Chapter 1
What if Kate didn’t sing at Tenants party
“Is it true?” Lucy asks
“Ahh, what?” Kate turns around looking at Lucy
“That you turned down a big job in D.C, so you could stay here in Hawaii?”
Kate smiles. “Yes!”
Lucy throws her hands up. “Why, why did you not tell me?” she wants to know
Kate hesitates a bit.
“I was going to and than …” Kate takes a step toward Lucy
Lucy huffs and looks down on the floor
"… all that business with Cara happened” she slowly says
"No, no don’t. I, I will not let you hurt me anymore. I won’t let you do this to me."
Kate raises her eyebrows trying to understand.
“Because I wanted to be closer to you?”
“No, because you ruined everything.” Lucy responds now clearly tears running down her cheeks.
With a crying voice she continues: “Because we had something so special. And you broke my heart into a million pieces.”
She looks away trying to get her composure back. But she fails.
She takes a shaky breath, tears are now falling freely.
“Because I loved you Kate!”
Kate is clearly stunned not expecting this response.
She is trying to respond, but Lucy does not let her.
“Don’t, don’t say anything else please,”
She takes one more look at Kate and walks away, crying.
Kate, can’t believe what she heard. Because I loved you Kate.
Loved. Past tense.
Knowing she screwed up royally, she starts crying.
She was standing there for at least 5 minutes, sobbing.
“Kate! ….. Kate!” She does not respond.
A hand on her shoulder turns her around slowly.
Jane Tennant, standing in front of her.
“Hey, it’s going to be ok.” She gently hugs her and lets her cry on her shoulder for a bit.
Lucy was hiding in the break room for a bit, now carefully walking back to see if Kate is still there.
She see’s her boss consoling Kate. She hides herself and listens what they are talking about.
“Jane,” Kate cries
“I screwed up the best thing I ever had in my life. She told me she loved me. Past tense.
Problem is, I love her too. More than I ever have loved anyone before. I should have told her when I had the chance. I am such a coward and now I lost her for good.”
Kate is crying uncontrollably now.
“Kate, breathe,” Jane says
She looks at the other woman.
“Why don’t you stay in my house for a couple of days? I know you need someone to monitor you overnight, because you have a concussion. You need to heal and then you figure it out, ok?”
Kate nods, but still very shaken up.
Lucy runs back to the break room. Waiting for them to leave.
She hits her head with her fist over and over. Mad at herself.
Why did she have to hurt Kate like that?
She still loves Kate. She is beating up herself now for not being considerate. Kate was hurt physically and even more now mentally and emotionally.
Jane comes in the break room to get a bottle of water for Kate.
She sees Lucy sitting on one of the tables. Their eyes lock.
Lucy wants to say something, but Jane raises he hand and shakes her head.
She leave the room without any words.
Jane drives Kate to her apartment to get some cloths and her meds and then to her house.
Alex and Julie are happy to see the blonde. Julie snuggles with Kate trying to make her feel better.
Jane cooks dinner and sets Kate up in the guest bedroom.
“Kate, I think you should take your meds and take some rest. I know Curtis gave you off for the next two weeks, so I want you here for at least a couple of days if not longer, to heal a bit.”
Kate nods.
She feels terrible. Everything hurts.
“Thank you Jane. For being there for me. I know you are Lucy’s boss and I don’t want her to get in trouble over this. I messed up, not her.”
“Kate, you are family to me. I know you are hurting. I don’t know exactly what is going on, but I overheard your conversation. Maybe tomorrow when you feel a bit better you can tell me how you screwed up, and maybe we can figure out what you can do.
But remember, even though she said loved, she probably still loves you. You can see it in her actions. She is hurting. So give her time, and do not stop fighting for her, if you still love her!
Kate is very emotional so tears rolling down he cheeks again, but she nods and gets ready for bed. She is emotionally wiped out. All she can think of is not to give up.
************************************
Lucy gets home. She has a date with Skylar today again.
She absolutely does not feel like it at all, but she get ready anyway.
Her mind is on Kate.
As she approaches Skylar, she stop for a second and sighs.
In her mind it is already very clear, that Kate has ruined her. No one is comparable.
They have dinner and a nice conversation.
But Skylar can feel something is off.
“What is going on in this mind of yours?” she asks.
“You are distracted.”
Lucy takes a deep breath.
“Skylar, you are a great person. I don’t want to waste your time. You deserve better. I'll be honest with you. I am not over my ex. I still love her and it is not fair to ask you to wait for me. I am not sure if I will ever be ready.”
“What is her name?”
“Kate.” Lucy answers slowly.
“Lucy, let me give you some advice. If you still love her and she loves you, talk it out. I can see that you still very much in love with her, but I also see that you are hurting as well. No idea what happened between you two, but if I were in your position, I would fight. I had a girlfriend I was in love with and I did not fight for her nor did I tell her how I felt. My biggest regret was not talking it out with her, saving what we had. It is rare, that you find a person you have something special with. Lucy, don’t waste it. It is too late for me, but maybe not for you. I really like you, but I know personally how it feels when things are unresolved. Go, get her back!
Lucy swallows hart. Did not expect to hear this from Skylar.
She hugs her and leaves.
****************************************
Lucy arrives in the bullpen earlier than usual. Kai and Jesse are already gone talking to some witnesses.
Jane is in her office.
Lucy drops her backpack on her desk and knocks on Jane’s door.
Jane looks up. “What can I do for you Lucy?” looking back on her computer screen again.
Lucy sighs.
