Relentless

Cold. She was so cold. She knew she was hurt before she'd moved a single muscle. The fall had knocked the breath out of her lungs and she'd hit her head in the impact, and maybe it was the dizziness speaking but she really didn't care if she never got up. Gunfire and chaos could be heard in the distance, but it didn't bother her, she was peaceful laying in the snow.
Zara knew she should probably open her eyes soon. She'd been chased, and she had had to make the decision to jump. Jump or be captured. It had been an easy choice to make.
Like it or not she was helpless, and he'd be coming for her. She would open her eyes in a minute... Just one more peaceful minute...


Bucky strolled up the corridor, casually checking his phone as he went. He shoved it into the pocket of his sweatpants and crossed his arms over his chest for warmth. It was especially cold tonight, it had snowed earlier outside, and there was still ice and sleet coming down. It had taken them by surprise and the building's climate control too, apparently. It wouldn't be a problem for him, he had a warm room to come back to tonight, split system on and electric blanket. The thought made him smile, he had never been especially bothered by the cold, but it sure was nice to be warm.
He turned the corner and headed towards Zara's door, and his blood ran cold when he realized it was slightly open. He clenched his jaw as he darted into the room to make sure she wasn't in there. Panic set in when he saw the smashed mug on the floor and the steak knife stuck in the door of the island bench cabinet.

"Fuck!"

He cursed under his breath, he knew she was in trouble, but had no idea where the hell she was. He took off running up the corridor at super soldier speed. The quickest way to find her would be to check the surveillance. It would beat the hell out of checking the building room by room, situations like these were usually time sensitive so he knew he had to hustle. He came to one of the offices and forced the door open, logging onto one of the computers and finding the camera feed that showed her apartment door for that day. He hit fast forward, making it go as fast as it could, watching as people came and went, passing her door. Day quickly turned to night and the corridor had gone quiet as work hours came to a close. A few hours ticked by in seconds on the counter, and he was quick to slow the footage to real time when he saw her step out.

She was still dressed in her tank top and PJ pants, feet were bare and she looked like she was in a hurry to get out of there. She stepped into the hallway, pressing her back to the wall, checking over both shoulders in an erratic, motion. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, he could tell from the footage she was panicked.
What was she running from? Who had her so clearly rattled?
She jogged down the hallway, limping on her ankle, but seemingly not caring about the pain, just the urge to get away.
When she turned the corner out of view he found the next camera and followed her, speeding up the footage as she made her way into the stairwell, coming out on the roof where she stepped out onto the ice, approaching the safety rail, leaning over it, looking down at the ground.

Bucky's stomach knotted as she turned to face the security camera and paused, glaring into it. Her face was a mixture of anger and raw, unwavering fear. She crouched down, cornered herself against the railing, peering through the bars and rested her head there where she stayed as he fast forwarded the footage again till it came to the current time.
He crossed the footage off the screen and left the office, running down the corridor as fast as he could go. His shoes squealed as he skidded to a stop, throwing the stairwell door open and running up the stairs, taking them several at a time.
He said a silent prayer in his head as he approached the rooftop door which was half open, swinging lightly with the wind gusts. He worried when he felt the first chill hit his face as he pulled it all the way open.
She was slumped in the corner, skin pale and lips blue. She had ice in her hair and her eyes were closed.

This is not good... This is not good...

"Zara!? Zara, can you hear me?" He said, as he quickly checked her over. She was breathing, but not responsive to him.

Shit, shit, SHIT!

He picked her up gently and ran her down the stairs, kicking the door open and continuing up the corridor. This hour of night nobody would be up, and he didn't have the time to wait around for Dr Reeves to get out of bed. He had to get her warm, or she wouldn't stand a chance.
"Zara, stay with me, okay?" He said to her as he ran. He regretted leaving her that afternoon, he should have known she'd have an episode after having memory triggered. He mentally scolded himself for being so irresponsible, he knew what it was like, why couldn't he have just stayed!? This never would have happened...

They came around a corner and when they got to his door he fished the card out of his pocket with two fingers, scanned it, and shoved the door open, running in and kicking it closed behind him. He dropped his phone on the bedside table and darted into his bathroom with her, turning the shower on, and running the water just barely luke-warm.
He knew better than anyone not to put a hypothermic person under a hot stream, but anything was better than the minus temperatures she'd been in up until now. If he could warm her enough to get some sort of response, he could do the rest with blankets and body heat.

