Relentless

The news had spread like wildfire that Zara Jones was not only alive, but back at Shield. She had been taken straight to the infirmary and given her own room which was a rarity, but given the circumstances it was something Tony had organized for her.
She had a broken ankle, 2 cracked ribs, a sprained wrist and was covered from head to toe in cuts and bruises. The main problem was when they fried her brain. She was expected to make a full recovery, but she was so battered that her body just needed some 'time out' and she had been placed into an induced coma.
Thomas had come to help consult on her which had been a huge help in 'filling in the blanks' of her medical history over the past couple of months. He had offered to stay on as long as it took as he'd been interested to see how the machine had affected her and wanted to help in her recovery - he figured he'd done it before, and could do it again. Dr Reeves had been grateful to have him around. He was a good doctor, and seemed like a nice guy, definitely easy to talk to and quite a good sense of humor, which was something sorely needed in their line of work.

Bucky hadn't left Zara's side since she'd been brought in, he couldn't bear to be separated from her again. He had been more shaken up by the events of that day more than he cared to let on. Dr Reeves had seen him gripping the armrests on that chair pretty tight in his sleep, and when Zara's blood pressure sleeve inflated during the night he had sprung to life and almost ripped it off her, before realizing what it was.
Dr Reeves had spoken to Bucky about what to expect when she woke up. Reactions ranging from confusion, fear, tears or even a violent outburst. They had no experience whatsoever with memory wiping machinery so it was anyone's guess what Zara would be like.
It was at that point that he had been told to go get some rest, and give her some space. He had flatly refused and Steve had had to come in to help talk him into the idea. Coulson had come into the room and made it an official order, which he obeyed with a grumpy snarl. Zara needed space, she needed to wake up in the presence of a doctor only, and people could be introduced slowly in time. Bucky could be in the infirmary and wait outside the room, but being inside the room was too much to risk for both of them.
The protective boyfriend thing was all well and good, quite cute, but there was a time and place for it. They had promised to let him know when they were ready to wake her back up again.

Tony being Tony had sent another team to go to the Hydra base that day and confiscate what was left of the chair. There was no way he was allowing Hydra to repair it to use it again, and well, he just really wanted to check it out and have a tinker.
Bucky had threatened to smash it to pieces on more than one occasion, and insisted that it was a dangerous weapon that needed to be destroyed. Steve was completely on Bucky's side and it had gone to vote - Tony would get a week to pull it apart, see how it worked and then it would be permanently destroyed for good.

The rookies who had idolized Zara and sent her videos around had been ecstatic that she had been found alive. For a week it was all everyone talked about. The finer details weren't made public knowledge, only the fact the she had been captured by Hydra and kept their prisoner over the last 6 months. It was assumed by most of them that she was tortured, which of course was correct. The fact that she'd been placed in a coma to recover was irrefutable evidence of that.
The serum wasn't mentioned to anyone except Dr Reeves who had been eager to take blood samples from Zara as soon as possible. Dr Banner was the first to put his hand up to help her analyze the samples. He was interested to see if any of the effects of the serum remained, or if there were any anomalies in the blood-work. Aside from being low in a few things, namely iron, there was nothing in there that shouldn't be. Zara was quite malnourished, and this would have contributed to her levels being low and also being a little anemic, which was confirmed by Thomas, based on the testing he'd done with her during her time at Hydra. He was coming in quite handy around Shield.
Banner had made up a potion of vitamins and minerals and a few other trace elements that were needed to boost her immune system, and they administered it to her intravenously.
The new blood-work had come back brilliant. Dr Reeves and Thomas were both impressed with Banner's work to say the least.

The rest of the week had been uneventful around the building, and business continued as normal. Zara's room was prepared for her, Bucky had brought her clothes from his wardrobe and taken them back to hers and hung them up. He laid her things out how she had liked them to be, stocked her bathroom with her favorite shampoo and conditioner, her body wash, her perfume. The apartment was clean, there were fresh sheets on the bed, he had been told not to put any pictures up in her room, there were to be no triggers of any sort in there, her priority was to heal, and they'd help her remember down the track... If they could.
All weapons were removed from her room, and they'd done a complete sweep, and removing razors from the bathroom, knives from the kitchenette, save for rounded dinner and butter knives. Some though it was going too far, but every step had to be taken that she couldn't harm herself or anyone else.