“How is Kate?” She asks carefully.
Jane looks up with a smirk on her face.
“I thought you don’t care anymore?”
Lucy blushes.
“I know you heard everything yesterday. I know I was an ass. She hurt me and I wanted to hurt her back. I, I was mean to her and I shouldn’t have. She is injured.
Tennant, it hurts so much, here,” as she was pointing to her heart.”
“Lucy!” Tennant is looking straight into Lucy’s eyes
“Do you still love her? And I need an honest answer from you! Yes or No?”
The brunette swallows hard. Close to tears again.
She looks at Tennant, her lips quivering.
After a loud sigh, she says: “I can’t unlove her. She is constantly on my mind. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate. She hurt me so deeply, but I can’t live without her.”
Jane shakes her head. Those idiots in love.
“Have you heard her side, or have you been running away when she tries? Like you usually do?"
Tennant wants to know. She knows her Junior Agent very well.
“Well I feel, she always tries to make excuses so I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hurt anymore.” Lucy cries again.
“Look, I don’t really want to get involved into your personal lives, but talking is a two way street. Give her a chance to explain, and really listen without rushing into an opinion already. You always assume things, before even hearing what is going on. This is why Daniel and I failed. Assuming and not talking. Love is beautiful, but it is difficult sometimes. Love and relationships only work if the two people involved with each other, are willing to listen and forgive. Not running the other way when problems come up. Live is hard Lucy, but it can be easier if you have a partner who loves you and is on your side."
Lucy is deep in thought. She looks up at Tennant.
“I need to think about what you said. I guess I have not really listened to what she had to say. I cut her off every time she wanted to talk. I am an idiot.”
Lucy is disappointed in herself.
“But to answer your question,” Tennant continues, “Kate is at my house resting for a couple of days. She is really not in good shape physically and emotionally. So she can’t be alone. Curtis gave her at least two weeks off.
Now on a different note, I need you to go to Ernie and find out if he has found some footage of our couple who ran from the scene.
Lucy nods. “Thank you Tennant for taking care of Kate.”
“Well she is family and my friend.” she replies
**********************
Kate wakes up at 9 am. First she does not recognize where she is until she remembers the bruised rib and the dislocated shoulder.
She gets up slowly.
Her mind goes back to Lucy. How can she convince Lucy that she loves her? That she is sorry.
She thinks of the movie “Say Anything”. Could she pull a Lloyd gesture?
What if she picks a song, fitting with the words she wants to say to Lucy? Or better yet sing it to Lucy?
Well she will think about it when she is home again. Now she has to eat breakfast.
Jane has left her a bowl of fruit and some French toast. She did not realize how hungry she was.
Feeling exhausted she takes her meds and falls asleep again.
********************************
Lucy asked Tennant for an early lunch wanting to bring Kate some soup.
Tennant gives her a warning look.
“Do not pick a fight with Kate. She is in no condition to be used as a punching bag.
Promise me you will be on your best behavior. No heavy talks! Make sure she takes her meds!”
“Yes boss!” The brunette promises
Lucy goes to Kate’s favorite soup shop and gets her two different kinds of soups, she knows the blonde will love.
She quietly opens Tennant’s door and drops the food containers on the kitchen counter.
As she tip toes into the guest room she sees Kate is asleep.
She wants to hold her, make her feel better.
Just brush her fingers over her cheek and touch her hair. She is so tempted. She misses her so much!
She carefully sits on the bed besides Kate. Watching her breathe for a while.
Then she can’t stop herself.
She moves the blond hair out of Kate’s face and gently kisses her forehead.
Kate groans.
She brushes her fingers over Kate’s soft cheeks and lips. Oh those lips! She wants to kiss them.
Kate opens her eyes. Blinks a couple of times to make sure she see’s correctly.
She is trying to sit up, but immediately feels a sharp pain in her ribs. She whines.
“Hey careful, don’t do that! Just stay down! Lucy tells her
Kate’s breathing gets heavy. Lucy in front of her. She is starting to panic.
Still gently brushing Kate’s cheeks Lucy smiles at her.
"I brought you some soup from your favorite store. I know you are badly injured and I wanted to do something good for you. Kate, I am sorry for how I behaved yesterday. That was uncalled for. I am hurting and my mind is not clear, but that gave me no right to talk to you in this way. I am sorry."
Kate’s eyes are tearing up again.
Lucy feels a bit embarrassed. “Do you want some soup!” she asks to distract Kate
Kate nods. She carefully tries to sit up. Lucy is bringing her one of the soups and a spoon.
“Oh wow, you brought my favorite soup? Broccoli Cheddar? You remembered?” Kate is surprised
Lucy blushes. “Of course I remember.”
She pulls the pillows upright so Kate can sit comfortably to eat in bed.
Kate eyes her. “What are you doing here Lucy?”
Lucy hesitates. “I wanted to see how you were doing! I was mean to you yesterday,” her eyes looking on the ground.
“I am sorry!”
Kate does not respond but nods.
“Thank you for the soup. I need to go back to sleep. Do you mind holding me for a couple of minutes until I fall asleep again? I have a hard time sleeping.” Kate begs.
Lucy immediately scoots to the uninjured side and puts her arms around Kate.
Kate snuggles into Lucy, breathing her scent in. She calms down and falls asleep within seconds.
Lucy is torn. She misses Kate so much. She has to think this over and figure out what she wants. She knows she has to hear Kate out.
She carefully extracts herself and takes one last look at sleeping Kate. Her heart aches.