He tested the water with his flesh arm before stepping into the shower and sitting on the floor with her in front of him, her back to his chest as he leaned against the wall. He reached down and tugged her icy cold, wet PJ pants off, tossing them into the corner as he pulled her head back, resting it against his chest as he brushed the cold hair from her face.
"Come on, baby" He urged as he pulled her legs in, keeping them there with the pressure from his own legs, trying to get as much of her under the stream as he could. He vigorously rubbed her arms, wrapping himself around her as much as he could.

Relief washed over him when he felt her start to shiver. That was a good sign, her body was fighting back against the cold. He felt her press her face into the crook of his neck and at that point he stopped rubbing and wrapped his arms tight around her.
He closed his eyes and breathed out a sigh of relief. They weren't out of the woods just yet, but it was a good start.
He propped her up enough to take his own wet T-shirt and sweat pants off, and pulled her tank top off over her head, tossing them in the corner as he reached up and turned the water off. He stood up, scooping her up and walked into the bedroom, yanking the towels from the rack as he went.

He pulled his drawer open, pulling out a shirt and a pair of cotton drawstring boxers, and dry underwear for himself.
Zara was still shivering violently in his arms but was awake. Not coherent, but awake. If he could stand her up, it would make things much quicker and easier. He set her feet on the ground, still holding her up.
"Can you stand for me, Zara?"
He was relieved when her legs held her weight and she stayed reasonably upright, swaying occasionally as her balance came and went. He got straight to work rubbing her from top to bottom with a towel as she stared off into space as if he wasn't even there, teeth chattering like mad. He looked up at her, thinking it was probably better she wasn't too aware for this as he respectfully turned her back to him and pulled her underwear down and replaced them with his dry boxers, pulling the drawstring tight and tying them up. He unclasped her bra, removing it and pulling a shirt onto her.
"See, I told you I wouldn't look" He said with a smile as he put her arms through the arm holes. He quickly dried himself, changing into dry underwear and turning to scoop her up again. He pulled the quilt back on his bed, tucking her under the covers and climbed in behind her, pulling her in close.

Body heat and electric blankets were the best things to warm someone up at a safe rate. Something he wasn't granted during his time as the soldier.
He pulled up the back of her shirt so they had skin to skin contact, her back against his chest would warm her in no time. He wrapped both arms around her, tucking his legs in behind hers, rubbing her arms again.

It was bittersweet having her back in his arms. Holding her again was a wonderful feeling, he didn't want to let her go ever again. She was safe as long as she was in his arms, and part of him felt safer too. He was whole when he had her.
His only regret was that it was under these circumstances. Her shivering had calmed down a little and her heart rate was already much more consistent.
He was just glad he got to her when he did.
He stopped rubbing her and gave her a squeeze, kissing the back of her neck. He reached over her and found the light remote to switch them off, and grabbed his phone.

Bucky 12:16am
Zara's had an episode. Will call you in the morning when we're up. She's with me for the night and she's safe.

He sent a message to Steve, knowing there would be drama in the morning when they realized she wasn't in her room.

Steve 12:20am
Thanks Buck, keep me updated.

He set the phone back down and put his arms around her again, gently rubbing her every so often. She shivered quietly for a while, and eventually it stopped and her body relaxed as she fell asleep. Her breaths were even and rhythmic, and her temperature had come up enough that her feet didn't feel like ice blocks in the bed any more. This made Bucky relax a little too, and before long he let himself succumb to sleep as well.



Bucky's eyes creaked open at first light and he was relieved to see Zara sleeping peacefully, her face pink with color, rather than the blue it had been the night before.
He slipped his arm out from under the crook of her neck without waking her and got out of bed. She frowned and her body curled up from the sudden lack of heat beside her. It made him smile that she missed him subconsciously. Missed his warmth probably, but, well, that was a part of him too. He chuckled at the thought.

Bucky pulled on a pair of sweatpants, shoving his phone into his pocket. He picked their wet clothes up from the various spots on the floor where they'd left wet patches on the carpet. They would need to be washed. He took them into the bathroom and threw them in the washer/drier that was built into the cabinets, along with the wet clothes from the shower floor.
He poured the detergent in, closed the door and pressed a couple of buttons, the machine quietly coming to life. With any luck they'd be dry by the time she needed them again.