"Her vitals are looking great and her bloods have come back with everything in the ideal ranges. She's breathing by herself and getting plenty of oxygen into her system. Everything is looking good to go" Dr Reeves said to Coulson as she crossed the room, entering data into a tablet. They sure as hell beat the clipboards she had been used to all these years.
The blood pressure sleeve stopped inflating and the reading was entered into the log. Dr Reeves pulled the Velcro tab, releasing the sleeve and hung it on the hook, with a satisfied smile on her face.
"Blood pressure is excellent. She's a tough kid, this one" She said.
"Sounds like we're good to go then, let's do this." Coulson asked. He was somewhat uneasy about what may happen, but they were prepared with a sedative, should they need it. He had offered to step out, but Dr Reeves thought it may be better for him to be there. He had always had a father-figure type role in Zara's life here, and his influence may be calming to her. That and he could help take her down should she wake up violent, which was another concern of theirs.

Bucky was waiting in the infirmary hallway, having demanded they tell him when they were waking her up.
There was  pretty good chance he wouldn't get to see her today, or even for a few days, but the compromise was that he was allowed to sit in the hall near her room where he could hear what was going on through the crack in the door. It would be like being there, hearing her voice when she woke up, knowing how it all went. If things went well he'd be allowed to go in and say hi, test the water to see if she remembered anything. He wasn't holding his breath, but it was better than pacing back and fourth in his room waiting to hear someone else's second hand account.
He had showered, shaved and tied his hair back. He was wearing his favorite jeans and a t-shirt that Zara had bought him the night she discovered online shopping. He smiled at the memory, it was the only thing she'd bought and it was something for him. It was a fraction too small, but he hadn't complained, in fact she had insisted he wore it. She loved him in tight shirts. He'd spritzed on the cologne that had been her favorite on him, and held her bracelet in his hand, playing nervously with the clasp.
He was fidgeting, he couldn't remember the last time he was this nervous, it was like having a first date... More like a blind date. He let out a long breath as footsteps approached, and smiled when he saw they belonged to Steve.
"How you holding up big guy?" Steve said fondly, giving Bucky's shoulder a pat before plonking down in the seat beside him. He shot Bucky a reassuring smile, but could tell he was stressed, especially when the answer to his question had been not much more than a shrug and a sigh, followed with a nervous smile.
"She'll be okay. Dr Reeves is awesome and all the feedback on Zara has been really good." Steve said, giving Bucky a friendly jab in the side with his elbow.
"I know, I know... I'm just worried that she'll... She'll be different. What if she remembers me and hates me? ...What if she doesn't remember me and hates me?" He said, leaning forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his lap as he cracked his knuckles.
"I don't know what to say, Buck. It's a given that things are gonna be different. Just how different is a mystery until she comes to. You just have to be understanding, and kind. Just be yourself, you're a great guy, she loved you for a reason. She'll find it again."
"I'm not a great guy, I have a temper and I kill people. A lot. I scare pretty little blonde girls and mouth off too much. I break stuff. I'm an asshole" He said, giving a chuckle and hanging his head. Steve laughed along with him, and leaned forward on his chair, leaning on his knees as well.
"Well, when you say it like that" He teased, making Bucky laugh again.
"And hey, you're not an asshole" He added, giving a shrug and a fond smile, "You're a jerk."



"Okay, injecting the drug now. I've only given a small dose, we'll try to bring her around as slowly as possible..." Dr Reeves said as she pushed slowly on the plunger, and withdrawing the needle when she was done. Zara's heart-rate spiked a little as was expected and her breathing quickened as her eyes started moving behind her eyelids. Coulson had stood up, and Dr Reeves had put her hand out as if to tell him to stand back, then raised a single finger to her lips to tell him silently to be quiet. Coulson took a step back, pursing his lips.
He had been just as eager to get Zara back into action. Despite all the troubles they had had with her in the early days, he was quite fond of her and thought she was a good kid.

