Chapter 4
So tell me about Cara.
Kate took a deep breath.
“So after our 3 day/2 night weekend I went home. I could not get you out of my mind and how amazing it felt with you. Had never felt like this before. But we did not exchange numbers so I had no Idea how to contact you. I just knew that I was looking for a transfer to Hawaii. I figured I would go to the bar every day until you showed up."
“Then I met Cara at a DIA convention. I wasn’t really interested in a relationship with her, but I was very lonely. We had dinner a couple of times. The second time she invited me for a drink to her place. We got drunk and we slept together. It did not feel anything like when I was with you, but it took temporarily the edge off. After that, she became really possessive and wanted to see me all the time. She would make dinner reservations without consulting me, getting mad if I could not make it, because I had to work. She would yell at me on the phone, if I was tired and did not want to come over. So I would give in sometimes. Over time we slept together a couple of times, but I never loved her. She was just a means to an end. She wanted me to introduce her as my girlfriend, but I said I was not ready for that commitment. In reality she wasn’t you. The only relationship I wanted was with you. I knew eventually I would get a transfer to Hawaii. She got really impatient with me. So two months before I got the job offer to Hawaii, I stopped answering her calls. She was never at my apartment so she did not know where I lived. When I got the transfer to Hawaii, I knew what I wanted. I was determined to look for you. I knew you were a regular at the bar so I would just wait until I found you again. Two days before I left, I called Cara and told her I was leaving DC. She wished me luck and that was it. So I was sure she got the memo that is was over now for sure.
"In retrospect I should have said to her that we were done. I should have told her right there and then that it was over and had been for a while. Clearly. But it did not even feel like we had anything to be over with. She never was my girlfriend. If I had done this right, I would have never hurt you. I am so sorry Luce. Please forgive me for this terrible oversight” Kate is fiddling with her fingers, trying to holding back her tears.
Lucy is quiet and thinking about what Kate has told her.
The blonde gives Lucy time to let the information settle. But she is nervous.
“So why did you not tell me about Cara?” Lucy is inquiring
“Because I did not feel there was anything to tell. In my mind it was over. When she texted me that morning the she was in Hawaii, I panicked. I wanted to get her off my back as soon as I could. I just had started something with you. I was in love with you and I was worried that if I told you about Cara you would end it. When she came to my apartment I was going to officially end it. I did not kiss her or had sex with her. Something was off she could feel it. She was there for 10 min when you knocked. She never was my girlfriend, but I am sure she had an idea who you were. So she screwed up everything I loved to get back at me."
"After you left, I told her about you and that she was never my girlfriend. She was very pissed at me. But she had a smirk on her face, telling me I deserved to loose you. I did not have a right to be loved. And she hoped that you were done with me and she did enough to make you doubt me. It almost killed me. I know I could have avoided all of that, but I messed up.” Believe me if I could turn back time, I would have made sure there was no doubt in her mind that her and I were not together.
She pauses for a bit. Then she continues.
“Just one thing I realized. When you have a girlfriend, how do you call her? How do you call me when you talk about me as a girlfriend?
Lucy is thinking. “I call you Kate!”
“Do you remember how she introduced herself to you?”
“She said: I am Cara, Whistler’s girlfriend from DC.” Lucy remembers
“That is weird!” Lucy says aloud. "Hmm, so it seems to me she just wanted to get me mad and jealous. Well she definitely succeeded."
“So Kate, I get why you were thinking it was over, but you still could have told me what you just told me now. I probably would not have broken up with you. Because you would have been honest with me. You tried to hide it from me. I understand you panicked. In your mind, there was nothing to tell. But you need to be open with me going forward, otherwise it won't work with us."
Kate nods in agreement.
“But let me tell you why I was so hurt.”
“It happened to me before. I had a girlfriend I wanted to marry when I was 19. We had made plans and after all that, I found out she was cheating on me. It took me a long time to get over it. I had problems with my parents too, so I decided to enter law enforcement and I went to FLETC for NCIS training. I got picked by Tennant and moved to Hawaii. I met this beautiful blond woman I fell madly in love with. More than I had ever been, just to find out that she did the same thing to me. At least that is what it felt like. Do you have any idea how worthless I felt?”
Kate is crying. Sobbing. “I am so sorry Lucy! Thank you for telling me this. I did not mean to hurt you that way. It just blew up in my face. I did not cheat on you. I would never. I am not that kind of person. You mean too much to me!”
Lucy looks at Kate’s eyes in a serious way now.
“In order for us to work, we need to be fully open with each other. Even if it is hard. I don’t want to run away anymore, but I need a partner I can trust. No secret girlfriends, no secrets period. I don’t want to be jealous and wondering if I going to loose you to someone else. I need a person who is loyal to me, come what may, in hard and in easy times. No holding back! I know that almost sounds like a marriage agreement, and I guess it is almost the same."
Kate, I am asking you to be my partner, my lover, my everything, forever! I need to know if this is what you want as well and if you are in this with both feet?”
Kate immediately crawls over to the spot were Lucy sits. She takes her face in her hands and looks straight in Lucy’s eyes. Her cheeks still wet from crying.
“Lucy, I want that. I want nothing more than to be your partner, your lover, your forever. The person you can trust, who has your back when others don’t! Who fights for you when needed. Who tells you how beautiful you are even if you gray and old. I want to be that person for you! And if you ask me to marry you that is a yes too. I love you Lucy Tara! Forever!”
Lucy surges forward and put a fierce kiss on Kate’s lips. They are both so overwhelmed with feelings that they end up making love on the couch. This time it feels different. More intense, more love and feelings involved. Slow but deep. They hadn’t not been together since the breakup. But this feels like healing two broken hearts.
They are both holding each other close, tears on both of their faces. Knowing this is the fresh start they needed. Knowing this time it will last.
They are both done with Cara and don’t ever want to bring it up again.
There is time to talk about other things as they go. Kate’s and Lucy’s family. Noah. They both agree to leave Cara in the past. No longer important.
Kate smirks and says: “I am hungry Luce. When is dinner ready?”
She ends up with a pillow in her face.