He brushed his teeth and had a shave before heading over to the kitchen where he turned the coffee machine on and poured milk into the frother. He tied his hair back while he waited for it to warm up as he leaned back on the kitchen cabinet, and it occurred to him he should call Steve. A few swipes on the touch screen and he'd found Steve on his recent calls list, and dialed the number.

"What happened? Is she alright?" Came Steve's worried voice after two rings.
"She's fine, she's sleeping still" Bucky said, keeping his voice low as to not wake her.
"I went to check on her before bed last night as she hadn't been well in the afternoon, and her door was open, room empty. I found her on the rooftop, passed out in the ice."
"Oh shit..."
Bucky stifled a laugh at Steve's response - he never swore.
"Sleepwalking, I take it?"
"Yeah, it's not the first time she's freaked out in her sleep either. The first night she started getting memories back, she was a mess, and now this. There's a steak knife stuck in her kitchen cabinet too, and a broken mug. I have a feeling that could have been from the night before, she looked rattled yesterday morning and wouldn't tell me why..." He explained, gritting his teeth at the thought. He would have to talk to her about that.
"I'll have Stark check the tapes. Does Sal know?"
"Sal? Twenty bucks says Stark already knows" He said, anger creeping into his voice.
"Sorry, Dr Reeves. Has she been told? I'll speak to Stark this morning."
"No, I didn't have time to wake her up. Zara wasn't conscious and I had to get her warm fast, she wasn't in a good way..."
"That's fair enough, you should probably have her come check her over."
"Yeah I will when she wakes up... I just don't want them to lock her up because of this. She's safer here with me. She can do what she likes during the day, but I think she should stay here at night where I can help her if something happens." Bucky said.
"Buck... I don't know how the higher ups are going to be about you moving your old girlfriend back into your room" Steve said, sympathy in his voice.
"I don't see any other way. They can't lock her in at night, it's not safe. Not after what happened at the last building."
"We'll talk to Zara when she's up, and go from there. If she's cool with it, we'll have a better chance with the bosses"
"Sounds good"
"Call me when she wakes up"
"Will do, Steve"

Bucky pushed a couple of loose strands of hair back from his face and exhaled. He turned back around the face the bed and noticed she'd rolled over and her eyes were open.
"Hey sleepy head" he said gently as he put a mug under the coffee machine, turning it on along with the frother.
"Where the hell am I!?" She croaked out, suddenly realizing she wasn't in her own bed. Her breathing quickened and the shakes settled in as her eyes darted around the room.
Bucky jogged over to her, crawling over the bed.
"You're in my room, you're safe, okay." He soothed, sitting up next to her as he reached for her hand.
"Where are... Oh my god, I'm wearing your clothes, you've got no shirt on... Did we have se-" She stammered, stopping herself. "Oh my god..."
"No, we didn't have sex" He chuckled. "You'd be wearing a little less if we did, don't you think?" He was teasing her again, but this time she wasn't laughing.
"Why am I in your bed, in your clothes without underwear on!?" She snapped. Bucky bit the inside of his cheek, it took everything in him to not poke fun at her.
"You don't remember any of last night?" He tested, sympathy reaching his eyes.
"We didn't... DO anything?" She asked, "Be honest, Bucky"
"Zara, I hope you don't think I'd take advantage of you..." He said, a little hurt. Zara saw the look in his eyes and suddenly felt incredibly guilty for even suggesting it.
"You have nothing to worry about, I like my dates awake and coherent... I can't imagine sex would be much fun if your partner wasn't an... Active participant." He assured her.
"I'm sorry Bucky... I trust you... I just can't explai-" She stopped herself mid sentence again, her mouth open in shock as her mind raced again, picking up lost pieces of the puzzle. She paused for a few moments as fragments of memory snuck back into her head.
"We were in the shower... I was so cold..." She said, suddenly feeling a little sick.
"I found you on the rooftop in the ice. Just in time as it were." He said, his voice solemn.