"Zara?" Dr Reeves spoke softly and gently to her. Zara had her eyes jammed shut as if she was fighting the chemicals, as if desperately trying to claw her way into consciousness. Dr Reeves pushed another 2 ml into the catheter to help her, and a when it disappeared into the tiny needle in her hand, Zara began to stir.
Her eyes slowly opened, the world coming into focus slowly through her cloudy vision. Coulson had reached across to close the blinds a little, the dim light would make it easier on her. He looked up, catching the faces of both Bucky and Steve through the ajar door. They had both risen to their feet, Bucky had his arms crossed in front of him and had stopped pacing back and fourth upon hearing that the drug had been administered. Coulson gave him a soft smile which he returned.

"Zara, my name is Dr Sally Reeves, I am a friend... You're at a Shield facility, and you're safe" Came the gentle, soothing voice of Dr Reeves. Zara stirred, her eyes fully open now. Her face was twisted into confusion as she started into the eyes of the doctor, trying to make sense of where she was, and why she didn't know this woman in front of her. Her mind raced, trying to work out what the agenda of these people was. Were they to be trusted? Would they hurt her?
Zara's breath quickened. Her eyes darted around the room suspiciously as she propped herself up a little.
"Zara, you need to stay calm, okay honey? We will explain everything, but it's important you stay calm okay, we're not going to hurt you. You're safe here and we are all friends" Dr Reeves soothed again, readying a sedative just in case.
Zara's eyes darted again and she caught sight of Coulson in the corner of the room in his suit. Suits, she'd seen men in suits before. He didn't give her a good feeling, she searched herself for a memory either way to pin the feeling on. There was nothing. Zara panicked. Her heart started racing and her breathing became fast and strained.
Coulson took a step toward her with his hands raised to show her he meant no harm.
"Zara my name is Agent Phil Coulson. I'm a friend. I'm here to make sure you're safe" He reasoned, giving her a warm smile. Zara shook her head at him and sat up, moving backwards on the bed towards the headboard.
Her eyes darted again, catching Dr Reeves drawing liquid into a syringe.

No, no, no...

She darted backwards in full blown panic mode, knocking water jug and a metal kidney bowl from the table next to her bed which both fell to the floor with a loud crash. Dr Reeves tapped the needle quickly, ready to inject her when there was a second crash as Bucky came bursting through the door in protective boyfriend mode, to see what the commotion was.
Zara locked eyes with his metal arm, then his face. She let out a chilling scream, her eyes filled with absolute unbridled terror. She yanked her hands away from the tubes, pulling the catheter from the back of her hand, causing blood to spurt across the bed as she thrashed and attempted to escape.
"Barnes, get the hell out!!!" Coulson ordered as he rushed to Zara to catch her and hold her down.
Zara screamed again, bursting into tears and kicking with her legs trying to get away, but Dr Reeves was too quick, jabbing the needle into her arm and pushing the plunger. Zara fought it for a few seconds before her eyelids drooped and her body relaxed. It didn't knock her out, just taking the edge off, making her dopey.
She pulled away from Dr Reeves as she tried to push the catheter back in, eventually getting tired of fighting and just let her do it. Her hand had locked onto the railing of the bed and she didn't want to let it go. Bucky stood frozen in the doorway, not sure what to do or say, Zara's eyes locked onto his. He gave her a gentle smile which she didn't return, just started at him, almost deadpan except for those eyes... Eyes full of fear, she looked like she was just waiting for someone to quite literally stab her in the back. She was shaking all over, sweat beading on her forehead.

Bucky was pretty sure he felt his heart break right then and there. The only people he had had react to him like that were victims from his days as the Soldier. He never dreamed in a hundred years that Zara would look at him like that... He made up his mind that this was going to be bad, and even if things went back to normal, it would take work. Lots and lots of work.

"Bucky..." Came Steve's soothing voice as he tugged on his shirt sleeve, pulling him away. Bucky forced a smile at Zara, trying to look friendly as possible. Her expression didn't change and she watched him intently as he backed slowly out the door.
Him and Steve walked back down the hallway in silence, all they could hear echoing down the hall were her sobs and the voices of Coulson and Dr Reeves.

