you."
Steve was contemplating calling them back, though he wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say. He couldn't just say that things were fine, because they weren't and he couldn't say that he could handle this whole situation by himself because even he knew that was a lie. He was about to push the little green button on his phone when he heard a crash from the other room and sprinted down the hall. He turned into the restroom as he heard gagging followed quickly by the very recognizable sound of someone vomiting. Sure enough Bucky was crouched over the toilet emptying his stomach of all the breakfast he'd just stuffed in there.
"Bucky," Steve muttered quickly in warning, so he wouldn't be surprised by his presence. "It's just me." He knelt next to him to pull Bucky's hair back away from his face and despite the flinch, Bucky allowed him. He let out a small groan before gagging and letting loose another burst of vomit. Steve held back Bucky's hair with one hand while the other one more to rub gently across his back, in hope of helping him relax. "You're okay," he murmured softly. "I gotcha." Eventually he spit out the last of the bile and he pulled away to sit back against the tub, face pale but flustered. Steve leaned against the counter and stared across to Bucky as he stared right back. "You okay, Buck?" There was only a slight nod in response. "I told you that you'd get sick," Steve said with a tight smile, desperately trying to make Bucky respond but he didn't even acknowledge that Steve had spoken. "Why don't you brush your teeth and I'll go and get you a drink. Okay?" The other man stood so Steve took that as positive feedback.
He walked into the kitchen and pulled a ginger ale out of the fridge. He was on his way back to the restroom when he caught the bathroom's mirror reflection halfway through the living room. Bucky was standing in front of the sink with his head bowed, eyes almost painfully clenched shut and his hands balled into tight fists on the counter. He looked angry, he looked frustrated. After a moment most of the tension left his body and he opened his eyes to look at himself in the mirror and Steve saw the fear and desperation in his eyes and he had to turn away. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and sent a quick message before continuing to attend to Bucky.
[message sent 9:14 A.M.]
To Sam:
You're right. tell bruce i'm on board and update me when you can
It was only a moment later when Steve had settled Bucky onto the couch in the living room and sipping on his drink that he felt his pocket vibrate.
[message received 9:15 A.M.]
Sam:
i got you brother. itll all work out
Steve stared at the message for a long time then glanced over to Bucky who, instead of watching the television screen which was still playing, was looking down intently at his soda can, eyes achingly blank. He really hoped that Sam was right.