She pushed the hair back from her face and shook her head in stunned silence.
"You saved my life... Again" She said, her eyes meeting his finally. She reached over and gave his hand a squeeze.
"I'm so sorry Bucky, I keep doing this to you. You don't need this shit in your life" She apologized, regret in her eyes.
"Don't say sorry, I've been through it too, Zee. I would do anything for you, you know that" He said, squeezing her hand back.
"You shouldn't have to. There are hundreds of other girls that wouldn't be half as-"
"FUCK, Zara!! Get it through your head! I don't WANT hundreds of other girls, I don't give a fuck about hundreds of other girls. I give a fuck about YOU, okay??" He said, more aggressively than he meant as he dropped her hand.
Zara nodded her head, suddenly feeling like an idiot. She'd pissed him off. She hated pissing him off.
"You know how I feel about you. I what I shouldn't have to do is keep reminding you of that. If I didn't care about you, or want you around, you wouldn't be around. Simple as that. I don't do things out of obligation, If I don't want to be there for someone, I won't. I'm not that kind of person - Steve is. If I didn't care you'd probably be frozen to death on the rooftop by now" he said, watching tears prick her eyes.
"You're confused about how you feel, and that's fine, I'm not going to put pressure on you. I've been in your shoes, believe me I know what it's like. Fact of the matter is, you can like or dislike whoever you want, but don't dismiss my feelings or make assumptions about me. I'm a pretty easy guy to get to know if you give me half a chance." He said.

Zara wiped her eyes and let out a breath, looking back up at him. She'd never been so consumed with guilt in her whole life. Pushing people away was not doing anyone any favors, especially not Bucky, the one person who had been there for her, no questions asked from the second she came through those doors. Since he dragged her limp, battered body through those doors as she was told.
He had been the one to breathe the very life back into her on more than one occasion, if that wasn't someone who cared, she didn't know what was. The only reason she'd pushed him away was the guilt of her own neediness. She didn't want to put her problems on anyone else, she didn't want a knight in shining armor to come running every time she scraped a knee or had a scary dream. She figured if he could find happiness with someone else who WASN'T messed up, then he deserved it. She couldn't figure out why in the world he was so infatuated with her. She had literally nothing to offer him, and what's worse she had more problems than she knew what to do with. This wasn't fair on him... But apparently he didn't care. This was a rare quality, most men would have run for the hills at this point, but not James Buchanan Barnes...

"I'm sorry Bucky. To be honest, I really, really like you... Like, REALLY. I know that things are hard at the moment, and lord knows I have just a 'few' problems... I know this isn't what you signed up for. It's not fair on you, and every time you do something nice for me, every time you come running when I need help, I feel so incredibly guilty. I hate it. I'm just... Scared. Absolutely scared to death. For both of us." She said with complete sincerity.
Bucky let a breath out and smiled, looking down, relieved that some honesty was finally coming out.
"Don't be scared. I'm here for the long haul... If that's what you want" he said, looking into her eyes again.
"How do I know you won't get sick of all this? What if one day you're just... Done with it all? Not that I'd blame you, you're a better person than I am for sticking around this long." She said, letting out a nervous chuckle.
"Zara, what did I just say to you? Nobody makes up my mind for me but me. If I say I want to stick around, If I say I want to be there for you, or be with you, then that's all there is to it. I wouldn't say that just to make you feel better, unless I meant it. I really care about you, and we've been through a lot together. You saved me, now I want to save you. I NEED to save you" He said, looking into her eyes, making her heart break just a little for him.

Zara crawled across the bed to him and leaned over, pausing nervously for a second before she landed a tender kiss on his lips, letting it linger for a few moments before pulling back.
"I don't need saving, but I'm glad you're here. I always feel better when you're around, even though I'm a pain in the ass like this" She said, cocking her head.
"You were always a pain in the ass" He said, letting out a chuckle.
"One more thing... Can we take it slow? It's just that this whole thing is kind of... Overwhelming, I guess is the right word!" She asked shyly.
"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way" he said genuinely. Zara smiled and let out a sigh of relief.
"I know things are going to be hard for a while, but I'm glad I have you to work through it with. Thank you, Bucky. For everything."
"I've been through harder things than this, Zara. If it means I get my girl back, then I don't care what it takes." He said, giving her a warm smile. "I never stopped loving you. Just so you know that" he said, leaning in to kiss her again before she could answer him.

"I'll make you a coffee" He said when he pulled away. "Bathroom is just through that door" He said, pointing as he spoke.

"I never emptied your drawer"