Steve sat a coffee in front of Bucky, and sat opposite him at their table at the cafeteria. There wasn't many people in there which they were both grateful for. Bucky let out a long exasperated breath, staring down at his hot drink, his hands wrapped around the mug. There was something soothing about having a hot drink in your hands, even when you could only really feel with one of them.
"I blew it..." Bucky said finally, not looking up. "She's actually... Terrified of me." He looked up at his friend across the table, a look of disbelief on his face as he shook his head.
"It'll get better. Things were hard when you first came, and you'd already had the time to adjust... This is the first time she's come to after being strapped to that chair. Do you remember what it was like waking up after being wiped?"
"I wish I did, I might be of some use if that was the case. I don't remember much of my time at hydra, only bits and pieces. The more I think about it, the more comes back to me. It's in there, I know because I dream about it. Often" He said, looking out across the room.
"You know what else, she took the same amount of volts on that chair as what you did... You're a super soldier who weighs close to twice what she does, with almost a foot of height advantage as well. Imagine being hit with all that power if you were half your size, and didn't have the serum to strengthen you up?" Steve said, frowning as he spoke. "Not to mention, she was weak already from being experimented on..."
Bucky winced at his words, thinking of it. It was a wonder she'd survived it at all...
"It's going to be hard on her, real hard. But it's going to be tough on you, too. You're going to have to be VERY patient with her, but at the same time give her space. I know you want to keep her safe, but nothing bad will happen to her with all of us here, we've all got her back 100% and yours too." Steve said, giving a reassuring smile.
"Thanks Steve. I know all of that, it's just hard having her there, but... Not having her. I just want to talk to her, tell her that I'm there when she's ready... Y'know, be supportive and keep her safe." Bucky said, stumbling on his words as his frustration built.
"It's like I'm so close but so far away at the same time... I've never seen her look so scared before. I HATE it." He said, looking back up, his eyes meeting Steve's, a sympathetic smile on his face as he nodded.
"It was the same expression I've seen a hundred times, back when I was their... Their weapon. Their 'asset', their soldier. I see those faces in my nightmares, people pleading for their lives that I just took without thinking twice about it. Now my girl has looked at me like that, and I just... Just... I just want to SMASH something!" He growled, opening his eyes, realizing that his hands were balled into fists, and Steve had a rather shocked look on his face. His eyes traveled down to where Steve was looking and he realized that the end of the table had snapped off where Bucky had slammed his fist down.

Bucky blew out a long breath, calming himself. He shook his head and pushed himself away from the table. Steve had said something to him, but his mind was a sea of fog and he couldn't focus.
His breathing deepened and he stood from his seat, knocking it over as he did and left the cafeteria. Steve had called out to him, but obviously had known better than to follow him. He needed to go and cool off. Seeing the machine and having it in the building had just about been too much to bear. Seeing her laying lifeless in the snow after the fall from the cliff had been hard, running through a Hydra bunker and hearing those screams... Tearing her lifeless body from the machine, and literally breathing the life back into her had just about torn his soul in half...
But seeing Zara scream for her life at the mere sight of him had tipped him over the edge. If he hadn't been broken hearted before, he sure as hell was now. How could HIS girl be so damned afraid of him. He could deal with anger, he was expecting anger or aggression, but not fear. He was pretty well practiced with scaring people. He'd done it for 70 years, and even recently when he needed space or time or anything he'd use intimidation. He had no fucking clue how to make it work the other day, how to come across non-frightening to ease fear in people... Bucky seethed, his mind running a million miles an hour.
He didn't know how to calm himself, let alone someone else, but at the same time he was willing to try anything to get her back. If it meant taking a new approach, then he'd take it, but he'd need to speak to someone about all this Hydra bullshit. It had gotten to him more than he cared to admit. Dr Reeves would know what to do, she'd done the whole psychology thing before.
He'd need to work on his own anger and aggression. If he built up a re-pore with her, and lost his temper one day, she'd be back to square one. He didn't want to hurt anyone, especially not her.
He hadn't had this much anger since his early days at Shield. He couldn't remember half the things that people had said he did. Maybe Tony had a point, maybe he'd watch the old security tapes and try to learn from them. Try to work out how to harness his anger.
 It would take time, and he had all the time in the world to wait for her, but right now he needed to let off steam. He needed to punch the shit out of something.

Hopefully I don't run into anyone on the way to the gym...